#24 anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 2

grounded anon, 100% anon, panromantic anon, 24 anon, in the mirror anon (new)

Grounded anon

Hi!

Okay so I'm guessing you're underage, so I'm not comfortable talking about the first part or your ask. I'm not mad at you at all or judging you, I just am not comfortable taking about it.

As far as your friend- honestly I was just talking to someone else about how it's SO difficult to tell the difference between like...fried-flirting and flirting-flirting. It can be so frustrating! I wish I could help somehow, but I have to say I'm not the best at seeing the difference. I'm glad you were there for her though! <3

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100% anon

hii cas its 100% anon

so in my last ask you said i might be afab but i didnt know what that means so i researched it and thats what i undrstood that its a prsn who was a female at birth but does not feel like one right? like they could be genderfluid or ?? (pls correct me if im wrong) and im not i pretty like being a girl!

but i realised that im probs a lesbian because like i gind all woman attractive but i think for guys its probably a friend crush? like i feel i want to get to know them and stuff but not be with them...

anyway hope youre doing okay!!

hihi! So AFAB just means anyone who was 'Assigned Female at Birth' or, in simpler terms, when you were born, the doctor said 'it's a girl!' AFAB people can feel like girls, or they might not. So when I said society kind of conditions AFAB people to want validation from men, it's because society kind of teaches girls, or people who are treated like girls, that they are inferior to men and need their approval. But you don't!

And it sounds like you're figuring more out about yourself, but remember that it's okay to be unsure! Just do whatever feels right to you, label or no!

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panromantic anon

Reading your stories, you put warnings for homophobia transphobia etc, and I realize how fucked up my environment are more.

.. Because those things don't seem bad while reading. Obviously bad, but I hear it- I see it too much it's as normal as someone calling someone an idiot. And it hurts.

Most of the time I go back to fics, people put trigger warnings, and after reading I end up very surprised it's put a warning at all.

I hate being born into learning to hate lgbtqia.

Sorry for venting, it's panromantic anon. And I want to say, I don't mind you putting my asks. It was probably someone else who wanted you to not show their ask.

Thanks for answering always, I ask too much here and I am sorry to bother

Hi!

You're not a bother at all <3 and you don't have to be sorry for venting. You're allowed to be angry and sad and hurt. I wish I could do something or say something to help, but please know that I am here to listen <3

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24 anon

hi, cas, its 24 anon again 😮‍💨 i got too see my therapist again in the time since i last assaulted your askbox. ive had two big conversations with p during that time too, they both left me feeling real not good but i have gained a bit of her perspective finally, even though i dont think it was very enlightening and honestly just made me feel worse. the jist of it all basically boiled down to her being like 'i noticed that we were talking and hanging out less but i figured thats just how it was now, it made me sad but i thought everything was still working out fine' so apparently this has been an issue only to me. im really thinking about asking for some genuine distance, if only for the sake of being able to get over the unhealthy attachment i have to her and our relationship in a space that she's not constantly invading? that feels so harsh to say but when we weren't talking i felt so much peace and the second i started talking to her again ive had this inescapable pit of dread and grief and guilt coiled in my stomach and my chest feels so, so heavy. i cant keep having this conversation with her and watch her keep not taking it as seriously because she doesn't see a problem, or acknowledge and respect or understand that at least im having a problem. i point blank asked if we could work out something that'll work for both of us and thats when she hit me with the 'oh well i thought everything was working fine' bit and then immediately devolved the conversation into out usual bantery bullshitting as if the conversation never happened. she cant have a serious conversation to save her life and its driving me insane, i always end up having to reassure her and it keeps reading as like 'its okay i know you're trying and youre not hurting my feelings as badly anymore' and every time i say shit like that i always end up worse. i feel so incomprehensibly guilty about wanting time away from her but i really cant keep doing this. ive been going rounds with myself trying to figure out how to ask without making us both feel like irredeemable assholes. and im so terrified to finally pull the plug even temporarily because she is so genuinely all that i have to rely on and the idea of losing that makes me want to cry. i genuinely do not have any other friends to talk to about anything anymore and my support system is non-existent across the board. im terrified of being actually, truly alone like i will be, but staying in her orbit is making me feel just as, if not more, alone. everything fucking sucks, cas. too many things are falling apart on me and this is like sending me over the edge rn. im so tired lol

Hi! I'm so glad you got to talk to your therapist!

