looking at the time: oh yeah, it's dissection analysis o'clock.
i've talked about how i think leo's view on what it means to be a leader is very misconstrued, but i didn't really go into specifics like i wanted. so here i am, doing just that.
firstly, i'm going to make this generalized enough so that it's not about any particular iteration, though i might put in details that aren't a universal part to leo's character.
i once said that "leo believes the leader is always the one to make the right choices" and by that i mean, the leader has to. he tries to think over his words carefully (there was a post for 2003 pointing out that leo stumbles on his words quite a bit and i love this detail) because he's trying to mimic his idea of a hero. not only is he the one meant to make the decisive calls, but in an imprudent, childish way, i think his ego has also convinced him that the title of leader makes his opinion more valuable djsaklg. he's kind of a funny, bossy older sibling like that.
he's full to the brim with anxiety and worst-case scenarios because he knows real life is dangerous and he is the one in-charge. rise fics have done a lovely job of showcasing the fact that leo struggles to really seem them as a team unless it's convenient for him, but i'd argue all leos (save for a few) are like this. people need to listen to him, because of course the leader knows best! leaders and heroes are synonymous, always saving the day... (...it's why rise leo doesn't think he should be leader-)
i have a little headcanon about his perfectionism that isn't completely relevant to this conversation, but i want to include it regardless. i think some of his perfectionism comes from a place of guilt and just general worries. he doesn't mind training extra or things like that, but i'm not too sure he likes it either. overdoing it can make him feel more reassured, and training better means he can make sure missions go smoother. leaders are the captains, and a captain always goes down with his ship.
anyways, if leadership to him is like being in-charge and having to be a shield, who would he be his ideal image of that to mirror? barring his cartoon heroes, it would be his father. leo has always tried to be like the person he admires most. i don't fully know why, but that makes me Sad. most kids think of their fathers as their heroes, and for all of the turtles, well. he really is one.
being the older child (in most iterations), leo unconsciously places himself on a similar pedestal as his father, copying what he does because he wants to be just like him.
.... for 2003 and 2012, yes. mirage? idw? less so. i just wrote a whole fic on the city at war arc (love me, love my dog) for the original comics that helped inspire this post. constantly leo mentions "growing up" in that arc, following it up by thinking they shouldn't stick within everything their father has taught him. he's leaving his father's shadow - that's what it means to grow up to him.
his brothers will always come before his father, no matter how much he admires him. in 2012, i truly do think leo would try too hard to become a father to his brothers. not only for their sakes, but because he's always been there, copying his father. he's trying to make his father stay by becoming more like him. he won't have to search for him in the walls of their home if he feels like he's right beside him.
^ i love this train of thought for mirage as well because in city at war he's gradually realizing that he doesn't know what he would do without splinter to back up his choices. he's having to think for himself and it's making him think that maybe he isn't as much like his father as he had always tried to be.
no matter the iteration, leo growing up is always becoming his own version of a leader (staring so badly at idw leo). it's a bittersweet thing, but it was a thought that occurred to me after leo returned from training with the ancient one in 2003. splinter already taught him everything, so why wasn't it enough? when will he teach him how to properly protect everyone like he wants to.
splinter is a VERY flawed character in every single iteration, and i think one of the most innocently child-like characteristics of leo is the way he idolizes him.
THATS HIS PAPA (bawling)
there's definitely more i could add to this, but i like leaving some parts unexplored so that people are free to put in their own thoughts :)
one day i'd like to properly tackle the real root of raph and leo fights because i so often pull my hair at some of the mischaracterizations (especially towards raph). i don't want it to turn into this "media literacy/comprehension" battle though, because i truly feel like it's just a way to be like "i know better than you, im the correct one here". it's just not very productive, frankly.
all the same, it's odd how blown out of proportion some of their fights are, or how it so often boils down to this fight for leadership. like sure, maybe a bit, but the real issue is their similarities, not the role itself.
leo can be a prideful asshole (-said affectionately. he's my favorite i swear) and constantly needs control. he just weaponizes his title rather than be vulnerable and really talk about his fears because it's easier. leadership = one in charge in his mind because he was raised that way. it's like crossing his fingers and praying the leader card gets them to shut up and listen to him even though he knows it won't. but what, you want him to actually communicate?? his feelings?? no way... it's easier to fall back on the authority he thinks he has. which is a rough cycle if you think about it, because he's afraid of being vulnerable both because he's the leader and because he's the older brother.
