#3rd entry

[art-in-distress]

Roasted!

[lum3pi333]

i always wake up in the void i always wake up in the void i always wake up in the void

[ladadee195]

Third inktober entry. Tarot.

[anemogae]

Dear Crush,

I know you won't read this, but I'm still afraid to say your name.

Love, Rae

[coldwinterheat-blog]

Dear Name

29.01.2018 22:25

Listening to this song after watching her perform it on the 2017 mma stage really opened up my eyes. I’m pretty sure I totally didn’t get her point, but the important thing is that I found a point that made me think about this whole topic. Dear name. A name so dear to me. Dear *insert name*.  A name holds so much meaning. Too much meaning. 

When you think about it, your name subconsciously carries a lot of your identity and personality traits. A lot more than you think. There’s a reason why celebrities often prefer working under a stage name. Kai - Kim Jongin. Why though? Because your name determines other people’s first impressions and opinion about you. “I present you the impressive and such talented dancer and singer Kai” seems a whole lot fancier than Kim Jongin. It’s short, eye-catching and memorable. On top of that, by working under a stage name, you’re able to differentiate between the normal you and the celebrity you. It’s almost like a mask you can comfortably put down, after working all day. Of course, that alone won’t make it. Your personality, morals and behaviour hold the most amount of importance. However, people will automatically connect your name to your traits. Talented charismatic dancer? Kai! Soft bear? Kim Jongin!  The fact, that we’re able to split his identity this way shows us the insane phenomenon, when it comes to names. Being off and on stage in this case, is a determining factor. Let’s take a look at it from a “normal” person’s point. -(Hypothetically) There’s this girl named *ajshfl* I really dislike. She’s not only super selfish, but also obnoxiously loud 24/7 and constantly judging. ajshfl suddenly sort of has a definition stuck to her - selfish - loud - judging

It gets more serious, if you apply her name to other situations. See, when you have to name your kiddo someday, would you ever call her ajshfl? Obviously: no. You wouldn’t. Why? Because in your perspective ajshfl means selfish, loud and judging.  So what’s my fucking point? In 1998 my lovely parents(bless them), decided to get their second kid and gave that poor thing a pretty shitty name. Okay, shitty is the wrong word. Let’s just say, a fucking inconvenient name, for someone living in Germany. And that’s the thing. In itself the name Nguyen Thuy Duong does not hold any meaning whatsoever. But now that it’s something people should call me and associate me with, it opens up a whole nother book. 

So there I was, probably overwhelmed by actually being out of my mum’s vagina and now in the cruel cruel coldness, that is called the world. And my parent’s initial thought was: Let’s call that pink wrinkly ass kid Nguyen Thuy Trang. That alone held some meaning already. The child, who came out of my mum’s vagina first, was my precious bigger sister Nguyen Thuy Linh. Obviously, I had to be called Nguyen Thuy something then. So the only thing they had come up with was that something. And apparently, Trang seemed to be the perfect “something” at first. But a few days later, my dad probably saw some talented ass human being on tv called “Duong” and thought damn, my kid should be called Duong as well and here I am: Nguyen Thuy Duong Well I wish it ended here, but unfortunately the story continues. After being renamed a few days after my birth, everyone called me Duong. And that lasted for two whole years until we moved from Munich to Waldkraiburg. So from being surrounded by Vietnamese people only, we switched to a pretty white neighbourhood, which in itself means no harm. But once people wanted to call me, the very first problem occurred. How the hell do you pronounce Thuy Duong? My sister had it easy. Linh. Pretty self explanatory. Mine, however, was as mentioned before, fucking inconvenient. So instead of practicing my name, people around the neighbourhood called me Twisella. Generic German name, so: Gisela + Thuy apparently equals to Twisella. That’s how the neighbour kids called me. In kindergarten I just went with that name, because I accepted Twisella as my official german name. When I started elementary school, I realised what a shitty name Twisella was though. Which is why I introduced myself as Tü Dong instead. yeah. my name got butchered real bad.

And until 12th grade, people called me either Duong(Vietnamese ppl) Twisella(white Waldkraiburg kids) Tü Duong(casual schoolmates) or Tü(non Vietnamese friends). It wasn’t until uni, where people actually put in some effort to pronounce my name correctly. Naturally, it was my fault too, for introducing myself a certain way and not asking people to rather repeat my name often times until they got it than just let it be butchered like that. And now, I’m mainly called Duong and Tü. 

