#12 x reader

[zelbalenna]

Drumming - Doctor Who x Reader

hiii this is my first fic in about 4 years probably :) this is obviously a new account, so yeah that's why there's nothing else here. um anyways, i definitely got incredibly carried away with this, did not have an idea going into it (still think it ended up great), 12 is probably out of character, and i somehow wrote it in under 3 hours??

anyway, I hope it's enjoyable! and please let me know your thoughts :)

masterlist

12th Doctor x Reader

(really student/professor but can be romantic or platonic, whatever vibes you catch.)

Word Count: 2,600+

Summary: You have been hearing a drumming in your head. One, two, three, four. It's been affecting your mental state, and you haven't been to class in a while. Maybe your professor, The Doctor, is able to help figure this out?

Warnings: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts. any gender reader, but makeup mentioned.

A drumming had been haunting you for months as you slept.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

It would sound non-stop until you couldn't bear it any longer, and woke up. Every time you would wake up the same: in a cold sweat, panting, with tear streaks running down your face.

Each day the drumming's effect on you grew. It was affecting your mental state immensely. You felt a deep pain and sadness hanging over you like a cloud most days. You wouldn't be able to get out of bed, much less go to classes. You weren't hungry often, and couldn't eat when you were. You avoided your friends and your schoolwork, occasionally texting your parents to keep them from worrying.

You weren't sure if your professors noticed your absences. They hadn't reached out to you in any way. It's not like they'd notice you in the sea of students. They must see hundreds a day anyways.

It's not like anybody would notice you anyway. At least that's what the drumming would whisper to you.

One, two, three, four.

You keep to yourself. Don't have any close friends in your classes, and not many close friends at school in general. Nobody really knew who you were. Your favorite color. Childhood pets. How long it takes you to sleep. How often you're awoken by the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

Nobody would notice if you're gone.

One, two, three, four.

They don't even notice when you're there.

One, two, three, four.

-+-

You wake up. In a cold sweat. Panting. You reach both your hands to your face and rub your palms on your cheeks. Tears were cleared from your face and now sat on your hands. You sit up and release a heavy sigh. It's like the sigh has been waiting to escape all night. Like your body was relieved to be released from the nightmare drumming.

You decide to get out of bed, an easier decision than previous day's had been. You stretch your limbs and yawn. You walk to the bathroom and face your reflection. Today was going to be okay.

Or will it be.

One, two, three, four.

"It will be. Today will be okay." You affirmed to yourself in the mirror. You let out another sigh, smiled at yourself softly, and began your morning routine.

You do your make-up while watching a video. You found that taking the time to do your make-up gave you time to relax, breathe, and be yourself. You felt better about your days when you take this extra time to yourself in the morning. So, whenever you manage to get out of bed, you try to manage doing make-up too.

The video you watched was just of some guy unnecessarily analyzing a TV show you liked. He went into extreme detail about small details from the show and created theories about why certain things happened and what might happen next. You enjoyed his content. He reminded you of one of your professors.

He was a very kind old man who you can tell cares deeply about everything he talks about. He has a Scottish accent that somehow grows stronger with excitement. He's enthusiastic and rambles, and never really has a set course of taking points. He just lets his mind and his heart lead him. Saying whatever he finds most awestrucking and veering off topic drastically. In fact, you weren't really sure what the class was meant to be about.

The course description when signing up simply said, "Discussion-based class, humanities topics." The syllabus was no extra help, practically said the same thing with all the extra school required information listed. But it fulfilled your humanities credit, and the first day was interesting enough, so you stayed in the class.

Thinking about the professor, The Doctor, just The Doctor, made you want to go to his class. You checked the time on your phone. It did start in a little over two hours. You finished getting ready and then waited.

You waited maybe fifteen minutes before getting bored. You quickly put your bag together and walked out your door, then your building, into the outside would. It had been at least thirty-two hours since you were last outside. The air felt cool against your skin, reviving your senses and making you softly smile to yourself. You could hear the wind rustle the branches of nearby trees that swayed. Somehow, these trees looked the same as ever, and more beautiful than ever.

You turn around in a full circle and take in the Earth around you. She really is beautiful. You don't sit with her enough.

With new energy in your body, the dark cloud caused by the drumming smaller than ever, you walk around your campus mindlessly. Every step you take grounds you to the Earth, reminding you that the drumming can't be real.

One, two, three, four.

It isn't real.

-+-

You take a seat in the auditorium where The Doctor's class is held. You gently place your bag on the floor next to you and wait as the seats pile up. Five minutes later the room is almost full, and the tall man with short grey hair walks in, greeting the class with a Scottish, "Hello!" as he places his bag down and immediately starts writing on the chalkboard.

"Music." is written on the board. He swiftly turns around on his heel. He stops and makes direct eye contact with you. He stares for a moment, a twinkle in his eye. He diverts his attention from you and begins speaking,

"So," he clasps his hands, "who wants to tell me the importance of music to humanity?"

Hands shoot up all around you. You had been missing a fun class.

-+-

The class ends and you have a beaming smile on your face. You hadn't realized truly how fun and entrancing The Doctor was. Every student was hooked on his every word, waiting for what insane piece of information would come flying out of his mouth next. Every student including you.

The class was packing their bags and leaving around you. You heard groups starting to chat. Friends laughing loudly.

You don't have friends like that here. Your smile falls.

One, two, three, four.

A tap on the wooden desk in front of you wakes you from your thoughts, a Scottish voice accompanying it, "Are you okay, y/n? I noticed you haven't been to class in a while."

You looked up at The Doctor, no doubt admiration for him and sadness from your thoughts filling your eyes. He could read your eyes. He could read the pain and the sadness. He's felt it before.

"You noticed?" You stifled out.

"Of course I noticed." His face softened, "All of my students are important to me."

"But there's so many of us?"

"So?"

You didn't have a response to that. You suppose he was right. You just looked down at your bag, grabbed it, and started to stand up.

"Would you like to come into my office?"

You looked at him, confused and shocked.

"Just for lunch and to discuss whatever is going on. If you'd like." You look at him, still confused. Your head cocks slightly to one side, and your mouth begins to open, but The Doctor beats you to it, "I lost a student not too long ago. Her name was Bill. Bill Potts. I miss her a lot, you see, she was more than just my student. She was also my friend. She made me better. I can see her in you, and I would hate to... " He pauses, "I'm just worried about how many classes you've missed. You may not be able to pass my course."

You're really confused now. The gears are turning in your head, processing his confession of loss turned into you not passing the class. The Doctor can see the gears turning on your face, in the way your eyebrows scrunch intensely and your pupils move back and forth. You close your eyes, relax your face, and look at him with a smile.