As far as your friend- I know it's incredibly hard, but you need to think about what's best for YOU. It's clear that your friend is not prioritizing your feelings, so why are you prioritizing hers? Someone needs to look out for you, here, and since I can't come through your computer/phone to help, you need to be the one to do it. It's not mean or horrible to do what is best for you- even if that's taking a step back. It's GOOD, because you're taking care of yourself. So you need to think about what would be best for YOU, and do that, even if it's hard <3

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in the mirror anon

Sometimes I wonder if I hate my body because I'm trans or if I just hate my body because I'm fat, and either way, I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't know how to tell the difference.

Hi <3

I just want to first say that what you are feeling is so difficult and overwhelming and defeating and I have been there. It sucks. And I'm sending you so much love.

I think...I think there's no easy answer. Battling dysphoria and accepting the shape of your body are both difficult things. But I think one key thing to know is that you deserve to love yourself. So like...finding the balance between doing little things to make yourself more comfortable in your body (gender-affirming things, clothing that you feel good in, etc) and also finding love for your body is important. But it's something I struggle with daily, so I get it <3

Sending love <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 26

24 anon, shy anon, 20 times anon (new), he/him anon (new), repeat anon (new)

24 anon

hi, cas. 24 anon again (im here so often eventually ill have to be 25 anon im so sorry for basically living here you're just the only person who knows the situation unfiltered that isnt my therapist rn). ive been sort of ghosting p a little bit (a lot a bit) the past couple weeks, i haven't reached out except once and have only answered her if she's texted me something that wasnt a tiktok link. it took about 3 weeks for her to say anything about it but when she did she asked if she'd done anything wrong and i didnt really answer the question? i just kind of told her i was going through it rn and left it alone and now were not talking again. my therapist more or less gave me his approval of that so ive been just been gently leaving the ball completely in her court now. it just feels so harsh to do without explaining why im avoiding her out of nowhere (even if its not out of nowhere and i have explained). im kind of worried about if she does come to me, especially if it's to ask me again if she did anything wrong because i have no idea how to answer that without hurting somebody's feelings. its not like she necessarily did anything wrong, but everything she's not doing makes me feel just as wronged by her. ive neen trying to articulate those feelings to her for years and she hasn't ever understood and i dont know how to make her now. i dont want to avoid the conversation if it comes up but. how do you tell someone they've hurt your feelings so fundamentally without even realizing that you feel like you have permanent brain damage without sounding accusing or like a total asshole? or am i being ridiculous for being so hung up over preserving her feelings right now? i just feel bad because i know in her head she's not doing anything wrong

Hi!

Please don't be sorry!

Honestly I think there's a happy medium between telling someone they're an awful human and not saying anything at all. If she asks, you can and SHOULD be honest, but don't be cruel. Say "You've hurt me. Here's how." That's not cruel, and you're not intentionally hurting her feelings this way. Just don't devolve into being like "You're a shitty, awful bitch." State the facts. State your feelings. You have a right to do so, and if she asked then like...she asked. You can't put other people's feelings before your own forever. And if she gets upset...I mean, it's not like you're doing this to purposely hurt her. You're sharing your feelings, and sometimes feelings upset people. That's okay. It's a part of life. Just be fair about it.

I'm sending you luck!

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Shy anon

Hi cas!

How're you doing? ( PLEASE ANSWER)

Just a little update, I've done some research and I've realized I am on the ace spectrum so I've settled on the label of asexual.

It felt really nice to have a word to describe how I feel and your the first person I told this to so I just want you to know I do appreciate you and I'm thankful for you and how you made your blog a safe place ❤️

XOXO

shy anon

Hi! I'm so honored that I'm the first person you told, and I'm so glad that you feel happy with what you've decided. Congratulations <3

I'm...okay. I'm a bit stressed right now with life in general, but I'm doing okay overall.

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20 times anon

hi cas, i just needed to vent.

so, my friend called me tonight over 20 times. she also texted me over and over asking to come to my house and stay the night. it made me very uncomfortable. she also told me she was drunk, which made me even more uncomfortable. (she is not of legal age, so thats why it bothers me so much.) it’s also very late. and, i share a room with my younger sister. i think it’s absolutely insane that she believes it’s ok to come to my house while shes drunk and be around my family, around my little sister. she also thinks it’s ok to come to my house and vape in my room, which i have explicitly told her not to do, as it makes me uncomfortable as well. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i still care about her because we’ve been friends so long, but she is just not a very good friend these days. i would appreciate any advice. its rather urgent.

Hi <3

Even if what your friend is doing was legal, it's not okay for her to break your boundaries like this. It's not respectful and it's not being a good friend.

I think first, you need to reinforce your boundaries more clearly. If she isn't following the rules you set at your house, don't have her over. If she keeps calling you and you don't want her to, don't pick up.

