Pairing: Hange Zoë x reader
Summary: Your research partner, Hange, is clueless about romance. Or so you thought.
Content: just fluffy research partners trope
A/N: i survived college hell week so here you go. HVD HANGE LOVERS!!
"I didn't know you could walk slower," you remarked as Hange strode beside you.
Early training was exhausting, coupled with the paperwork you have to handle after. Just thinking about it drains your energy.
Your ever-energetic Section Commander only beamed at you and responded, "Well, I have to match your pace more often now."
"Why is that?"
"Since we became research partners?"
Your head racked in confusion, gaze snapping back to them.
"Research partners? Since when?"
"I knew you still haven't read Erwin's notice," they said matter-of-factly, pulling a folded sheet of paper from their uniform. "He thinks your works are impressive and said we should work together on a new trapping device."
"That... sounds exhausting..."
"Right! Exciting, isn't it?" Hange smiled, too deep in their excitement that they misheard you. You can never keep up with that amount of enthusiasm, try as you might.
After pulling an all-nighter last night to organize files, your commander now wants to transfer you to the thinking team. Great.
"When are we going to start?" you asked Hange.
-
It turns out that working closely with Hange would present unexpected issues. You have no problem with Hange or the work itself as being with them brightens your day more than you cared to admit. Sometimes you wonder why they're so good at making you smile and laugh even at the face of mathematical formulas and complex design structures but that's a question for another day. Your real musings lie on the question of why they're so clueless about people hitting on them. Surely, the box of chocolates left on their desk with hearts scribbled all over it or the cadets swooning over them when they passed by the corridor weren't just people being friendly as Hange always liked to think.
This present issue became more clear when Valentine's Day arrived. To think that your lot makes time to celebrate this event is amusing. You were with Hange the whole time that day, brainstorming and sleepless that you almost forgot about the day of love happening just outside your doors.
"What if we try it? You know, outside?" Hange offered, sipping on their fifth mug of coffee. "See if it works?"
"Hange, it's a long-range weapon. And there are people outside," you muttered sleepily, yawning as you walked towards the window to allow some sunlight in. You drew the curtains and looked down. "People celebrating apparently."
"For what?" Hange asked absentmindedly, busy scribbling down a few ideas that you probably have to illustrate later.
"Dunno," you yawned again, drawing the blinds back. "I'm sleeping. You can't stop me."
"Go ahead," they said, thumb pointing at the bed. "I'll wake you up later."
-
When Hange woke you up about an hour later, you hid under their pillows and bargained for another five minutes of sleep.
"No, silly, we're not going to work. I brought something," their voice came, lifting the pillows you're hiding on.
Their brown eyes beamed at you, holding up something as your vision cleared.
Chocolate?
No, not just that. They've got an armful of it.
"Where on earth did you get all of that?"
"Outside the door," they muttered, opening one to munch on it. They offered you one. "Surprising, huh?"
"Well, it's Valentine's Day." You only remembered about a minute ago.
"It is?" Their eyes widened momentarily. "I thought it's tomorrow."
You laughed softly, taking a chocolate from their hand. "We've been staring at plans all week, we didn't know."
"About time," they spoke, sitting on the spot next to you. Their eyes met yours and for a moment, you were tempted to look away as if gazing any longer will melt you in a puddle. It's not helping that they seemed to enjoy looking at you more than anything else recently. "Let's have dinner. There's a new dinner just outside the quarters."
"Did, uh, did we miss dinner downstairs?"
"Yeah... I forgot about it." A sheepish grin crossed their face. "Doesn't matter, though. It's only 9 PM."
-
It turns out that diners were occupied that day, couples swarmed the place as the buttery scent of baked goods wafted in the air. After the long queue, you managed to take back four sandwiches which you ate in your shared room.
Hange sat on the bed next to you, scribbling equations, crossing them out, and starting over again. It was adorable how their brows crease when they think.
"Hange?"
"Hm?"
"Shouldn't you sleep?"
They smiled, "Later."
"Happy Valentine's Day," you mumbled sleepily, curling up next to them.
"You too." Hange's gaze lingered on your sleeping form, thinking of the reservation for two they booked yesterday.
They stayed up late that night, writing down equations, and dimming the lamp to allow you some sleep. They were asleep until afternoon slumped over their papers which you diligently put away when you woke up that morning. You only understood half of what was written, guided by Hange's short annotations on the page. It warmed your insides, knowing that Hange wrote these equations for your designs. The invention you're both working on felt more feasible and easier to envision.
-
"It's working well, Commander," you reported to Erwin later that day when he asked about the device's progress.
"It must have been, huh? Hange knows how to gather a great team," he smiled amicably. "They specifically requested for you."
Your cheeks heated up, smiling warmly even on your way out of Erwin's office.
Hange was waiting in the corridor, notebook discarded and eyes lighting up when they saw you. They half-run in your direction, energetic and beaming as always as though they had enough sleep.
"Ready to go?" They asked, walking beside you.
"Where?"
That same charming smile you always notice creased their cheeks.
REQUEST: I honestly don't know if your request is open but have you seen the song for epic the musical? "Would you fall in love with me again" ABWISJ😭💖 I can see a trope for Hange x reader,with them just being soulmates in every other universe.Or perhaps Immortal x mortal,feel free to ignore this dw 🏃🏻♀️💨✨ [originally requested at @hangesdarling blog]
PAIRING. Hange Zoë x female reader
SYNOPSIS. Hange found a glowing door during their walk.
CONTENT. fantasy au, fluff, angst, Hange is a mortal, reader is a spirit of some sort, scientist!hange, barely proofread (sorry), this probably has a sequel that will make more sense with the prompt given
A/N. hey anon, I posted this request on this blog bc the longer, sfw, and more tender fics belong here (I sort writing by theme xD) and this is in third person bc i feel like it. Hope you like this :)))
There were days when Hange had to step out of the lab, feel the breeze in their skin and wander through the greeneries surrounding their cottage. But today, with enough soot all over their hands and a graze or two, they decided that stepping out once in a while should become a vacation entirely. It would be nice not to stare at flasks and formulas for once. Hange took off their coat, nursing a small wound with an absorbent fabric. The last thing they needed was an infection.
With enough wandering through the clearing, they successfully distracted themself from the difficult chemical they couldn't brew and instead began identifying the leaves they crossed in the forest. They happily took mental notes, remembering better times when they were younger, more curious, more creative and perhaps, more satisfied with life than before. If only things were simpler again.
Their wandering thoughts held themself in place when Hange stopped near a countryside house. Poison ivy crawled on its dusty and barred windows, the rust-colored walls barely peeking through the greenery.
In its center, an ornate door of exquisite beauty stood. What drew Hange in was the faint glow seeping through its hinges.
They inched closer, careful and calculating as they always were. A decision which ended up with cursing themself that being cautious and afraid was not a brand of their character years ago.
They held the door knob, twisted it, and half-wished to hear a click.
It opened. And instead of seeing what was inside, Hange saw someone emerge from the door as though summoned. She has the features of a human if you don't look hard enough for the small things which sets her apart. Eyes and expression of a deity, someone you'd kneel for, Hange thought.
Too awestruck, they managed to stammer a shaky hi. They were opting for a polite good afternoon but none came out of their mouth.
The woman returned their politeness. Hange tensed up less when they spotted the amiability of a human in her smile. Both were enthusiastic enough that their own names spilled from their lips along with an outstretched hand.
Their conversation flowed like honey on a warm summer. Smooth, unhurried, perhaps, even sweet. Hange observed that she's smiling more often, listening with interest in her eyes as they leaned on the door frame, exchanging tales.
Oddly enough, they only stood outside the door for the hour they knew each other.
