#1-18-18

[one-blog]

“After this at the 25th hour will be the broadcast of the Mob Psycho drama~ If you have time, please watch it m(_ _)m”

(1 am on TVTokyo)

[its123am]

1-18-18 (Thursday)

[stupidlyinlove]

MANIA WAS SO GOOD WE JUST LISTENED TO IT AND LISTENED TO HESVENS GATE TOGETHER AND IM HONESTLY SO IN LOVE WITH THIS ALBUM AHHHHH. ITS SO GOOD AND SO EMOTIONAL AND REMINDS ME OF SO MANY THINGS I LOVE IT ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVR YOU (except not really but wOW I LOVE IT)

[flapsfilmfiles]

Happy 10th Anniversary to Cloverfield!! Paramount Pictures a trailer for Cloverfield 3 would be nice at this point. Maybe even a poster or something!?!

Flap’s Film Files- Tumblr Blog and Facebook Page

[one-blog]

“Oh... the Shueisha party was today... I forgot... There’s one every year though...”

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

WILD- Day 3

Just wild. I woke up at 7! Like my sleeping schedule is so off and i don’t have class until 11 so i just laid there thinking about my conversation with Jessica. She’s so right. I’m holding myself prisoner. I got everything needed for letting go basically so why haven’t i? I don’t know. I have all this free time to think about it but in reality i DONT have free time. 7 classes, work, balancing friends. Yet there’s always time to think of him. I had a class with him yesterday! Ugh i was so caught off guard i thought it would only be the capstone class. So that’s 2 out of the 7 days i have to see him which is fine it’s like exposure therapy. It’s not like I’m swooning when i see him i just remember him saying i can’t even look at you right now. When i look at him i don’t think of the happy times i think of all the things he said that broke me time and time again. All the no’s and i don’t know’s which were basically no’s . Him basically feening over girls on tumblr and basically calling for sex or always doing things that crushed my self esteem even more. The nude picture i found on his phone the fear i had every time he went on a retreat that he would do something just to spite me. I look at him and i see all the ways i was toxic. crying all the time, threatening to kill myself if he didn’t come to me , being angry and throwing things at him, even hitting him! Like that was never okay at all. So it’s not like i want him back. I’m glad he’s better and happy with someone new like he’s a good guy. And he apologized in that call from Poland. He even deleted his tumblr ! His insta is private like i have no access to his life. He’s a whole ass different guy from the 17 year old boy i met. So.... what the fuck all i holding on to? Why is it that when i see him i become super aware of my body and everything i do. Is it because I’m bored? And just need something to entertain me so i can be dramatic over? Like there’s nothing to be talked about and the idea of being cordial is out the window because i know id never say hi first and tbh i don’t think he would either, he sees no reason to do anything with me and he’s made it clear over the years. SO WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TO. Like did i just not forgive? And that’s why situations or memories still get me choked up? What is the truthhhhh. Jessica is right though, I’m keeping myself prisoner wondering. She’s glad i have this outlet for myself in a hidden way. She asked me what if David found your page? What then? And honestly i was like no possible way. He deleted me from his life for good and he has no interest in my life or my well being, not in a mean way just that he has a whole new life with no time to be concerned with someone from his past. And i put my settings so only if he REALLY hunted for me would he find me and even then like shame on you. Why are you looking for me. Go be happy somewhere else but tbh that’s the least likely possible outcome which is why i feel so free writing like i used to be so concerned he would find my stuff and what he would see and now it’s like fuck it these are my uncensored thoughts meant for me and strangers who relate. I just have this feeling i don’t know like Something is going to happen. But i KNOW nothing will. Feelings suck sometimes. I have to be realistic with myself. This is just the end because after this semester we will never cross paths again like ya, that’s it. Super fin. Not that it wasn’t already over but this is a different over. Whatever today is Thursday and it’ll be a great day! I have my new coat. I’m ready to go to class and then workout even tho my legs feel like they’re gonna pop off like a dolls after yesterday’s workout. But Progress . I always start shit and never finish it. This is the year to finish what i started.

Fin.