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Apr 14, 2016

RExp.: A Different Sort of Adventure, chap.14

Journal of HanLuvr’s FF reading experiences (x)

A Different Sort of Adventure, by @followthebadwolf (Chap.14)

View reading experience of Chap.13

Beware : Spoilers under the cut (as well as much fangirling because this story has reached a critical point :D)

Summary: During The Satan Pit, the Doctor and Rose nearly become separated. Will this change anything in their relationship?

"Oh, she knows."

Every single corner of his mind is filled with Rose. Only her. The one and only person he thinks of as he descends into this seemingly bottomless chasm, hoping to find a way to get back to her, but also very aware that he may instead meet his own demise.

Memories emerge from the shadows that surround him left and right, creating a slideshow of happiness; his happiness, their happiness, a perfect picture of the last two years. The first time he ever laid eyes upon her, his regeneration, that kiss back on New Earth, the rapid beat of his two hearts whenever he was in her presence, the sound of her laughter when he rambled about things she had next to no idea about, but always had an opinion about them. In the blink of an eye, all of those brilliant memories are replaced with regret, the one unwanted companion he couldn't seem to shake.

He never wanted to regret anything he'd done with Rose, and that, he certainly did not. What he did regret was what he didn't do.

He was falling, falling into a seemingly endless pit, and his last words were "Oh, she knows".

Only she doesn't know. She would likely never know, not now, not when the odds were against the two of them ever seeing each other again. He would try his best, do what he can if he survives the fall, but chances are that he might not make it.

And she should have known. He'd been a coward, too scared to tell her, too afraid to let go; he delayed it foolishly, unconsciously believing in that fleeting promise of forever which he knew they would never be granted.

Here we go. This is the part I figured was coming. The Doctor has been wanting Rose for so long but held back. Even when trying to work through his all his guilt that he doesn’t deserve this or that worry she feels the same, he hasn’t acted. And now the Doctor, in this very moment, doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance to tell her. He can’t let Ida give that message, it needs to come from him but will he get the chance to say it?

Rose wakes up with a start, blinking in confusion. What happened? Where was she? A few seconds pass in blissful ignorance, until even that is broken by comprehension as the events of the day hit her one after another.

Krop Tor, The Bitter Pill. They weren't even meant to be there in the first place; they lost the TARDIS, and for a moment, she thought they might go down the slow path together, stranded in this unknown world, but when it came to the two of them, if there was some trouble, there was bound to be even more trouble just around the corner, and...

And the Doctor fell down the pit-no, he jumped down the pit, and she did not want to leave him, so the crew of the ship incapacitated her and now-

And now she was being taken away from her Doctor!

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere! Get me out of this thing! Get me out!"

She screamed, threatened and begged, all to no avail. The captain of the ship would not budge, he would not take her back, and it hit her that she might never see her Doctor again.

Now it’s Rose’s turn for regret. She’s had a nightmare where the Doctor is taken from her before you tells her something she “must know.” Even though both of them are hurting with regret, I do like that they seem to be channelling each other. That the feelings that we know are mutual are weighing heavy on their minds. But even so, at the moment she can’t be sure she’ll see him again and she too has left so much unsaid.

Time stood still when they finally saw each other once again. Against all odds, against their own expectations, but fully according to their wishes, they made it, just the way they always did. The Doctor and Rose, defenders of the universe, the perfect team. Saved what they could and ended up together on the TARDIS at the end of the day, only this time, they really had no reason to expect that things would end well, because everything seemed to be against such an outcome.

They did it, they did it together; the Doctor disposed of the beast's prison, Rose destroyed its mind, the Doctor then located the spaceship she had been trapped in, stopped the spacecraft just as it was about to be pulled into the black hole, and now she was right there, standing in the door to the TARDIS, looking back at him, her eyes no doubt reflecting his own disbelief and happiness.

Just one second spent frozen in time, that was all it took for them to run to one another, finally finding comfort in each other's arms, the comfort they could hardly go on without.

Finally, the Doctor and Rose are reunited. They don’t rush just yet into declarations of their feelings but they revel in each other’s presence and the Doctor vows to never let Rose out of his sight again, especially not the night of their reunion after Krop Tor.

The Doctor observed Rose while she was rummaging through the cupboards in search of something for them to eat, for once not trying to assist her by using his sonic screwdriver to prepare the meal within seconds, perfectly content to spend a while suspended in time, with her. He almost lost her earlier that day, and to see her running about was much more than he thought he could ever ask for.

