Dear Name
29.01.2018 22:25
Listening to this song after watching her perform it on the 2017 mma stage really opened up my eyes. I’m pretty sure I totally didn’t get her point, but the important thing is that I found a point that made me think about this whole topic. Dear name. A name so dear to me. Dear *insert name*. A name holds so much meaning. Too much meaning.
When you think about it, your name subconsciously carries a lot of your identity and personality traits. A lot more than you think. There’s a reason why celebrities often prefer working under a stage name. Kai - Kim Jongin. Why though? Because your name determines other people’s first impressions and opinion about you. “I present you the impressive and such talented dancer and singer Kai” seems a whole lot fancier than Kim Jongin. It’s short, eye-catching and memorable. On top of that, by working under a stage name, you’re able to differentiate between the normal you and the celebrity you. It’s almost like a mask you can comfortably put down, after working all day. Of course, that alone won’t make it. Your personality, morals and behaviour hold the most amount of importance. However, people will automatically connect your name to your traits. Talented charismatic dancer? Kai! Soft bear? Kim Jongin! The fact, that we’re able to split his identity this way shows us the insane phenomenon, when it comes to names. Being off and on stage in this case, is a determining factor. Let’s take a look at it from a “normal” person’s point. -(Hypothetically) There’s this girl named *ajshfl* I really dislike. She’s not only super selfish, but also obnoxiously loud 24/7 and constantly judging. ajshfl suddenly sort of has a definition stuck to her - selfish - loud - judging
It gets more serious, if you apply her name to other situations. See, when you have to name your kiddo someday, would you ever call her ajshfl? Obviously: no. You wouldn’t. Why? Because in your perspective ajshfl means selfish, loud and judging. So what’s my fucking point? In 1998 my lovely parents(bless them), decided to get their second kid and gave that poor thing a pretty shitty name. Okay, shitty is the wrong word. Let’s just say, a fucking inconvenient name, for someone living in Germany. And that’s the thing. In itself the name Nguyen Thuy Duong does not hold any meaning whatsoever. But now that it’s something people should call me and associate me with, it opens up a whole nother book.
So there I was, probably overwhelmed by actually being out of my mum’s vagina and now in the cruel cruel coldness, that is called the world. And my parent’s initial thought was: Let’s call that pink wrinkly ass kid Nguyen Thuy Trang. That alone held some meaning already. The child, who came out of my mum’s vagina first, was my precious bigger sister Nguyen Thuy Linh. Obviously, I had to be called Nguyen Thuy something then. So the only thing they had come up with was that something. And apparently, Trang seemed to be the perfect “something” at first. But a few days later, my dad probably saw some talented ass human being on tv called “Duong” and thought damn, my kid should be called Duong as well and here I am: Nguyen Thuy Duong Well I wish it ended here, but unfortunately the story continues. After being renamed a few days after my birth, everyone called me Duong. And that lasted for two whole years until we moved from Munich to Waldkraiburg. So from being surrounded by Vietnamese people only, we switched to a pretty white neighbourhood, which in itself means no harm. But once people wanted to call me, the very first problem occurred. How the hell do you pronounce Thuy Duong? My sister had it easy. Linh. Pretty self explanatory. Mine, however, was as mentioned before, fucking inconvenient. So instead of practicing my name, people around the neighbourhood called me Twisella. Generic German name, so: Gisela + Thuy apparently equals to Twisella. That’s how the neighbour kids called me. In kindergarten I just went with that name, because I accepted Twisella as my official german name. When I started elementary school, I realised what a shitty name Twisella was though. Which is why I introduced myself as Tü Dong instead. yeah. my name got butchered real bad.
And until 12th grade, people called me either Duong(Vietnamese ppl) Twisella(white Waldkraiburg kids) Tü Duong(casual schoolmates) or Tü(non Vietnamese friends). It wasn’t until uni, where people actually put in some effort to pronounce my name correctly. Naturally, it was my fault too, for introducing myself a certain way and not asking people to rather repeat my name often times until they got it than just let it be butchered like that. And now, I’m mainly called Duong and Tü.
Again, what’s my fucking point then? Well, all I want to say is, names have stigmas to them, whether good or bad, they’re still something you automatically have to deal with. The thing is, in my opinion, everyone’s personalities depends on the company they surround themselves with. I obviously behave differently in front of my family compared to hanging out with friends. What certain group of friends I spent time with also changes my behaviour. So there are tons of different personalities in me, which isn’t problematic and it’s just how humans work. And now, finally, we’ve reached my point: Due to me having so many names, the differentiation between those naturally occurring personalities became clearer. Too clear for me, which led to a 13 y/o me, who wished to change her name legally, so she could finally introduce herself more comfortably. A 14 y/o me thinking Tü is a lot cooler than Duong. A 15 y/o me hating Tü in school, because she lost so much self-esteem. A very insecure 16 y/o me, who was questioning her identity and name. And now, a 19 y/o me, who’s fucking glad that 13 y/o me wasn’t stubborn enough and who’s confident enough to say Hi I’m Thùy Dương, how about you? So 19 y/o me, aka, me rn, realised her growth. Okay talking in 3rd perspective like this is fucking weird. Yeah, I’m happier now, less insecure about my identity, and more reasonable too. Having different personalities is okay. Having different names is not, at least not for me. It was not only confusing to friends, but mostly to myself. Taking a step forward and finding a solution to my problem was needed. Actually applying that solution though, was really difficult and took up a lot of courage on my part. So what I want you, future Duong, to know and learn from all this is: Be confident about your heritage and name! Don’t let people pronounce you funny just because they’re too lazy to put in any effort. But especially YOU! Don’t be too scared to say it’s pronounced Thùy Dương and not xxx. Names are important. Names are precious. Names hold a certain amount of your quint essence. Names are linked to the stigma you are attached with. Names are identities given to people. Everyone has a name. And my name is Thùy Dương.