Last night was the hardest night I’ve had since I started karate. I’ve struggled a lot but last night nearly pushed me over the edge. I was so sure I wasn’t coming back that I went to the gym this morning to roll up my hand wraps so no one would get them. I cried all day today. I was done. I decided to go to the dojo anyway. I get there tonight and there’s a whole different set of challenges placed before me. I’ll talk about that in the coming days. * Here’s what I realized: I struggle because I feel completely inadequate. I feel like I don’t hit hard enough or kick hard enough and I’ll never get this. I’ve said over and over that I work twice as hard for half the results. But that girl, the one that believes that stuff, she’s insecure, and hates herself, and most days doesn’t want to live and I CANNOT let her win. If I quit, she wins. And I cannot let that happen. I won’t let it happen. I may face a bunch of tough guys and one hell of a tough chick @mmakat when I strap on the bogu at our dojo, but it’s not them I’m really fighting. It’s her. And I see that now. * It’s really weird to see how fast everything changed tonight. Amazing how trials will do that to you. #30daysofmartialarts #karate #thestruggle #honeybadgerkarate https://www.instagram.com/p/BoidgDnHPCy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1n9soxhm46ad8