A slow smile spreads over his face as he watches her bite down on her lower lip in a thoughtful manner, clearly at a loss as to the location of this or that ingredient. He'd help her, but he had no idea about things in his own kitchen anymore (to be fair, he hasn't had much of an idea in the first place, but when Rose joined him on his adventures, she quickly took over the whole ship. Decorations, souvenirs from all over the universe, a lost hoodie left in the middle of the library, and lastly, an utter mess in the kitchen), so he indulges and keeps on admiring the way she tucks her hair behind her ear as she keeps on searching for a moment. She then turns to him, suddenly aware of his stare.

"What're you starin' at?" she says with a smile, clearly relieved to see him still sitting at the table; such a contrast from just a couple hours earlier, when she thought she'd never see him again.

They both felt shaken in their own way, and both knew that this day would never be forgotten, yet they did not dare say how much they didn't wish to let the other one out of their sight for as much as half a second. They spent all of their time together, after all; no explanations were needed, were they?

This is some really beautiful imagery here. Rose has made a home for herself in the TARDIS just as much as she has within his hearts. So how about you tell her, Doctor? Or you tell him, Rose? Please? Surely, we’ve reached that point?

"Right. Well, I've got this idea. How 'bout I make us some toast and you can have all the strawberry jam, and then we just, I don't know, take it easy? You could show me that, err, collection of yours, collection of, what was it, robots or somethin'?"

His eyes widen for a brief moment, because she always argues with him about who would take the last of the jam, and her interest in his collection of machinery was always way down below the sea level, but he collects himself quickly enough and grins at her, about to present a much better suggestion.

He wanted to make her happy, and most of all, to keep her near him for, well, for however long she'd agree to. He already dreaded the moment when she'd have to go to sleep. Thus, the idea.

"That's all very well, but I've got an even better idea," he says with a smug smile. There was no way she'd pass up on all that, and he could worry about his irretrievably damaged reputation later.

"Yeah? What's that, then?"

"Weeell, you know how you're always moaning about watching these daft films of yours?"

"They're not daft! And I'm not moaning," she grumbles, struggling to appear offended.

"Right, 'course not, but the point remains! I thought we might, you know, watch one of those. If you like. Or two, or, weeell, anything really, I just thought, 'cause you're always fussing about it, so-"

The Doctor and Rose are both so sweet, both trying to please the other and spend the evening just being together. It really doesn’t matter what they do, as long as they are together.

"But you're always makin' such a fuss about it, and then in the end, we always watch them, anyway. And now you're asking me, too. It's almost as if you like them," she teased.

"Weeell, no, of course I don't like them, Rose!" That wasn't entirely true, but he did have a reputation to uphold, so a little lie was completely justified. "I just thought you'd enjoy that. I... I want you to be, weeell... Happy?" his voice falters at the last few words, once again transforming a casual conversation into a much more serious one, just the way they've both done quite frequently as of late.

Rose's heart beats a little faster upon hearing that and she embraces him, resting her head against his chest, faintly hearing the quickened beat of his hearts, feeling comforted by the sound. He really was there with her. She hadn't lost him.

The Doctor freezes for a second before returning the embrace, pulling her even closer.

"What's this for?" he says softly, perfectly content with her reaction to his idea. Even a hundred daft films would be worth watching just to get as much as one hug from Rose, especially if he gets to cudd-

No, not cuddle, embrace her on the sofa as she swoons over this or that particularly romantic scene and he imagines that they kiss in that same way, with the world spinning and so on, which of course never happened, but would be nice nevertheless.

"I dunno. Just because," she responds, and for a moment, they don't say or do anything at all, both simply overjoyed to be together at the end of this long day, all the while feeling scared of having to part. Scared and unwilling. So after some additional teasing, she graciously agrees to watch a movie, and then another one, even though she is half asleep by then, having been awake for over twenty hours, but she cannot bring herself to go to bed when the alternative is spending some time with the Doctor. Every second spent with him restored a little piece of her sanity and brought her comfort, so she hardly wanted to leave.

Okay, so we’re getting there… and then… Rose falls asleep against the Doctor. He is enraptured looking at her and doesn’t want to let her go. He picks her up in his arms and carries her to her bedroom.

