i feel so tired. and i haven't done anything at all. i am expecting too much from myself. i'll just give myself one task this week. and it is that one nlp project. i hope i dont disappoint myself here. i want to create a lot of things but im just not smart or hardworking. i feel like a loser ugh
Almost every day I think of you, imagining what would have happened if you hadn't left me.
It is sad to think that I am living a life where you are very far from me. These last few years it has felt like a dream, one that I only hope to wake up from and find you tangled in our sheets with your hair tousled. And although I know it will never be like that, I try to convince myself that I will see your face again in the morning and receive a kiss from you.
Regulus James is healthy, he is a very strong and happy baby.
He has your eyes and also your hair. I am convinced that it is almost like seeing you when you were little. He eats too much, sleeps even more, and is also very naughty, like you. He is already taking his first steps and I am afraid that very soon I will have to chase him around our house.
Sometimes I think he's the only thing keeping me here. I keep thinking about what I will say to him once he grows up and asks me about his father. Perhaps I will tell him fantastic stories, tell him that his father is a very important auror that he is always busy and that is why he cannot see him.
But I also know that one day he will grow up and he will realize that you actually left us when he was still in my womb.
I wish things had been different, Sirius. I know you were more excited than anyone to meet our little baby. I still remember the night before you left, how you kissed my barely bulging belly and told me what you wanted him to be called.
We had an argument, remember? Because I wanted him to bear your name.
And then you told me that you wanted to name him after your two brothers and I didn't have the heart to say no.
So in the end, as always, I let you win just to see that beautiful smile on your face.
Your excitement about being a father was contagious, even though we were still in the middle of a war.
And that war is over and you couldn't be here to see it.
Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing these letters to you. I think it's useless, but it makes me feel better knowing that you are somehow continuing with me.
I hope that from wherever you are you know that I still love you, that your son and I love you and I will miss you every day for the rest of my life.
At least I am calm because you are not alone, because you can see your little one grow up next to James, Remus and Lily.
Tell the Potters that I asked Harry to be Reg's godfather and that when he found out that I would name him after his father, he was on the verge of tears.
He misses you all so much, just like me.
But at least now that Teddy here he doesn't have a second to get bored.
He is a great man, as I am sure one day our son will be.
I brought you flowers, your favorites, and also a family photo inside this envelope.
I'm afraid I would be lying if I said that I got used to it, because I will never learn to make my life without you.
I just look forward to the day when Regulus no longer needs me and I can join you.
Until then, all I have left is hope.
From your wife who loves you and will love you forever
TAG LIST: @acciorudolphx @voidamy @blackst0nes7077 @bruxa0007 @fictionalcharactersworld @falcvns
Quantic Dream’s games Heavy Rain, Beyond: Two Souls and Detroit: Become Human are coming to Steam on the 18th of June! If you don’t have the games for PC yet better save up since they will probably come in a neat bundle! 💙