"Is this your home?" Hange felt the need to ask.
She shook her head no and responded, "I'm its keeper."
Y/N spoke of it as if it's alive. Hange glimpsed a trace of her belongingness to the place. She belonged to it in one way or another.
"Is anyone inside?" Hange asked.
"No one lives here."
Hange thought carefully.
"Abandoned then?"
"Not entirely," she responded.
"Are guests allowed inside?"
"Yes," she responded with a hint of eagerness. "Once they beat me to a game of riddles."
Hange found themself smiling, "That sounds fun."
"It is. Many have lost."
"Will you give me a try?"
"Of course."
They sat by the doorstep, Y/N with her head resting upon her knees and with Hange facing her close enough that their knees touch.
They exchanged one riddle after the other, Hange growing enthused by each question which became stranger and stranger, each requiring deeper thought than the last.
Y/N spoke with tenderness as though each word she utters were spun carefully upon a precious thread. The tenderness remained in her gaze as she looked at Hange, her lips forever carved into a soft smile.
"No riddles anymore, Y/N?" Hange grinned, lightly running a finger to a strand of hair falling to her face.
"No more for tonight," she spoke. "It's late at night. The gods don't listen after dark."
She's a strange girl, Hange thought with a hint of affection.
"I see," they responded. "It's interesting to stare at the night sky too. The stars are far prettier from my window."
"Won't you stay?" she asked, her voice weaved with a fine strand of pleading.
"I can spare a few minutes," Hange answered.
And every day that came, they did so. Sparing a few minutes, a few hours, and sometimes (with a scold in their head), half a day.
Days went past, countless riddles exchanged. Hange debates with themself every time they pick apples from their yard, thinking whether falling deeper in love with the strange girl at the door is a good idea.
But they always came, sitting outside, sometimes waiting, bringing her anything edible that grows around their house.
"I'm afraid I've run out of riddles," she once told Hange, taking the apple from their outstretched hand.
Hange shrugged, "Does that matter? We have countless things to talk about."
They sat beside her, closer than they ever were.
"It's only right for you to go inside now," she responded. Was that a resigned voice of acceptance Hange heard?
"This is new for me but frankly, I'm not interested in what's inside this mossy old thing." Hange tried to laugh despite the terrible pounding in their heart, despite their aching desire to tell her how grateful they were for meeting her which rekindled the joy they once lost.
Her hands ran gently across the disheveled strand of hair in their face, tucking them neatly.
Her hand rested on the fine sharpness of their jaw. Hange resisted the desire to close their eyes and lean to her touch. They clasped it with their own hand and spoke, "What is even there to begin with?"
Y/N smiled, "You should be. The treasures inside chose you.''
"The greatest treasures known to men."
"I'm not ambitious enough for such greatness."
It was partly true. Back then when they forgot the joy of idle things, they were hardly satiated. A hunger to have, and a greed to know held them in shackles for longer than they'd like to admit. It went on until she came along.
They were free. What else could they ask for?
"You don't have to be. Not all great things are bound for greatness," she reasoned, shrugging. "Besides, don't fine trinkets interest you?"
Hange chuckled at her knowing smile. Her thumb ran gently across their cheek, their hand still clasped to hers.
"I do," they responded. "Will you come with me, then?"
"If you want."
"I'll be more than happy."
-
The door swung open, the glittering and gleaming yellowish hue of gold almost blinding them. Hange's lips parted in awe. The interior of this place defied the architecture of its exterior. No countryside house can possibly extend as far as two towns inside.
Y/N held Hange's hand, treading on a path of gold and jewelry which eventually turned to a variety of rare trinkets and shining weapons embedded with sizable, precious stones. Each turn in the never ending alley of treasures grew wider and far varied.
"Have people entered here before?" they asked, a curious finger poking around the littered jewelry.
"Some."
"How much did they take?"
"Many. Some crush under the weight of their own gold."
"Comical," Hange returned her gaze.
"It is."
As they neared the end of the ever expanding place, Hange only carried a book containing (by far) all the world's knowledge, and a quill embedded with emeralds. Y/N gave them a ruby locket which they happily kept.
"Then we return back to the door? Is that how this works?" Hange asked.
"Well, can you see the door from this side?"
"Not at all."
"Then we will use the back door," she smiled, that one that makes Hange's heart flutter. "We will emerge in the front door in any way out."
"Fascinating architecture, then," Hange smiled, facing her, their hands clasped tightly. And with a much tender voice, they spoke, "I don't want to wake up from this dream."
"Are you dreaming, Hange?"
"Most likely," Hange said, their hands lifting to touch her cheek. Any warmth, any indication that blood flows under her skin would be enough. "I hope you're not a part of it. I hope you're real."
"I'm as real as these treasures are."
Melancholy swept along their feet, entangling them. If reality could bend itself this way, then what is there to be truly believed?
Hange accepted things in their scientific nature. It was the only way to survive such a rigid world.
Hange wrapped their arms around her, gently sinking to a tight embrace. Her warmth beneath their hands wasn't enough, their eyes itself a betrayal. Hange wanted to feel her dull yet persistent heartbeats beneath their hand, hindered by the softness of her flesh that only proves a degree of realness. It felt like groping for the only living thing in the dark.
"Can I invite you home then? If you're real, will you stay at my place tonight?"
"You have no idea how much I wanted to," she responded, her voice giving in at the last syllable. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "But we'll meet again. You have all that you need."
Hange held back a meek protest, a lover's cry telling the other about the uselessness of life after such a great loss. But Hange only smiled, hopeful again, no longer the scientist barred inside their lab with nothing but calculations.
"I'll wait then. I'll wait until you come home with me."
"I will."
-
When the house let Hange go, the door no longer glowed from within. The riddles are over, the treasures inside waiting for a different chosen one to open it. Hange had wished that all those days were nothing but dreams. Crossing the valleys of impossible dreamscapes were far easier to accept than the reality of a love lost, a promise hung between fantasy and reality.
But the book, the quill, and the ruby locket were all too true for them to deny that everything had been a dream. They still went to that door every night, the locket around their neck and the book giving them new riddles to tell. Hange spoke of narratives alone as though she can still hear them, as though one day her door will open once more and the blushing face they missed will reappear to them. Every day, for years they didn't count, they sat outside her door. Waiting, waiting. Sometimes they fall asleep, missing just the faint reddish glow from their locket. Sometimes they'd listen to the wind howl, and stare back at the night sky full of watching stars. Often, they wanted to sink to their knees and pray for another chance, for another time when they didn't go inside the glowing door, but praying is useless when the gods don't listen after dark.
list of my saved youtube videos that Hange would watch:
A/N: someone watch this nerdy stuff with me pls, i'll go insane. need a hange for myself :') currently watching these videos to feed my nerdy hange delusions :D [i marked my faves with an (*) hehe]
short videos (10-30 minutes)
The Nightmares of Eduardo Valdés-Hevia
The Creatures of Codex Inversus
Nietzsche's Most Dangerous Idea | The Übermensch
Don't fear intelligent machines. Work with them | Garry Kasparov
* Decomposing Bodies to Solve Cold Case Murders
Glow-in-the-dark sharks and other stunning sea creatures | David Gruber
* You Will Never Do Anything Remarkable
* The Cognitive Tradeoff Hypothesis
* Inspiring the next generation of female engineers | Debbie Sterling | TEDxPSU
The Disturbing Paintings of Hieronymus Bosch
Roko's Basilisk: The Most Terrifying Thought Experiment
The 5 Most Dangerous Chemicals on Earth
Depth Charge Explosion Soaks Dr. Tatiana In Water
Monster Surgeon: The Lost Work of Dr. Spencer Black
The Biology of Giants Explained | The Science of Giants
I Made an Ecosystem With a Mini Pond Inside, Here’s How!