"I would like to go to your office, yeah. Thank you." Your eyes are sincere, and when you meet his, so are they.

You follow him a short ways through campus to his office. His steps and your steps opposite. Like the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

You try to ignore it. You try really hard but can't. You stop walking, and the drumming stops. You sigh in relief, The Doctor looks back at you with concern.

"Sorry," you say, catching up to him with a smile, "I thought I saw something."

"Like what?" He asks, curiosity filling his face.

"Oh, nothing." You weren't expecting him to ask. You didn't know what to say.

He hums in response, picking up pace until you're at his office. It's a huge room with a desk in the middle, you take a seat on one side of it while The Doctor sits opposite. He has many picture frames on his desk, and a mysterious blue police box in the corner you can't take your eyes off.

One, two, three, four.

"What's that?" you ask, pointing at the box before you can help yourself.

"A police box. It's from London in the 60's. I'm a bit of a collector of sorts."

He had this lie down pat. But you could tell he wasn't being truthful, you didn't know how, but you knew. You didn't press on about the box. You just nodded and smiled, "That's cool."

He nodded too. "Let's talk about why you've been missing class. Is everything okay back home? Anything I can do to help?"

One, two, three, four.

Something compelled you to be honest with him. Again, you didn't know what. He felt familiar. Of course you've known him the whole semester, but it felt more than that. You feel safe. You feel seen. You feel known. You knew when he lied to you just a second ago, but why?

One, two, three, four.

"Can I be honest?" you make eye contact with him, "Like, you won't lock me up in the looney bin for being crazy?" He's about to say something but you interrupt him, "And won't get me kicked out of the school or, or, I don't know, send me off to get government testing?"

He's confused now. But curious too. You can tell he's interested in what you're saying, he wants to know more. It doesn't feel like he's going to judge you. "Yes, you can be honest. You can trust me."

"Promise?" You hold out your pinky. Sure it's silly, but silly makes it more meaningful, more powerful, somehow.

He chuckles and interlocks your pinkies, "Promise."

"Okay." You stop to think.

One, two, three, four.

"So I have this noise in my head."

One, two, three, four.

"It's like drumming. One, two, three, four."

One, two, three, four.

The Doctor stiffens. "And it won't stop, Doctor." you continue. "And it's like it's affecting my thoughts. They're all negative and I'm depressed and it hurts. It really hurts, Doctor." Tears are streaming down your face. You weren't even aware talking about this would make you cry. And you didn't know why you told The Doctor about it.

After a moment of thinking, The Doctor moves from his chair and towards you. His movements are stiff. As if he's nervous. He knows something you don't. He leans down and wraps his arms around you, your head at his chest. You cry harder, and he pulls you closer in comfort.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming was louder than ever. In your head and in your ears. It's not scary anymore though. You move your head away from The Doctor to release you from the hug. The drumming stops. You reach out to his chest without asking, without thinking.

On your hand you feel two heartbeats.

One, two, three, four.

You put your other hand to your own heart. Only one heartbeat. One, two.

Why did he have two heartbeats. One, two, three, four. Why was his the drumming.

"Why-" you start, but need to close your eyes and breathe, "Why does your heart sound like the drumming. Why do you have two heartbeats?"

"Follow me." He walked to the blue police box, opened the door and went inside. You sat there for a moment stunned. Then you cleared your face from your tears and got up. You made your way towards the box, looking at the door before walking inside.

You looked around in amazement. You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your face broke out into a huge grin. You ran outside and back inside. "This defies all laws of physics! How is it-? It's?" You looked at him expectantly.

"C'mon, I know you want to say it." He had an equally bright, shit-eating grin.

"It's bigger on the inside!"

He laughed with his whole chest and body. His laugh was contagious.

"This," he gestures around the room, "is my T.A.R.D.I.S. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. And I'm a Time-Lord from the planet Gallifrey. We have two hearts, hence the two heartbeats."

You look at him; confusion, amazement, admiration and more displayed on your face.

"Now I don't know why you're hearing my species' heartbeats in your head, but I'm going to figure it out." He looks at you and smiles, you can't help but smile back, "If you want to come with me?"

"With you where?" you ask.

"Anywhere! In the whole wide universe. Not really sure where to start to help you though. Or when for that matter?"

You've never been so confused so many times in the span of one day. "But I have other classes? And don't you too?" Something clicks in your brain, "And what about my parents? And I barely know you! No offense, Doctor. I can't go traveling with someone I don't know."

"If anyone can help you, y/n, it's me. There might not be anyone else in the whole universe." You look at him, desperate now after hearing his words. "And as for your other classes and your family- TARDIS, t," he said, dragging out the sound, "stands for time. She's a time machine. Can take you right back to this moment." He smiled confidently, and made his way towards the center of the room where some sort of console was. He puts his hands on a lever, and looks at you again.

"What?" You asked, awestruck.

"Let me show you." Mischief flashes across his face, but you can tell it's more childlike than malicious. Which is odd for a man who is likely in his sixties.

A whirring sound comes from the center. The door slams shut and the lights start fluctuating. You find it hard to steady yourself as the floor becomes unstable.

"Grab onto something!" The Doctor yells. You do, a railing a few feet away. You grab on tight and try to stand up right. The Doctor is laughing with joy.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming in your head is drowned out by the TARDIS whirring. The whirring sound would soon become a new comfort. And the TARDIS a new home. And The Doctor, he would soon become the most special and fantastic person in your life.

You knew today was going to be a good day. And there are thousands more to come. Thousands more with The Doctor.

He was going to stop the drumming in your head, no matter what he had to do.

[thek1ngspoet]

Mortality - a small blurb of The (12th) Doctor x reader

“I don’t like flowers much, what about you?” You say, spinning the daffodil between your fingers. 

The Doctor looks up curiously, plucking the plant from your hands. “Flowers are beautiful. Sad, but gorgeous.” he stops to smell it. “They’re the most mortal thing on this planet.”

“How?”

“Well, for starters, they’re constantly being plucked and pulled from their homes and—”

You start to laugh. “Homes?” 

“Yes, homes. How could you think that where they live, eat, and grow weren’t their homes?” 

Your face falls. “Well, i mean… They’re plants. They’re not like us.”

“I’m not like you either.” he gestures to himself. “I’ve got two hearts!” He begins to pluck more flowers, setting them gently in his other hand as he slowly forms a bouquet. “And you’re not like me.”

“So?” 

“So, I haven’t got you chained up, do i?” He smiles as you shake your head. “That’s the problem with humans. If it’s different, it’s either wrong or entertainment.” 

“But—”

“No,” he snaps, “drop it.” He hands you the bouquet.

“You do realize you just did what you yelled at me for doing, right?” Yet, you smile as you smell the flowers. 

