#3-3-22

[photozoi]

A happy surprise arrived today!

Jennings Brothers Borzoi c1930

[trustmeimadoctor]

Thelectric Spiders

Been plural for as long as We can remember but didn't know it until 2017. And that's when We were diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. We were in denial for a while. Thought we achieved self acceptance but were lying to ourself. Got the diagnosis removed in 2020 because we wanted nothing to do with it. We believed it was a misdiagnosis... Until recently. We finally started educating ourself about our condition, last year (2021). And realized that maybe the doctor wasn't wrong after all. As soon as Teen and the rest of us fully accepted who We were... chaos ensued... Reminds us a lot of 2017... But not as bad. Because at least we already knew that we weren't alone in our head.

[jbe200]

by Jane Ellison

[fansdelportaaportastandreu]

[trustmeimadoctor]

Headspace chatter:

"How ya sinnin'?!"

???

[ad-lucem-et-amor]

Thank You God that I know You better than I did before... You do not need our praise to bless us... You want just who we are... Thank You that You want our honesty. I do not praise You because I feel like I have to - you want my honest feelings - broken prayers - questions... You are not an egotistical God but are bounding in grace. So loving are You.

Further - the mountains You raised. the seas You parted. By a syllable, by a breath. Even more, You blessed all the living things. You care for each of us. Down to the hair strand. Down to the valleys of our circumstances. You knitted us in our mothers' wombs and know each of our thoughts intimately. Even in the night when no one is around and I've been run through the same thought for the ten thousandth time, exhausted to the bone, You accounted every tear and listened even already knowing the words flowing from my heart. But You never left me.

Never has there been silence or emptiness in my pain where I welcomed You. You were still talking... and Your word spoke peace. Your words spoke healing. Your words drove to my marrow and helped to mend the broken pieces while correcting any missteps and lighting my way. Your conviction is a gift as their direction only leads to the shelter of Your wings... You convict against selfishness and pride; things that in the end will only cause heartache, suffering, grief and exhaustive pain...

You know where all things lead and I see now how beautiful and sweet it is that You want us to be with You.

How You love us. How You love me. Like a best friend that wants to hear every story. Or a brother who wants to defend in times of trouble. And a father who wants to pick you up and guide you to only the best places. The feeling of care and love that I felt with my mom who stayed up until 2am to help me with projects and bake cookies with - Oh what a blessing that memory is. How I know what true love feels like. Like this and so much more.

More-so, You care about those around me that I love from the depths of my being... You care for them more than I ever could - where I am limited in time and space and capacity, You fill them to overflow! When I misstep and I somehow hurt them, You are there to comfort them. You bless them with Your peace - thank You, God.

You have been present and helped to turn my downcast eyes to the skies in feelings of pure joy... You've made ways for me that I could not even try to make for myself... With everything I've trusted You with, You have never failed me, You have never forsaken me or abandoned me, never have You shamed me, or turned me against another, or made me feel hateful things... In knowing You more, I've only learned to see more and to love more.

You are worthy of every praise that I have, God... thank You that You do not want or need our praise, God. If any one has not had the chance to experience this with You, I pray for them Your peace which transcends all understanding, to just fill their hearts, and for their ears to just hear Your voice of comfort - above the noise of the world saying otherwise. May they find rest in Your Kingdom, God - where they do not have to labor for their worth or their reputation... where joy and peace abound I pray for You to bring down heaven for them, to know YOU. Not what others say about You, but truly YOU, God.

Thank You Lord that this is a mere woven strand of my testimony, and that there is more to come. There is no condemnation in Christ, thank You for being my shelter, my rampart, my home sweet home. In Jesus's name I pray.