THE MUCKRAKER : THIRD EDITION ( JUNE 1ST, 2040 )
THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP!
CHEERIO CHEATS ON LOSER WITH FOOTBALL PLAYER, IS ANYONE SURPRISED? (pg 2)
anyone with eyes and ears could tell things were tense between lima’s most unlikely couple @ivystjamess and @leo-mccarthy at prom. what they might not be aware of is that one ivy st.james was getting busy in the bathroom AGAIN. sources tell us she was seen sneaking in there with @archerxcs. this was later confirmed by an after party goer who admitted to hearing ivy tell lemon sterling-duval that her and archer had shared a kiss. given her track record with boys though, we’d be surprised if it was just a kiss. who could blame her though? leo mccarthy has the classic case of lima loser waiting to happen.
SLUT STRIKES BACK! (pg 4)
catfight! according to our sources @winniclove was walking around prom with a welt worthy of the guinness book of world records on her face. it came to no surprise when the plot thickened that @rubyzizes was the one responsible for slapping winnie. given their history with grayson, some may argue that winnie deserved a lot worse, but personally here at the muckraker we find ruby zizes to be a literal attention whore. it’s no wonder one would be jealous of winnie-love karofsky, but we find it kind of sad when it’s a girl who was cheated on the dumped out of her first relationship. some people just aren’t meant to find love! and they shouldn’t take it out on the beautiful like winnie.
PROSTITUTION FOR PROM PRINCESS VOTES? (pg 4)
it came as a shock to just about everyone that @shanepuck won prom princess. while there were allegations tossed around about bella lopez-pierce stuffing the ballot box, with her status as the only cheerleading glee club member on the ballot, we figured she would likely be a shoe in. but shortly after prom we learned there was a wrench thrown in the mix by shane! seeing her date boring hart as mckinley’s prom prince frontrunner activated those psycho puckerman-fabray genes! a week prior to prom she was offering herself up to multiple male staff members in exchange for the elections to sway her way. this was brought to us by her sister, emory puckerman. god, i love when those girls go crazy!
5YOW? MORE LIKE FIVE YEARS TILL FAILURE! (pg 6)
@hunterxslade, @graysonlopezpierce,and @tatumfm make up 5 years of winter, or more commonly referred to as 5yow. but their performance at prom left people thinking 5yowza! many students report things just generally seeming off and to us here at the muckraker we instantly knew that meant lip syncing! there’s a history of lip syncing scandals at mckinley and we wouldn’t be shocked to hear that these has-been’s waiting to happen are the latest in the list of lip syncing embarrassments!
PUNCH BOWL CULPRITS SAVE PROM (pg 8)
for the most part, prom was a predictable snooze fest! the only thing that spiced it up was @aliviaporter and @kadenabrams joint effort to spike the punch bowl. though somebody usually spikes it, seeing drunk underage kids flopping around a dance floor all night really makes prom something special. we just hope alivia doesn’t catch feelings for kaden like she does with any guy who gives her an extra minute of attention.
TROUBLE IN PROM ROYALTY PARADISE (pg 10)
predictably @lemonsterling and @tj-beiste took home the title of prom king and queen, but it seems a saving grace @leiaevans crept in and provided some much needed drama for this eventual pta mom and coach dad. in an intimate hallway tryst, leia evans was overhead confessing her love for theo which put so called, ‘themon’ at odds for the rest of the evening to make matters even more interesting lemon was spotted kissing @tracehummelandersons at LJ’s prom after party. these two really can’t go more than a week without incident! i unfortunately doubt it’ll be the thing that i’m hoping breaks them up, how boring could they get?
JULIEN SCHUESTER MOVING IN A DEW DIRECTION (pg 12)
our sources say even in spite of taking crazy ex-girlfriend emory puckerman to prom, @julien-schuester hooked up with @roryslade in his own brothers office! which is kind of disgusting, but after their duet we aren’t surprised to hear reports of such a thing. rory slade notoriously throws herself at any guy older than her or who might give her an edge on tense glee club competition, which, julien fits the bill for both. while they quite literally defiled the choir room, we can only hope julien ditching emory results in some broken bones for rory and a new set of slashed tires for julien!
CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #4)
