last vent for the night i promise because im having the "oh shit i need to go to bed" spiral. whether or not i go to bed is up for debate.
its kind of annoying when i tell therapists ive never believed myself to be a person the way other people are, and they recommend starting with outlining my values and desires to learn (who i am). like. its not as shrimple as that
its an issue of for as long as i can remember ive been dehumanized. no amount of outlining my values and desires will make me feel humanized. id have to unlearn over a decade of being dehumanized and treated like an 'other'. and i think thats what i can never get across. and it kind of sucks because due to that ive never gotten the help for it. other than my bpd diagnosis thats the closest breakthrough ive made.