Again, what’s my fucking point then? Well, all I want to say is, names have stigmas to them, whether good or bad, they’re still something you automatically have to deal with.  The thing is, in my opinion, everyone’s personalities depends on the company they surround themselves with. I obviously behave differently in front of my family compared to hanging out with friends. What certain group of friends I spent time with also changes my behaviour. So there are tons of different personalities in me, which isn’t problematic and it’s just how humans work. And now, finally, we’ve reached my point: Due to me having so many names, the differentiation between those naturally occurring personalities became clearer. Too clear for me, which led to a 13 y/o me, who wished to change her name legally, so she could finally introduce herself more comfortably. A 14 y/o me thinking Tü is a lot cooler than Duong. A 15 y/o me hating Tü in school, because she lost so much self-esteem. A very insecure 16 y/o me, who was questioning her identity and name. And now, a 19 y/o me, who’s fucking glad that 13 y/o me wasn’t stubborn enough and who’s confident enough to say Hi I’m Thùy Dương, how about you? So 19 y/o me, aka, me rn, realised her growth. Okay talking in 3rd perspective like this is fucking weird. Yeah, I’m happier now, less insecure about my identity, and more reasonable too. Having different personalities is okay. Having different names is not, at least not for me. It was not only confusing to friends, but mostly to myself. Taking a step forward and finding a solution to my problem was needed. Actually applying that solution though, was really difficult and took up a lot of courage on my part.  So what I want you, future Duong, to know and learn from all this is: Be confident about your heritage and name! Don’t let people pronounce you funny just because they’re too lazy to put in any effort. But especially YOU! Don’t be too scared to say it’s pronounced Thùy Dương and not xxx.  Names are important. Names are precious. Names hold a certain amount of your quint essence. Names are linked to the stigma you are attached with. Names are identities given to people. Everyone has a name. And my name is Thùy Dương.

[pensive-introvert]

I speak. - III

I feel so alone, despite the fact that I have a lot of people around me. What is this feeling? It's bothering me. Do I need help? Please, someone, tell me.

[otacultjournal]

The EXO'luXion in Indonesia (Bagian 2)

Ini dia, daftar performance The EXO'luXion yang kemarin:

Opening VCR + Overdose + History

Jujur, gue lupa urutan-urutan lagu-lagu mereka sampai gue harus Google-ing. Tapi gue inget banget, opening stage mereka tuh Overdose dan gue bukan kayak orang kena overdosis lagi, tapi kayak orang yang kesurupan. Ngeliat dari jauh juga gue udah jerit-jerit dan gue sempet ngevideoin suara gue pas nyanyi overdose, beneran memprihatinkan. HAHAHAHAHAHA :))) Sebelum Overdose dimulai, ada VCR mereka yang sebenernya cringy tapi pas ditonton langsung tetep aja IH KEREN KEREN KEREN KEREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lagu History si celana getar juga tetep seru, bikin kangen sama jaman-jaman mereka baru debut :"))))

El Dorado

Kalau ngeliat di fancam-fancam konser-konser mereka yang sebelumnya, gue antara yang takjub tapi pengen ketawa ngeliat mereka perform El Dorado. Lagu mereka ini sungguh majestic sekali menurut gue, dan gue bahkan nangis pas tau liriknya kayak gimana. Tapi, pas ngeliat perform mereka yang pake lightstick segede gaban, gue langsung ketawa soalnya mereka kayak tukang parkir banget HAHAHAHAHA. Mungkin kalau dilihat dari deket atau agak dari atas bakalan jelas banget, tapi ini sih.... boro-boro. Tapi diliat dari screen-nya yah... oke kok.

Don't Go + Playboy + Baby Don't Cry + My Answer

Gue secara personal sukaaaaaa banget sama lagu Don't Go. Jadi, pas mereka tampilin lagu ini, gue lebih ke asyik nyanyi sendiri daripada ngeliatin merekanya. Rasanya amazing pas ngeh gue bener-bener nyanyi lagu ini bareng sama mereka hahahahaha. Dan pas perform Playboy, mereka semua mencar dan yang kebagian di sisi panggung deket spot gue adalah Chanyeol dan Jongdae. ANJRIT SEANJRIT ANJRIT ANJRITNYA BANGET. Gue enggak bisa berhenti jerit-jerit dan banyak inappropriate thoughts bermunculan di dalam kepala gue. Emang ini lagu tuh super seksi dan juga sensual banget.

Pas lagi Baby Don't Cry, sama juga gue asik nyanyi sendiri hingga akhirnya TIBA SAATNYA SEHUN DAN JONGIN NARI DI KUBANGAN AIR MATA. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Gue sebenernya lebih suka kalau Jongin yang ada di sisi panggung tempat gue berada, tetapi tetep aja Sehun juga bikin gue ketar-ketir banget. Gue enggak keingetan buat nyanyi, apalagi ngerekam, pokoknya gue udah jerit-jerit kayak orang mau disembelih.

