#7.5.17

[alltheselights]

anne 💔

Hope she’s doing okay. 😞

[georgianadesign]

1890s row house renovation by architect Kevin Toukoumidis and designer Michael Abrams. Werner Straube photo in Traditional Home. 

[berrysweetboutique]

The internal battle of wanting to keep the story going but knowing you need a few days to switch off from storytelling mode...

More story Monday if I don’t cave before that!

And a blog cleanup too!

All asks are moved to @askaberrysweet

Please send WCIF to @findaberrysweet

♡ Enjoy your weekend my lovelies ♡

[newscoldplay]

Chris at rehearsals with Shakira’s band in Hamburg for Global Citizen (x | x)

[raindestiel]

[kellanoliver]

Antidepressants

(Originally written 3.10.14, edited 7.5.17)

I. Zoloft

I’m three weeks in & I can’t keep this pocket knife out of my hand. The blade feels just right you see, but I promise,

I’ll try not to do it.

Yesterday, my mind showed me a bullet breaking through my skull. I thought it was a shame that all of that blood & twisting meat was only my imagination. Dying would be much easier, after all. I’ve been straining so hard to survive myself.

You’d think the blade would go deeper. I cut three times as much for the imperfection. I’ll find a better tool next time.

I’m sorry, I don’t think you really want to be my friend right now. I swear, I’m not usually like this.

I think I need a new medication.

II. Welbutrin

She said, “Let’s give it a month & see how you feel. I really think this one will work.”

I have been submissive, taken the little white pills like they were candy. I have told myself I’d do anything not to go there again (there being jeans sticking to bleeding thighs)

but two months in & I feel nothing but tired. Six hours a night or less, I keep my stomach empty like a new religion & the desire to die hasn’t passed only the fear of it.

Is it so hard to want to be alive?

I tell her this isn’t working.

III. Cymbalta

You are my two-toned possible messiah, my third desperate attempt for redemption & mercy.

I have worshiped the blade. I have drunk the curse. I have prayed to the sharp turn of the old highway to release my eighty mile per hour tires.

Little god, what will you bring me- little deaths or a long awaited breath?

[aliensaucers]

one day im gonna have 60 cats. allergies can go to hell where they belong.

[nadineleopold-news]

nadineleopold: Feeling blue.