I know it's been super duper long, but would you still like me to continue my Echo and Crosshair stories? I don't have much time currently as this semester has been extremely work heavy, but next semester should be much lighter! I will still try to write this semester if you would like me to finish my stories!
Including the tag list to hopefully get some responses!
I'm barely alive and not kicking but here I am battling depression and anxiety with alcoholism and nicotine addiction WOOHOO COLLEGE IS SO FUCKING GREAT
ANyways I'm hoping to be 'back' soon so here's something I've been working on for months
Hope yall are well
Part Forty
As you stare at Tayah’s sickly yellow eyes, you feel the entire universe collapsing around you. Anakin is silent at your side, and you feel his discomfort rising. He’s just lost his padawan, and now you’re being given an offer to save someone close to you, bring them back to the light.
“I can go wait outside,” Anakin offers.
“I would prefer to keep you where I can see you,” Dooku replies, his eyes briefly leaving you to glance at the Jedi Knight. “I am sure you have a lot of internal conflict, but I advise you to make your choice quickly.”
“I-” you start, but then you bite your tongue, unable to speak the words. You stare at Tayah, noticing how helpless and desperate she looks. It’s as though even through the curse she’s pleading for you to help her. You glance at Anakin for help, and you already know what he’s thinking. You want to shake your head, knowing that his idea won’t work. But it’s at least worth a shot, right? “I’ll give myself up,” you say, “but release her curse first.”
“Now now, young one,” Dooku says while shaking his head, “I know better than to trust you deceitful Jedi.”
“I’ll prove my surrender,” you say before unclipping your lightsaber and using the force to pass it to him. He takes hold of it and examines it, a smirk residing on his lips.
“This will make a fine addition to Grievous’s collection,” he says before clipping it somewhere under his cloak. Next, you walk over to stand in front of him, and he motions for Tayah to get up and join you. She glares at you the entire time, eyes filled with the look of murder. “Tayah, you are now released from the sith curse,” he says while waving a hand above her head. You wait, hoping for something to happen, although you know it won’t. This has been pointless, you can’t take the sith curse away from someone. They have to give up the darkside themselves.
Tayah blinks a few times, confusion swirling in her eyes before she looks up at Dooku. “Master? What curse?”
A low, slow chuckle begins deep inside Dooku’s chest, and before you can get yourself back to your senses, his hand is around your neck and your back is pressed against his chest. He’s just barely choking you, and his lightsaber is held just millimeters from your throat. “You foolish Jedi,” he says in a humored tone, “you know there is no such thing as a curse to turn someone to the darkside.”
“It was worth a shot,” Anakin counters, igniting his own lightsaber. Dooku’s saber gets closer to you, and you stare at Anakin with wide eyes.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Dooku says, and you feel his hand loosen on your throat as he moves it to the back of your neck. You tense up, but then his arm is sticking out to the side. “Tayah, shall we show these Jedi all that you have accomplished so far?”
You feel your blood drain as you realize what’s about to happen. You want to scream, but all sound refuses to come out. When she steps forward, she ignites your lightsaber, and the green glow contrasts greatly with her orange skin and yellow eyes. You can remember the first time you’d shown her your lightsaber, how her eyes were silver like Kwol’s back then.
“You don’t have to do this, Tayah,” Anakin says, holding his hand out, “you can come back with us. We can save you.”
“Don’t listen to his lies, Tayah,” Dooku counters, “remember how they abandoned you. How they never went searching for you.”
“We did all that we could, Tayah,” Anakin says, shaking his head, “we never gave up on you.”
“Why isn’t she talking,” Tayah questions slowly and quietly, her head turning to look at you briefly before refocusing on Anakin. “She’s the one who let me get taken.”
“I’m so sorry, Tayah,” you finally speak, “I tried, I did all I could, but when they jumped to hyperspace…We had no idea where they took you.”
“Why didn’t you use the force? You always told me about how you could use it to feel where people are.”
“It’s not that simple,” you counter.
“Yes it is!” she screams, grip tightening on her lightsaber.
“I promise I would have come to you if I was able to!” you plead back, hoping to calm her down.
Dooku’s arm tightens around you, and you resist the urge to struggle in his grasp. “Quiet down, young Num,” he says quietly, “let’s watch this first.” His hand comes up and covers your mouth, and if it weren’t for the gloves on his hands, you would have tried to bite him. “Begin, Tayah.”
With that simple command, Tayah launches herself forward, a growl coming from her as she moves toward Anakin. In defense, he quickly grabs his own lightsaber and ignites it to block her strike. She’s small and quick, but Anakin is still more skilled than her. You watch in horror, unable to say or do anything while trapped in Dooku’s arms.
“This isn’t you,” Anakin says as he backs away from a slash, “you don’t have to give your life away, Tayah!”
“You don’t know me,” she growls back, and when their sabers clash together, something clicks in you.
You take a deep breath through your mouth before you clamp your teeth down on Dooku’s covered palm, at the same time stomping on his foot. His grip loosens just enough for you to slip an arm backwards and grab one of his sabers. You ignite it just as he moves away from you, narrowly avoiding getting cut by it. He ignites the saber he still has and you lunge forward to clash with him.
“No matter what you do, she is already too far gone,” Dooku states as he swings at you. You bend back just in time and swing towards him, which he again dodges.
“You don’t know that!” you shout as you shift into a better stance, “you’ve never tried to bring someone back!”
“You’re right,” he says, “but I tried to fight the urge myself. I tried to fight for your father’s sake, but it didn’t work.”
“Tayah isn’t you, she has family that loves her. Family that wants her back! She won’t be alone!”
“And you think that I would have been alone if I had reached out?” Dooku questions. “What about your father? Don’t you think that he would try to help his former master?”
“I didn’t know my father well,” you start, “but from what I’ve heard about him from others, he would have done anything to bring his master back to the light side.”
“That is the problem with you Jedi,” Dooku says before his eyes flash yellow. He thrusts his hand out, and you can’t dodge the force lightning that strikes your body. “You believe that everyone can be saved, when in fact, not many can be. Myself and Tayah included. You end up slaughtering more people than you save because you are blinded by pointless optimism.”