CSI Special Insects Unit: Forensic Entomology
not-so-short but under 1 hr (31-59 minutes)
* The unpredictable tale of The Dead Man's Story by J. Hain Friswell
Planets: The Search for a New World | Space Science | Episode 4 | Free Documentary
* Let's Visit the World of the Future [tw: might be a bit disturbing, it's an interesting scifi horror though]
The Mystery of Matter: “INTO THE ATOM” (Documentary)
* Australia's Deadliest Coast (Full Episode) | When Sharks Attack: There Will Be Blood
* How Leonardo da Vinci Changed the World
long videos (over 1 hr)
Demystifying the Higgs Boson with Leonard Susskind
* The complete FUN TO IMAGINE with Richard Feynman
The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962) Colorized | Sci-Fi Horror | Cult Classic | Full Movie
* AlphaGo - The Movie | Full award-winning documentary
Particle Fever - Documentary
* Exploring The Underwater World | 4K UHD | Blue Planet II | BBC Earth
What was the Earth like in the Age of Giant Prehistoric Creatures? | Documentary Earth History
Pairing: Hange Zoë x female reader
Summary: Being the Commander's wife comes with a price.
Word count: 1.4k
A/N: i'm in the mood for angst. more angst to come in my future fics
It was a harsh morning, the sort of morning where the breeze nips at your skin and the air cools your flesh. Even the thickest blankets could not save Y/N from such torment but one thing warmed her heart as she woke up on this cruel day: it was their anniversary. It was seven years ago when her life changed. A time when waking up was not a chore or sleeping at night wondering if you would remain alive tomorrow. Y/N married the person she stayed alive for, who later became the Commander of the Survey Corps after the return to Shiganshina.
Their relationship managed to pull through during those years, the pain the war left behind was not healed by the passing of time, but their love remained stronger each time.
Y/N reminisced the past when she would wake up in Hange's arms, the days when she would see her lover's smiling face upon the sight of a burgeoning Paradis, and the time when their hearts were not far from each other's reach. Things began to change when the Rumbling came to discussion. Every day in the meeting room, her mind would wander if this was truly the life they dedicated their hearts to--a life full of unfavorable choices. Y/N knew that this rising conflict weighed down on her lover's heart as each day passed. Y/N wanted to cry and protest to a god that does not exist, to tell this entity that Hange's heart wasn't made to be burdened by indescribable responsibility. Y/N felt powerless in such a situation. The person she swore to protect and love more than anything was slowly deteriorating right before her eyes and she could only watch.
Despite their dejected days, Y/N still yearned for something to change. Over time, her mind conjured up plans to escape being a part of this cycle, of the curse of Eldia but she found nothing Hange would approve of. They were too kind and selfless--a commander put into a tight responsibility and forced to forget that they are human.
Y/N began the day like any other. For half of the day, she did not expect to see Hange because they were too preoccupied with the duties and the plans they had to make. She walked outside, pacing around the garden and admiring the temporary beauty of the flowers. She picked one of them and placed it in the breast pocket close to her heart. It was the same kind of flower she held on their wedding day. In the same pocket, she kept the gift she would give Hange today. Y/N knew that she needed to be patient, to wait the way a devoted lover would do.
However, the bleak morning turned to a starless night and, Hange still wasn't by her side. That morning, she tried to distract herself with work, to get her mind off how their special day was beginning to pass by and they hadn't seen each other yet. But as Y/N crawled to bed and let the crisp coldness of night creep into their sheets, she could not help the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Y/N should have known. She should've accepted the way things are right now. But her heart urged her to wail, to cry until there was nothing left. The flower she picked that morning was growing frail on her bedside.
However, her thoughts were cut short as the door opend, and a sliver of bright light entered their dark bedroom. Hange's arrival was later than usual. They sensed that she would have been asleep by now, and began to move silently. Y/N listened in silence as Hange began to dress for bed, her head buried in the pillow as Hange inched closer to her in bed.
Y/N was determined to not let this day go by without having Hange in her arms. She shifted her body close to theirs and began to wrap her arms around their familiar figure which Hange chuckled softly in response before saying, "You're awake." Hange hugged her close in return.
Y/N nodded.
"Y/N, can I ask you something? It's quite important," Hange told her in a quiet voice. Her heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Maybe Hange remembered this special day after all.
"What is it?" Y/N said, watching Hange's face in silent anticipation.
Hange was quiet for a moment before saying, "You're a brilliant tactician so I would love to hear your insight on this. It's about the military plan discussed this morning."
Hange went on to explain what was discussed that morning and Y/N could only reply in a low voice, keeping their composure so she wouldn't break.
But her pain only intensified when she saw Hange listening with their eye focused on her. Their expression only showed that they were eager for her answers, an honest expression showing that they didn't remember the special occasion of that day.
Y/N began to speak more slowly as hot tears began to prick her eyes. But it was not long before she could not hold back any longer and bit back a sob. Hange noticed the break in their lover's voice, and turned to her in full concern, caressing her face.
"My darling, what is it?" Hange asked in sincerity as her tears slid down their fingers. Y/N wanted to say that it was nothing, but she could not find a voice within her that would not break. Y/N began to turn their head away, but Hange would not let her and asked again what was wrong.
"Our anniversary…" Y/N muttered in a trembling voice, hesitating to continue. "You didn't remember it was today, didn't you?"
Y/N watched the sorrow passed over Hange's voice. Y/N could not watch their pain expression any longer. She turned her back on them as their hands slid away from them.
Hange was silent for a moment, and Y/N sensed how apologetic they were when they began to hug her from the back, muttering apologies on her shoulder. Y/N felt Hange's tears slide down her skin, the slight tremble in their body as they held her close. She didn't expect a hug of apology from her spouse that day and she couldn't help but notice how her body desperately wanted to be hugged, to be touched again by her lover. Y/N cannot remember the last time Hange hugged her this long. Y/N could hear Hange's silent sobs as they uttered a broken "I'm so sorry…" behind her.
Hange was exhausted every day after work, there would be dark circles under their eyes, and Y/N would hold them close when they began to cry in their sleep. But today was different for both of them. Something was breaking inside Y/N that she could not pinpoint. All she knew was that Hange's heart was already too wounded and tired for her to make them cry, especially on the day when she swore that her love would not falter. Y/N could not resist and turned to Hange, guiding their head in her chest as they cried.
"I want to make it up to you," Hange ignored the exhaustion within their body and sat up, holding their wife's hands in between theirs. "I don't want you to feel bitter about today anymore. Will you let me make this up to you?"
"Hange…" she began. "Please don't cry... It's alright. You need to sleep, my dear. You have a long day tomorrow."
Y/N said this with all her genuineness, regretting that they brought up their anniversary only to make Hange cry.
There are several things she wants to tell Hange.
Hange looked at her with a pleading expression, determined to fix the damage between them today.
But Y/N shook her head. She wanted to say how it's too late or how things couldn't be fixed anymore, of how it was destroyed long ago.
Run away with me.
Live somewhere else. Just the two of us.
Leave all of this behind and start anew.
Y/N hid the plaintive pleas within her eyes. She knew Hange made their decision long ago. Their heart belongs to humanity--to their cause.
Y/N wanted to cry in their arms but decided to carry her pleas inside her heart in tormenting silence.
Choose me this time.
All Y/N's thoughts will remain as thoughts as they have always been.
Y/N gently tugged on their hand with a small melancholic smile before saying, "Let's sleep, Hange."
Pairing: Hange Zoë x female reader
Summary: Hange seems to love it when you style your hair a certain way.