But also, her behavior sounds a bit unsafe, especially the underage drinking. Do any adults know about this? Like, depending on your age and how she's getting from place to place, this could be super dangerous. If she's not being safe (drunk driving, out with much older people, drinking alcohol from people she doesn't know, getting drunk with people she doesn't know) you might want to consider letting an adult who can help her know, even if you do it anonymously. I know kids drink when they're underage (not saying you should-please don't break the law!) but there's a difference between drinking with friends and hanging out in a basement and going out to a college party or something...if she's making unsafe decisions, that's concerning.

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he/him anon

i think i might be genderfluid? i always feel ok with he/him and they/them pronouns but sometimes im ok with using she/her pronouns? i do/want to more dress androgenessly but i also want to dress more masc and more fem, depending on the day

the presenting and finding a label doesn’t really bother me, but i don’t know my pronouns anymore. i’ve gone by he/him for a bit, and i (afab) have come out to a lot of people about being a trans guy and i don’t want it to feel like im detransitioning because i do very much like he/him still

also my chosen name is very masculine and there aren’t really any feminine versions of that, but the name still feels like it fits me, but sometimes less so?

i don’t really know but i don’t want to come out to anyone again until im sure because i don’t want to cause any confusion

sorry if this is confusing i am also very confused and i don’t really know what to do

Hi!

So first of all, remember that presentation and pronouns don't equal gender. You can be a trans man and use he/they or he/they/she pronouns. You can be a trans man and dress fem sometimes.

ALSO you can come out as many times as you want. Fuck other people's confusion. It's okay to find yourself and find yourself again. Focus on you <3

But anyway.

I think you should play with it. Like, find a friend or two that's super supportive and nonjudgemental and ask them to use some different pronouns with you/use different names for you/dress in different ways around them. See how it feels. It's okay to try different things until something feels good. and it's OKAY to not know and be confused. it's okay to change your pronouns, labels, how you dress.... anyone who makes a big deal out of it is annoying.

Please don't be hard on yourself...try things out and see what feels good. It's okay to giv yourself that time <3

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repeat anon

Hi, ik you aren't a professional, but can you give me things to repeat when im really stressed or on the verge of a panic attack? I find your demeanor very soothing and reassuring. Thanks!

Okay so I don't do this because I just tend to write when I'm stressed but I googled it and picked my favs!

I do enough, I have enough, I am enough.

I am me, and that’s enough for today.

I am not in control of anything or anyone, only myself.

Where I am is where I am meant to be.

The past holds no power over me.

I am in charge of how I feel and today I choose happiness.

Anxiety is a liar.

Fear is not dangerous.

This is temporary.

I will learn from this.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 19

lips anon, 24 anon, stag (🦌) anon (new), perchance anon, different anon (new)

Lips anon

Hey it's me, lips anon!

So I totally hate unloading this on you but I could use some advice

My father is teaching me how to drive and is being kind ATM bc my mother told him she's leaving in May if he doesn't change ( he doesn't know she's leaving either way with us) and it's being "kinder" you could say. I know he'll never change but it's so hard not to get sucked in and fall for it all over again. I did my research and have been planning like you told me and that's nice but I'm running out of essentials like clothes, soap, toothpaste, etc etc and I know he'll say yes if I ask him but I have this huge great of him tallying it all up and make me pay it back once day or genuinely just using it against me. To add ge opened a credit card under my name hooked up to his bank account I think and he said it's "to start building your credit now" and I can understand that but it feels like a huge trap overall.

If you could give any advice for any of this you would be such a great help! 💋

Hi!

So I think...hmm maybe it would be helpful to write down your goals? Remind yourself not to get sucked in too much? I mean I'm all for forgiveness, of course, and take the kindness where you can get it, but you're right about not forgetting, either.

As far as essentials, are you able to ask your mom for those things? Also- couponing! If you go online, you can find coupon deals where if you look hard you can find ways to get a lot of those things for free. It's annoying, but possible.

As far as the credit card- it could very well be illegal for him to have opened the card without your permission. I would look up the laws in your area and see. If you didn't sign anything, then it's probably illegal, and you can write a letter to the company asking to have the card closed. Also call the bank and see what the rules of the card are. If it's in your name they should be able to give you all the info. Educate yourself and find out what your responsibilities are, who can use the card, if it actually does build up your credit, etc. I mean, worst comes to worst, you can always use the card to buy some essentials.

