Being home has been such a bittersweet feeling for me. So from wednesday-sunday I was in Nebraska visiting my best friend for her wedding. Well it's along story but didn't end up getting there till thursday, I started coming home sunday night and drove all night getting home at 7 am yesterday morning.
Anyways being home is so bittersweet because I not only got to see one of my best friends for the first time in person in 5 ish years. I've missed her so much hopefully it won't be that long until I see her again. The other reason it's hard being back home is because of who was with me on that trip.
What we are whatever we are figuring out is so complicated and because it wasn't' worth explaining a million times over to everyone that we're not technically together he flew to be there with me for the wedding. So for the weekend he was my boyfriend again and damn do I miss that.
I miss him so much, I love being here but I almost wish I never left. I would have stayed in a heartbeat had he only asked me to just that. I can't solely put this heartbreak on him because I'm the only who moved. When we see each other, nothing's changed. We still act like a couple, we kiss, we cuddle, we make love. We tell each other we love each other all the things yet we haven't been able to figure out a damn thing.
So the feeling of being home now is bittersweet because I don't really have close friends here, he certainly isn't here and he's who I want more than anything in the whole world. God I don't even know what it is about him but I can't help it. I want him, I want to be with him forever and I'm so afraid that we're not going to be able to make that happen.
I was so tired when getting home yesterday morning I fell asleep the second I hit my pillow. It wasn't until getting into bed last night my brain decided to over fucking analyze everything from the whole trip. To the point I couldn't even sleep well last night because he wasn't in bed with like he had been the previous 4 nights. It was hard coming home without him and it was even harder laying in a bed without him. I just bought a house, I just moved in I don't know how we're going to figure this out, what we are, what we're going to do since neither of us can let the other go or move on.
