Jealous Guy, How Do You Sleep? and Johns dichotomy – an analysis
“I didn't want to hurt you, im just a jealous guy”
I find the fact that both Jealous Guy and How Do You Sleep were included on the same album to be an indicative signal of Johns convoluted psyche. Where in one song he can express profound remorse and recognition of his own wrongs, just tracks later he almost negates this apology, vilifying the same person [Paul] he appeared to be sincerely expressing regret for. I thought it might be interesting to analyse both songs, and then compare, contrast and interpret what we can of the inconsistent nature of John’s feelings for Paul.
Jealous Guy
A lot of people have argued that ‘Jealous Guy’ was a song written for Paul - and whilst I do agree with that interpretation, I also think that the song relates really to a more expansive articulation of Johns struggles with jealousy, and the way in which it has ruined so many meaningful relationships for him (his relationship with Paul notably being one of these).
The evidence for the song being about Paul actually comes from Paul himself, stating in an interview: “He used to say, ‘Everyone is on the McCartney bandwagon.’ He wrote ‘I’m Just a Jealous Guy’, and he said that the song was about me. So I think it was just some kind of jealousy." - Paul McCartney, Playboy (Feb. 1985). Examining the songs lyrics does appear to validate this - though I believe John was downplaying the actual sentiment of jealousy related to the song when he said that to Paul. The initial implication appears to be more so jealousy due to a feeling that Paul was more beloved in the public eye then him; jealousy tightly related to fame. But a closer examination of “everyone is on the McCartney bandwagon”, combined with inferences from the lyrics, suggests to me that this jealousy was never really over fame or fortunes, but instead it was a fundamental feeling of inadequacy that would affect a type of jealousy towards Paul, because Paul had it all: he was likeable, loveable, cared for, appreciated, sociable, confident, intelligent etc. whereas John had nothing and no one. But going even further into this, it appears as well that the jealousy John evokes within the lyrics isn’t just about a grief he felt because Paul had “more” in a sense - but also, its a grievance over the fear that this person does “not love [him] anymore”, and that they were prepared to abandon him now.
I don’t know what John meant exactly when he wrote “I was dreaming of the past”, because I don’t know what former experiences he was strictly relating this “dreaming” to - but id hazard a guess to say he was describing a moment in which he was recalling traumas and tragedies he’d endured throughout his lifetime. Perhaps he was thinking of Julia, perhaps he was recollecting a flippant but cruel comment Mimi had made to him as a child - I can’t really say, but overall I don’t think the specifics of this memory really matter. What matters is that they led to him getting emotional, “[losing] control”, and ultimately trying to purge this emotion by abusing someone he dearly loved.
In the second verse he explains to the subject(s) of the song who he had hurt in that moment of despair, that he was “feeling insecure” because they might not love him anymore. He doesn’t elaborate on any reason why he believed that the subject might have fallen out of love with him, and perhaps there was in fact a specific trigger for this insecurity - but ultimately, in abstaining from specifics John creates the sense that this insecurity was basically just in his own head. It doesn’t appear that any exogenous action had given him a rational reason to feel this insecurity, but it was John himself that “was shivering inside”; it was his own internal conflict.
In the third and final verse, John expresses a sense of rejection, and the way in which he would attempt to smother the hurt this rejection could cause. But this smothering, and lack of communication, would only lead him to hurt his beloved subject. He states: “I was trying to catch your eyes, thought that you was trying to hide. I was swallowing my pain.” The lyric “catch your eyes” has been taken somewhat literally by some, and whilst im not saying that interpretation is wrong, I feel personally that the lyric is invoking more-so the sense that John wanted intimate attention. The watchful eye is a special thing, disclosing a sense of genuine care as well as kinship - he didn’t want the subject to just see him acting out, but he wanted them to care too. It wasn’t just about attention, but about empathy and affinity too - and so when the subject “rejected” this, by allegedly “hiding” what I assume is the true depths of their feelings, John does not communicate his pain but swallows it instead. And this, again, leads to an outpour of upset, uncontrolled emotions and behaviours. Id presume this lyric relates to Paul in the sense that John feared Pauls independence - its been observed by many that Paul was always slightly apart from the group; whilst John wanted them all to live together as a (very) small and tightly knit community on some Greek island, Paul disdained the idea. That doesn’t mean he cared less about John or George and Ringo, but just that he wasn’t codependent and thriving entirely off of his intimates (although I would say he was codependent upon them in a lot of way too, but this codependency differed to Johns).
However, overwhelming all this self-reflection is the apologetic sentiment to the song. John understood his flaws, and even understood the roots and triggers of these flaws: insecurity, self loathing, fear of abandonment etc. But while he does allow himself the opportunity to explain his actions, he still offers a well-deserved and sincere apology to those he had hurt so deeply.
How Do You Sleep?