With a sigh of surrender, he takes her in his arms and picks her up with no effort. The only effort he is forced to make comes from trying to keep himself from kissing her as he carries her all the way to her bedroom and gently sets her down on the bed.

She takes his breath away, and that says a lot, considering his respiratory bypass system and all. He cannot imagine ever losing her, even if he has never had her in the first place.

He wants to be with her. Needs to be with her, against all odds.

Truly with her, not just next to her. He wants more.

Wants to be able to kiss her right at that moment and not have her find it out of place. He wants to fast-forward into his very own future and see if she will ever end up his, not just remain his friend; if she will ever allow him closer, infinitely closer than they could ever be as an unlikely pair of time-traveling companions.

His shoulders heave with a sigh once more. He does not want to leave her, feeling irrationally scared of losing her after the events of the day, but he knows better than to remain in her bedroom, staring at her sleeping form for the rest of the night, so he tucks her in and turns to leave the room.

Just as he is about to exit, he hears her quiet voice.

"Doctor?"

And now, finally, at long last it begins!!!! :D :D :D

"Can you stay?"

Her words hang in the air for a moment as their full meaning sinks in. She wasn't mad, and on top of that, she didn't want him to go. The tone of her voice sounds strangely vulnerable and all of his willpower crumbles, leaving him equally defenceless.

It hits the Doctor that she may have been scared, just like he was. Scared of so many things. It was so human to feel fear, so very human, not something his own race would admit to, but then again, this version of him was shaped solely by Rose, and he could relate to all these human things. Not just relate. He felt them himself.

He doesn't respond for a while, completely taken aback by her request, so she hastily adds an unnecessary clarification.

"I mean, just until I fall asleep. I... I thought I'd lost you, and... And I think it'd help if you stayed, 'cos then I know you're still here," her voice cracks at the end because she knows that her request might seem odd to him, but she so badly wants him to stay, she no longer cares what he might think.

Yes, Doctor, you’re getting it. I know the story is over and done but I really feel like cheering him on. It’s taken so long to get to this point, both of them so worried the other might not feel the same and it would ruin their friendship. Which of course it won’t because they both feel the same.

The Doctor kicks off his shoes and jacket and while there is a moment of awkwardness, not knowing how close she wants him, it doesn’t last. Soon they are side by side and their hands are together (where they belong). Then, before she can slip off to sleep next to him, the Doctor takes the leap.

"Rose," he murmurs in a voice barely above a whisper, knowing that she was not yet asleep. He can tell by the shallow sound of her breaths or the quickened beat of her heart. His voice is hoarse, but free of doubt and hesitation, filled with longing.

"Mmm?" she mumbles in return, still awake, slightly groggy and blissful.

He is aware that from this point on, there will be no going back, and everything they've built during the past two years would change, fall apart only to be rebuilt again from its very foundations, no matter the outcome.

Strange part is, he really wasn't afraid. Not anymore.

He will never be afraid again, not of that, not like that.

She doesn't know, and she needs to know, because he-

He thinks. Or hopes.

That she might want to know.

And if she does, then they could-

"Can I kiss you?"

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!! I don’t think I could put in too many exclamation points to emphasize my joy. It goes without saying that her answer is yes. The Doctor looks into her eyes and sees the same longing he has felt since the beginning. So pardon me while I share their first kiss in all it’s glory.

With that, she moves closer to him, putting their faces mere inches away from one another as they share a wordless conversation.

An explanation as to why it took so long, and why it couldn't wait any longer.

And then, just like that, their eyes close and their lips meet.

The kiss is soft and slow and tentative at first; it serves as both the question and the answer, the answer to every question, the start of something brand new. They taste each other's lips, slowly savouring the moment, pouring all of their feelings into that one dream that at long last came true. Rose's hands are pressed against his chest as they slowly venture further; he props himself up on his elbow, easily losing himself in the moment just as she rolls over to her back at the same time, leaving him somewhat above her, and he leans down to keep kissing her now slightly parted lips, deepening the kiss, meeting her tongue with his own, relishing the taste that he had been dreaming of for so long, even before that non-kiss back on New Earth.

She reaches out and pulls him closer by wrapping her arms around his neck, running her fingers through that gorgeous hair of his, kissing him back with all of the love she has had for him for the past two years, never wanting to stop, momentarily forgetting how unexpected this was, focused on simply not wanting it to ever end.