You scream as you writhe on the ground, and the shouts from Anakin are barely heard by you. You don’t see when Anakin gets angry, but in a matter of moments he’s slashing his saber toward Dooku and you are relieved of the force lightning.
“Look at you! A Jedi flinging an innocent child to the ground!” Dooku’s words make you roll your head to the side and look for Tayah, and the sight of her crumbled on the ground spurs you into action. You reach out and pull a lightsaber towards you before pushing yourself off the ground and running to her.
“Y/n, I need your help!” Anakin yells, and you pause, halfway between him and Tayah. She still hasn’t moved, but you can feel her life force. She’s not dead, but she might be injured. “We can help her after we escape!” Anakin shouts, and you give a silent apology to Tayah for abandoning her again, and you turn and run back toward the dueling pair.
“Finally, a challenge,” Dooku sneers. “Fighting the daughter of my former padawan, and the padawan of his padawan. I can see him in both of you, but that is your weakness.”
You ignore his words and instead focus on blocking the swing of his saber. The force of his attack nearly knocks you down. It surprises you that an old man like him can be so strong, but then again, Yoda is one of the strongest Jedi you know, and he’s ancient.
“If only Obi Wan were here, that would be much more interesting of a fight,” Anakin jokes, but you just roll your eyes before rolling forward and trying to catch Dooku off guard. He jumps out of the way though, and you barely push yourself across the ground in time to avoid his strike.
“Perhaps I overestimated you,” Dooku comments as you stand back up, “I should have known that just because Qui-Gon was your father, that wouldn’t inherently give you skill. I knew Codo was a weak Jedi, it’s a shame that your potential was ruined by him.”
You feel a rush of anger run through you, and you begin acting with less control. How can Dooku stand here and spew hatred about those that once loved him? Those who were once his allies, comrades? People he had spent a majority of his life with, training and becoming closer with the force?
“Codo is far from weak,” you spew out, “he is one of the strongest Jedi I know!”
“He’s a delusional man who believes that he can follow a life of passivity. He ignores the war raging across the galaxy to keep his own conscience clean.” Dooku raises his sabers and swings at both you and Anakin at once, and the power of each shows just how strong he really is. You wonder if it’s purely his skill and strength, or if the dark side is aiding him as well.
“You’re wrong if you think that makes him weak,” you fire back while swinging at him. Your blade nearly clips him, but he moves out of the way just in time, dodging both you and Anakin. “It takes great strength to choose passivity in a time like this!”
“Passivity won’t bring the suffering to an end,” he counters, knocking you back and taking the opportunity to focus on Anakin. As you regain your balance, something coming from behind you feels strange. Your body seems to act on instinct, moving on its own. Anakin glances over to you in a free moment and you see his eyes go wide before he yells at you.
“Behind you!”
You don’t hear the words, but you see them play on his lips. You turn as if someone is controlling you, slashing your lightsaber back before you even look to see what’s–or who is there. You don’t need to, though, as you already know the presence there. Your eyes only take in her face the moment her life leaves her body. It’s like you’re watching everything in slow motion, but you can’t make it stop.
You feel your lightsaber cut through her neck, swiftly and effortlessly. You didn’t even hear any screams of pain, only the rage that had slipped from her as she ran toward you. Nor had you noticed Dooku tossing one of his sabers, which now rests at your feet, having slipped from her grasp as her body fell to the ground. Her head rolled to the side, the tips of her lekku cut and singed from your lightsaber.
You don’t even think about your next moves, you just act. Rage flows through your body, and your vision seems to go red. You feel the saliva flying out of your mouth as you scream in anger. Dooku’s name rings from your lungs as you act with more power than you’ve ever felt before.
It doesn’t register in your mind as Anakin backs off, nor do you notice the utter fear in his eyes as he watches you. You just swing, jab, slash, like there’s nothing else to life. Dooku’s face is contorted in an evil grin, and distantly you hear his chuckling. The noise spurs you on more, and you feel hot tears streaming down your face.
“You killed her!” you seethe out, the words barely more than snarls. Dooku stops chuckling then, and his face changes to one of pure hatred.
“I did not kill young Tayah,” he replies calmly. He pulls his saber back as you jump forward again, and he reaches his spare hand out as he finishes his sentence. “You, y/n Jinn, killed Tayah Caree with your own lightsaber, without a single thought against it.” You’re thrown back into the wall, all of your breath knocked from you by the force of the impact. Crumbling to the ground, you lay there, and in your mind you debate whether or not you should fight unconsciousness. You decide not to, as you don’t want to see the destruction you caused.
“Y/n, you have to tell them something.” Anakin is turned to face you as the ship flies through hyperspace. You’re staring out the viewport, trying to keep your mind off of the sight of Tayah’s headless body.
“Why? She was given to the Jedi Order, her family has had no contact with her or Ringo since. Nobody else is told when their children die, so why would I tell Ahni and Kwol?”
“Because they’re your friends, and Tayah was under your responsibility-”
“No, she was not under my responsibility,” you snap, turning in your seat to glare at him. “I have never been involved with the younglings except for a few lessons here and there. I do not take responsibility for her or for her life, or death for that matter.”
“But you’re the one who brought her here.” When you don’t answer, Anakin stares at you as if you’re crazy, but you stand your ground and don’t back down. “So you’re just going to burn her like any other Jedi? Not tell her family and just let her be dead? What about Ringo?”
“Ringo has likely felt the death of his sister through the force. There is no need to tell him, it’ll only distract him from his training.” Anakin shakes his head and looks away, and you turn back to the viewport. Is it really all that wrong to do this? It would keep so many people from hurting, and only you would bear the weight of knowing how she died. Well, you’ll probably tell Jawa Squad, they’ll know right away that something is up.
“Num is an interesting name,” Anakin comments, and you can tell he’s trying to lighten up the conversation, but it does the opposite.
“My only biological family other than my daughter is dead, and I only found out who I was supposed to be when it was too late. It’s not interesting, it’s utterly devastating.”
A deep sigh comes from him as he slumps in his seat, but he sits up again and turns to you. “You’re not the only one whose mother is dead you know.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” you counter, “I didn’t realize that never having even known my mother was comparable to someone who got to spend most of his childhood with his.”