“Yes, it’s usually how i work best.”

[cas-kingdom]

"Stop throwing books at me!"

“Stop throwing books at me!”

“Stop telling me to go to bed!”

The Doctor dodged a first edition Bible. “Seriously?” He was being clobbered by every book on his shelf because he’d noticed you were tired and had suggested you go to bed once? Once!

“Yeah, seriously!” You grasped at air behind you and realised you’d thrown all the books. Mentally cursing yourself, you turned, noticed the Doctor was walking towards you, and rushed to the opposite side of the console. 

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Y/N, please.” He knew well and good that you were testing him, though he doubted you knew you were doing it. This was the first time the both of you had been alone since he’d regenerated, and you hadn’t talked about it yet. You always talked about the regenerations. You had to. Otherwise, you’d be stepping around each other for a good while until something dangerous happened and you were forced back into a long-awaited realisation that you loved each other.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I’m not tired,” you said.

He threw his arms out. “Alright! That’s all you had to say!”

“Well, I’ve said it now!”

“Would you calm down?” His accent was strong when he was shouting, something you knew you’d have to get used to.

“What’re you gonna do about it?”

The Doctor paused for a moment. He stood straight and tilted his head, a spark of something familiar appearing in his eyes. He chuckled and crossed his arms. “What, you think just because I look older than my last regeneration, I can’t put you over my shoulder and throw you in the pool?”

You blinked. He stared. A smile began to creep onto your face, despite your residual emotions. “You can damn try, old man,” you said.

The Doctor grinned. “Oho, you may just regret saying that.” And he gave chase, you turning to leg it through the endless halls of the TARDIS.

Your talk could wait an hour or so.

Doctor Who Masterpost

send me the first sentence of a fanfic and i’ll write the next five, except i don’t know when to stop writing so i guarantee there’ll be more than five

[clouded-dreams2]

12th Doctor Masterlist

Series 

Oneshots

Headcannons

Coming soon…

[make-me-imagine]

🍭 13 Days of Halloween: Day 10

Request: The Reader and 12 go trick or treating, and 12 slips an anonymous love note into the readers candy hoping they wont know it’s from him. (re-worded slightly from original request)

Requested by: @polliwogboi​

Pairing: Twelfth Doctor x Reader

Gender: Neutral       Triggers: None       

Words: 2,307      Genre: A little Humor and some Fluff

Requested Tag: @fictionalhoomanofnowhere​​

Notes: This is my first time writing for 12 so I hope I wrote him correctly; I wish I could watch DW but I don’t have an HBO subscription :( I’m also unsure of how I feel about this, but I hope you like it lol. 

If you’d like to check out 2019 and 2018′s 13 Days of Halloween, as well as my 2017 general Halloween/Fall stuff here are the links: x2017x, x2018x & x2019x

Walking down the steps of the most recent house you stopped at, you turned back to the Doctor with a smile “I still cannot get over the fact that this planet celebrates Halloween, AND that they give out candy to adults” 

“Yes, well, you’re welcome.”

You looked at the doctor with a quizzical stare “What do you mean ‘you’re welcome’?”

He leaned a little closer, small smirk present on his lips “Who do you think introduced the holiday in the first place huh?” 

You considered his comment for a moment, the initial surprise faded quickly “That actually makes a lot of sense.” 

He winked before you continued down the road, your bags of candy swaying in your hands “I’m pretty sure someone gave me an entire tomato” you commented, peaking into your bag.

The Doctor snickered “Must be the same lady who gave me a cucumber”

You had both dressed in a classic Earth Victorian-styled outfit paired with a masquerade-style masks. As you passed the line of houses, you looked back momentarily, smiling at the array of lights and decorations lining the streets and houses. It did really remind you of Earth, though, instead of pumpkins, the people on this planet carved faces into the trees lining the roads, giving an all year ‘round Tim Burton’s Halloween Town feeling. 

“That was fun” you commented, turning back and continuing towards the Tardis.

“Well it’s not over yet” the Doctor said with a small smirk. 

“What do you mean? We went to all the houses.”

“Yes, but, we still have one more stop” he stopped in his tracks, you stopping along with him.

Stretching out is arm, he motioned towards the Blue Police Box. Looking between him and the Tardis you smiled “No”

“Yes” he motioned his arms in a shooing gesture as you turned and approached the Tardis. The Doctor watched you with a smile on your face, his hand reaching into his pocket gripping around a small piece of paper.

Stopping at the Tardis door, the Doctor moved to stand next to you, lifting your hands at the same time, you repeated the action you had been doing all night. Knocking three times and yelling “Trick or Treat!” you were startled when the Tardis door flung open.

Looking down, you see two large candy bars lying in the Tardis entry way, you smiled, letting out a chuckle “You’ve got to be kidding” you said in disbelief.

Leaning down, both you and the Doctor grabbed the candy, the Doctors gaze fell to your opened candy bag. Considering for a moment whether he should toss the note in or not, he decided not to as you began to rise. Entering into the Tardis, you looked up “Thank you!” you yelled out, knowing the Tardis could somehow hear and understand you.

You turned back to the Doctor with a smile as you set your bag of candy down “I’m going to go change and then we can go through our spoils okay?”

He nodded with a smile as you turned and quickly went to your room. The Doctor eyed your bag before leaving the room to change. 

By the time he came back, you still had not returned. His eyes fell to the open bag again as he wracked his mind for a decision. ‘Just do it, just put it in the bag’ ‘No, it’s stupid, it makes no sense’ “Ugh” he sighed out loud as he fought with his own mind. 

He leaned against the Tardis control panel as his mind flashed back to a conversation you had months prior as you sat in a park and watched a boy pass a young girl a love note, you assumed it said ‘Will you be my girlfriend, Yes or No?”. The Doctor made fun the action, but you insisted that confessions via note were cute, and could often be romantic and poetic. 

Not that long after than, The Doctor found himself writing a small note to you, his confession in tact, romantic and poetic as you had commented. But he quickly ripped it up. Only to re-write it multiple times. The most recent note, the one currently in the grip of his palm was simple, purposefully vague as to possibly go anonymous in your mind.

‘You’re presence is a gift and I wish to never part with it, I wish to never part with your smile nor your kind heart, or your kind eyes. I would ask you to stay with me forever if I could’ he spoke the words in his mind, was it too much, or too vague? The first note he wrote was longer, full of more detail, but he did want to be vague, but maybe he shouldn’t? Grimacing at his own sappy thoughts, he looked back over at your bag as he thought of how much he had been debating telling you of his feelings. 

With the note, he could possibly play it off, someone else put it in your bag. Specifically the young man you had met a few days previous in the town. He was quite smitten with you. The Doctor rolled his eyes at the thought, a sense of jealousy passing through him. 