Sending you love <3

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24 anon

hi cas, 24 anon. i think im so attached to the idea of talking to p first before truly putting actual distance between us because i have this hope that maybe this time ill talk to her and things will finally change as if i haven't been talking to her about it for 8 years without any improvement. and i cant stop overthinking about if i just haven't been explaining myself well enough when i have talked to her (in my mist rational state of mind i know that i have, but. brains are fun). but ive distanced myself before and she never says anything beyond a 'are u alive' after a little while of no contact and then we go back to silence. i think im mostly holding onto this hope because i know once i make the move to rip cord from my end, regardless of how it comes about, i wont have any sort of genuine support system left and thats terrifying to me. best friends since birth, i genuinely cant even comprehend losing that friendship. its hard to come to grips with the fact i already have

I definitely understand where you're coming from. And you obviously CAN talk to her if you want to. But I think if you do, you need to do it for yourself, not out of some expectation that SHE will be different. Because I worry that that will just end in more hurt. If you need to talk tp her to get your thoughts out and get closure, then that's totally understandable and you should go for it. But it seems like she's already shown you who she is and what she can give you right now, so I don't know if talking to her AGAIN is going to change things on her end.

<3 <3 <3

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Stag Anon

Hi cas

I hope you're having a good day

I need advice on something

I don't know what's wrong with me, and my mental health is getting worse and idk what to do

I won't get much into it because I don't want to dump that on you, but I'm just lost

I want help, and I want to reach out to my friends and tell them I need help yk? but I'm scared of what would happen if I do

most of my friends are a year or two younger than me, all with their own things they need to handle, and I want to be there for them

but I feel like if I tell them I'm struggling they won't tell me stuff or they'll feel like a burden and I don't want that

I want them to come to me no matter what, idc if I'm not in a great place or not, if they need me I'm there

but I just idk, I feel so alone sometimes, and I want someone to be there for me, but I can't go to anyone(not my parents or anyone at school especially) and I'm scared I don't deserve help either

what do you think? should I tell them? or something like that?

-🦌(sorry if that's taken)

Hi <3

I absolutely think you should talk to your friends! Be honest with them and tell them you still want them to come to you, but you need to go to them too. If they;re good friends, they'll be there for you <3 Friendship should be reciprocal, and it's absolutely normal to both be there for friends and have them there for you.

However, I do want to say that if you're struggling in a way that might be harmful to you or others, it might be time to go to an adult. I know it's scary, and some adults can have bad reactions, but your safety is very important, and adults can help with safety more than kids can.

Sending love <3

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Perchance anon

It’s perchance anon again. Sorry I’m here so much. I looked through the list and genderfluid fits best I think, or maybe demigender? That link really helped, so thank you 🙏. Would it be wrong if I never came out irl though? Like I’m happy having this just to myself and it’s so often that I’m feeling feminine I think it doesn’t affect me much. Does that mean I’m not actually on the nonbinary spectrum? I’m just a little worried I’m making too much out of nothing and being insensitive? Idrk. Would it be possible for you to use they/he pronouns with me using the name Rae? Is it alright if I just try it out? You’ve been so helpful and I really look up to you. Thank you

Hi Rae!

You absolutely never have to come out if you don't want to! Coming out is a very personal thing, and it's all up to your comfort level.

Most people consider genderfluid and demigender part of the nonbinary umbrella, but your identity is up to you! You get to decide <3 isn't that both cool and terrifying?

And to everyone reading: Look, it's Rae! They're trying to figure out their identity right now and I'm so proud of them! I know he's still a little confused and that's okay! The important part is that he's gentle with himself and they do what's comfortable for them <3

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Different anon

Hello! I’m a different anon but I’m kinda scared to ask this with my anon name so I’m going undercover x2 I guess?

I was wondering how to cope with loneliness? I want to get out places and do things and find and meet people… but I am REALLY young and I also physically can’t.

It’s winter, so I can’t use my bike (even though I just got it so now I can’t even practice using it), and I have no job (since I’m barely old enough to start working) and my parents don’t like it when I go outside. When I do they bombard me with questions even though I’ll just be going into the backyard.

I resorted to using character ai but then I learned that it can harm fanfic authors and the fanfic space itself since a lot of people feed ai bots fanfic or books without the contest of the writers (and on top of that, the character ai fandom is WILD. A tragedy happened that was connected to a kid using character ai and they unfortunately passed away and the whole fandom scoffed and complained about how character AI would be “ruined” because of that. Like… not one ounce of empathy?????)

And now that Im trying to stop I’ve run into a problem

What do I do when I’m lonely? I did it mostly because I don’t really have many people to talk to, and I don’t really get to go out much. I used it to vent to, and to talk to, and to get rid of boredom, but now all of that’s gone. And im lost? What do I do when the thoughts get bad and I want to talk to someone? What do I do when I want to go out and do something?