“I’m not comparing our tragedies,” he says, “I’m just saying that I know how it feels to not have a mother.”
“I’ve never had any sort of motherly figure to love me, at least you got some time with one.”
“Maybe that’s worse, because I know what I’ve lost, whereas you never knew her and don’t know who she was or what she could have been for you.”
“You’re right,” you sigh, “but I am a mother now, and with me being a Jedi, Echoa could have to grow up without me if something goes wrong. And Ahni is a mother who had to give up both of her children. We all have different pains, but that doesn’t mean one is greater than the others. From now on, just don’t mention that name.”
“Are you sure? What if we could look for some information about-”
“No,” you say, cutting him off, “I know everything I need to know. The more I find out, the more lost I’ll feel.”
“I understand,” Anakin replies as the ship leaves hyperspace. Coruscant glows below you, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like you’re returning home, it feels like you’re going to a cage. You feel like you’re even more lost than before, and nearly ask Anakin to turn around, but you know you can’t. You have to face the truth sooner or later, and you have to tell the Council what happened. You have to burn Tayah’s body in a proper Jedi funeral, but you know you won’t tell anyone who really cared for her. It’s better this way, you keep telling yourself. It’s better that they just move on, not knowing what happened to her, as at least they can still hope that she’s alive and well.
As he lands the ship, your mind jumps to Codo. You feel the color drain from your face as you imagine having to tell him what happened, what you have done. Is it possible that he can still love you the way he always has if you tell him you murdered your best friends’ child? Will he understand that it was out of instinct and to protect yourself? Or will he merely see it as you killing an innocent child who had needed your help to bring her back to the light?
Your mind then wanders to what Dooku had said about Codo and his passivity. Did he have a point?
“Y/n, it’s going to be okay.” Anakin’s hand rests on your arm as you pull yourself from your spiraling thoughts. You stop the trembling in your hands and take a deep breath. “I…I wish I knew what exactly to say, but I was there, so I know. I understand why it happened. I’ll be here if you need anything at all. Okay?”
“Okay,” you sigh, and he holds out his hand for you to take. You gently do, and he gives you a soft smile before pulling you in for a hug. Tears begin to well up in your eyes and before you can stop them, they spill down your cheeks. Anakin holds you tighter and you grip onto his shirt harder. “Why…why is it always me who suffers? Why do I always lose everyone?”
“I don’t know, y/n,” he replies, his hand rubbing at your shoulders, “I wish I could protect you more, you don’t deserve this.”
“Maybe I was just born cursed,” you sniffle, pushing back slightly to look up at him. “Do I look cursed?” He seems to be taken aback by your words as his eyes go wide and his mouth drops open. His expression quickly changes to one of sympathy as he shakes his head.
“No,” he starts, brushing his hand along your cheek. “You look like a strong Jedi master, a legendary queen, a ruthless and powerful warrior. You look like…” He trails off his words, confliction seeping into his eyes.
You shake your head, knowing why he had stopped. Who are you really? Y/n Monako? Y/n Jinn? Can you possibly be Y/n Num? “Thank you, Anakin,” you reply, wiping your tears from your face.
“I’m always here for you,” he repeats. As you close your eyes and take a steadying breath, he leans down and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. “I wish we could have grown up together. Maybe we would have been able to save each other.”
“I think we were both always destined to be this way,” you whisper, “but I will always love you as a brother.”
“And you’ll always be my little sister.”
You push back from him then, your mood suddenly changing. “Hold on, Skywalker. I'm the older sibling here.”
“But I’m taller,” he counters, “taller always means older.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“It’s just sad if someone is the older sibling and they’re shorter than their younger one.”
“Oh shut it. If anything, I’m the older one because I’m smarter than you.”
Anakin gasps and holds a hand to his chest, his face plastered with offense. “You are not smarter than me!”
“Bantha shit I’m not!”
“Prove it then!”
“What’s twelve plus five?”
“That’s not fair! You know I can’t do math!”
“Hence why I’m smarter than you!”
He huffs and folds his arms, eyes narrowing at you. “No, I don’t accept that. What’s the name of the system Felucia is in?”
“Well, its direct system is the Felucia system, but it is also a part of the bigger Outer Rim system,” you respond, folding your arms to mock him. He just huffs again and rolls his eyes, mumbling to himself as he grabs his cloak. You smirk triumphantly, but it doesn’t last long as you realize that now you have to take Tayah’s body to the funeral pyre.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Anakin asks, but you shake your head no.
“I think it’s best I do this alone,” you reply before adding “maybe I’ll have Codo there since he worked with her the most.”
“You still set on not telling her family?”
“Yes. I don’t need to deal with that right now. Maybe I’ll make the time for it in the future,” you say before using the force to lift up her body. You walk past him as you leave the ship, and for once you’re not greeted by your troopers in the hangar. You hadn’t commed them to let them know you were returning, and they might be getting worried by now, but you have something important to do.
“I’ll see you around then, y/n,” Anakin says before turning away and walking toward the elevators. You sigh and raise your wrist up, comming Codo to ask him to meet you in the funeral room. You then comm Jawa Squad to let them know that you’re safe and back on Coruscant, but it’ll be a little while before they can see you.
~~~
When the door to the funeral room opens, Codo comes in quietly, followed by a small figure. At first you assume it’s Yoda, for obvious reasons, but then you realize it’s exactly who you didn’t want to be here. Ringo shuffles around to stand at Codo’s side, and you can already tell he knows about Tayah.
“Auntie y/n…?” he says quietly, “is that…Tayah?”
You glance from him to Codo, letting out a sigh before nodding. “Yes, it is. She…there was an accident. We tried to save her, but she was too far lost. I’m sorry, Ringo.”
“It’s okay,” he replies while looking down. “I felt her come to me after she died. She said she’d always be here for me. And with me. Master Daawa said it’s a force connection between us since we were twins.”
“I knew something had happened, I felt it as well. There was a disturbance when she left us,” Codo explains. “Is there anyone else who is coming to say goodbye to her?”
“No,” you say, “there’s no one else who needs to be here.”