Suddenly the Tardis made a noise, it’s lights flickering. The Doctor looked up “Oh be quiet! It’s not your decision to make!” 

He sighed as the Tardis blinked again. Turning, he tossed the note into your bag ‘There, I did it. And now I can’t turn back. If y/n believes it from the young man, I can learn how they feel about them, and possibly me in the process’ he thought to himself as he turned away “There, happy?” he spoke out loud.

“Who are you talking to?” you asked as you entered the room again.

The Doctor turned quickly, slightly startled by your entry “Tardis” he said, motioning his hands around.

“Ah” you said with a smile as you looked around as well. Approaching your bag, The Doctors hearts beat rapidly as he realized what he had done, and that he couldn’t turn back. ‘Just play it off, wait it out’ he thought.

Grabbing your bag you suddenly moved to sit on the floor “Alright, let’s see what we got huh?” you asked, looking up at the Doctor, who repeated your action “This reminds me of my childhood” you commented, nostalgia running through you as you smiled widely.

The Doctor smiled fondly at you as you dumped out the content of your bag. His eyes raked over the pile of candy, looking for the note, but seeing it had been buried. Maybe you’d miss it? Think it was a loose candy wrapper and throw it away?

The Doctor, having dumped out his candy as well was distracted when he saw a certain candy in his pile. Hearing him make a sound of disgust you see him pick up a particular candy - which of course you didn’t recognize - he pinched it between his fingers as if it was a dirty napkin he didn’t want to touch. 

You chuckled, reaching out and snatching it from his hand, looking at it you couldn't make out what it was, giving him a quizzical look he motioned his head towards it “Try it”

“With how you reacted to it, I don’t know if I want to” staring at him for a moment and seeing him give nothing away you shrugged “Fine” unwrapping the candy it appeared to be a sort of toffee.

Tossing it into your mouth, the Doctor watched closely, waiting. You sucked on the candy for a second, the almost caramel like taste lasting for only a second before it switched to a sour, almost rancid taste. Grimacing you quickly spit it back into it’s wrapper with a ‘bleh’ sound before shaking your face “Ah, no, ew, what even is that?” 

The Doctor laughed at your reaction as you tossed the candy into the trash, disgust still on your face “Give me something better” you said motioned towards the candy. The Doctor, still amused, reached over, picking up the previously mentioned tomato and handing it to you. 

You looked at him with disdain as he chuckled. Instead you reached out, grabbing a random mysterious candy, opening it and shoving it into your mouth. The Doctor waiting for your reaction, smiled when you sighed in relief “Tastes sort of like apple”

Continuing looking through the candy, the Doctor explained the ones he knew, as you traded some and tried some. The Doctor remained distracted as he waited for you to find the note. His hearts seemed to stop when he saw you see the paper and grab it. He watched for a moment before asking “What’s that?”

You glanced at him, shrugging your shoulders “A note?”

Opening it you read the words, your heart skipping a beat as you did. For a moment, you thought you recognized the handwriting, but it did also appear different. Looking over at the Doctor he rose his brow “So? What is it? Trick or Treat?” he joked with a smile, trying to play off his nervousness. 

Hesitating for a moment, you read it out loud. The Doctor seemed to be as confused as you were as he suddenly rose from his seat on the ground “Perhaps it was from that one man, Tom? Randy? you know the one that clearly fancies you, maybe he slipped it in when we stopped at their house earlier” he stretched his body as he spoke, seemingly uncaring of the confession you received. 

Trying to ignore the pang of disappointment you felt you looked back at the note “You mean Adric?” you asked somewhat amused at his clear forgetfulness of his name, looking back at the note you read it again “Perhaps you are right, he did seem...interested” and he did flirt a lot with you when you and the Doctor had stopped at his house earlier. 

The Doctor looked back at you, seeing you re-reading the note again and again, clearing his throat “Do you, uh, like him, as well then?” 

You glanced at the Doctor, thinking you saw, trepidation? nervousness? “Uh, no, not really. Besides, even if I did, I couldn’t stay could I?” thinking for a moment, you rose from the ground “I think I will take it back to him tomorrow, and tell him how I feel”

"No!” the Doctor suddenly said, making you look at him surprise “Uh, I mean, no, we don’t have time, we must leave tomorrow, times to be, places to save you know.” 

You stared at him for a moment, suspicion rising “I can’t just disappear can I? That’s quite rude.”

“Well it’s like you said, you can’t just stay, so what’s the point? Besides he’s quite pompous, a little childish, not right for you, he’ll surely get over it quickly” he suggested before turning and walking down one of the halls. 

You couldn’t help the suspicion and hope growing in your mind, looking at the handwriting again, you noted that it really did look familiar, like The Doctors, and it was written as though it was purposefully disguised. Looking back up, now at the empty hallway. You moved to follow the Doctor. 

“It would only take a moment you know!” you called out, not knowing exactly where he was “I could just, take the note to him, say I’m sorry I don’t feel the same, and now I have to leave!”

“No point!” you heard the Doctors voice from a nearby room.

Entering, you see him looking through a pile of random objects and books “Why don’t you want me to Doctor?” you asked, your voice not quite accusatory, but genuinely curious.

The Doctor hesitated for a moment before turning to face you “Just don’t see the point is all” moving, he walked past you.

“You’re not a very good liar sometimes you know” you commented, making him stop in the doorway. 

“Why would I be lying?” he asked softly. 

You took a step closer to him “You’re also not as good at disguising your handwriting as you think” The Doctor stayed motionless, still facing away from you “You wrote the note didn’t you?” 

There was a moment of silence before he spoke “And what if I did?” the question was soft, quiet. 

You smiled to yourself as you looked back at the note in your hand “If you did” you looked up, staring at the back of his head “Then I would thank you. And I would tell you, that I...wish to never leave your side either. And that if you did ask. I would stay forever.” 

The Doctor had a swell of emotion as you spoke, your voice soft and sincere. Turning slowly, he met your eyes, seeing that you were nervous, as you fiddled with the note in your hands. 

Moving towards you now, the Doctor stopped in front of you, close enough to feel his breath on your skin “You would stay?”

You met his eyes, seeing them full of hope, you nodded lightly, your voice coming out just above a whisper “Forever- ” you paused “if you wanted”

“I do” he replied quickly, his own voice quiet. Reaching out, he took your hand in his “It is all I want, it has been all I wanted since...” 

“Since when?” 

