LIII: Thank you
Before the day ends and the morning comes, I just want to say that the nonstop jitters I’ve been having today will all burst out into happiness once I see his face. I know it sounds super sappy but I’ve come to accept my cheesiness. It’s quite hilarious, so comical I want to laugh hysterically about it. I don’t want to sound like I’m making him a subject to Gym Class Heroes’ song Cupid’s Chokehold because I always kind of sort of do this: rave about the current beau. But in all seriousness,coming straight from the rational side of me, and not the blinded by (fill in the blank because you can literally put anything: vain, obnoxious, young, hungry, whatever) side of me, I believe that I share a connection with the guy. I don’t cringe at the thought of intimacy with him, I embrace it. It’s a beautiful thing: me, the girl who doesn’t like to be touched in general, embracing the thought of cuddling it up with this dude. Beautiful, so beautiful.
You know, life’s been amazing. Usually I wouldn’t even write anything like that because of how superstitious I was but now that I’m slowly dropping unreasonable beliefs I’ve become a lot more happier. I went back and read my previous blog posts from my first private blog and I was observing how my dip in life was reaching its climax. And I pieced that together with the journal entries from this summer that pretty much exemplified the worst point of my dip. And here I am now, happy. I’m so happy. I know why I complained so much, be it school, family, friends, and everything in between. Everything simultaneously drove me nuts! But I’m extremely overjoyed to have learned to become not only more patient, but more focused. All I needed to do was muster up all the courage, motivation, and positivity I had left in me to destroy what was destroying me. Or maybe that would be how I would describe it in the past. I just lived life the way I want to. Not necessarily throw all restrictions and limitations out the door; I still do respect some authorities like family and school, things that count basically. But regardless, I see the light in things now, see the positive notions, motivate myself. I made it a point to myself that anything can be a habit, I just have to start off consciously incoherent before I get to the unconsciously coherent level. Stop talking to people who bring you down in any way — basically to help with my confidence. Stop watching anime and reading manga, stop watching korean dramas, stop watching anything online period (TV is not a problem for I do not own one) — helps with focus. Know when to ask for assistance, let go of your pride sometimes.
I feel like I’ve been growing mentally in life consistently in a fast pace so now it’s natural that I learn life lessons quicker and actually apply them in my everyday life. There are still many things I need to learn, many habits I need to end and many areas I can improve on. The most important thing of all however is that I am passed my pit and I’m taking the beauty of everything in. And I make better decisions and choices that I know will benefit my life and make me happy. Thank you universe.