“What about-”
“No.” You cut Ringo off swiftly, knowing what he had been about to ask. “They already said their goodbyes to you guys when you came here. I’m sorry, but they can’t be here. This is a sacred Jedi ritual, outsiders cannot observe it.” Ringo just nods and steps forward, reaching out to pull back the cloth covering Tayah’s body. “Don’t,” you say, quickly reaching out and moving his hand away. “It’s better if you don’t.”
“But…” Ringo trails off before looking pleadingly at Codo, who then looks at you.
“Are you sure he can’t see her? To give a proper goodbye?”
You take a breath before motioning for Codo to come over to you, wanting to whisper to him instead of speaking aloud. “She was…decapitated…” you say, “I don’t think it would be a good idea for him to see her like that.”
“I think it would help him to move on.”
“But it’ll be traumatizing.”
Codo thinks for a moment, looking back to Ringo who was patiently standing off to the side. “He’ll be fine. He’s strong enough, I can feel it, and I’ve seen it within him.”
“Fine,” you sigh, “but if he has a bad reaction, you’re the one responsible for helping him get through it.” You move back then, looking at Ringo. “You can look at her, but just know that it might not be what you want to see.”
“Okay,” Ringo says. He hesitantly steps forward, taking a moment before reaching up and pulling back the cloth. His face barely changes, and you see it flicker in his eyes for only a moment, but then he goes back to neutral. You realize he has better control over his feelings and emotions than you thought, especially because he is so young. “How did it happen?”
You bite your tongue, shaking your head. “I’d rather not talk about it. It just happened today. I need time to process it.”
“Okay. It probably won’t help to know. The energy just feels so…familiar around her. Like I know the person who did it…”
You take a deep breath and look up to the ceiling. Your emotions are pushing the limits of your control, but you make yourself calm down and proceed with the funeral. You can feel Codo’s eyes on you, questioning what is off about you, but you ignore it and focus on making sure everything goes to plan.
It’s a bit rushed, and definitely not clean, but it gets the job done. It doesn’t matter to you, not really. She’s already gone, and nothing can bring her back. The funeral was the best way to get her close to the Force, and that is your only goal. The only Jedi funeral you’d seen before was your fathers, and you weren’t the one leading it. You didn’t have time to learn how to do it properly, though, as you wanted to get this out of the way and move on. But with the end of the funeral comes the questioning from Codo.
“Are you alright to walk back to the dormitories yourself, Ringo?” Codo asks, and you immediately perk up and shake your head.
“I think you should take him, I need to catch up with the Jawa boys.”
“I know there is a lot on your mind, y/n. I would rather hear it now and help you than let it fester. Besides, Ringo is alright to go alone.”
“I think you should talk to him,” Ringo agrees, “I can sense your feelings as well.”
Strong with the force, while his sister was weak, you think to yourself. You watch Codo nod before Ringo leaves the room, and you follow shortly after, waiting for Codo to speak first. The air is tense between the two of you, and you can feel him walking further away from you than normal. You know why, he can probably sense it, but you don’t know if he’s strong enough to ask it.
“What happened?” Codo finally asks, and you stop walking to address him.
You meet his eyes, making sure you’re holding eye contact before you speak. You stare in a way that holds him there, daring him to look away from you and your truth. “I killed her. I had zero thoughts about it. She was running up behind me, I sensed the danger, I swung my saber back and severed her head.”
Codo shakes his head, still looking at you. “My child…this is not how I trained you.”
“You trained me–no, you raised me–to take care of myself. To sense danger and act on it. To not let myself become the victim.”
“That was not my teaching, that was your Dohbarian military training.” He shakes his head again, looking down now. “They trained you to kill, but I trained you to defend. I trained you to practice peace, they trained you to practice war.”
“Peace can’t be gained without war,” you snap back, anger now boiling through you. “I’m sorry that my people, my culture, turned me into a murderer. I’m sorry I can’t just turn my back on reality like you do! I’m sorry that I have the courage to fight for what’s right, and not just sit in my room and meditate for peace!” Your words get louder with each sentence, and you feel the tears welling in your eyes, but you don’t stop. You can’t stop. You don’t want to. “I’m sorry I’m actually trying to make a difference in this galaxy, that I’m out there risking my life to save people, while you’re sitting here in your peace and safety, watching the drama play out with a karking bag of mantell mix! I’m sorry I’m not a weak, incompetent, old man who can’t bother to actually do something to help end this war!”
You don’t linger around to see his response. You don’t even think he would’ve had one. You’ve never blown up on Codo before, but you’re an adult now. You have the right to defend yourself, especially if he’s disrespecting you and your people. The only thing you didn’t mention, but probably fed into, is the lingering thrill of acting emotionally.
When you fought Dooku after killing Tayah, you had let go. You let everything out, and you had the intention of trying to kill him, even though you knew you couldn’t. And when you blew up on Codo, you had done so with the intent of severing your ties with him, of showing him where the two of you stand in relation to each other. You wanted to show him his wavering importance in your life, and the increasing importance of following your instincts.
The silence in the room rings loud in your ears as Sans, Hex, Steele, and Aid wait for you to talk. You pour them cups of caf and add everything each one of them likes. It still surprises you that you can remember each of their ‘orders’, and manage to slip in a little surprise each time to watch their eyes light up. It doesn’t happen today, though.
“I found out what my mothers name was, and a bit about her,” you say, taking a sip from your own mug. “Well, just that she was a servant at Castle Serreno before she and her brother died.”
“You had an uncle?” Steele questions, his expression softening as he looked down. “I’m sorry, y/n.”
“His name was Estiv, and my mother’s Estia. Num was their last name—what I should have been named.”
“You wouldn’t have taken Jinn from your father?” Sans asks, and you shake your head no.
“If he wasn’t there to raise me with my mother, then I wouldn’t have acknowledged him until I came here. Although I suppose it would have been up to my mother what my name was, at least until I got older.”
Hex takes a drink before setting his mug down, letting Steele fiddle with a string on his undersuit’s sleeve. “I’d argue, respectfully and with my best understanding of your situation and life, that not growing up with your mother, or at least until you would have been brought here, was better than the life you could’ve had if that stuff had happened.”