Content Warning: slow-burn - happy beginning, things fall apart, angst, jealousy, lots of mentions of pikuhan (because they were ex lovers on this one), doubts and insecurities, reader is mentioned as kinda feminine
Word count: 3.2k
A/N: sorry this took so long. it was a bit slow but i hope you'll like it, anon :)
It has been a month of exchanging letters with Hange, and a few minutes of waiting for their arrival in the dock when you spotted their figure on the ship. The bluish sky seemed to brighten as the ship drew closer, your eyes brimming with joy at once when Hange came running to you once the ship landed.
Family, lovers, and friends await, the waiting area almost filled in groups of twos or threes but all seemed to blur out once Hange filled your vision, hands around your waist as they happily twirled you around. You smile into their neck, your fingers finding their way back to the soft brown hair you longed to touch.
Hange nestled their head onto your body, their grip unrelenting as they inhaled the familiar flowery scent from your perfume that always makes them smile. "I missed you, sweetheart," they smiled against your ear.
As you walked hand in hand towards the awaiting train, you expected the heliotropes they brought out of their coat, the never-ending stories of fascinating things they encountered from their trip, and most of all the photographs and souvenirs they bought for you. But they showed you something that sent your senses frozen in both disbelief and overjoy. They fished out a small velvet box from their pocket, one that reminded you of the curtains and sheets you share at home. Your mind cannot fathom how your early morning on the train could start with a marriage proposal and an engagement ring on your finger but your thoughts failed to speak as you caught Hange by surprise through a tight embrace, whispering a small "yes, I'll marry you" on their coat before soaking it with your tears.
-
"Don't cry anymore, sweetheart," Hange chuckled, kissing the last few tears from your cheeks before the train stopped. "I don't like making my future bride cry, you know that."
A smile etched on your lips as you depart the train. You longed for this usual banter, their laughs, the way their eyes smile whenever they face you. Not long ago, these images plagued your dreams in a rosy film, wishing every waking for your dreams to be true. Maybe have a life where Hange doesn't have to be away from you for so long, a less demanding job perhaps? You wonder if a sudden shift would occur once you're married.
Rows of greenery grew near the embankment, the water rippling gently along the wind as you walked hand in hand. A short walk full of promises, and excited glimpses at what the future could be.
"After our wedding, maybe I'll take a week or month off from work," they would say, hand around yours. "I'll spend time making you happy. In many aspects. Would you like that, dear?"
You knew with half of your heart that they were trying to cheer you up, their fulfilling presence healing the time lost. Hange knew you enjoyed lounging at home, tending on the expanse of your garden. It felt like a perfect view, you and the flowers around you. Simple and tender, reminding Hange to purchase a camera once they returned to Marley to capture such moments.
Later that day Hange received an invitation letter. It was a simple party in the headquarters to welcome them back, along with the new Marleyan visitors.
"It wasn't such a big party, we can style ourselves then." Hange placed the invitation at the bedside table, gaze lingering on yours as you gently comb your hair.
"Say, sweetheart. Remember the way you styled your hair the last time? I think it looks beautiful on you."
Your mind recalled the way you styled your hair to their wishes. Your hands went to part your locks, fingers remembering how that style frames your face and a gentle ponytail hung on your back.
Hange's eyes smiled at you, walking over to place a kiss on your head.
"You're beautiful, Y/N," Hange whispered. Their every adoration sounded like sweet music, serenading your heart. A mellow wind blowing any doubt that would linger in your heart. They're right. You're beautiful in this hairstyle, Hange always shows you with how whenever their slender hands slip under your hair to cup your face in a loving kiss. One that sends you out of oblivion and illuminates everything.
Hange spent the night with their arms wrapped around you, their every kiss and praise sending a jolt through your skin. They would occasionally Twirl your locks around their fingers, eyes in deep rapture just by gazing at you. Their tenderness washed your worries ashore. Perhaps tomorrow you'd tell your mother about your marriage, wishing for a positive response despite knowing that you'll only come to hear a skeptical one. After all, you've only known the Commander for a few months. Tracing back your memory, has it even been eight months? You wondered. But as Hange muttered a final good night against your cheek, you were slowly rocked into slumber, dreaming of all the flowers you could place on your hair for tomorrow's party.
-
There was a single box that Hange refused to sort out or throw away. It wasn't taking up much space but you've always wondered if you could place it elsewhere if they wouldn't sort it out. As you pry the box open for a peek, you half wish this doesn't contain anything poisonous or preserved animals in jars. When the flap opened, you were greeted with a stack of envelopes, papers with their familiar handwriting, and most of all the fragrance of scented papers. You couldn't help but flip through the letters. For sure, they weren't old Survey Corps reports so you decided to look more closely and read.
Words of adoration, of longing, of intense feelings in the neat curls of Hange's handwriting. Your heart would have throbbed in happiness if it weren't for the dedication that wasn't for you.
To my beloved Pieck,
Your eyes read through, traveling around the very few photographs attached to the letters. There was Hange, smiling with a happy glint in their eyes as they held a woman with a familiar face. Of course, you know her, you might not have known her fully but you've seen her face several times. You always remarked them to be soft ones that fit her face perfectly.
It has been more than a year since Pieck and Hange broke up. It was peaceful departing from each other, you never heard a terrible word about her from Hange or their friends. If not, you heard how much Hange loved her.
You felt terrible for the tears welling in your eyes, of the heaviness weighing your heart whenever you looked at Hange's delighted smile frozen in the photograph. You wondered if you've made Hange smile in such a way if their eyes ever sparkled with just the thought of you. Looking at it for longer only creates a crevice within your heart, one that is enough to let doubtful thoughts in. You were about to seal away this box of memories once more when your eyes caught upon something. You briefly gazed at your reflection and back to the photographs Hange and Pieck shared. For a brief moment, you tried to deny it but your eyes couldn't help but gaze at how Pieck's hair frames her face, a ponytail tied low on her back. Her usual style ever since she met Hange, but the way it mirrors the way your hair currently looked pricked your heart where it doesn't feel right.
The way your hair was tied looked very similar to hers and it almost appeared like you copied her. You loosened a few strands, tucking or siding it differently in an attempt to rid of the image. However, your little fussing stopped abruptly as you heard Hange's footsteps near the room.
"You getting ready for the party, sweetheart?" they asked casually, opening their cabinet to choose from the suits they picked earlier. "D'you think a red tie would look good on me?"
Their lighthearted tone only indicated that they didn't notice you hastily shoving the box back to its original position. "I think it looks good on you, Hans," you remarked before standing up to smoothen your clothes.
They turned to you with a smile, running a hand through your hair in a way that the strands fell over to their original style despite your attempts to change it. "Get ready now, Y/N. I'll be waiting outside the bedroom."
-
Momentarily, you were snatched away from the terrible thoughts plaguing your mind. Hange's eyes remained on yours, never failing to tell you how beautiful you looked in that party. You stand out in a way, they said. Maybe it was the quaint old-fashioned dress, or the soft flowers adorned in your hair. However, you couldn't help but feel like everyone looked a different shade of elegant, synchronised almost as you called it.
You shared drinks with Hange, found new acquaintances, and were congratulated by Hange's friends for the upcoming marriage. Those were enough distractions to stray your mind away from the hairstyle you kept to please Hange or the way your eyes caught Hange greeting Pieck who arrived at the party. Sure, it was just a friendly greeting, nothing should be sour between them since they parted ways on good terms. But for a brief moment, you remembered the glint in their eye from the photograph kept in their box. Their smiling eye that sparkles.
It didn't help that when you fully turned in Pieck's direction, her hair was styled the same as yours, except for the flowers adorned in your head. You nibbled on your lip as you tried to avert your gaze, focusing on the swirling drink at hand or how cold the room was. Realizing you were in no position to protest or feel bad only weighed the situation. This was her hairstyle first. Hange was hers first.