Whilst its debatable who Jealous Guy was specifically written about (like I said, I personally believe it was about Johns overall experiences with jealousy, though that does largely pertain to its influence in his relationship with Paul), its unequivocal that How Do You Sleep was written about Paul; both John and Paul have discussed the songs meaning and intentions in plenty of interviews, and ill return to this point later. It is debatable however who exactly was involved in the song writing process - as Paul McCartney stated in a 2020 GQ interview: “…you hear the stories from various angles and apparently people who were in the room when John was writing [HDYS], he was getting suggestions for the lyrics off Allan Klein. So, you see the atmosphere of "Let's get Paul. Let's nail him in a song..." And those things were pretty hurtful.” (x) Its probable that Klein, and allegedly Yoko too (x), contributed to the song, and I think that that is something worth accounting for; we can’t credit John entirely for the songs caustic lyrics. But at the same time, that John had people gang up on Paul, in a way appears to be even more indicative of the his contemptuous and resentful feelings he held towards Paul, because John was actively seeking to turn other people against him. Noting this contempt is not to suggest that John didn’t love Paul, but to quote Marya Hornbacher: “Hatred is so much closer to love then indifference”.
Im sure we all know why John wrote the song: it was a response to Pauls 1971 album RAM (x). Arguably, John was always bound to have written a song in the similar vain to HDYS, as evidenced by this interview - “[HDYS] started off in a more abstract form about a year and a half ago…it just sort of formed itself through anger and sadness. It’s really like an outburst…” (x). If John is being accurate in this interview, it means fragments of the song had been written even before Paul had written and released RAM. Certainly RAM upset John, but perhaps it was just the final trigger for John in writing HDYS, rather then the actual root of it.
Continuing the conversation about RAM in fact, some people have argued that tracks like Too Many People matched the same aggression John presented in HDYS. Id disagree with this, as I illustrated in further detail here (x), though I believe TMP was written with the intent to hurt and offend John, I don’t think Paul was trying to shatter him. He was criticising John’s actions and behaviours, and thats fair; he wasn’t criticising Johns very being and entire career and personality. John went for everything about Paul.
In the first verse of HDYS, he writes “You better see right through that mother's eyes; those freaks was right when they said you was dead”. Here John illustrates a resentment he held towards Paul, due to McCartneys “insincere” nature. He alleges that Paul tends to play coy in downplaying his successes, but behind those “eyes” he is apparently a vapid, empty, apathetic being. This lyric perhaps relates to the “I was tryna catch your eyes, thought that you was trying to hide” from Jealous Guy, and Johns frustration in not being able to attain that level of intimacy he wanted from Paul.
In the second verse, there is again a sense of betrayal when John sings, “You live with straights who tell you, you was king. Jump when your momma tell you anything.” Perhaps the underlying sentiment John is invoking here is that he’s betrayed that Paul would pick the high-class “straights” over him. Again, its this idea that Paul is some narcissist who only hangs around people who’ll feed his ego - but John can see straight through his “humble” facade.
To put it all simply, John Lennon was a classic bully. He was putting Paul down because internally, John was “shivering” with insecurity - and this insecurity I suppose muted into an abundance of aggression and frustration, of which he took out on Paul, HDYS exemplifying this.
If we observe however Johns reaction in later interviews concerning HDYS (this (x) for example), its interesting that he seems evasive. And that John seems so evasive and half-hearted in his defence of the song (even trying to nullify the effects of the songs lyrics in favour of suggesting its a musically beautiful song) suggests to me that releasing the song was a choice he ultimately regretted after recognising how much it hurt Paul - see I Know (I Know) as further evidence of this. In a lot of ways he doesn’t want to recognise the innate cruelty behind the intent of HDYS, perhaps because he doesn’t want to recognise his own monstrosity. He evades the reality of the song because he can’t face himself - as he stated in a 1980 interview, HDYS was really just about himself. All the contempt directed at Paul throughout the song is just a product of his own self-loathing, which made him a hateful and bitter person, and resulted in him projecting a lot of this spite onto Paul.
John’s Dichotomy
Where John could write some profound and personal lyrics that cut straight to the bone, like “I was shivering inside” - he could also counter these words with insincere and purposely hurtful words, as demonstrated in How Do You Sleep? This appears to be his dichotomy: that he can love someone (Paul, specifically) so immensely that it resulted in a form of “hate”. He was hurt when this love was seemingly unreturned, and acted out in such a way that was contemptuous, aspiring to drag Paul down to his own level. But behind all his cruel remarks and bullying tactics, was just a lost and lonely guy, looking for attention to quell his insecurity.
HDYS was the classic “leave them before they leave you” strategy, and as per usual, it failed. John never fully left Paul, because we know he was talking about him till he died. But he had still irreparably altered his relationship with Paul. Paul was still there for him, but there was this tear in their relationship, that could never been sewn back together. But if HDYS was Johns cry for attention, then Jealous Guy connotes the puddles of sorrow behind these calls. And Paul always understood that these sorrows existed; there might have been doubt in his mind surrounding Johns affection for him after his death, but id be willing to bet that behind all this confusion, Paul always knew John loved him.
Perhaps John wrote HDYS out of spite, over his perception that Paul “abandoned” him. Perhaps it was a call for attention. Whatever it was, behind every insult was just a Jealous Guy.
I swear the lads got more gay as they got older. Late 70s - 80s Paul just seems to scream 'I LOVE BOYS'. Younger Paul and John i feel a 'hmmm they might like boys but they seem repressed' vibe. 70s John is just 'GIMME A WILLY'
To be fair, the 70s was a wild time of androgynous fashion for a LOT of folks!