You look at him with a questioning look, curious as to what he means. “You wouldn’t be the same person as the y/n we know today. You likely wouldn’t have been as strong or smart. You understand your troopers better than all other Jedi generals because you grew up in a culture that emphasized military experience. You’re a kriffing queen for maker’s sake! You could put any of these other Jedi in their place. Hells, you could get the senate or that damned Palpa-piss to sit down and shut up. You are the best leader this Republic has, and if you hadn’t been raised the way you were, by who you were raised, you wouldn’t be these things. We’d probably all be dead if not for you and your leadership.”
You can’t help the small smile that comes to your lips as he speaks, and you look down and take another sip. It doesn’t take long for your smile to drop, though, remembering all that has happened because of you. “Tie wouldn’t be dead if I wasn’t your leader. Bomber wouldn’t be either. Not to mention all the other troopers under my command. And Tayah…”
“You didn’t kill them,” Sans counters, “like Hex said, we all probably would have died sooner if not for you. It’s because of you that we had so much time together, and actually feel as though we’re special.”
“You are special,” you say, setting your mug down. “I just…I don’t know.”
“Did something else happen while you were at castle Serreno?” Hex questions, pulling his hand away from Steele.
“A lot happened,” you reply while leaning forward and resting your head in your hands.
“Did you want to talk about it or just have us take your mind off of it?” Aid asks before adding, “we’re here for you either way.”
“Thank you, Aid. All of you, thank you for always being here for me and dealing with my banthashit.” You lean back and sigh before looking back up at them and starting to explain everything. “It was all a major mess,” you say to start, “it…it turned into something that it never should have. And now we’re never getting Tayah back…”
“You can’t give up hope, y/n. You know that we’ll help you find her, no matter what,” Aid states.
“No…she’s dead,” you reply, shaking your head. “It happened so fast. Me and Anakin were fighting Dooku–well, initially it was Tayah attacking Anakin and I was fighting Dooku, but then Anakin pushed her away with the force. I thought she was knocked out well enough to not wake up, but I was wrong. I got caught up in us fighting Dooku and didn’t sense her wake, but I sensed a presence coming up behind me. I instinctively swung my saber back, as all I felt was evil. But then I turned and watched myself slice through her neck. After that, I lost my grip again. I just…lost myself in my emotions. I couldn’t stop myself from moving, and I felt myself consumed by the same darkness that surrounded Tayah. But this darkness…it felt powerful. Exhilarating. I almost didn’t want to stop, but then Dooku ended the fight pretty quickly.”
“How does it make you feel knowing that you enjoy the power of the…darkside?” Sans questions, straightening out his sleeves.
“I don’t know, honestly. Well, I guess it sorta makes me feel like the Order is restraining me, but I don’t want to turn into a sith.”
“Well, do the Jedi need to know what you do and how you act?” Hex asks before leaning back. “I mean, theoretically, how would they even know? Unless there was another general on a mission with you.”
“You have a point I guess,” you agree, “maybe I can somehow convince…never mind.”
“What?” Aid questions.
“I was going to say maybe I can convince Quin to join me on missions, since he’s not really a Jedi, but then I decided it was probably best to keep him out of the war. Trix doesn’t need anyone else dying on her.”
“Well, who knows. Maybe you can get Codo-”
“No, no way in karking hells am I going to go on a mission with that fishman!” you sneer, and all of their eyes widen at once.
“What hap-”
“I don’t want to talk about it. All you need to know,” you say while standing up and grabbing your mug, “is that I won’t be talking to him for the foreseeable future. I finally spoke my mind to him, and need to move on.”
With that, you walk over to the couch and sit down, waiting for them to join you. Slowly they do, and once they’re settled around you, the tears fall again. They all take turns holding you, with Sans being the most gentle. After a while, you end up falling asleep, and the boys lay you down on the couch and begin to leave. As they do, you wake up and call them back, telling them that you don’t want to be alone. You’ve been alone for too long in your life, you can’t stand another second of it.
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Warning: there is a vague birth but not descriptive. Basically just saying the reader goes into labor.
You wake up and groan as the light filters in through the windows. You had forgotten to close them last night, but instead of just using the force to close it, you merely roll over onto your side. Well, as much as you can with a baby bump as big as yours is. You sigh, pushing yourself onto your back again and letting your limbs flop out.
“I can’t karking wait until you’re born,” you mumble, and almost immediately you feel a sharp pain. You push yourself up, heat coming to your cheeks as you realize there is a wet spot under you now. “What the-” your words are cut off by another sharp pain, and you lean forward, clutching the spot where it hurt. “AHNI!” you yell, hoping she can hear you.
More than one set of footsteps rushes to your room, and you’re waddling towards the door when it flies open. “Y/n?!” Kwol asks, rushing to your side, “what’s wrong?” Ahni is right behind him, followed by Codo. “Is it the baby?”
“I don’t know,” you reply, tears in your eyes from confusion and pain, “it hurts so much though.”
“It’s probably labor,” Ahni replies, her voice surprisingly calm. Well, she did go through this once before with the twins. And Kwol tends to not know how to handle or process things like this. “Let’s get her to the medical area and get a doctor.”
“Would you like me to come along, my dear?” Codo asks, and you immediately nod your head yes. You need your father with you, especially when going through something like this.
Codo and Ahni race you to the medical area while Kwol runs off to find a doctor and nurse. You feel awful, completely out of breath when you finally flop down onto the medical table. Soon after, Kwol is there with the nurse and she instructs you on how to get ready while the doctor prepares a few things. Codo comes into the room to stand by your side and hold your hand while everything happens, assuring you that you are doing well and that it’s all going okay. Kwol is banished from the room after a while when he can’t get his own emotions under control.
After a few painful hours, everyone is crowded around you as your wide eyed little girl stares up at them. Kwol is crying again and Ahni has a big grin on her face. Codo has the proudest look you’ve ever seen as he smiles down at you and Echoa. In the back of your mind, though, there is the knowledge that someone is missing, perhaps the most important person.