You set the drink down quite loudly as if the sound would scare your thoughts away. You tried to depart from your seat but decided against it. However, you knew you were bound to converse with people eventually. Otherwise, you wouldn't have found yourself facing Pieck at one point in the evening.
"You look beautiful, Y/N," she praised you. You only gave her a soft smile in return even if your mind protested and desperately wished she hadn't said a thing.
-
The terrible dam you tried your best to keep broke within a nudge, like wounds stitched healed being delicately sliced open once more. You've doubted yourself enough the moment Hange slipped that ring on your finger. It felt like a hasty marriage, an opportunity for things to go awry from one simple mistake. You never thought you deserved to be a part of this marriage but you shoved the many possible hindrances at the back of your head when you happily agreed to it.
And even if you think that you never deserved Hange's love, you vowed to spend more than half of your life trying to deserve it. If that's how it should be, then so be it.
In selfish terms, it had to be you. You had to be the one they chose to keep their heart. Their choice was very evident with the ring on your finger and yet... you couldn't help but trace back to the love they shared with Pieck more than a year ago. Haven't they lasted a few years together before breaking up?
Such love couldn't rot in over a year, such deep roots couldn't be unearthed by a new love shared just because you came.
The box was there for a reason. Hange could never throw out their memories, no. Not entirely.
This is one of the things your mind could understand but your heart wouldn't.
Hange didn't like how silent you were on the ride back home, always looking out the window and never facing them. Your silence and the heaviness within disturbed them, but Hange sensed your fragility in those minutes. That perhaps touching you would shatter you into a million pieces.
You excused yourself to the bathroom as soon as you stepped out of the vehicle, the hair on your face getting disheveled by the second. Your anger within had no place but yourself. You couldn't be angry with Pieck when she's been kind the whole time, and you couldn't find yourself angrily accusing Hange of purposely making you style your hair like their ex-lover would when you were never sure if they did.
Before you knew it, your hands found the scissors lying near the sink. Your hands snipped away the hair framing your face, silent tears pouring out of your eyes as your gaze fell down the uneven clippings and severed petals littered across the sink.
The clippings felt like a sinister offering traded for peace. Maybe cutting it off was the only way to get rid of the image prompting those terrible thoughts.
She looks perfectly elegant, jeweled simply, and you're a woman with no rank in the military and flowers tucked in her hair. Pathetic.
Your fists clenched the sink once again, struggling to pull yourself from the deep pit being created beneath your feet. Vines seemed to grow below the ground, pulling and ushering you in wicked silence to give in. Give in.
“Y/N.”
You partly registered how the door opened and how Hange’s arm wrapped around you in protection, the phantom vines dying right at their touch. Hange held you as they knew it was the only way to keep you from falling apart. You were a dejected being, a mess of some kind in the mirror. All of a sudden, your hair doesn’t seem to be that soft or your dress to be that pretty. You sobbed on Hange’s chest, burying your face in their coat the way you did yesterday at their proposal.
Hange ran a finger on your hair trimmed haphazardly, brushing away the rest of the flowers strangled by the strands.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Their eyes fell on the clippings on the floor, and the abandoned scissors on the sink. “Why did you do this?”
I don’t want to feel like a replacement anymore, you wanted to sob out. I don’t want you to remember her when you look at me.
“Do you want to marry me to forget her?” The question slipped from your mouth even before you could stop yourself.
“What…?” Hange muttered, the realization only beginning to sink in when they ran a hand through your hair, provoking a sense of familiarity. Hange understood by now who you meant.
“It’s just that… I’m having my doubts, Hange,” you said slowly, trying not to break into a pitiful voice. “Our marriage, and the box you kept under the bed… I know I sound ridiculous but… I want to hear it from you.”
Your eyes finally dared to meet theirs as you spoke, “Why do you even want to marry me?”
It was Hange’s turn to trace back into a phantom calendar in their head. It has been several months since you went out together and for half of those months, Hange has always intended to give that ring to you. Always in their pocket even a month before they went for the trip, waiting for the right opportunity until it presented itself yesterday. Hange feared your rejection. After all, it has only been months but… Hange have their own reasons.
Hange began to stroke your hair, slipping their fingers now and then to smooth out the tangles as they spoke.
“I thought maybe we still got to spend a few more months, hell, even years to know each other but... Y/N, you know I'm getting older, and time, well... time has been getting rougher. It was never kind to me... to us. I barely see you when work demands it. And I... I didn't even expect you would be happy to marry me.” A soft smile etched their lips at the memory of yesterday that brought relief in their heart.
"Y/N, it would break my heart if you misunderstood my intentions so let me clear it up this time. I'm not marrying you to get over Pieck or to secure a marriage so you won't leave me... It's just... I've never been so sure about anything in my life but this... "
Hange pressed a kiss on your forehead, their own tears teetering at the edge of their eye.
"I don't know what the future holds for me. And part of me doesn't even want to know because it terrifies me sometimes.
"We live in such a dangerous world. From my line of work, it's easy to anger people and have them take me out instead of resorting to peace. You see, Y/N... I just want to make sure... Make sure that I did something from my heart. Something I would never regret. "
A smile lifted in their lips despite their tears, and inner sorrow by the reality you both live in. You wanted to curse yourself for thinking that you both have all the time in the world. It was a wishful dream that only hurt you in the end. Your chest throbbed from the strained sobs erupting within you but Hange managed to calm you little by little by rubbing your back.
"People think that I understand things enough to have everything under control but I'm... I'm also full of uncertainties. I don't even know if half of the decisions I've made in my life were right,” they continued.
Hange circled a thumb over your hand, the other grazing the beading tears in your cheeks.
"So I'm giving myself this chance to act upon one thing I'm certain about." Hange's lips met your forehead once more, the tears from their cheek brushing against yours as they held you tight. "And that decision is marrying you, Y/N..."
You wanted to thank them for many things, for driving away all the worries nestled in your heart, for being someone to cry on, and for all the trust they placed on you the moment they vowed their heart and life to you.
"I love you, Hange…”
I’m sorry.
They chuckled, a soft one coming from their chest as they kept holding you. It amused them that a month ago, they would only hear your i love you's in their head as they read them from the letters you exchanged with each other. It always sounded better coming from your mouth.
"I love you too, Y/N,” Hange smiled. “From that day I saw a few daisies tucked in your hair, I knew I'd give you a ring someday..."
"But that's our first date, isn't it?" you asked.
"Oh, I know," they laughed softly. "I remember that day like a photograph."
Often, living in a cruel world seemed like a life carved out of pain and infinite regrets, brought by never-ending doubts born from such a distrustful world. But with Hange’s every touch, and every word laced with love, the dreadful pit making a home through the atrocities within yourself gradually vanished, smothered by the affection Hange gives.
You sat by the garden where the heliotropes Hange knew you loved grew. They carefully trim your uneven hair the way one trims a plant during growing seasons. Your kiss of gratitude brought a smile to their lips as they ran a hand over your hair once more. They think of you whenever blossoming heliotropes face the sun.
a/n: watching Re-Animator and all i could think about is Hange as a mad scientist
Mad Scientist Hange as your lover...
who loves it when you listen to their experiments and express fascination with their new findings
who creates or shows you weird stuff they think you'll find interesting
who has a very optimistic yet calculating attitude (charming, right?)
who makes science jokes that you find funny (but doesn't sound funny to other people, I'm afraid)
who loves having silly conversations with you because they know you won't find them annoying
"If you're gonna ask me if I would still love you as a worm, I'll s–"
"Hange, I won't ask you that, you dork."