Their lips part only very briefly when one of them needs to pause for air, up until the Doctor follows another dream of his and traces a path across her cheek with brief kisses, tasting her skin with each and every caress, moving his lips to her jaw line and then past it, all the way down to the crook of her neck. He does not stay long, however, and quickly makes his way back up to her mouth, impatiently locking his lips with hers once again.

He wasn't thinking. For once in his life, he ran entirely on instinct, and he didn't want to go back.

YES! YES! YES! But we’re not done yet. No, there is more loveliness to follow.

"Rose-" he begins, but she doesn't let him finish, pulling him back, crashing her lips onto his with an urgency that accompanied her long-repressed passion. She wasn't going to let this end, not after all those months she's spent daydreaming about this very moment, night and day, wishing for even just one of those kisses, just one of those looks.

He indulges, of course, willingly kissing her back, sometimes slowly and gently, other times passionately, but he wants to, needs to say it, because-

Because she needs to know.

"I love you," he breathes in between those intoxicating kisses in a husky voice that is barely audible, almost drawn out by the sound of their shallow breaths, and it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off his chest.

*throws confetti and dances merrily*

Though Rose isn’t quite sure she heard right, and after all the Doctor’s tactics to keep his feelings hidden, I can’t say it’s surprise.

"Did you..." she stammers, "Did you just... Say somethin'?"

She must have heard wrong. He couldn't-

Only, he did.

"I did," he confirms and their rapid heartbeats mix together as they look at one another, closer than ever, each completely overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.

"Did I- Did you say-" her breath trembles inside her chest, "Did you just say what I think you said?"

Rose searches his eyes for answers as she had done so many times before, never finding the slightest clue, but this time, all she sees is resolve mixed with a hint of fear.

This was a big step into the complete unknown for him. He dove right in at the deepest end of the pool, barely knowing how to swim in these treacherous waters, yet when he responds, his voice is free of all doubt.

"Yes."

Thank you, Doctor! Now go on, Rose. Put the poor guy at ease…

"Can you..." she bites down on her lip briefly, desperately hoping that he wouldn't back out. "D'you think you could you just... Say it again?"

The Doctor raises his eyebrows, puzzled, confused and once again, hopeful.

She wouldn't ask if she didn't want to hear it, right?

No, she wouldn't, and she-

She looks so... So vulnerable, as if his words could touch her very soul, if one believed in that sort of thing. So he takes a deep breath and gathers what courage he has left, knowing that it has to be said.

"I said that I... Well, I... I love you, Rose. I've... I've-" he trips over words, finding it so much harder to say these things with her observing him so very intently, "I was... I couldn't tell you- It's all- It's all new to me, Rose, and I- Time Lords, we, well, we never really did-"

She always had a tendency to interrupt him mid-sentence, his Rose. Only this time, she interrupts him in a far, far better way; not with a mocking remark but with a passionate kiss that he happily returns, letting go of his fear of rejection for an instant.

This time, it is she who pulls away, just barely, and she whispers against his lips,

"I love you, my Doctor," she watches as his expression changes into a look of complete wonder, "God, you have no idea, do you?"

I don’t blame Rose for wanting to hear it again. It has been so long, so confusing, and so frustrating. And then she says it. Now the Doctor knows. They love each other.

It was a whole new experience, like nothing he has ever done before, but by the end of the night, the Doctor knew that it was something they would experience together.

It was absolutely exhilarating. Terrifying. Amazing. It was-

It was the two of them, a Time Lord and a human, and for once, the Doctor only thought of the future as a point in time in which they would be together, still. Him and his Rose.

From now on, truly his.

Over nine hundred years and he never felt like he belonged anywhere. Always on the run, always escaping, but now, he knew that he did belong somewhere.

He belonged with her. All of space and time, everything may change, but that, that's the one thing that never will.

Never.

He strokes her cheek and kisses her again, thinking that out of all of his many adventures, this one will certainly be his ultimate favourite. No contest.

*sigh of relief* Such a beautiful coming out so to speak between the Doctor and Rose. Finally they know where they stand with one another and that they are truly in love with one another – it’s not a one sided thing and they never need doubt that again. Absolutely gorgeous.

- by @hanluvr

Reading experience of Chap.15!

#followthebadwolf #a different sort #teaser #reading experiences #hanluvr

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