Echo would have melted the second he laid eyes on his daughter. Her eyes match his perfectly, and her tuft of curls bounce on her head in a way that mimicked his own curls. She’s the perfect mixture of you and him, and when you look down at her, you can’t help but cry over him again.
~~~
Fives sits eating his dinner with Hardcase, Kix, and Jesse, cracking jokes between every few bites. He doesn’t notice when Anakin spots him from across the mess hall and begins to make his way over. He only notices him when he sits down in front of him with a wide grin on his face.
“Did you hear the news, Fives?” his general asks, eagerness seeping into each word.
“News? No sir, I haven’t,” Fives responds, slightly confused at Anakin’s overly cheery attitude. Usually, that isn’t a good sign.
“Y/n had her daughter earlier!”
Fives takes a second to process the words, but when he does, he feels everything around him slow. “Wait, what?” Fives’s eyes widen and he drops his fork, completely forgetting how hungry he had been a few minutes ago.
“Yeah, she had her a few hours ago-”
“General Skywalker,” Fives says, standing up and putting his hands on the table, leaning towards him, “I need to go to Dohbar.”
Anakin looks at him blankly, blinking a few times before responding. “What? Fives, I know you want to see her, but you can’t just go to Dohbar right now-“
“You don’t understand sir,” he says, cutting him off and slapping a hand to Anakin’s mouth, “I need to go to Dohbar. That little girl is the daughter of my closest brother, and I have to meet her. I care about her more than I could ever explain. She is one of the most important people that I will ever know.”
When Fives takes his hand away, Anakin sits with his mouth open in surprise for a second before he shakes out of his daze. “Alright, well, Jawa Squad of the 17th is leaving right now to go see her, so I guess you can see if they’ll let you-“
“Thank you sir! Thank you so much!” he says, turning and running faster than Anakin has ever seen him run before. As he runs through the barracks, he pushes and dodges people that are in his way, telling himself the whole time that this was the one thing he can’t be late for. Shaak Ti might have learned to plan dates for an hour ahead because she knows Fives is always late, but a baby won’t wait for anyone. Especially if it’s Echo’s baby.
“Sans!” Fives yells as he bursts into the hanger.
Sans, Hex, Steele, Aid, and Tie all turn to look at the clone running towards them. “Fives, is everything alright?” Sans replies, “you in a rush to head somewhere?”
“Yes, everything is alright. Everything’s perfect, actually,” he bends over as he reaches them, completely out of breath. He holds a hand up, signaling them to wait a moment before he speaks again. “I’m coming with you to Dohbar.”
“You are?” Steele questions, looking at Hex.
“Don’t look at me, I didn’t know either.”
“Yes,” Fives butts in, “I need to meet my niece. Look, Echo was my best brother, and this little girl…she’s all I have left of him. I won’t forgive myself if I don’t meet her.”
“I see. Well,” Sans starts, a smile on his face, “we’ll gladly let you join us in visiting y/n and the baby. We’ll even let you see her first.”
Fives jumps forward and flings his arms around Sans briefly before stepping back and resting his hands on his shoulders. “Thank you, sir. I owe you everything.”
“No you don’t, Fives,” he says, resting his own hand on top of Fives’s shoulder, “We’re brothers. This is what you’ve earned. Echo was a good man.”
“No, he wasn’t a good man. He was the best,” Fives replies, and there’s a hint of sadness in his voice. Sans nods and leads them all onto the ship, and for the entire flight Fives anxiously waits to land on Dohbar. He wonders what it will be like, he had only heard about it briefly from Echo, and had never visited it himself. Will it be just as amazing as he imagined, or will it be completely different.
“Nervous?” Fives snaps out of his mind when he hears the words and looks to see Hex with a slight smirk on his face. “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay. Once you see her, you’ll know everything is going to be just fine.”
“I hope so,” Fives sighs, “I don’t know how to do this whole uncle thing, though. And I just…” His words break and he looks down at the floor, his heart aching again.
Hex leans forward and rests a hand on Fives’s shoulder. “I know you feel guilt over everything. And you don’t think you deserve to be the one here to meet her. But if not Echo, then you. You are the best option that we have. You know him better than any of us, and you can bring the side of him that she never met.”
“But that’s the thing, Echo should be here instead. If I had just-”
“Fives,” Hex says, a little more firmly this time, “look at me.” Fives clears his throat and lifts his head, meeting Hex’s eyes. “I’ve seen someone very close to me lose themself with guilt, thinking that they should have done better to save one of our own. But you both did all that you could. It’s not fair, nothing in this war is. But we wouldn’t be here without it. Echo wouldn’t have existed without it, and our niece, your niece, wouldn’t either. Echo and y/n never would have met, and their daughter would never have been born. Yes, you lost Echo, and we lost Bomber, but you have to keep staying strong for him, like we do for Bomber. You have to love Echoa the way Echo would want you to, with enough love to be from the both of you.”
Fives wipes away the tears that spill from his eyes and nods. He clears his throat and looks up again, meeting Hex’s gaze. “Thank you,” he says quietly, and Hex offers him a small smile.
“Of course. Now, take a few minutes to ready yourself. We’re going to be landing in five.”
Fives sits up straighter, looking out the viewport. He watches as the ship exits hyperspace and holds outside the atmosphere for a minute before beginning to head down. He looks at the land, and it’s indescribable.
“Yeah, it’s pretty great, isn’t it?” Hex chuckles. “We’re lucky that we get to visit here quite often.”
“What? No fair!” Fives whines, “I’m always stuck on Coruscant, Kamino, or in battle.”
“Well, now you have an excuse to come here,” Hex comments before standing and walking out. Fives continues to watch the descent before quickly washing his face off and making sure he looks decent. Not that he needed to impress a baby, but first impressions always stick. Besides, if he can’t be the favorite uncle, then he kriff-well be the most handsome one.
When the ship lands, Fives is practically bursting through the walls. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he runs out of the hangar and into the palace. The boys of Jawa squad just shrug and chuckle, taking their time as they let Fives meet her first.
After running around for a minute, taking a few left turns and a couple right ones, Fives realizes he’s lost. He looks around at the hall around him, trying to remember which way he came from and which rooms he’d checked, but everything looks unfamiliar to him.