He smiled lightly, bringing his other hand up, he gently touched the side of your face with his fingers “Since the day I asked you to be my companion”

A small smile grew on your face as he spoke, knowing that on the same day, you wished you could stay with him forever as well. You stared into each other’s eyes as you both realized you had been harboring the same feelings, and same wish. To be together, forever, or for as long as time would allow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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[littlemissslytherinprincess]

Safe Hands // The Doctor x Reader

okay i really wanted to write something and couldnt think of any inspiration so I got the amazing @the-timeless-doctor​ to give me a prompt and they delivered :D 

prompt: ‘reader who is 11′s current companion runs into Mr. Grumpy Attack Eyebrows aka 12′

masterlist

word count: 1.8k

The snow was frigid and crisp, sticking to the ground and seeping into your clothes. It was 1892, and you were suffering the chill of a Victorian winter. The many layers of the appropriate period fashion helped to keep you warm, but the snow melting on your frame was setting you up for hypothermia if you didn’t reach your destination quickly. You were currently staying with the Paternoster Gang – that is, Vastra, Jenny, and Strax. The Doctor had stopped by for a visit, trying to fill in the time between adventures with the Pond’s. You missed them dearly, they were your best friends, but you knew you didn’t miss them as much as the Doctor.

Amelia Pond had been the first face his current incarnation had seen, and she was forever seared onto his hearts. You knew that he was suffering with the ever increasing time between their travels in the TARDIS, but you also knew he would suffer if he began to visibly see them age – rule number two of travelling with the Doctor: Never let him see the damage. You had learnt that from River when she was giving you advice on how to handle the Doctor better.

You had stayed for longer than expected, however – the Doctor had dashed off in the TARDIS, with a very hurried and brief explanation as to why. You didn’t mind as such, and when he asked if you would come with him or stay, you elected to stay. You wanted to experience more of this particular era and lifestyle, and you also didn’t think he would give you time to get changed on the TARDIS. It was all alright for him, men’s fashion hadn’t changed much from the Victorian era to what he would wear on a daily basis. Women’s fashion, on the other hand, changed drastically. It just wasn’t practical to try and run in heeled boots, multiple skirts, corsets, and god forbid running in a bustle – you couldn’t sit in one, never mind moving at high speeds away from something. No, you much preferred to stay stationary in Victorian fashion.

The snow was getting thicker, beginning to form piles at the side of the streets as it was swept away. The roads were becoming sludgy from the constant use of horses and cars, and for a brief moment you wished you had elected to take one. Picking up the pace, you turned around a corner only to collide with someone. It seemed both of you were in a hurry, having collided at a fair speed. You luckily managed to catch yourself against the wall to stop yourself from tumbling to the ground, the other arm flinging out to stop the other from falling too. You grasped the man’s arm just above his elbow, stopping him from dropping to the floor. Righting himself quickly, the man gave you a look of disdain before he froze.

“(Y/N)? What are you…” He turned for a moment, looking down the street before looking back to you. “…Wait.”

You were confused at the man before you. He was an older gentleman, with fluffy grey hair and amazingly expressive eyebrows. He was rather attractive, in the ‘university professor’ way – dressed in an admittedly suave suit with a longer, maroon jacket made of velvet. He looked at you in such an odd way, too – the way you might look when you’ve just got caught in the middle of trouble, but also like a man who had discovered a goddess.

“Are you quite alright?” You addressed the collision first, hoping to seem polite and not accusatory to the stranger. “I’m sorry, do I know you? Have we met before?”

There was something off about him, the way he conducted himself in front of you; shifty and uncomfortable yet there was clear recognition in his eyes. He looked happy and it confused you. He was too happy for you to be a stranger to him as he was to you. This man obviously knew who you were, even knew your name, but you didn’t know him. His style was dated, modern for the current era but dated by your standards.

There was only one person you knew who dressed as such.

Your heart seemed to slow, looking at the strange man in a new light.

“Oh my god… it’s you, isn’t it?” Your voice was light and airy, sounding not quite there.

He looked panicked for a split second, before slipping into something more neutral and almost echoing your words from earlier. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“Don’t play like that, Doctor. It’s you, isn’t it? It’s really you,”

He hesitated, looking torn, before nodding once.

“I didn’t realize when we came here that we had already been, got the date a little wrong in the TARDIS, should never have-“ He was cut off by you launching yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck. Tears blurred your vision as you pressed your face against his shoulder, realizing that he was taller than he had been previously. His body was stiff, arms pressed around your frame awkwardly. Your breath shuddered as you pulled away quickly, trying to compose yourself and not look like you had just thrown yourself at someone who was practically a stranger.

A cocktail of emotions bubbled in your stomach, shock, love, sadness and happiness too. You had seen pictures of all the Doctor’s – your Doctor’s – previous forms, meaning that this one must be from the future. Your Doctor told you that he was on his last regeneration, and he wouldn’t have lied about something like that – certainly not to you. Even then, no one could have faked the grief that he had displayed knowing this would be his last life and he had only just met you. It gave you hope, knowing he had life after this, that he wasn’t going to die. You knew you couldn’t have foreknowledge of how things would go, despite wanting to know terribly.

You looked at him closer. He was old, that was the first thing you noticed. Certainly compared to the man he is now – or is it then? His face was marked with lines, the signs of age and wisdom, eyes crinkling as he smiled carefully at you. He seemed much more reserved this time around, too – maybe that came with his age, or maybe not. You couldn’t be sure, not until you witnessed him change.

He had explained it to you, once. An adventure which had ended in a bit too close of a close call, leaving you both high on massive amounts of adrenaline and trying to calm down. You were in your pyjamas and he dressed down, bow tie undone and hanging loose around his neck, braces off and shirt unbuttoned with his shoes abandoned somewhere haphazardly. Sat next to each other, dangling your legs out of the TARDIS door as you drifted in space, he explained to you with a hint of sadness that he was on his last regeneration. He told you that he wished he had met you earlier, so that he could have had more time with you, but that you may not have liked or gotten on well with his previous regeneration. When you queried what he meant, he explained Time Lord biology to you; how, on the moment of death, they could transform and heal themselves, but come back to be a totally different person.

The man in front of you was your love, you knew that much, but he was still a stranger. You didn’t think it possible to love someone who seemed so foreign to you.

“You… You regenerated, then?” You asked carefully, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Yes!” He answered quickly, looking awkward as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Yes, I did. No spoilers though, eh?”

“Yeah, spoilers.” You laughed gently, noticing his Scottish accent which you found you loved. A soft atmosphere set around the two of you. “C-Can I just ask something?”

He hesitated, looking unsure.

“It’s not anything serious, and you don’t need to explain if you can’t, I just.” You stopped, trying to compose yourself. You felt antsy and uncomfortable, but you needed to at least ask. “Am I…”

The Doctor seemed to understand what you were getting at. “Are you… still around?”

