#2015 update

[victorfranko]

Back when music videos meant something...

The Connells - ‘74 - ‘75 (2015 Update)

1993

[faisalanwarshawn]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qm-OD8PpjI)

[snoranlauren]

REALLY REALLY LONG UPDATE

As this year seems to slip right out from under my feet I figured that while I have a second to myself, I would write a life update. More like a yearly update. An update on what has happened with me this past year and how I plan to make changes for next year. 

This year has probably been one of the most stressful, depressing years of my life. I even believe I was more depressed this year then I was of all of the years I battled with anorexia. This year, 2015, has been my “mid life crisis”. I know that this may seem stupid to you, considering I am very young. But when 2015 rolled around I had no goal to improve myself what so ever. I told myself “this will be my year!” Thinking that things would stay the same and I would just improve with my skill, financials and my relationship. That I would be completely fine with not moving or changing jobs. But I was wrong. As soon as February hit, I began to crave a big change. Mind you, I am a person that needs constant change. When I feel as if I am not bettering myself to my fullest potential, I demand change. I continued to live the same life up until April- when I had this idea that if maybe I worked less, I would be less stressed and get to improving some of myself on my own. In June, I stepped down from a pretty high position at my job working 5 days, 40+ hours a week to something they call “full time reduced” working 32 hours per week and doing the same thing- just without the title. I was doing OK after this. I ended up having to train someone who was awful to fill the position I had just stepped down from. It was hard because I like to think of myself as an organized, OCD about my work kind of person and this lady was not that. I had to give up control and even though that is something I am completely OK about now,  I had an extremely hard time watching the process of her replacing me.

Then, my cousins wedding came around in June. It was the most beautiful wedding I had ever been to. Up in the mountains. Amazing food, music and venue. The groom made a speech about being with my cousin for 5 years. and it hit me. Gus and I just celebrated 6 years together and we have no plans on getting married. I spent all night sipping on 45 year old wine thinking about how Gus does not want to marry me. After few months of this thought eating at me, I finally said something to him. With tears in my eyes I asked him why he doesn't think about marrying me, or why we don't talk about getting married. He said hes young and doesnt want to get married until hes in his 30s. For a while I contemplated on how much I needed him. Should I leave someone who shows no interest in our future? Or should I wait it out? 

When I was working, I couldn't wait to get a day off. I was very depressed. All I wanted was to sleep my life away. But when I had my day off I felt useless. Like I should be doing something. Like who has free time? How am I ever going to get where I need to be with free time on my hands?! I felt I was wasting my life away so on a quick, spontaneous, desperate decision I signed up for college. Business AS major. Starting in January of 2016. Signing up for college is something I never thought I would do so for a little bit, it took the thought out of my head that I was doing nothing with my life. Because I signed up for school so now I am doing SOMETHING with my life, right? Even if I am not doing it now, it is set in stone that I will be doing something EVENTUALLY. Yay. Something to look forward to? Finally.

Our lease ended in August. I wanted to move but we could not afford to. I wanted to move out of the sheer desperation of change. I felt could not live in these same walls for another year. I could not sleep in the same room or watch TV in the same room because it felt used and comfortable and I wanted nothing more than a new start. So one day on my day off, I moved everything around. Completely around. I moved my living room into my master bedroom. My master bedroom into my office. And my office into my living room. I was in such need of this change that I did it myself. I moved the bed, the couch, all the furniture. Gus came home and was shocked. I felt better for a little bit.

My dad came down a few weeks ago and I was telling him about some of these feelings. How I have had extreme depression and anxiety. How I need change constantly and Gus wants/needs stability. I was telling him that I do not feel like I am where i am supposed to be. I feel like i need to be doing more. And he said to me “Lauren, you have always felt that way.”

2015 has been my hardest year yet. The only true word I can describe 2015 as is ‘lost’. I am lost. Less lost now than I was 4 or 5 months ago. But still lost. School is coming up in a little over a month and i’m hoping that will start 2016 off right. My goal is to get a bachelors degree in Business so I can open up my own bakery at some point. My debt is less and less each month. That makes me feel good and independent. I am baking 4-5 times a week. It is my therapy. Does it kill me that I have amazing ideas and no where to put them? Yes. But I will get there in time. 

My 2016 goals are 1) To get the fuck off the internet. Yes, bye bye Tumblr- I don't need this anymore. 2) Learn to live with peace. Whether that is inside of myself or enjoying down time. 

Now, I can say that 2016 will be my year, but I wont. My luck is too shitty for that.

[nobodies-hippie]

I think the "comments section" update is the only one thats made me genuinely mad Cos it just proves tumblr staff dont give a single fuck about their users or any feedback they get and are just bullshitting everything! Nobody ever once complained about the way reblogs and comments looked, in fact it was the easiest thing to read of all social media imo, and now its the worst It made me so mad and it still does! I love tumblr and the communities its made and the fact that we are trying so hard to fight social injustice, especially because we dont have any kind of guidelines for posts like facebook or insta, like we have p much free reign over what we can post and look what we're trying to do! To summarise: Fuck you tumblr staff

[cryptiboy]

reminder to everyone im gonna be (trying) to do the boycott on the 9th reasons: -the update is upsetting -the update makes it hard for many people with different disabilities to use the site -the update made the site literally so screwy for everyone -personal reasons, im not groovin with a lot of tumblr rn but im unhealthily addicted and need to start taking some time off even in small amounts -i need to work on irl work stuff anyway so so yeah if im not on here that day thats the reason!

[chuckscherubs]

JS posted this adorable pic of her photo shoot with her daughter Spencer for her fall Kmart line. But all I could think of was the next Charlie’s Angels update: Kelly Garrett takes over Townsend Associates and assigns her daughter to recruit and lead a new team of investigators. ;)

[before-i-kick-that-bucket]

It has been a while since I've updated, but things have managed to be crossed off the list!!

17. New Years Eve in a different country (Lisbon, Portugal - 14/15)

43. Visit Ireland (June-August 2014)

51. See a kingfisher (September 2014 - Crete)

Pictures to follow!!

[allie-ascending]

First month of 2015 is over: Hello February!

I just wanted to make an update on my 2015 goals. To be completely honest: I haven't really accomplished any of my goals. (Except one!) At first when I woke up today, I was really beating myself up about it. But I realized that's not going to help me at all. And I'm going to try a lot harder starting today. :)

To keep this short I'm going to make a list and write a brief blurb about them.

-Run More Nope. Haven't done it. Not even gonna try to fool anyone here. I just haven't had the motivation lately. But I really miss it. 

-Run For a Longer distance

-More 5K's If I have enough money, I'll be signing up for one for the end of February!

-Drink more water YES! This is actually one that I can say I have definitely accomplished so far! I carry my reusable water bottle with me EVERYWHERE.

-Eat better Nope! Ever since I got back from Idyllwild, I've been eating awfully. I'm not sure why. But that's going to change!

-Become more flexible I've been stretching more but I cant say I've achieved much with this one. But it's only been a short time. :)

-Work on my posture I'm trying! Whenever I notice myself slouching, I sit up straight. :)

Larger Goals

-Move out Actually, this goal isn't so far away now. Wesley and I have decided to move out together, he's looking for a job and we've been looking at places!

-Become a personal Trainer Working on it! Going to be taking a few classes this semester that will get me closer to this goal. :)

-Improve myself I think I've achieved a little bit in this area. I've been more positive and loving towards myself.

-Handstand Been doing some strength exercises for this. But no where near there yet!

I hope everyone is doing well with their goals so far this year! And if not, Don't worry! You can learn and improve from your mistakes. You got this!!