“Excuse me,” he says to someone walking by, “could you help me find where y/n and her daughter are?” Mai-Lee nods and tells him the directions to get to the nursery. Fives nods his thanks and runs off again, this time to actually find you.
You’re peacefully holding your daughter as she sleeps in your arms, trailing a finger down her soft cheek. Her mouth is slightly open, and she’s snoring like her father used to. Everything about her breaks your heart when it reminds you of him. You wipe a tear away before it falls on her, not wanting to disturb her peace. When Fives comes to the room, he stands in the doorway for a second, studying your figure as your back is facing him.
“Fives…” you say softly, sensing him before turning around to face him. You have the most sad but happy look on your face when you see him. But he doesn’t look at you for long. His eyes fall on the tiny little bundle in your arms. You watch as he practically crumbles where he stands, so you look down and smile at your little girl. She’s opened her eyes and is now looking at Fives, reaching out to him slightly with a little arm. You feel the absolute heartbreak and love coming from Fives and so you slowly walk over to him, as you don’t think he could move if he tried. When you’re close enough, he lifts up a shaky hand and runs a finger down her small face.
“She’s so soft…” he mumbles. “Her eyes…they’re as bright and hopeful as his were…”
You nod your head, and hold her out slightly towards him. “Do you want to hold her?” you ask, and his head snaps up to look at you.
“C-can I? Really?” You nod again, a small giggle coming from you. Your daughter copies the sound and when Fives hears it, he lets out a small sob-like noise.
He gently takes her into his arms and stares down at her. “She’s perfect,” he says, his eyes full of awe, “she doesn’t have one flaw…”
“Well, she snores like Echo did,” you joke.
Fives just shakes his head, the awe still in his eyes. “I bet they’re the cutest snores ever.”
“They are.” The next thing you know, you see a tear fall from his cheek. It lands on your daughter's little onesie, and then another soon follows. “Oh, Fives,” you say, placing a hand on his arm. He looks up at you with tears streaming down his face now, not even bothering to fight them back.
“I miss him so much, y/n. Everyday…I-I feel so lost without him,” he says in between sniffs.
“I know, Fives. I know. I miss him too.”
“He would have been so happy,” Fives chokes out. Your daughter reaches up again, putting a hand gently on his chest, right above his heart. That’s the moment that truly breaks him. He holds her close to him as the sobs wrack his body. He falls to his knees as he clutches her, and all you feel coming through the force is pure grief and sorrow. You kneel down and hold him, allowing yourself to cry with him. Your silent tears don’t compare to his sobs, though. It’s as if he’s been holding back all his grief and it’s finally bursting out.
After a while of sitting like that, crying together while Fives holds your daughter, he finally quiets as he looks down at her. “What did you name her?” he asks quietly, running another finger down her soft cheek. He needs to know that you went through with it. He needs to hear her name again.
“Echoa Jinn,” you reply softly, “just like I planned.”
“Echoa…” he repeats. “Echoa Jinn. I’ve never heard a more beautiful name.”
In the morning, you wake up to see Fives standing on your balcony with Echoa in his arms. You can hear him humming something quiet and soft, and you smile to yourself as you throw your covers to the side and leave your bed. You cover a yawn as you walk out, poking Fives lightly in the side to let him know you’re there.
“Oh, goodmorning,” he says, holding Echoa out for you to take, “I just wanted to show her the sunrise. I told her about how Echo always loved to watch them.”
“When he woke up in time to see them, that is,” you giggle. Echoa mimics the sound, and Fives visibly melts where he stands. “You really have a strong hold over your uncle. You’re gonna be so spoiled.”
“Kriff right she is,” Fives says, and you shoot him a glare. “What? I just said-”
“No karking swearing around the kriffing newborn!” you say harshly, and you stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.
“You’re gonna have your mother’s language for sure,” he says, poking Echoa’s nose, making her scrunch it up in reaction. “Let’s just hope she’s not like Echo and doesn’t recite every single manual she ever reads.”
“I doubt she’s going to be reading many manuals,” you reply, “textbooks, maybe, but not manuals.”
Fives looks at you in confusion, not quite understanding what you mean. “Aren’t all books technically textbooks? Because you use text to write them?”
“Well, I mean, I guess,” you shrug, “but textbooks are like…well I guess they’re like school versions of manuals. You learn things in them and you read them for class to study and stuff.”
“Eugh,” he replies, sticking his tongue out, “studying is for losers.”
“Is that why you failed almost all of your manual based tests?” you ask, a smirk on your face.
“Hey, we don’t talk about that,” he shoots back, reaching out and taking Echoa again. “Echoa, I hope I get to help raise you the right way.”
“And what exactly is the right way?” you ask, folding your arms and arching a brow in question.
“The fun way,” he replies before a beeping starts to go off. “Kriff, that’s probably Skywalker.” He holds Echoa in one arm as he reaches into his pocket for his holotransceiver. Sure enough, when he answers, Anakin is there with Rex at his side.
“Hey, Fives. How’s it going there?”
“Good, General,” he replies before holding the holotransceiver so Echoa can be seen. “She’s perfect.”
Anakin and Rex smile, Rex with more pride, but both lovingly. “I’m glad. Although, I hate to tell you, but we’ll be stopping by shortly to pick you up for a mission.”
“Oh,” he says, his face falling. “Okay, I’ll be ready.”
“Sorry, vod,” Rex says, “but you can go back and visit her after.”
“Okay,” Fives says, a bit happier now. He hands you Echoa after the holo ends, smiling sadly and kissing her nose goodbye before heading off to get ready.
“I think it’s time you saw your other uncles,” you say cheerfully, and Echoa gives a gummy grin in response as you begin to head off and find the boys of Jawa Squad.
It doesn’t take long, and as soon as you walk into the room they’re in, Sans swoops in and takes Echoa into his arms. “Finally, I’ve been deprived for so long, and I am finally able to see my niece!” He lifts her up and spins around with her giggling above his head, grinning widely before another pair of hands snatch her away.
“I think her favorite uncle should get to hold her first,” Steele says, holding her close to his chest. He smiles down at her, and she grins back before spitting up on him. “Eugh, gross- here, you take her,” he says, shoving her into Hex’s arms.