“I didn’t quite mean it like that but yeah. Am I still travelling with you?” You really hadn’t meant to ask if you had passed but you had hoped that you could extrapolate from his answer, not expecting him to be so blunt.

He looked torn for a moment before grabbing your arm and pulling you closer, peering around the corner. You did the same, not entirely sure what you were meant to be looking at.

Then you saw it.

There was a woman stood some distance down the street, talking to a couple shielding from the snow. With a start, you realized it was you. You looked older, but still somehow looked the exact same. Glancing back up at the Doctor, you noticed the fond smile on his face. You also took note that he was still holding your arm gently.

“You’re still travelli – what are you looking at?” He questioned, realizing that you weren’t paying attention. You grasped his hand in yours, running a thumb over the gold band resting on his ring finger. Tears flowed freely now and you made no effort to stop them.

“At least I know my future’s in safe hands,” You joked, trying to compose yourself. The Doctor sighed and pulled you into his arms, resting his head on yours and gently running a hand up and down your back, the same way your Doctor did. You held on tight, not exactly sure why you were so emotional.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, what makes you think I would ever let you go? You keep me honest and kind,” He confessed quietly. “I dread to think what I might have become without you.”

Nodding, you pulled away. Using a handkerchief, you wiped your tears carefully.

“I’m glad you’re still here, and that I know now that we make a commitment to each other. Thank you for this,” You gestured around. “Thank you. I… I love you.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).” He smiled sadly.

You squeezed his hand once before fleeing, whirling around and running to Paternoster Row. You knew you had to leave him behind and try and put it out of your mind – forethought is dangerous, after all.

Instead, you smiled, allowing yourself just this moment to enjoy what had happened. To enjoy the knowledge.

Your future was in safe hands.

[flyinginthetardis]

Mismatched Time

a/n: yay!! after an eternity i have finally finished writing something :)) its my first time writing for twelve so i do hope that its okay. (a long time ago) i was inspired by the song “Sideways” from Citizen Cope and well i came up with this thing. Originally i had decided to make it really angsty but i apparently i went in a different direction and made it more fluffy-ish. i hope that you like it! 

Pairing: twelfth doctor x reader (i would say its more platonic but you can think otherwise if you want to)

Warnings: maybe some swear words

summary: you go to earth to make amends with your parents and ask the doctor to come with you. He says he'll be there in 10 minutes but it turns out to be 10 years until you meet each other again.

“Ah. Home sweet home. I can't wait for dinner." You say as you put on your jacket and straighten any wrinkles from your clothes.

"Fancy dinner date huh?" 

"What? Oh, no." You say incredulously while snickering. 

"What's got you all dressed up like that then? Why are you wearing all these fancy clothes and weird stuff? I've never seen you dress fancy in your life. At one point I simply assumed it was impossible for you."

Your mouth opens in shock and closes once you can't think of anything to say. A frown crosses your face as you pace around the TARDIS console anxiously. "That's not true! I've dressed fancy many times. At like events and stuff." 

"Oh really? Name one other time that you've dressed fancy. Come on. Prove me wrong." 

You stutter and stumble after words trying to get the question to register in your brain and find any example. Anything at all. 

"Uh...well..well-wh-what about that time we had to go to that fancy auction party event thing. I was wearing a dress and you were wearing a suit."

"Ha! That doesn't count! It was just a holographic image projected from a device on your t-shirt. I had one too but because I'm a Time Lord, I saw through the projections and saw you simply wearing a t-shirt and jeans." 

"Ugh. Fine. I am wearing this 'fancy' outfit because I want to look good for my parents, who I am having dinner with tonight and have not seen them in a couple of years. When I came with you, we didn't exactly leave on the best terms and haven't really spoken since." 

"Oh. Well, um, do you want me to come with you? Or..?"

Looking down at your feet, you let out a sigh while placing your head in your hands. 

"Yeah it would be nice if you could come." 

"Alright." The Doctor gave you a soft, reassuring smile as he moved around the TARDIS, pushing buttons and pulling levers on the console before arriving right outside your parents house. 

"We're here."

"Guessed that much." Before either of you could say another word you run over to the Doctor and engulf him in a big hug. Burying your head in his shoulder for comfort and reassurance, you relax a little as he awkwardly tries to hug you back.

"I know you don't really like hugs but I really need this right now." Your voice is muffled against his clothing as you close your eyes, let out a large breath and remove yourself from him. 

"Yeah, I know."

You smile at him as you pick up your purse from somewhere under the console sofa and walk over to the door, opening it halfway but not yet stepping out. 

"So are you coming?" you ask playfully as your usual demeanor comes back. 

"Yes, yes, but go without me, I'll come in ten minutes." 

"Okay then, I'll see you soon." You shout from outside the TARDIS as you walk towards the spunky, modern house and close the blue doors behind you.  

You stare at the oak coloured door in front of you, thousands of thoughts running through your mind. Deep, cold breaths left your lips as you dragged your fist towards the door; but before you managed to knock the door flies open. Warm air tickles your skin as you stare at your parents standing in front of you.

"Y/N!" 

"Hi."

"Come in, come in. Dinner is almost ready." Your dad says warmly as he ushers you in and closes the door behind you. 

As you take a seat at the table across your father, your mother emerges with a glorious array of food. You squirm in your seat as an awkward silence prevails. 

"So, Y/N, where is that friend of yours that you said would come?" Your mother asks inquisitively with her cold eyes flashing and her question laced with poison as if she enjoyed seeing you intimidated. 

"Oh, yeah, he uh, he said he would come in ten minutes."

"Oh, okay. I guess we should wait for him then." 

Silence. You wait for ten minutes. Then twenty. Then thirty. 

An hour passes.

Where is he?

"Well, I guess we should start because it seems like he stood you up." Your mother says sighing as her tone tells you that she is just utterly disappointed and a wave of criticism is about to come and crash onto you.

That asshat. Where the hell are you! You thought, clearly irritated. It wasn't as if he hasn't done this before and if it had been any other day, you honestly wouldn't mind as much, but this was an important day for you. He knew that. Didn't he?

You sigh and give in. "Yeah, maybe."

Your father passes you some chicken, potatoes and peas before adding some to his own plate. "Thank you." 

"Not a problem sweetheart."

You cringe slightly at the old nickname as you pour some gravy over your food before going silent.

"Should we eat?" Your mother asks, finally sitting down with a plate of her own food.

"Sure." You and your father say in unison, grinning slightly at each other. The three of you dig in and as you eat you get lost in your thoughts and wonder about what happened to the Doctor.

***

You sighed as you watched the raindrops race down your window as you huddled up in blankets and drank hot chocolate to warm yourself up. It had been ten years since you last saw the Doctor. Ten years.