(as a side note, this is such a teenage thing to do, as someone recently out of the teen stage. he basically throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way and that is so real of him at times. it's hard feeling like you're the only one taking something seriously, especially when your responsibilities are just. more. of course it's his anxieties fueling it and making him kind of brash at times, but as shown in 2003 with post exodus, leo seems unable to voice what's going on in his head so he acts out in "raph-like ways").
as for raph, he's the same way, except it's his anger that acts as a crutch for him. in both the original series and later iterations, he's always best understood that the world hates them. it hates them, and they're all they have in the world. they can only count on each other (..and those eventually adopted into the family).
i'll always love the issue of april and the sea woman who was one of the last of her kind because it was the first time she really understood raph's anger. she didn't say anything, but it made her feel lonely herself. raph had been pushing her and casey away because they truly don't get it and never will. they have so many humans they can learn to love or get along with, but raph only has his brothers. just like the merpeople.
anyways, back on track. raph needs instant solutions, and as one trained to fight to protect, he sees this as the easiest one. he didn't grow up with leo's role as leader, nor his brother's personality and perspective. he doesn't want to be leader because he resents all that it stands for (read: the one to stop him from quick, easy justice).
to raph, pacifism won't get them anywhere, and that's part of his impulsiveness. instant solution is making sure the enemy can't harm again - but it's not that simple. not to leo, who always falls back on worst-case scenarios.
he's had it drilled into his head that a leader is always the one to make the right call, and i think it fed his ego a bit. not in a bad way necessarily, just. in a misguided, impressionable kid way. he has to prepare for everything to live up to expectations.
in the original comics, when they return to new york, there's a point where raph almost gets killed by the shredder because he thinks leo is too scared to "finish the job". it's one of their most emotional fights, and to be honest, i think raph was right. leo was scared. but so was raph, because he knew the shredder could do the things he had done to leo to any one of them again at any point in time. he had to get rid of the threat against his family.
to him, it's that simple. he knows the dangers that come from their line of work, but it's like he forgets how mortal they truly are.
so, in essence, im saying it's a more complex matter than just "i think you're a bad leader" or "you're pissing me off". make no mistake, he does do things to intentionally make leo upset/mad, but it's more because they both think they're in the right and disagree with their methods of protecting the family. it is a rivalry, but i wouldn't say it's about the leadership position.
this isn't to tear down rise or anything because i do like rise! (clarifying this part because i don't want it to seem like i'm comparing or saying one does it better than the other). and i agree that it is probably the healthiest depiction of raph and leo fights. however, i think the way and reason they fight in rise is more similar to other iterations than it appears at first glance. it's just that the roles have been reversed a tad and the approach with the entire topic is different. that's what keeps things interesting and the franchise alive!
and please don't take this the wrong way!! it's not directed at anyone or anything in particular, but rather something i've thought about a ton. you don't have to take my word as gospel or anything, im just a person saying words akvkksc. i think depictions of them as angry idiots are fun as well because, hey. they're siblings, and siblings will fight about anything even when they're in the wrong. especially when they know they are wrong. so write whatever and be free. the hair-pulling line was definitely more about mischaracterization in a generalized sense
Includes spoilers for the entirety of Tales of Leonardo: Blind Sight, as well as discussion of suicidal ideation, depression, and other sensitive topics. Some of the panels included might be considered gory as well. I'm also writing this with the assumption that you're familiar with what happens in the story.
I'd like to begin this little think piece of mine with a disclaimer; I'm going to be fairly vulnerable with this, as this is a piece of writing that impacted me greatly for a variety of reasons. Let's get into it.
The beginning to Blind Sight really begins with the 5th issue of the second volume to Tales of the TMNT - Blind Faith. I think it's very bittersweet that the story begins with Leo comforting a small Shadow who's still afraid of the dark, because it's a good way of setting the stage and tone for this story. Phobias and fears are typically irrational, and we're afraid not just of what we can't see, but what can happen because of that. They can control us because we let it fester and grow, losing ourselves to that fear.
When Leo loses his sight in this story, he has to be confronted with the fact that life won't be the same. He doesn't think he can lead or protect his brothers anymore, and he doesn't have control, either. He's very much someone that prefers information to be clear and concise with no punches pulled. He needs facts, and he relies on his senses and logic.
I know Jim Lawson has been praised plenty for making everything monochrome to show how Leo cannot see and no longer remembers what things look like, but his prose doesn't get enough attention, in my opinion.