Di lagu My Answer ini, parah bangetlah. Si Baekhyun busuk main piano dan gue udah yang KASDFKADSFKJWEIIUHKLJAHWEUOIAJFKDASFJIIWERJEAWR enggak keruan banget. Yang nyanyi kalau enggak salah bertiga: Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, dan Joonmyun. Dan gue rasanya udah ngelayang banget ke alam gaib dengerin lagu ini.

VCR My Turn To Cry + The Stars

Anjrit, VCR ini sungguhlah cringy yet so sweet. Jadi ini tuh ceritanya si EXO dengan pacar-pacar mereka begitulah ya. Agak aneh kenapa yang dipake lagu My Turn To Cry, tapi enggak apa-apalah. Di VCR ini, yang menurut gue sweet parah tuh Jongin (menculik si pacar dari ruangan meeting yang super ngebosenin dengan cara teleport),  Kyungsoo (bercandaan di perpustakaan HUIWEHRJAWHEREW), Jongdae (main piano bareng HERKHEWRKHEWUIHFSD), sama Baekhyun (main UNO AWHEJKAHEWURIAWUIERHIAJAHFKJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). ANJRIT BANGET EMOSI BANGET LALU DESPERATE INGIN PUNYA PACAR TAPI MAUNYA EKSO!!!!!!!!

Gue suka banget sama lagu The Stars. Berhubung enggak begitu keliatan mereka dari jauh, gue akhirnya ngerekam suara gue nyanyi lagu The Stars. Orang-orang di sekitar gue pada heran ngeliatin gue ngerekam diri gue sendiri nyanyi lagu The Stars. Yaudah, sih~ :p

Exodus + Hurt

Sama seperti The Stars, pas Exodus gue enggak bisa ngeliat mereka jadi gue cuma liat lewat screen sambil lagi-lagi ngerekam gue lagi nyanyi. Pas didengerin lagi agak ngeri tapi enggak apa-apa sih HAHAHAHAHA. Terus pas lagi Hurt, gue emang jarang dengerin lagunya jadi cuma nyanyi-nyanyi enggak jelas sambil jejeritan pas ada gerakan yang wave yang seksi. HAHAHAHA.

Coffee VCR + Peterpan + XOXO + Lucky + 365

VCR Coffee ini lucu banget, yang mereka jadi kurcaci-kurcaci kecil yang hidup di dalam coffee maker. Beneran, ini lucu banget dan gue bakalan heran kalau gue enggak diabetes. Yang cocok banget dengan konsep VCR ini (jelas) Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Minseok, Sehun, dan Jongin. Mereka tuh pantesdan alami banget itu lucunya, bikin gemes luar biasa. Apalagi Baekhyun, seriusan.

Gue enggak begitu suka lagu Peterpan jadi pas di sini gue sibuk ngerekam, apalagi pada nyebar kan member-membernya. Terus pas XOXO, Lucky, sama 365 gue sibuk nyanyi-nyanyi sendiri sambil lompat-lompatan.

Christmas Day + Miracle in December

GUE SUKA PARAH SAMA LAGU CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ini gue bener-bener nyanyi dari awal sampe akhir, terus marah-marah pas di chorus terakhir karena mereka enggak nge-dance dan malah nyebar. Dan pas Miracle in December gue ngantuk banget karena gue emang enggak begitu suka sama lagu ini dan gue enggak tau mesti nyanyi di bagian mana HAHAHA :"D

Full Moon + Machine + Drop That

Jadi sebelum masuk bagian ini, Chanyeol sama Kak Minseok tuh ngajarin lirik lagu yang bakal mereka nyanyiin dan gimana cara nikmatinnya. Pas lagunya dimulai, jujur gue enggak tau ini lagu apaan (dan pas ngeliat Tracklist ternyata judulnya Full Moon) tapi pas udah di tengah-tengah gue baru ngeh ternyata lirik yang tadi diajarin itu lagu Machine HAHAHAHAHA. Nah, pas lagu Machine, gue sibuk tuh nyanyi-nyanyi karena gue tau lagunya. Abis lagu Machine, gue enggak tau itu lagu apaan pokoknya ada I say E X, you say O! EX? O! EX? O! Dan ternyata pas nyontek itu judulnya Drop That. Gue punya lagunya tapi seinget gue enggak terlalu enak jadi gue nggak pernah dengerin HAHAHAHAHA. Tapi asiklah buat jingkrak-jingkrak.