"Well, I see that. But you know worms are really fascinating creatures with great abilities. I can make you a superworm!"
"If I become superworm, are you willing to sacrifice your corporeal body to be a superworm with me and rule the world with our superworm powers?"
"YES!"
who loves having you around the workplace because you support their madness and don't insult their curiosity
who loves it when you rationalize situations where the experiment could be hazardous and has the potential to harm them
who appreciates the way you remind them to sleep, eat, and take baths (they secretly love the power of your persuasion because they notice they listen and obey you)
“what if I make a chemical that would allow me weeks of no sleep, untiringly? You won't have to tell me to get my ass to bed every night, haha!”
“then you won't have an excuse to sleep with me,” you responded with a smug smile.
“hmm, on another note, my idea is reeeeally terrible let's go to sleep darling forget what I said.”
“you dork,” you chuckled as they playfully snuggled closer to you.
who entrusts their experiments and findings to you because your viewpoint matters a lot to them
who would hug you excitedly in the morning and tell you about everything that happened in the lab because they knew you wouldn't be shaken no matter how horrific the story would sound
who loves you and kisses you with heart eyes every time you tell them that you found a new specimen they could experiment on
who appreciates it when you show everyone that you love every inch of their twisted mind
who gets a little embarrassed when your Friday date nights turn to “let's clean up your bloody clothes and dispose of this body right away so we can finally sleep together” night
who won't admit how good you look covered in blood that wasn't yours
who would say “I love the texture of your brain!” to compliment your cleverness
who gave you a human heart carved with a short love note on it as a gift (or on any occasion, they love giving gifts even if there's nothing special about the day)
who gave you a perfume made of blood on valentine's day (dw they removed the hemoglobin so it's not red, it looks like an innocent perfume)
who tells you fascinating facts about your body (“do you know that your body doesn't react to medicine as fast as the average?” “hmm do you know that your blood is darker than most people?”)
who will further tell you what possibilities can be made possible with how your biological body is structured
who promised they would never try dangerous experiments with you ("we could try a loooot of better, more fun experiments, though" *winks*)
whose idea of pillow talk is to discuss "what if" or "how would it be like if" questions with you
who always smiles and pepper you with kisses when you manage to give them even crazier ideas they won't conceive by themself (that's so weird darling I love you so much *smooch*)
who always plays crazy science-themed car games with you because they know you enjoy it too
who never fails to let you know how grateful they are to share this fascinating, insane world with you
who doesn't regret the life of madness they led because you always stand with their choices and desires
who will ask you to marry them so they can continue a life of creativity and insanity with you forever
***
Congratulations, reader, you're officially a walking “i stand with my cancelled wife” text post
hii can i request prompt 4? where reader sacrifices herself for hange.
Our Side | H.Z.
Pairing: Hange Zoë x female reader
Summary: You're willing to endure anything for Hange, even death.
Content warning: heavy angst, betrayal, loss, gunshots, torture, mentions of suicide, blood (lmk if there's anything more)
Word count: 2.2k
A/N: i feel like all hange lovers daydreamed about dying for hange at some point and i'm no exception
A sliver of light bled through from the small lone window of that room. Rows of cells lined after the other as you walked in, bashing in the awful memories squeezing inside your head, demanding to be remembered. A reminder that there will be no end to the suffering thrust in your hands from that day Marley sent you to Paradis. Nothing would be expected from a soldier tweaked out to be a weapon and sent to Eldia but fruitful results about the island's ruination. You were ordered to retrieve information, kill, and betray. It made you lose your mind, and cling to the last strings of humanity you tried to keep intact. After grueling years, you found enough courage to betray Marley to live a life you were proud of despite all the blood that had to be spilled.
You could remember this cell vividly. You were captured by several soldiers, harshly shoved inside, and threatened to be tortured for being a filthy Marleyan outsider invading Eldia. It went on until the Commander stepped in to admonish the soldiers' behavior, and rescued you from their heinous treatment. That day, you didn't need to be tortured for information as Hange managed to pull you towards the light of things with kindness and tolerance. It was the first time you found someone not fueled by hatred but by a desire to understand. Your admiration turned to loyalty, and eventually, to love that was reciprocated twofold. The testament of your devotion remains on your ring finger to this day. But this time, you had to remove it and lock it away in a small box as your feet led you to the cell where prisoners are kept— a place where you were once detained.
You were ordered to keep watch of the Eldian prisoners against the Rumbling under Yelena's orders. Only one prisoner sat on that cell but you knew that this would become the most difficult moment of your life.
“Hange,” you said, forcing a commanding tone but it came out like a whisper.
Hange’s head turned from hearing your familiar voice and wasted no time reaching for you. The only restraint keeping them far was the jail bars dividing you. They have a frantic, broken look in their eyes as they tell you everything about the cruelty and massacre performed by the Yeagerists to make the Rumbling successful. Their hands clung to the bars, desperate to reach your heart— the heart they grew to love and loved them in return. The irony from where you both stood became stark as they stood inside the cell where they once rescued you.
“Come with me, you don't have to do this anymore. We can get out of here together,” Hange pleaded one last time, eager to get her back to their side, awaken the person they loved and married all those years ago. It wasn't like you to betray them and give up the life they worked for over this war.
“Hange...” You struggled to retain the hard look in your eyes as words bundled up in your throat, begging to come out as uncontrollable sobs but—
“...you're a war criminal. I will deny anything that goes against Marley.”
After leaving those words, the distraught in Hange's eyes shattered your insides, pain wasn't plucking at your heartstrings anymore. It was piercing hundreds and thousands of the sharpest nails to where it would hurt the most and it physically weakened you despite years of being a soldier. You wanted to give up this act, collapse on your knees, and cry in your lover's arms. The only person you ever loved, the reason why you didn't kill yourself last night, and your only home.
You hurt Hange. They found it absurd and strange that they just stared at you in hopelessness and misery.
You planned this for a long time since you found out about Yelena's plan. And you're willing to sacrifice anything for Hange. You never slept a wink on those nights that you manipulated them into thinking that you supported Marley. Every night you wanted to sob and give up this cursed Eldian life. But that was too selfish. You're not planning to die and leave Hange in this miserable place.
They knelt on the ground, their head down as tears dripped from their face.
“Is this what it has always been? I should've acted sooner, shouldn't I?” they spoke in regret, their voice hard against their throat.
“Hange, I...” you can't show them your tearful eyes, the hesitation of what comes after next. “I loved you. But we have changed. I'm letting you out of here in gratitude for the old times.”
Hange began sobbing, they felt as though the world kept crushing them to death. Irritated by a strong spirit trying to fight. Losing their comrades, the death of Eldia, and now their marriage...
They saw your ringless fingers, snapping the dam of pain welling inside them.
"I can't expect you to thrive off without betrayal, shouldn't I?" It was bitter, almost angry. An anger not directed to you but to your choice. "I can't believe you came crawling back to that country that hurt you."
Their cheeks are red with tears, their heart ripped open by what your love came to be. You could feel the last heartstrings snapping inside you, freezing your heart in a lifetime of anguish. It was true that your life became a series of betrayals and escapes but this time it was different, it wasn't for fear but for love.
You sneaked Hange outside the cell, walking in an awful silence until you reached a spot with no soldiers in sight. But when they faced you to say one last thing, you scurried away as fast as you could. You sprinted towards a dark, empty corner to slump down and cry. Screaming wordlessly to yourself, hitting the wall with your bare fist until it bled.
For a moment, the pistol at your side seemed to be whispering.