There's a lot I admire about this entire story, especially the moment in which Leo believes he has taken an innocent life. There's nothing dramatic about it, as Leo isn't the type to have some over-the-top reaction. He freezes, mouth partly agape, as he takes in the fact that this could be permanent and that he has lost the ability to do the only thing he considers himself good at. It's such a subtle display of grief, and I love it.
Really, there's not much I can say about the actual event where he's blinded, and it's not what I want to focus on, either. I want to highlight the aftermath:
This scene really gets to me because we, as the viewer, only have Leo's perspective. There's nothing to see, just a black and white landscape of shapes. I think it's a good display of the dissonance between the brothers here. Mikey's trying his hardest to find some positives, or to at least not make his brother feel different. Leo, however, wants none of it; his grief is narratively blinding him in this story, and this scene is meant to show that. He's saying he still enjoys it up here, but it's a lie. It's a lie because instantly when he's alone, Leo begins to have Thoughts.
With these pages, it's clear that Leo considers himself to be his swords, in a sense. He's a weapon - his whole life has revolved around defending and protecting. After all, Splinter raised them with a single purpose; revenge. But revenge is what led to him losing his sense of purpose to begin with, so even then, what good is he? What purpose does he serve now that he can't fight like he used to? If something is broken, you throw it away; nobody has use for something that can't even do the thing you have it for. At least, this is the idea he's subscribed to here.
Now, Leo is definitely no stranger to depression in the original Mirage series. Hell, I'd argue that Mirage Leo was really the blueprint for IDW Leo, who has a similar goofiness contrasted with these types of melancholic monologue to him. He's so fixated on what he no longer has that he can't even get past it. To him, he's as good as dead. It's harsh to say, but I think he's having such a huge identity crisis that a part of him doesn't even want to try. He's just... So tired.
Of course, I'm sure he'd give everything to be able to fight again, but that's for his brothers. When it comes to people that need control, sometimes the scariest thing is realizing that your control wasn't actually ever needed. He fights for his brothers, but what if they don't need him protecting them? He could fight again, but he wouldn't forgive himself if it hurt and endangered them. He'd also be hurt if they did well without him, though.
After the incident in which they are forced to go to Northampton, Leo isn't in a coma at all. He becomes testy and goes out into the woods to hunt and be alone, scarcely seen by anyone else. He's more closed off here than in 2003 & 2012 and never seems to really talk. He sort of gets past it when Raph ends up being nearly killed by the Shredder, but my point here is that Leo seems to have a lot of identity problems.
He couldn't protect his brothers or April then, so he hunts. What's interesting about that is the fact animals are good at sensing enemies and tracking their prey, similar to how the Shredder herded Leo to where he needed him for the ambush (I wrote a little fic about this too teehee).
Anyway, it's clear that Leo prides himself on maintaining order. Any setback can cause him to spiral because of his need for control.
I think that's why this conversation scares Mikey so much, basically insinuating to their other brothers that he's genuinely afraid of Leo killing himself, directly or passively it doesn't matter. His fears aren't unwarranted, either.
Now, it's revealed that this ^^^ is just an intrusive daydream of Leo's, but still. Up on the radio tower, he imagines what it would be like to fall off, his own weapon piercing through him. This, to me, is very deliberate. He's the weapon, defending his family, but also ruining the lives of others, bad or not. His sword blinded the one that retaliated and blinded him back, which may as well have sealed his fate and killed him. Also, doesn't this seem a tad bit similar to seppuku? In that he's killed by his own blade? Seppuku is seen as the only way to regain honor in the afterlife...
The resemblance is meant to be there, I think, because what are the odds his katana is able to break through the concrete with the force of its fall and be blade side up long enough for him to be impaled by it? I suppose it can happen, but I think it just shows how Leo isn't his usual, rational self right now.
(I think it's also interesting in his little daydream that he doesn't imagine himself jumping off. He can't quite bring himself to do it, so instead of stepping off himself, he goes out of his way to picture one of the rungs snapping, leading him to fall. Now, on a meta level this could be a bit of a diversion tactic to scare you and make it feel real, but ehh. I think it can go both ways).
Anyways, he imagines his death in gruesome, visceral detail, to the point he wonders if his death would cause the death of his family as well. His leaps in logic are irrational. Because really, what are the chances there's a special mineral from the sewers embedded in his feet, leading to government agents finding the lair and killing his family?
This is the scene I really wanted to talk about, as I find it to be one of the most brutal and realistic depictions of depression. Later on in this series, Leo basically implies that there's plenty of ways he can die, and they're all preventable. All he needs is a reason to do so (keep them from happening), but he currently doesn't have one.
I think it's the same thing here.