Let Out The Beast (Remix) + Run (Remix)

THESE TWO WERE THE BEST PART, REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Di sini tuh si Chanyeol menjelma menjadi seorang DJ dan asli, ini remix lagu Let Out The Beast sama Run enak banget!!!!!!!!! Bahasa kerennya sih ini di-Rave, tapi gue sih bilangnya ini DWP version HAHAHAHA. Nyet, ini sampe monyet-monyetan gue saking enaknya. Gue bener-bener nyanyi sambil lompat-lompat kayak orang-orang nonton DWP banget. Terus pas dari Let Out The Beast, temponya turun jadi lagu Run juga ENAK PARAH!!!!! JATOHNYA ENAK BANGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DONG RILIS INI LAGUNYA, GUE NGEFANS PARAH SAMA LAGU INI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAGIAN INI PALING ENA BANGET POKOKNYA!

VCR + CALL ME BABY + GROWL + LOVE ME RIGHT

Lagi-lagi VCR cringey tentang kekuatan super mereka, tapi lumayan sih hahahahaha. Gue sebenernya lupa, Call Me Baby tuh di awal apa bener di sini (maaf ya, gue nyontek urutan tracklist-nya), tapi anggep ajalah ya di sini. Ini tiga bener-bener lagu kesukaan gue banget dan pas Call Me Baby sama Growl tuh udah kek pecah banget hall-nya. Semua orang pasti hafal lagu ini dari awal sampe akhir hahahaha. Dan pas lagu Call Me Baby yang part "Never don't mind about a thing~" udah paling maksimal banget membahananya. Terus pas lagu Growl juga, pas bagian "E-X-O!" juga pecah banget pokoknya seru banget hahahahaha.

Pas Love Me Right, anjir gue beneran enggak bisa berhenti joget banget. Gue bener-bener nyanyi sambil joget dari awal sampe akhir, lagunya atuh super asik banget. Gue udah tau sih lagu ini asik banget, tapi pas nyanyi bareng mereka.... ANJRIT INI ASIK BANGET POKOKNYA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Encore: Sing For You + Unfair

Di sini jujur gue sedih banget karena ANJIR CEPET AMAT UDAH MAU SELESAI LAGI?!!!!!!!! Pas di sini gue enggak inget nyanyi, enggak inget ngerekam, heboh dadah-dadah ke siapa aja yang kebeneran lagi lewat deket spot gue HAHAHAHAHA.

Dan ini beberapa foto yang sempat gue abadikan di tengah kerusuhan.

Kalau enggak salah ini pas baru-baru mulai, enggak inget juga, deng. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Cahaya di mana-mana.

APA INI ENGGAK KELIATAN.

Lupa ini pas perform apaan dan siapa aja ini HAHAHAHA.

Lupa ini pas perform apaan dan siapa aja ini HAHAHAHA (lagi).

Baekhyun, Jongdae, Kyungsoo <3

Chanyeol dan Jongdae di layar HAHAHA

Dan jujur aja, meskipun udah ada larangan dilarang merekam (kalau enggak salah), tapi pasti sebagai penggemar ngeliat idolanya di depan mata enggak bakalan tahan kalau enggak ngerekam. Tapi beneran, gue ngerasa keganggu parah sama orang-orang yang ngerekam setiap saat dan ngehalangin banget orang-orang yang di belakangnya. Sekali lagi gue tekankan, gue sih masih mending karena gue tinggi dan kalau gue jinjit pun masih lumayan keliatan, tapi buat orang-orang yang badannya kecil? Udah jinjit enggak keliatan, kehalangan pula sama handphone-handphone yang diangkat-angkat kayak di Lion King. Sesekali sih enggak apa-apa, tapi kalo sepanjang konser ngerekam terus? Aduh..... please banget.

Belum lagi sama yang marah-marah ke gue pas gue asik nyanyi-nyanyi, bilang suara gue ngeganggu video dia. Kan itu WHAT THE HELL BANGET. Woi, gue dateng ke sini buat nonton konser, buat nyanyi juga joget bareng sama idola gue, bukan cuma buat ngerekam video doang selama tiga jam. Anjrit kesel banget gue, enggak bohong.

BINGUNG GAK LO?!

GUE YANG 170CM AJA ENGGAK KELIATAN, WOY! GIMANA YANG LEBIH PENDEK?!

Makanya, penting banget buat yang di section belakang dibuat menanjak dan agak di atas. Udah di belakang, enggak keliatan apa-apa begini lagi. Kan kasian banget.

Sincerely,

Chika Manupada

[youalwaysworethatgreyjacket-blog]

01/10/16

Marking the first day of second year of Graciel in her school was new, so new that it seem odd to her. She had this new classmate she never even knew of but Nizzie was close with her. His name was Kenneth. Over 1 month and two weeks she garnered feeling for him. Before she always thought Von will be the only she will like but she was wrong. People change as to feelings change. She felt happy likng him not mentioning the Acquintance party this coming Friday. She’s curious as to what gonna happen. But she thought of one thing, this is gonna be unforgettable.