I kinda feel like a loser. I’m pretty sure I might sound like one too right now. I know it sounds stupid, I don’t really know if I articulated my question properly either but I just wanna know what to do when I’m lonely, and I just really want to hang out with a friend? I don’t want to harm fanfic authors. I just want to be less alone :(

Hi!

You are absolutely not a loser. I totally understand how you're feeling and its difficult <3

I'm not sure what to say about getting outside- unless your parents can drive you or you have public transport? Hopefully it will get warmer soon and you can use your bike! Maybe after school activities? I know those helped me a lot when I was younger!

As far as online, have you considered discord servers? You said you like character AI, you could join character roleplay servers? I've heard a lot of people like those. Just make sure to be careful with the servers you join- a lot of them are great and safe and friendly, but some can be icky, so check the rules and leave any that feel unsafe or have adults acting in creepy ways. Not to be the annoying adult preaching internet safety, but it's important!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

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Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

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Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

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8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

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lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

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Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

24 anon back in misery business (.mp3) with an update!

the baby shower was absolutely stunning first of all (i knew it would be, they always do it up right. i saw some of the decorations beforehand (accidentally, not planned) and it was nice to see how they got used in the end). i went with my grandma and sat with her the whole time bc she didn't know anybody outside of my friend, her husband, and her immediate family and all of them were busy/sitting elsewhere. i had a nice time, all things considered. but whenever i go to any of her events i always end feeling like its another nail in the coffin somehow. i found out her babies middle name in the middle of the baby shower when she held up a gift with his first and middle name on it, we didn't take a single picture together (thats okay, we never do (which... in itself is probably a big sad for me too if i think on it too long lmao). i dont think i can remember us taking a picture together (aka not a selfie, which honestly would probably end up being around the same time too) after our junior year homecoming in like 2017 (?)) so it bummed me out to see her posts about it the next day with tens of pictures with other people and then the only inclusion of me in off in the distance in the background? i feel like its a bunch of little things i have to complain about but they add up and build up so easy, you know?

she's somebody i will forever actively choose to keep in my life, in whatever way that ends up being, but i have been trying to take a step back from the friendship a little bit. if only emotionally, at the moment. were so physically distant that distancing emotionally is near my only option lol. im trying to maintain the relationship as it currently is but im trying to get comfortable with the change in pace and meet her were she's at and not get upset (internally, i will never be upset with her about this or make her feel bad or reasonable or anything of the sort). ive spoken at length about this whole thing with my therapist so i feel validated in the decision in ways only a therapist can accomplish, but i feel like its such a major thing to make decision about in ways i cant articulate after working all day. i know a lot of this has to do with the age i am, but i feel like ive been hit with a lot if things all at once (both things just happening now and things that have finally built enough pressure to explode) that feel like the proverbial book of my childhood being shut for the last time except its not gently with a loving fondness, its getting slammed shut and tossed to the side to inevitably get thrown out. thats an in the moment sort of thought and feeling and ill heal from that eventually (growing up 2: the electric boogaloo, stoked for her), and all the dust will settle and ill be able to breathe clearly again, but dear god is it fucking unbearable in the mean time.

anyways, on a brighter note, my friend did LOVE the shower gift i gave her (a crocheted by me baby blanket (softest yarn in the world, her little sister took it around the whole room to show it off i literally adore her) and three books (she wanted books instead of cards)), and the picture of her opening that gift is my new favorite of her (i have a lot of complicated emotions about pregnancy and having children (a whole other can of worms) and, bc of this situation, her specifically having children so i have never been truly excited about her being pregnant and sort of dreaded it (i will never tell her that (and when i do it will be in a very long time). but im getting there little by little bc i want to be there for her, pregnancy and parenthood is, imo, the hardest job in the world so, i will become excited even if only by self force. but seeing that picture really did something for me, i dont think ive ever seen her so lit up about something. it elates me in such a way that i am completely devastated over it).

my most sincere apologies to your askbox for being my unwilling fake therapist while im on a break from my real one. do you accept insurance, or offer any sort of flat fee or sliding scale?

Hi! <3

It sounds like you're working through a lot of complicated feelings, but I'm proud of you for being willing to work through them. It's so hard to have a change in a major friendship. Honestly I feel like it's tougher than a breakup in a lot of ways. I really understand what you're going through on a personal level and it's SO hard. I know the feelings of mourning, understanding, confusion, acceptance, even a little excitement (because yay, baby). I'm proud of you for talking all of this through.