Not minutes. Not hours. Not even months!

Years. Years. 

He left you for ten years. You despised him for it. And yet you still missed him. You tried to find him but it was just impossible. You sigh and take a sip of hot chocolate. You smile as the marshmallows melt in your mouth. 

You pick up an old notebook beside and give it a sideways glance. It contained everything about the Doctor. It was your way of finding him, basically. But it had led to a dead end and so you gave up. Flipping through the old book you reminisce lightly about how hopeful you were those first few years. Snorting at the memory and throwing the book aside, you watch the raindrops patter against the window silently.

Going back to normal life had been hard. Harder than you expected. 

Suddenly, you started. That noise. 

Could it be?

You run and grab your keys from the glass bowl on the kitchen counter, hurriedly put on your shoes and run like hell down the stairs, not at all waiting for the elevator. 

You stand outside and gasp. The TARDIS. You walk over to it carefully and slowly as if it was a frightened animal even though it was nothing of the sort. Your fingers graze the blue police box and you smile. You barely feel the drops of water on your skin as you examine the TARDIS incredulously. 

"Hello, Sexy." You whisper to the TARDIS as you lean your head against the blue box. "I've missed you."

Suddenly the door opens and you step back. 

"Doctor?"

"Oh hey Y/N! Is the dinner ready?"

"Dinner? What dinner?"

"The dinner with your parents of course."

You scoff at him and take another step back. "Oh that dinner? Oh I'm sorry to tell you but that dinner was TEN YEARS AGO!"

The Doctor blinks and his face gets serious. "What? No, it can't be."

"Check your calendar." You say voice dripping with malice and sarcasm.

The Doctor goes back into the TARDIS and you hear him mutter something angrily. He steps out of the TARDIS again and faces you.

"I am so sorry Y/N."

You scowl at him for a brief moment before giving him a huge hug. 

"Don't you dare do something like that again or I will punch you so hard that I'll make you regenerate." You say into his shoulder before you calm down and slowly relax into his arms. You bury your head in his shoulder and the both of you just stay in that position for a while. Finally you release him from your hug and give him a smile. "I missed you so much." 

The Doctor smiles and you take his hand, dragging the both of you out of the rain. 

"Let's go to my apartment, it's much more cozy than standing dripping wet in the rain." 

The two of you walk up the apartment building stairs and stop at a door with the number 321 on it. Your apartment. Walking in, you throw your keys back into the glass bowl on the kitchen counter and sigh happily before collapsing comfortably on the couch. "Come here." You say while patting the seat next to you. The Doctor slides onto the cushy seat next to rather awkwardly but you don't mind. 

You lean your head on his shoulder and he slowly wraps an arm around your waist as you turn the TV on. "So what horrendous movie are we watching today?" He asks while looking at you pointedly. 

"Hamilton."

"Hm."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing." He replies with a similar tone to yours and you eye him cautiously before letting out a small 'hmph' of annoyance. You narrow your eyes ever so slightly but make no response as you get ready to press play. However, before you can do so, he breaks the silence.

"What is that?"

"What?"

"That." He points at your head leaning on his shoulder and he has the hint of a frown on his face.

You groan and roll your eyes.

"Give me a break," you sigh and look up at him, not moving from his shoulder, "I mean you did leave me for like, oh yeah, ten years."

He sighs and stiffens at your response. "Fine." He mutters out sounding sheepish. 

You let out another exasperated sigh and begin to move away, putting space between the both of you. But before you're able to get too far, he grabs your hand and shoulder pulling you back to him. 

"Stay." He says as he kisses the top of your head gently, and props his head on top of yours, making you lean into him. You smile, and press play on the remote, finally being able to relax completely after such a long time. Content, you sigh softly and stare at the TV screen. All is well and everything is as it should be. For now, anyways.

a/n: hey so i didnt realize i posted this accidently lol but i was missing a whole lot of editing and was missing a chunk of writing at the end so sorry about that. i was wondering what had happened to my draft but now i know haha.

[smugheathen]

His Orbit

Twelfth Doctor x GN reader

Genre : Fluff

Word Count : 2.1k

@penguinwithitsarseonfire​ (This one’s for us idiots who love 12 lmao)

It's a usual occurrence, the two of you sitting in the doorway of the TARDIS, legs dangling off while looking out at the red dwarf star illuminating you as you drift in the space around it. A small tray of chips in his lap as he eats and talks at the same time. 

Conversation with the Doctor has always been easy, he leads it most of the time and you follow, nodding along at his explanations of this and that. Mostly it is all interesting but sometimes you can't help but drift away, listening to his voice. The roughness in it, the rasp, caused by this regeneration’s outward appearing age. But it's soothing, like a story teller's voice. 

So you listen as he recounts the history of this star system, not very riveting stuff but you are happy to hear it. A noise of agreement here and there and a nod and he's satisfied. 

He doesn't need to know you look at him when he's looking out at the stars, admiring how the lighting catches his silver hair curling around his ears now. It's grown quite a bit in the last 6 months you've been traveling with him. 

Or how his eyes seem orange in the glow, pale skin aglow with the warmth of the light. The ridges and wrinkles and angles of his face should scare you off, if not for the fact he's even older than this face belies. It's too late to be scared off now, though. Your eye had been drawn from the start, like a magnet to him. 

You'd been caught up in his orbit before you even knew it had happened, your home forgotten. Family can't be chosen, but this, this was a choice. Going with him when he asked had been a risk, throwing the little security you had had to the wind. You'd told him then, yes. You would come with, but only if the offer was indefinite and the rent was free.

You were surprised when he'd smiled at that, as if he was happy. You'd half expected him to retract the offer then, and a small part had hoped, the part that was already feeling something stir for him, knowing it was a terrible idea. 

"Are you even listening to me?" 

Oops. He sounded a bit offended and as your eyes refocused onto his from where you'd been staring through him, his eyes were boring into yours, turns away from the light they were dark, their color obscured and you turned your face to the star. 

"Sorry, Doctor… I uh, I must be a bit sleepy. The red light and all… Human circadian rhythm and all that." 

"Mhmm." His lips were pursed, eyebrows down over his grumpy little face and you smiled just a bit, one corner twitching. His frown made a lot of people shift where they stood but it had lost its effect a long time ago for you. 

It was quiet for a while, he'd finished his meal and the tray was discarded to the side. Trying not to look at him is difficult, it's almost involuntary at this point so when you finally cave and peer up at him, it's a bit jarring to find his gaze intently peering right back at you. It startles you enough to look away quickly, but looking back right away, shit, look away. 

"I have noticed, that very often you study me. When you think I am not looking. Is there something on your mind? May as well just spit it out." The observation comes out matter of fact, casual, unknowing of how grave the reality is. 

