#6:47pm

[xbaklangbabae]

There's a huge difference between giving up and having enough.

[margaritasandpuppies]

a dark place

I am so stuck in my own head and I’ve traveled so far down this dark path I’m getting scared

I haven’t felt this sad in so long and even back then I thought I was just being dramatic and I’m probably just catastrophizing all this but I’m so so scared that I’ll never be happy again

I know that sounds ridiculous and I hope someday I read that and laugh/hate myself for ever saying something so dumb but right now in this moment and for the past however long this has been a legitimate concern

I’m so young and I have faced my fair share of hardship but never anything insurmountable and I don’t know where all this pain come from but I just need it to stop

I need to make it stop I need the thoughts to stop I need a minute to breathe I need to stop the sadness and numbness and overwhelming pain of existing

I just go through the motions everyday and feel like I’m not actually living

I spent so many years convincing myself the “depression” in high school was purely situational but now I’m a clear textbook definition of depression, I hit all the symptoms I would tell someone else to look for in a loved one and yet I somehow go to work and help people who are just as unstable as I am?

I need a sense of purpose or a deadline as to when I can expect a light at the end of the tunnel

I don’t even want there to be a tunnel I want to be able to believe there’s a world outside of this fucking underground I’m stuck in

I know I’d never do anything to hurt myself again but then I wonder if that’s only because I literally lack the motivation to even do that

As for you, I think this is physically the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m so utterly and completely devastated but I can’t even go into it right now because I am so fucking drained from spending every second of every day thinking about you and hating myself

I’m constantly scared to be alone with my own thoughts because so much of the past 6 months has been me isolating myself and look where I ended up, but I’m also frightened to be so dependent on anyone but myself because again, now I’m here

I told myself I would never be this person again and now I can’t even breathe without thinking of you what the fuck

But then again like would having you even get me out of this hole? I was still in a terrible place when I did have you so probably not

I have so much fixing to do and no idea where to even start with it all

Don’t let me drown

[closetgremlin]

*welcome to night vale voice*

Don John - you know, the bastard -

[omnya-a-shoman]

نتخفف يا صديقي كما لم نفعل من قبل..!

[ihave-words]

I always assume I'm making him mad and the I get upset and then I end up making it all about me. Even when I'm trying to be better I'm still selfish. Will I ever learn?

[noodzandnarwhals]

ALL I WANNA DO IS TALK TO YOU I MISS YOU SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU CARE WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH UGH UGH UGH