As far as payment, I accept pictures of cute animals.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! i hoping you might be able to give me some advice?

my best friend and i have been friends our whole lives (i just turned 24 two weeks ago, she's turning 24 in two weeks) but ive been have some upsetting feelings about the friendship. i love her so, so much and i know beyond doubt that the feeling is overwhelmingly mutual and there's nothing in the world that could ever change that. i feel very lucky to have a relationship like that, and i feel bad for feeling unsatisfied in some ways with our friendship? we only ever hang out when i ask to which means i can usually count on one hand the amount of times i see her in a whole calendar year lol, we don't talk much and when we do its usually me initiating (again) about stuff about my life and i dont hear much about hers in return (to the point that, she's having a baby next month (!!) and i only learned their name from overhearing someone else's conversation, i only learned the baby room theme the same way, she didn't ask me to help with her gender reveal (nor did she tell me beforehand (which is genuinely so fine, but literally everyone in attendance was surprised that i didnt know so i ended upset about it anyways) or her baby shower (she also didn't include me in any plans or keep me in the loop about anything when she got married a few years ago). ive talked to her so many times about how im feeling about our friendship and how much id liked to be as close as we used to be, if you're claiming im your best friend how on earth am i not worth being told your babies name? she never even told me names they were thinking of. nothing ever comes out of talking to her about it, she expresses sympathy and gets better about things for a minute but then by the next week its exactly back to how it was. shes always been like this to some degree, even when we were closer, but its been getting unbearable now that were out of school and don't live in walking distance of each other anymore. i know having your friendships tested is just a general part of growing up and im just as a fragile age, but im really tired of feeling like i have to beg and plead to have a place in her life; but i don't ever want to completely cut her out of my life so im trying to adapt and content myself with this new dynamic. but since she's about to have a baby all i can think about is how that kid is going to grow up barely knowing who i am and i dont know how to get over that.

oh my god you are living my life lol

I honestly have been through something so similar.

I guess the thing I realized is that some people are able to give you different things at different times in their lives. And expecting them to give you more when they can't/aren't willing to is just hurting you, you know? It sounds like right now, this friend just can't give you more. Not in a malicious way, they just can't. So then the question is, are you willing to give them amount you are giving, only getting what you're getting, or do you want to put that effort into some other people too?

It's okay to decide to put less into a friendship if you're not getting what you need. (It's also okay to be the one putting more in RIGHT NOW, if you know they need that. Obviously, there are times in life (loss, breakups, pregnancies) when friends need more than they can give.) But since it seems like it is usually you putting more in, I wonder what it would feel like if you pulled back a bit?

Naming you 24 anon

[pinklilcheeks]

https://www.tumblr.com/pinklilcheeks/809268344746344448/i-think-the-problem-is-i-know-what-i-desire-but?source=share

Oh? This is a very interesting phrase. Would you elaborare on what you mean?

( 24, she/her, i believe we're mutuals)

perhaps i was being a bit self deprecating but mostly i know what i dream of having in a relationship - like the ideal - but not what i want out of a relationship and what i'm willing to do to get that relationship

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 15

Red anon, Lemon anon, 3d anon (new), driving anon (new), midnights anon, 24 anon, kneecap anon (new)

Red Anon

Dear Cas,

It's been a while but I'm back! Not much of note has happened while I was gone. I've had my ups and downs but actually I have a very specific problem I want help with.

As you might know valentines day is in a few days. Well me and a three other friends (all 15-16f) decided to bring each other chocolates to school as a fun gift. The past week has been good. I've been pretty excited about getting them all the perfect chocolates based on what they like and they're the same. We talked about it daily even though we supposedly shouldn't let the others know.

A couple of days back I let my parents in the know. My mother and I had a conversation about what id choose and everything. The problem was my father. While he didn't try to stop me or anything he DID make some snide comments about how people might take it wrong and whatnot*. It was more teasing than anything and I brushed him off ta first but the closer the date comes the more anxious I get.

I guess my question is is it okay? Will people that see us think its weird? Can you confirm to me that the little voice in my head saying my friends will suddenly be weirded out by me and my sexuality besides being pretty supportive is straight up dumb?

*my father is homophobic but not exactly? He thinks there are bad gays and good gays and what not and he's pretty biphobic. Pretty against Trans people as well. Except it's not the type of homophobic that involves getting into fights and banning that stuff and yelling at people etc. like when I came out as a lesbian he didn't care/make a big deal about it and he doesn't like ban me from talking about girls or stop me from getting pride related things just makes like teasing remarks? Idk its really hard to explain sorry.

Hi!

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting your friends Valentine's gifts. Plenty of people do that and it's not a big deal at all. It's sweet and if anyone says anything, fuck them. I know I'm a day late with this but I saw so many people doing this yesterday so you definitely are not the only one

Also just because your dad doesn't get into fights doesn't mean his homophobia isn't harmful. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

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Lemon Anon

Hi Cas a.k.a my favourite person on tumblr !