He's looking for a reason to step off the tower - either to jump, or to walk away and go back home. He doesn't need some grand sign, he just needs a reason. So, he considers what it would be like, to die. But he can't even go through with it all the way because then he imagines Raph dying because of his decision. This is what finally causes him to snap out of it, choosing to abandon his katana.
Even when contemplating death, his family is still the reason he keeps going. He needed a reason to live, and imagining his brother(s) dying is what did it. He weaponized his own intrusive thoughts to live. His own death didn't scare him, but his family did.
Yet, a piece of him still clearly dies, as depicted by him throwing away his sword. He doesn't want to be the weapon anymore, but he's not too sure what he is without it. He wants to make a point that he's more than the weapon. However, you can read him dropping his katana as him giving up, thinking he only kills and is no longer worthy of trying to protect. Not after killing an innocent man.
He doesn't directly kill his brother, but I don't think that matters to Leo. Not when he internalizes mistakes.
Never before have I seen intrusive thoughts depicted this way, or even suicidal ideation, really. It's....not quite comforting, but makes me feel seen, you know? Sometimes it's not really the happy thoughts that keep you going, but your own fear twisted in a way that fits your narrative.
The fact the first issue just ends with this ^ page is also so.... We don't get to see him actually step off, because a part of him never leaves. It's still there, not sure which direction to go.
Self-blame is both a canon and widely fanon aspect to Leo's character. By that I mean the portrayal feels a bit fanon, as I don't think Leo's perfectionist personality is really explored until Vol. 2 of the original series (although there is the Northampton arc...) It's definitely there, don't get me wrong, but it's more like his self-blame comes from a place of grief and fear. I think this panel might make it clear what I mean?
These deaths were because he lost his autonomy, blindly killing without being able to do a thing to stop it. He blames himself for everything, but I don't think he trains relentlessly to be perfect or to necessarily protect people the best he can. I think he's scared of doing the opposite. It takes more control to not kill a person than it does to do so, in a way. Anyone can kill another, but having the skill to pull back and merely disarm an enemy whilst protecting yourself and others is marginally harder.
But he's having a hard time knowing if it was worth it, pulling his punches. If he had killed the Foot soldier that blinded him, he wouldn't be feeling like this now. He wouldn't be unable to help his family (as he has been blind for months by this point I believe?) like he currently feels like he is. He was trained since birth to kill the Shredder, just to suddenly have to save people. That's a very different thing!
Splinter literally started their ninja training the second they began walking and copying his movements. He trained them for revenge, just for them to have to be vigilantes as the time calls for it.
I think what I'm really getting at here is that he's more than just angst; he can be silly and bossy just because, too (Leo is such a bossy older brother). But his fear manifests in the urge to do his best, and really a lot of his angst is self-made.
It's not just "I have to be perfect", or "I'm trying to keep you safe." It's something more, though I lack the proper words to describe it... It's almost like he wants to bear the burden in the case a scenario just like this one happens. If being the best means facing the worst, so be it. Hopefully that makes sense...
I want to get more into how IDW Leo and Mirage Leo feel very one-in-the-same to me, but I think that's an essay for another time. It's just very important to me for you to know that Leo often questions his devotion to Splinter in the original comics.
Not only does he say things like this, but in this story, when Splinter pushes him down the hill in the woods and forces him to find his way back home while blind, all Leo says is: "I knew it." He didn't expect his father to outright help him or to offer sympathies. He just accepted that he was going to have to look inside himself and solve this psychosomatic matter. Just another example of Leo internalizing the idea that hurt is all in his head...
He stated "You think I'm crazy." when Splinter suggested he was keeping himself blind, as well. It wasn't a question, and that, to me, really showcases that all Leo's have daddy issues /hj.
Anyways, sorry that this was mostly incoherent and didn't serve too much of a purpose. I really just wanted an excuse to get people to read Blind Sight... well, and to talk about the scene in which Leo imagines endangering his family because of his actions.
everyone's takeaway from blind sight should be this single message i sent my best friend at way too late o'clock while slightly delirious /hj.
slight spoilers:
obviously what splinter was really getting at is that the poison already wore off, and this is just a more psychosomatic issue due to leo's guilt from thinking he killed an innocent man, but like. these issues are riddled with daddy issues and it isn't subtle. i already talked about it in my little think piece here, but you can realistically say that none of this would have happened if splinter hadn't trained them. or if he hadn't been so set on getting revenge.
gripping the bars of my enclosure, resisting the urge to talk even more about blind sight. there's so much i didn't even touch upon
