#100rtr

[awkward-punk-potato]

My #100ReasonsToRecover

Back at it again! This may turn out to be a long post so please bear that in mind. So, if you don’t know, “100 reasons to recover” is a project which aims to get every person suffering from mental illness- whether it be an eating disorder, emotional trauma, or a chemical imbalance such as depression- to find 100 reasons to live again. For more information, see these links: LINK 1 LINK 2 LINK 3 I…

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[oceancha0s]

Yay my psych and I are working on some big ED related behaviours for the first time. I am so excited.

[oceancha0s]

Her breath is warm on your ear, and it whispers, barely audible “You’re okay, you’re safe,” over and over until your fogged, windy and exhausted mind relents, and allows you to believe her words.

her

[oceancha0s]

I'm super mad

I'm reading my year 11 work for reference for this years assignment and I'm so mad because I was quite sick back then (not as sick as I am now which is annoying because I'm 110x better) and my writing was incredible. No wonder I got a fucking A. I'm angry now because I still have that ability but I have to sit down 5-10 times and redo one paragraph to get there because I can't manage a cohesive thought train for more than 10 minutes. grr. I hate mental illness it makes me so mad but 

I have this. This is my life. I could be permanently angry or I could allow myself to feel the emotion and then get on with what I have to do. I choose the latter. 

[oceancha0s]

I miss my CAMHS psychologist so freaking much today.

Basically, my ACMHS worker told me that we can't really start treatment for my BPD until I am consistently at 1500kcals, as set by my dietitian. 

While Jen helps me to understand my illnesses and the physiology/psychology behind my big emotions, I really miss the laughing, the craft, the stories and the jokes Shona and I shared. She was with me when I was in treatment for OCD for 2 years, and she took me on when I was too sick for private treatment for my ED. She diagnosed me with BPD. She saw me in the darkest days and often what I thought would be the last days of my life when I was at my worst and she helped pull me out of that hole. She got me into DBT as CAMHS kid when its run by ACMHS and she organised a new, mental health trained GP for me. She coordinated my safety plan when I went to Melbourne last year and in my first year of college, she sat down and talked to my school psychologist and support group teacher about how they could best help and manage my illnesses. 

So yeah, I miss her. And I desperately want to write to her, but I don't know where to start. 

[oceancha0s]

important problem: I am an art student who works in watercolour pencil. But I am a recovering self harmer. I have broken all my pencil sharpeners to use as sh objects AND I NEED TO SHARPEN MY PENCILS

[oceancha0s]

going back through my private messages on here, I realise just how far I've come. I'm struggling so much, but I'm so much better than this time last year.

[oceancha0s]

I'm so sorry to hear that the last few weeks have been really tough and that one of your support systems is not there for you. Sometimes, imagining what they might say to you, and having a fictional conversation with them, even if they aren't there, can help you feel better. I sincerely hope things get better soon. Take some time for yourself, even when things are hectic and stressful. Especially during those times - it is important to take time out of your day to treat yourself well.

Thank you so much for your message! It means a lot. I’ll try the fictional conversation actually, it sounds like something that might work for me :) I’ve taken the day off school today, so hopefully I might feel a little more able to cope tomorrow. Thanks again for your support x