-
There was peace before the Rumbling came into discussion as you've always remembered. You cannot pinpoint when exactly things began to drift away but you have always noticed. Hange's intuition was sharp but yours brimmed enough to get you into trouble. You worked under Yelena's orders, the only agreement being set was Hange's survival and safety. In a way, you betrayed everyone.
Yelena has always known that your loyalty falters in a way that only fulfills your desire to protect Hange. She has to take you out. But your spirit was one for luck and survival, escaping her torture with a few bullets and shrapnel slowly slicing away your insides. Rain fell as you stumbled outside, dragging your weak form to the shady foliages with nothing but a pistol in hand. You followed the soldiers Yelena ordered to chase Hange, taking them out one by one from the sidelines. The sun began to sink into the horizon, blurring your vision as you crawled to the hundreds of leaves and twigs littered in the forest. It had been hours before you set Hange free but you had to find them somehow. The plan of the enemy finally pieced itself together in your head, but you have to find Hange to trust this information. Gunshots were heard from afar, two bullets fired, and no screams. You glimpsed Hange's form hidden behind a tree, defending themself from the onslaught.
You stumbled past the forest in desperation, your mind in extreme alert drawing out your pistol. You should have known this would happen. A soundless scream escaped your throat as soldiers from both sides erupted from the bushes. It was one of those moments when one forgets that their soul was attached to their body. Once, it happened to you when Hange accidentally burned their arm on a burning pot. Their scream triggered your insides, making you rushed past everything, knocking everything on your way just to get to them.
This time, your body burned from injury, numb from the bullets destroying your insides as you ran to them. You didn't stop until Hange was in your arms, shoving them towards a path the Marleyan soldiers didn't know. You kept Hange from the line of bullets, shielding them like a bird spreads its wings in protection.
After the gunshots ceased, Hange's hands found their way to your back, supporting your weakened, paling body right in their arms.
Hange brushed the hair out of your face, the strands leaving a soaked blood trail on your face and neck. Their hands clasped the back of your head, whispering almost in prayer for you to hold on and stay, for God's sake. Hange could almost feel your heartbeat getting distant, their resolved thinning to threads as they saw you drift away.
You grasped their hand, wincing as you held them tight enough. Your lips moved weakly, letting them know the information you need to cough out. All the plans of Marley, the Rumbling, all the threats awaiting the Alliance— information you knew Hange would use wisely.
Hange's tears spilled, their mind could not listen when all they could feel was your blood in their hands. How could they be so foolish to doubt your love and allegiance? Why would you let yourself play such a dangerous role just to end up dying in their arms?
"Hange, listen to me," your forehead leaned against theirs. You wanted to place a gentle kiss on their lips if only your mouth wasn't full of blood. "You have to go now, sweetheart. It's not safe here anymore."
Your lip trembled, eyes watering at the sight of Hange's tear-stained face. You forced your eyes close as if shutting down the aching.
"I'm sorry."
You choked out your sorrow, clinging to them as your vision blurred.
"I'm not leaving you here." Hange dismissed your plead to make them go, eager to carry you to safety once again. They clung to the hope that you could be saved, that this was like any other time they were able to save you. They always do, don't they?
Hange attempted to lift you off the cold ground once more but stopped as soon as they saw you winced in pain, putting a hand on their shoulder to stop them. You shook your head weakly, squeezing their hand gently as they set you back down again, holding you in defeat in their arms.
"Y/N, I'm so sorry..." Hange sobbed on your shoulder. An apology for all the time lost, for doubting your love, for not being able to save you this time. Hange's mind was nothing but regrets and apologies, wishing to every god to take them back in time. Their chest heaved as they held you but you smiled through bloodied lips, putting a hand over their heart.
"Hange," you began, death's touch running over your lips. "I'm a horrible woman. A traitor and a liar. But please know that I love you..."
I love you so much.
Your sobs prompted the struggle in your throat, blood, and words halting your speech. People would say that your life would flash before your eyes, but yours played as a gentle memory full of Hange as if your life began with them. Your world, your light.
The rain fell gently against your skin, washing the blood off your cheeks. Strangled sobs erupted from Hange's throat, their pain thick against the air.
"You're not. And even if you were, I'd still love you," Hange muttered, a silent pause came before they said, "I was ready to leave it all behind..."
A smile cracked on your lips at their confession. For a moment, you imagined what would it feel like to run away and leave with them. Probably live in a simple cottage house by the seaside, away from war and chaos.
Your head leaned against their chest as you said, "Stay with me just a little longer..."
Hange kissed your forehead, their warm tears getting washed by the rain. "I'm not going anywhere..."
You could feel yourself slipping away, your mind lost in a neverending haze. Something inside you wanted to scream and beg for another chance. Despite your wishes to accept things as they are, you don't want Hange to be left alone in such an unforgiving world.
"I'm not ready to die yet... so, my love, please live for me..." your mouth moved for the last time, the sorrow within replaced by a small smile as you felt Hange's lips on yours for the last time.
Hange wanted to wail against the rain, beating the loudness of thunder and the intensity of the downpour. There should be pain, anger, and even a desire for revenge but none came. Freezing emptiness was all there was.
Even as night fell, Hange refused to let you go, and your body turned colder than the blowing wind. Their mind only ran with one thought of going after you, of wishing for a life beyond where they could see your smiling face again. But Hange knows you wanted them to live on, to bear you in their heart, and live for the two of you. They wanted to fight this war carrying your resolve, strength, and devotion to make a just, peaceful world for those you loved.
Cold surrounded them deeper into the night. Hange kept their arms on yours, shivering against the biting cold with no intention to move aside and leave your body alone. At some point, their eyes would dry out and every sound they make would hurt their throat. Hange's head rested against yours as they fell deeper into slumber, dreaming of a collapsing world of boundless cruelty where everyone asking for help has your voice.
Pairing: Hange Zoë x female reader
Summary: Y/N fell in love with a mad scientist who aims to reanimate the dead and repurpose their bodies.
Word count: 2.1k
Content warning: Potentially insane behavior.
A/N: Still not over Re-Animator and Hange obviously so I tried writing this in a slightly Lovecraftian style
Of Hange Zoë, who was my lover and whose unsurpassed curiosity brought our lives together in both fascination and ruin. Their recent disappearance brought about the case of sinister crimes laced with the name of Siroma University Medical School. Accusations were made, some proven under dormant pieces of evidence that only stirred at Hange's sudden disappearance. Their crimes spoke of the hideous possibilities when man is given the power of a god and as their closest companion, I became the sole testimony to the reality of the power they came to be obsessed with.
My father who owned the university hid traces of crimes to maintain the reputation of his beloved school, unknowingly covering up the involvement of his only daughter in the crimes of Hange Zoë.
It was nine years ago when I visited the university and crossed paths with Hange whose eccentricity piqued the interest of many. They were a charmer, one whose idealisms defy the traditional idea about the mechanism of life and its natural processes. One would either hold them in high regard for such unique ideas or consider their pursuits as lunacy procured by unfounded or misinterpreted data from groundless experiments. Some ridiculed Hange's views behind their back, even the professors whose underachievement despite years of research translates to petty hatred.
In Hange's experiments, they spoke of the reagent they created that would enable human flesh to extend its useful existence even after death in exchange for the creature's instinct or will. Countless animals were used for their experiments and found that after their treatment, the animals indeed regained a sign of life but no visible instinct they used to have in their earlier life. Hange aims to restore the corporeal body to its full potential without relying on instincts that it used to own. To conquer death and let the living be in full control of the deceased was Hange's idea of a world fully utilized to its capability.
