Anon Advice Asks - March 26
24 anon, shy anon, 20 times anon (new), he/him anon (new), repeat anon (new)
24 anon
hi, cas. 24 anon again (im here so often eventually ill have to be 25 anon im so sorry for basically living here you're just the only person who knows the situation unfiltered that isnt my therapist rn). ive been sort of ghosting p a little bit (a lot a bit) the past couple weeks, i haven't reached out except once and have only answered her if she's texted me something that wasnt a tiktok link. it took about 3 weeks for her to say anything about it but when she did she asked if she'd done anything wrong and i didnt really answer the question? i just kind of told her i was going through it rn and left it alone and now were not talking again. my therapist more or less gave me his approval of that so ive been just been gently leaving the ball completely in her court now. it just feels so harsh to do without explaining why im avoiding her out of nowhere (even if its not out of nowhere and i have explained). im kind of worried about if she does come to me, especially if it's to ask me again if she did anything wrong because i have no idea how to answer that without hurting somebody's feelings. its not like she necessarily did anything wrong, but everything she's not doing makes me feel just as wronged by her. ive neen trying to articulate those feelings to her for years and she hasn't ever understood and i dont know how to make her now. i dont want to avoid the conversation if it comes up but. how do you tell someone they've hurt your feelings so fundamentally without even realizing that you feel like you have permanent brain damage without sounding accusing or like a total asshole? or am i being ridiculous for being so hung up over preserving her feelings right now? i just feel bad because i know in her head she's not doing anything wrong
Hi!
Please don't be sorry!
Honestly I think there's a happy medium between telling someone they're an awful human and not saying anything at all. If she asks, you can and SHOULD be honest, but don't be cruel. Say "You've hurt me. Here's how." That's not cruel, and you're not intentionally hurting her feelings this way. Just don't devolve into being like "You're a shitty, awful bitch." State the facts. State your feelings. You have a right to do so, and if she asked then like...she asked. You can't put other people's feelings before your own forever. And if she gets upset...I mean, it's not like you're doing this to purposely hurt her. You're sharing your feelings, and sometimes feelings upset people. That's okay. It's a part of life. Just be fair about it.
I'm sending you luck!
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Shy anon
Hi cas!
How're you doing? ( PLEASE ANSWER)
Just a little update, I've done some research and I've realized I am on the ace spectrum so I've settled on the label of asexual.
It felt really nice to have a word to describe how I feel and your the first person I told this to so I just want you to know I do appreciate you and I'm thankful for you and how you made your blog a safe place ❤️
XOXO
shy anon
Hi! I'm so honored that I'm the first person you told, and I'm so glad that you feel happy with what you've decided. Congratulations <3
I'm...okay. I'm a bit stressed right now with life in general, but I'm doing okay overall.
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20 times anon
hi cas, i just needed to vent.
so, my friend called me tonight over 20 times. she also texted me over and over asking to come to my house and stay the night. it made me very uncomfortable. she also told me she was drunk, which made me even more uncomfortable. (she is not of legal age, so thats why it bothers me so much.) it’s also very late. and, i share a room with my younger sister. i think it’s absolutely insane that she believes it’s ok to come to my house while shes drunk and be around my family, around my little sister. she also thinks it’s ok to come to my house and vape in my room, which i have explicitly told her not to do, as it makes me uncomfortable as well. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i still care about her because we’ve been friends so long, but she is just not a very good friend these days. i would appreciate any advice. its rather urgent.
Hi <3
Even if what your friend is doing was legal, it's not okay for her to break your boundaries like this. It's not respectful and it's not being a good friend.
I think first, you need to reinforce your boundaries more clearly. If she isn't following the rules you set at your house, don't have her over. If she keeps calling you and you don't want her to, don't pick up.
But also, her behavior sounds a bit unsafe, especially the underage drinking. Do any adults know about this? Like, depending on your age and how she's getting from place to place, this could be super dangerous. If she's not being safe (drunk driving, out with much older people, drinking alcohol from people she doesn't know, getting drunk with people she doesn't know) you might want to consider letting an adult who can help her know, even if you do it anonymously. I know kids drink when they're underage (not saying you should-please don't break the law!) but there's a difference between drinking with friends and hanging out in a basement and going out to a college party or something...if she's making unsafe decisions, that's concerning.
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he/him anon
i think i might be genderfluid? i always feel ok with he/him and they/them pronouns but sometimes im ok with using she/her pronouns? i do/want to more dress androgenessly but i also want to dress more masc and more fem, depending on the day
the presenting and finding a label doesn’t really bother me, but i don’t know my pronouns anymore. i’ve gone by he/him for a bit, and i (afab) have come out to a lot of people about being a trans guy and i don’t want it to feel like im detransitioning because i do very much like he/him still
also my chosen name is very masculine and there aren’t really any feminine versions of that, but the name still feels like it fits me, but sometimes less so?
i don’t really know but i don’t want to come out to anyone again until im sure because i don’t want to cause any confusion
sorry if this is confusing i am also very confused and i don’t really know what to do
Hi!
So first of all, remember that presentation and pronouns don't equal gender. You can be a trans man and use he/they or he/they/she pronouns. You can be a trans man and dress fem sometimes.
ALSO you can come out as many times as you want. Fuck other people's confusion. It's okay to find yourself and find yourself again. Focus on you <3
But anyway.
I think you should play with it. Like, find a friend or two that's super supportive and nonjudgemental and ask them to use some different pronouns with you/use different names for you/dress in different ways around them. See how it feels. It's okay to try different things until something feels good. and it's OKAY to not know and be confused. it's okay to change your pronouns, labels, how you dress.... anyone who makes a big deal out of it is annoying.
Please don't be hard on yourself...try things out and see what feels good. It's okay to giv yourself that time <3
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repeat anon
Hi, ik you aren't a professional, but can you give me things to repeat when im really stressed or on the verge of a panic attack? I find your demeanor very soothing and reassuring. Thanks!
Okay so I don't do this because I just tend to write when I'm stressed but I googled it and picked my favs!
I do enough, I have enough, I am enough.
I am me, and that’s enough for today.
I am not in control of anything or anyone, only myself.
Where I am is where I am meant to be.
The past holds no power over me.
I am in charge of how I feel and today I choose happiness.
Anxiety is a liar.
Fear is not dangerous.
This is temporary.
I will learn from this.