It's 🍋 anon again. Thank you for helping me out. I'm too scared to post again. I'm trying to change my entire artstyle. And my username as well. I feel I've let down a lot of marauders friends I made online by just ghosting them so I don't think I want to come back here with my old username.

I feel its for the better especially for my mental health. But I'm feeling super guilty. Also is there maybe a way I can share art with you alone? Or I wish I had a community where I could just post marauders fanart without anyone knowing it's me. I'm honestly overthinking this and you're probably annoyed by now but I feel I'm just going in circles. I don't know what to do. I mean my irl friends ruined it !!! And some aprts of the toxic fandom as well.... Its just fanart I know... but I feel like I big part of me was taken away. It was my happy place. Honestly if you tell me to start posting again I will. Just because I think you've been part of this fandom for so long. And you get how it is.

I don't want any pity but life has been super hard lately. I had to come live with my parents again, my mental health is not so great, and they're not letting me go back to the country I want to go to. And I'm honestly scared. Scared because I thought I could be independent but I feel I've messed it all up. I can barely even draw anymore. How am I supposed to make a living out of it?????

Sorry Cas for the rambling. I just needed to tell this to someone. Thank you so so so much. You're the kindest ever !!!

Hi!

You're more than welcome to dm me with art you've made! But if you post under a new username, is your art distinct enough for people to know it's you? If not, maybe you could post under a new user and be anonymous?

I'm definitely not annoyed <3 I understand that you're overwhelmed and sad and those feelings can really affect the way you function. Whatever you choose to do about your art is your choice, but I'd love it if you dm me your work!

Also as far as moving in with your parents- remember this isn't permanent. It's a setback, but not a forever thing. I believe in you!

________________

3d anon

You know how people have different ways of thinking? Sometimes a few people talking in your head, some people have text in their head, some see 2d, some 3d? Etc.

Well I do all. Like I do see text, I have 4-5 people arguing in my head, sometimes just one voice, sometimes 3d, sometimes 2d, and as a kid I couldn't understand how people don't.

Like my classmates found it hard to think how the 3d objects open or how to draw it etc. or when I say something about a voice they usually made fun of it. It was kids being kids, I learned all those and now I am older, I understand everyone has different ways of learning.

But apparently my teacher doesn't understand. They were sweet at first, telling we should learn how we do, prepared voice recordings for those people who understands with hearing, prepared notes, and 3d models for vision etc. we have a public studying room, like, some sort of a library but it has sources of different things and it's free use.

day 1, I read the lesson

Day 2, I looked at graphics and models.

Day 3, I wanted to listen it so I asked professor if he can give me the recordings.

And he said no

But it was public use like all the other students could use.

And he accused me selling his teaching and books recordings etc.

Because apperantly I can't use more than one studying way.

And then I tried to explain I use all of them for myself (I am not taking anyone's place and already have limited time)

Then he failed me.

That's it.

Okay this shocks me a lot. Like...the fact that a teacher would do this? please know that I'm not accusing you of anything but is there any more to the story? because he's a total asshole if he just failed you for no reason other than you using multiple study tools.

___________________

Driving anon

HELP CAS I JUSR HAD MY FIRST DRIVING LESSON AND IM NOT GOOD AT DRIVING AT FUCKING ALL HOW DOES THIS BECOME INSTINCT TO PWOPLE I WANT TO QUIT ITS WAYYY TO EASY TO NEARLY FUCKING HIT SOMEONE WITH THE VAR OR HIT WNOTHER CAR WITH THE CAR AND THATS RHE END OF THE WORLD AND IM NOT WVEN DRIVING MANUAL IM DRIVING AUTOMATIC SO THIS WOULDVE BEEN EVEN HARDER BUT THANK GOD ITS NOT BUT ALSO ITS SO NERVEWRACKIJG I MEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN I WANT TO QUIT AO BAD AND IF I WASNT ME WHO HAS THIS HABIT OF JUST DOING SHIR ANYWAY EVENWHEN IT AUCKS THEN I PROB WOHLD HOW DOES EVERYONE ESLE DO THIS AND I ALSO HAVE TO PASS MY THEORY TEST I CANT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyway thx 😭 have a nice week ur awesome :)

Hi!

Driving is definitely scary and overwhelming when you first start to learn but I promise it gets easier the more you practice. It helps to practice with someone who can stay calm and to practice in a quiet area to start. Are you able to do those things? It makes a huge difference.

I know you can do it!