Nothing's wrong, except, everything is. 

You're in love with an alien so much older than you even know, with so much history and baggage, so much pain and suffering. 

A loneliness you don't believe you could even come close to touching, to alleviating. 

And it hurts, and it makes you feel embarrassed as though you've been caught doing something stupid. It is stupid, you think. 

"I…" You start, but immediately falter. The noise had been reflexive, not chosen or thought out because despite him asking, you are unwilling to tell the truth this time. 

I've never lied to him before… Do I want to? 

The answer is a resounding no from deep within, never. But telling the truth? Terrifying. What if he takes you home? Betrayed by your feelings? You know all he wants is a friend. How can you take that from him? 

The thoughts overwhelm you and you stay still and silent, staring at your hands as your mind races, faster and faster and the panic starts to set in, heart beating faster with the secon-

"Y/N?" 

And you're present again, jarred from your downward spiral by your favorite sound in the world. Your name in his voice, warm and inquisitive but knowing, gentle.

It's not fair, you decide. That he has this effect on you. Send you spiraling out of control and bringing you to a screeching halt both within seconds. 

When his hand reaches for yours, you go along with it, letting him take your right between the both of his and you watch them fold around your digits holding them safe and warm. It's enough right now to make you choke on your air. 

"Something's wrong, I can tell. Just tell me so I can help, Y/N." He's doing his Kind Doctor Face, soft slightly lopsided smile playing on his lips, eyes soft and shiny and he looks so ethereal and beautiful it breaks your resolve to keep it in.

"You can't help 'cause it's your fault, Doctor. It's really all your fault." Somewhere during that sentence your tongue felt like it turned into a hot coal in your mouth, throat constricting on emotion. 

He's frowning now, head tilting but smile intact, eyes still soft and so kind, it hurts. 

"If you could elaborate, that may prove helpful in my understanding of your current state." 

"I-…" You don't get a noise out before your chords betray you by closing up, a small squeak resembling a word all that comes out. It takes a minute before you can continue, but he waits and he stares. 

"I have been… thinking." You look down before up, and he nods at you encouragingly, squeezing your hand softly. 

"About what?" 

“You, mainly… B-but also me. And, how I feel about you, about being here with you. " You see his eyes waver, the composure fray for a second and his hands tensing before he schools himself back and further, his face blank, hiding the hurt he's feeling. It's so subtle and so quick you would've missed it if you didn't know him so well. 

"I see… I guess it was inevitable." A reassuring pat on the back of your hand. "It's okay, I… I can bring you back right where I picked you up, nothing will have changed and you can go back to your life." His beautiful voice now monotone and it breaks your own composure down to nothing.

"No! Please, no!" The volume and urgency shock even you, but you continue on, terrified of him thinking you would want to leave him alone, turning your hand to grasp one of his desperately. 

"That's the last thing I want! All I want is to be by your side for as long as I can. As long as you'll allow it, I want to be here. I want to be with you, wherever and whenever you go, no matter what stupid and dangerous thing you go do, I want to go with you, and, and look after you, because you're an idiot that cares more for others, strangers, than yourself. And that, that's infuriating because I care for you but it's also such a big part of why I care. You're so kind, Doctor. You're grumpy, but you're kind, always, everything you do is for the good of others and that's so amazing and inspiring. The, the same way I find it amazing when you talk nonsense about physics I don't understand because it's you talking and I could listen for as long as I live and I'll never get enough of hearing your voice because it makes me feel like I'm home."

For a moment you can't believe you blurted that all out but more than anything, you know you have to finish it, know that you have to say it, now before he starts talk-

"Y/N-" Desperate to see this through now you cut him off.

"I am so in love with you, it hurts. It burns me up inside the way that damn star is burning up and I can't seem to stop, you just pull me in more and more and I cannot control the way it makes me feel anymore. I tried to stop, tried not to look, I tried not to long for something, someone that I cannot reach or ever deserve. But it's no use, Doctor. This was inevitable. I… am sorry. I TRIED to just be the friend you wanted but I just want… I just want." Out of breath from talking fast, and your racing heart, fingers tingling from terror and excitement at having finally let out the secret you've been harboring. 

You expect him to let go of your hand but he grasps it tighter, tighter than ever before and he reaches for the other, weaving his fingers through yours. He's never done that before and the sensation makes your chest constrict, flushing hot. 

He's staring so intently at your face, expression morphed during your rant from one of schooled nothing-ness to open and raw, mouth slightly agape as he breathes in deeply, somewhat ragged and you're scared, not knowing what to expect, too scared too hope, too naive not to so you grasp his hands just as tight as he is yours and you grow bold from the emotional high of finally letting it all out. 

"I don't want to go back, not ever. I want to be here, I want to look at you every day, see you smile, see you get angry, listen to you talk to yourself or the TARDIS when you think I can't hear you. I want to have al of you, I know I can't but I do. I… I actually, really, really love you."

A speechless Doctor. Never expected and always wished for but somehow now unwelcome as you fidget while he remains still, lips closing and falling apart several times before he just… smiles. 

He smiles and it's so beautiful it makes tears that you've been holding back all this time spring to the corners of your eyes. 

"I am… Out of practice, but if you… If you are truly okay with this old face… I would be more than happy, more than fortunate to have you with me, by my side, for as long as you wish. I never,...never thought or hoped that you could feel this way for me, Y/N. I am old, tired, grumpy as you pointed out, and being with me… It's not without risk-" You cut in with a "I don't care!" that he smirks at, somewhat sadly now. 

"I...know. And that…" He leans forward, and you're breathless as his forehead rests against yours, eyes closed. "That terrifies me, Y/N Y/L/N. This will end badly for both of us somewhere down the line, you know that, don't you?" His eyes open slowly, blue visible just barely with the warm lighting and you feel lost in them already, heart and mind racing at how surreal this is, almost sure it's a simulation for a split second. 

"If I can find an end where I am with you, I would be luckier than I ever could've been without you in my life, Doctor." And it's true, you know it's true as soon as you said it. You would be content with that but his face says it all. It hurts him, the thought of losing you one day and that in turn hurts you. But it's too late, too late to take back what you've confessed and there is only forward now.

Forward, you think, so you lift his and your hands to your chest, laying his palms over your heart, warmth spreading through you as his eyes close again at the intimacy of the action and his hands press in to feel for your pulse. You lift your chin then, your own eyes finally sliding shut as you press your lips to his so very softly, stilling for a moment, tentative, almost afraid- but he presses a kiss back just as gently, so very tenderly it burns you inside and out. 

Burns like the star shining on you both, pulling the TARDIS into orbit as much as the Doctor has pulled you into his.