Several times we talked this over as my visitations became frequent because of a family friend I visited out of obligation. Sharing the same fascination with such an extreme idea that defied natural law, I was captivated by Hange's ideals and eventually became a close companion who helped them to continue their research despite the questionable ethical practices the experiments had to go through. Eventually, Hange needed fresh deceased specimens to test the reagent in humans. It started with a few body parts gaining a sign of life within a minute or two. Hange's frustration from the frequent failed attempts was never shown, the strength of their ambition and insanity was far greater than their fear to see their work fail as a reasonable possibility. In the time we spent in such a curious nature, we eventually became lovers behind my father's back, knowing that he would disagree with Hange's unethical experimentations and my own desire to see such a fascinating thing come true.
There was a time when the reagent failed to work entirely. I could see that the desperateness to perfect the solution was affecting my lover in such ways that it became very difficult for them to hide their desire to obtain body parts from the morgue. Occasionally, a bloodstain would be on their collar or the hem of their sleeves, one time I wiped drying blood off their cheek. My disapproving remarks of their cursory behavior will only be met by a chuckle, and Hange attributing my observations to the keenness of my eye. Seeing their desperation to quickly resolve their shortcomings, I frequented the hospital and used both my privilege and sly tactics to help Hange sneak bodies from the morgue. No one doubted my intentions since I have built a respectable reputation over time. Hange came to know my efforts and promised to yield better results.
In late midnights, I often visited the underground makeshift lab Hange and I shared. A curious incident began to happen with the specimens injected with the reagent Hange altered to fit the specimen at hand. Humans and animals have varying chemical processes within their bodies as Hange explained. One night at the lab, we began to prepare a specimen we obtained with utmost freshness, a severed hand from a machinery accident. The thing regained signs of life; it began with a minor twitch and began to convulse. Hange and I observed the specimen within several intervals of time and noted the changes or movements it executed. However, the thing began to steam off and enlarge several minutes later so we had to move it to a bigger metal slab. The thing shuddered violently before erupting as a huge cloud of hot steam, leaving traces of several fractured bones. Hange did not know what to make of the behavior the specimen showed. They theorized it to be the tissues' initial reaction to the new reagent.
This cycle of reanimation and obtaining organic specimens went undiscovered. I was enthusiastic to be Hange's partner in this work that might have been considered loathsome. They entrusted me with managing operations and trusted my medical knowledge when forming decisions.
A ghastly opportunity presented itself to Hange when one night, Hange came carrying the deceased body of a man. Hange hauled the thing inside the lab, I could tell that the man had not been dead for more than half an hour as the early attributes of death had not set in.
I questioned where they obtained such a specimen but Hange only shrugged it off as an unimportant matter and diverted the conversation by asking me for help to quickly strap the thing on the metal slab. That night, despite the dark dingy nature of our makeshift laboratory, I could see the fiery intent of Hange's eyes, with the desperateness and passion of a madman or a lover. We took precautions in injecting the reagent, not risking premature animation in such a perfect specimen. The thing spasmed and struggled against its straps. The creature became so violent that it managed to break through, thrashing and writhing in misery. When the thing managed to free its hand, it began to claw on its eyes and throat. Amidst my panic and fear of what the creature was capable of, Hange only stared in profound fascination. Among the broken flasks, upturned furniture, and scattered papers, Hange stared at their prized creation with the same intensity as Pygmalion's first glimpse at Galatea. I was tempted to be caught in the same trance out of fascination but I knew Hange would ignore the danger the situation poses, too absorbed by their malevolent interest.
The thing burst out of the door, making poor use of its limbs to escape. I quickly followed it and brought out my revolver to finish off the second life it was given. The night seemed very silent after the gunshot was fired.
Hange helped me to bury the body in the secluded, shabby forest not far from the lab. That night, despite the traces of evidence left in our bodies, Hange came to hug me and told me that our cause was near to its potentiality all for the world to see.
Their voice was laced with manic intent, and their reaction that night only suggested that their unbridled desire would begin to get worse.
Hange became quite distant for a while. There are weeks when we only see each other in the university and talk very little about reanimation. Hange reasoned that they wanted their next experiment to be a surprise to me. A gift of some sort for being my partner in crime. I doubted their intentions behind this, I sensed that they were delving into more dangerous experiments and refused to involve me. Whenever I try to insist on helping them out in the lab, they only smile at me and insist that they want to show me a good result and not a faulty experiment. Thinking back on what we shared, I regretted not insisting harder, and became more difficult.
It was the first day of spring when Hange did not appear in the university. I could not hold back my worry and went immediately to the boarding house where Hange lives. They held back at first, refusing to let me in but was eventually persuaded to do so. They opened the door slightly, and showed their face to me, revealing several bandaged wounds and a bandaged left eye still seeping with blood. I tended to them as much as I could but Hange refused to speak the entire time. Their place was more of a mess than usual, with papers scattered everywhere and discarded laundry. It pains me to see as though they never took care of themself since the incident. I insisted for them to tell me the truth but it ended up with Hange being more persistent for me to stay out of the recent reanimation experiments.
All I had dreaded became reality as news about a mysterious creature who slaughtered seven people in cold blood spread upon the university. I heard among quiet conversations about the statement of the witness: the creature that attacked a quiet neighborhood was a large human-like creature that screeched and howled miserably before disappearing in a cloud of steam, leaving few fragments of bones behind.
Seeing Hange's troubled state earlier before knowing about the incident only strengthened my suspicion that they are involved with something more sinister.
Hange never attended the university again and was not found even by their friends or acquaintances. It was rumored that they moved to a different town after being seen several times outside the town.
A mysterious letter later appeared in my mail but I could not mistake Hange's messy penmanship. The letter was rather hopeful as they promised to return once our dream of defying death was brought to perfection. My devastation after they left showed in my poor health and restless behavior.
My lover has brought a monster into this world and ultimately destroyed themself to reach their true potential of having the power of a god.
I loved Hange the way a faithful follower remained devoted to their fallen god. I watched Hange's passionate, loving eyes full of curiosity and wonder shatter under the weight of the power they wielded for themself. A fallen god who went too close to the sun, one whose burning desire cannot be satiated with simple earthly pleasures.
In the several months when they seemed to have disappeared, I never failed to notice a constant presence from afar or outside my window as though in partial visits. I could never mistake Hange's presence, a watchful gaze that seemed to bore through my core every night as though patiently watching a creature in silence so it would not stir. For months, our relationship went on in this strange way. No matter how much I showed my loneliness with their choice to remain distant, I knew that Hange was resolute about their mission. I waited patiently, leaving my heart bare to no one else but my beloved.
Their sudden disappearance was reported after another curious incident in the new place they moved in. Hange's room was reported to be in shambles, their belongings ruined as though a huge creature clawed and thrashed around the room. Their laboratory swarmed with human body parts was discovered in the basement but no traces of the reagent or their research were left. My sorrow and desperation overpowered my fear and I went to the abandoned apartment late that night. I knew Hange better than the police who tried to rationalize the scene and only managed to come up with superficial theories despite Hange's records of suspicious activities years ago. I rummaged through the things Hange and I once shared in the laboratory we had together, finding the documents they must have hidden. That much was a success when I found a secret compartment Hange carefully crafted under the floorboards. It contained all their findings, the solution--all the information Hange entrusted to me. However, a notebook was left along with their things, a journal containing all that happened since the day they left. The edge of each paper was marked with a cryptic symbol only Hange and I knew. I know as much that the journal was dedicated to me.
I went home carrying all their things, scrutinizing each page with the hope that it would tell me their current whereabouts. Wherever Hange is, I know that immense danger was upon them, maybe not from the authorities but from the creatures they reanimated.
I spent the rest of my waking days in search of my beloved. It crossed my mind at the dead hours of the night that Hange may have died the night of their disappearance. However, my intuition further tells me that Hange was somewhere waiting for us to be reunited, to lead an insane life only them and I could live.