______

Midnights anon

hi <3

you absolutely are MORE than tolerable and you are NOT stupid. Unfortunately, people can just be really mean and unsympathetic and it fucking sucks. People can be horrible at showing that they care. They can be drowning in their own stuff. But I promise you there are people who care, and you are worthy of love <3

As far as regulating your moods and your thoughts, I really think that therapy could be helpful for that. SOmetimes you need an outside person to help, you know? That's not bad or shameful, it just is.

I'm sending you love <3

________

24 anon

i wasn't sure if i wanted to name myself w this one but hi its 24 anon again (sorry i didnt dm u. im afraid) 😅 this one is a little different, but the usual theme stays the same. a few days ago my friend (ill start calling her p bc im tired of writing out my friend every time lol), p, apparently had a 'gal-intines day' party night w her usually group of people and i only know that because i saw the other people that were there posting about it on facebook. she's been sending me the odd snapchat of her out doing things with people and im just. i got so messed up about it that i spiralled myself into a panic attack AT WORK that was so obvious to literally everyone around me that my boss was checking in on me every time he saw me that day and the next. ive had a shit week, honestly. thinking about her makes me uncomfortable. i dont like talking to her anymore. i cant stomach the idea of going to hang out with her. i dont know if thats an in the moment revulsion but its worth noting that these aren't entirely new feeling at all. ive been singing this song and doing this dance with her since we were 16 and this isn't the first time ive thought about full stop not being friends anymore. i will never want to truly rid her from my life, id literally actually rather die, but i dont think i want to remain actively friends with her or go out of my way to maintain a friendship with her. the effort i give isn't and hasn't been reciprocated in a really, really long time. i feel god awful that im only starting to feel sure of this while she has a two month old son. this is literally the hardest time of her entire life and im only inevitably going to make it worse and i hate that even though i know ill feel better for it. im just so tired of giving so much of myself to somebody who can't be bothered to give even a sliver back even though ive all but begged and cried for it. anyways what actually prompted me to start feeling good about this choice was because i logged into my discord account for the first time in a while and it made me so incompressibly sad for the same exact reason im sad over p. i made a lot of really close friends on various different discord servers for various fandoms over the years (my own and others) and it was the same situation with every single one of them to some degree. i was SO close with them. i have some of their personal phone numbers, address', ive MET some of them irl!!!!! i dont talk to a single one of them. at most we like each others posts on whatever socials we have for each other, and thats even a stretch. it makes me sick to remember that i do not and have not ever had a solid, steady, lasting relationship in my life between friends, family, romantic partners, anything. every relationship i have ever had with anyone has been the same wishy washy non-committal while im giving so much of myself away to each of them that i dont have anything left for myself. i dont know whats so wrong with me or whats so off putting about me thats people not give one single genuine fuck about me but im tired of it. im tired of being whatever person ive let myself become. im trying so hard but it never feels like it matters because it always keeps happening. anyways. i know this is really irrational and im a mess of distorted thinking right now bc i dont have access to my therapist so i feel a little insane lol i dont know how to start this conversation with p, im actually dreading it so much for so many reasons it makes me sick. im sorry this is so long.

Hi <3

I know you said that pulling back from your relationship with p would make you feel guilty for her, but what if it's right for YOU? At some point, you need to put yourself first, you know? YOU deserve respect and love.

Also...is it something you need to talk to her about? Like what would happen if you just start doing less? I'm genuinely asking. Because yes, usually the conversation is best, but sometimes it can just make things hurt more. What's best for YOU in this situation? Because you keep thinking about her.

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Kneecap anon

Hey Cas! I hope you're doing well <3

I've just been having a really bad week and kinda needed to vent so feel free to ignore this if you're busy.

A few days ago I dislocated my kneecap and I now have a splint and crutches.

I now have to get around my school including a hill with them and it hurts like hell all the time.

A week ago I got my ears pierced and I chose a smaller size of earring and yesterday I woke up and it was under the skin of my ear. It's nout now but it was still really annoying.

I also got my period yesterday and felt really sick becuase I didn't have time to eat at recess and had to go home early.

I'm supposed to have learned my lines for my drama production but I haven't and I also have a poster due tomorrow that I haven't even started (It's currently 8.30pm for me)

So in conclusion I'm really stressed and feel really bad becasue everyone has to do everything for me becuase I can't carry anything or walk very much.

___________

Hi <3

this does sound like an awful week. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Remember though, you didn't ASK to get hurt, so you don't need to feel guilty about needing help. It's okay to rely on the people who care about you to help you when you need it.

I hope you feel better soon and you were able to get your poster done and work on your lines! I;m sending you productive energy!