“I think I like you a lot more now,” Hex chuckles, grabbing a nearby towel and cleaning off her face. “There, all better. Now, just remember, if you need to spit up on anyone, always spit up on Steele.”
“Excuse me?” Steele says, yanking the towel from Hex with a glare and cleaning himself up.
“You’re excused, and you’re takin’ up too much time,” Tie says, taking Echoa from Hex.
“Di’kut,” Hex mumbles before he notices Aid slowly making his way over to Tie.
“Huh?” Tie says, having felt a tap on his right shoulder. When he turns to look, Aid snatches Echoa and hurries off to the other side of the room. “Oh, you mudscuffer.”
“Out of everyone here, I feel like I’m the most qualified to be holding a baby. Besides y/n, of course,” Aid replies matter-of-factly from his perch in the corner.
“Just because you’re a medic, that doesn’t make you any more qualified than us,” Sans retorts.
“Yeah. Have you ever even held a baby before?” Steele asks, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yeah, you when you stub your toe,” Aid snarks back.
“Oh, you little-”
“Not with the baby in his arms,” Hex warns, “you can tackle him and wrestle him once Echoa is safe in y/n’s arms again.”
“Speaking of which,” you say while walking over, “can I have my daughter back?” Aid looks up at you with pleading eyes, but it just makes your own expression solidify more. He sighs then, giving her back to you, poking her nose when she’s back in your arms. “What are you boys up to today?”
“Not sure yet,” Sans replies, “but I think we might have to be heading back to Coruscant soon.”
“Lucky you. I’ll probably have to be out of battle for a while. Well, unless I can convince them to let me go back sooner.”
“I don’t think that would be terribly hard, although do you really think it’s a good idea?” Steele asks. “I mean, you just had a baby. You don’t want to miss out on anything important.”
You bite your lip as you think, knowing he has a point. But you’ve been out of battle for so long already, and you’re getting restless. Of course you want to be with Echoa, but you also want to be a Jedi again. You want to be the general of the 17th, lead your men into battle, fight for the end of the war. “I’ll…take as much time with her as I think I need,” you reply finally. “But then I’ll be back out and fighting alongside you all.”
“Unless the war is over before then,” Tie adds, “hopefully it will end soon. I’m gettin’ tired of this fightin’. I got a boyfriend that needs me more than the war does.”
“Quin is just fine without you touching him all the time,” Aid retorts, “it’s probably nice that he’s getting a break from you.”
“Hey! I’ll have ya know that Quin loves me and loves when I’m around him.”
“Yeah, but you ever think you’re around him too much?” Hex asks. “I’m purely wondering, not insinuating that you are.”
“I don’t know, I don’t think negatively like that,” Tie counters.
“Really? Didn’t your negative thinking almost break you guys up?”
“Okay, we’re done talkin’ ‘bout my relationship. I love Quin and Quin loves me. That’s the end of it. Besides, at least I have a boyfriend.”
“We’ve been over this, Tie,” Hex sighs, “I’m not into relationships or hooking up. I don’t want to date or have sex. Aroace, remember?”
“Yes, I remember. I jus’ don’t understand you,” Tie mumbles, “but I’m not judgin’. Jus’ don’t think I could ever live without Quin, or Quin’s-”
“Enough,” you say, “that’s enough relationship talk for today. Besides, don’t you boys have somewhere to be?”
“We’ve got time to spend with you and Echoa,” Sans counters, “right, Hex?”
Hex snorts, folding his arms across his chest, “I don’t know, you’re the commander.”
“Yeah, but you’re the guy who plans everything.”
Hex just huffs and rolls his eyes. “Yes, we have time before we have to head back.”
“Good, so we can begin fightin’ for favorite uncle,” Tie says eagerly, reaching again for the baby who was now in Steele’s arms. You roll your eyes and let a small smile creep onto your face. It’s probably best to just let those boys be themselves, you figure. Besides, you know you can always trust them.
After a while, you decide to go start doing other things. Echoa has fallen asleep, so you’re not too worried about anything happening while you go about. Your room is a mess, and there’s lots of new changes that need to be made around. You also need to get a new piercing to symbolize having a child.
As much as you don’t like needles, this is the one thing, other than being raised here, that truly made you a Dohbarian. You don’t have the Dohbarian blood, something the king and queen made sure you’d known growing up. You also don’t have the typical Dohbarian features, but you have the spirit and passion. Not to mention the royal status.
It’s almost as if your whole life you’ve been trying to prove to yourself that you do belong here, that this is your home. The relentless bullying throughout your childhood didn’t help, and being whisked away on royal and jedi training trips almost constantly didn’t do you any favors either. As much as you’re sure your people love you, you’re not quite sure you truly fit. But you’ll do everything in your power to ensure Echoa fits in, and feels as though she belongs.
The piercing doesn’t take long, and Mrs. Orno is the elder you choose to do it. She happily comes to the palace, excited to see you and the baby. She makes sure to give her condolences as well, and shares a short conversation about Echo with you. And then she assures you that no one else could be a better queen than you.
Bounty hunters are always watching. They have to be, it’s a key part of their job. That’s how they knew something was up when you hadn’t been spotted outside of Dohbar in weeks. That’s how they knew when you’d had your daughter. That’s how Bane knew that she was in danger.
One night, a couple weeks after her birth, you put Echoa to bed and receive a very unexpected transmission when you settle down in your room.
“Bane?” you say curiously, the duros showing as a holo in front of you. “What gives me the unexpected honor of talking to you tonight?”
“Little lady, when were you going to tell me about your little girl?”
You let out an amused snort, crossing your arms across your chest. “I didn’t know I was supposed to invite you to the birth.”
“Don’t be sassy with me, pretty Jedi. I’ll make this quick. Your daughter is in danger. She’s not even a standard month old and she’s already got a sizable bounty on her head.”
You almost drop your holotranceiver in shock when he tells you. Your heart sinks and your mouth goes dry. “You can’t be serious,” you say, not wanting to believe him.
“I’m afraid not, little lady,” he sighs. “She’s the daughter of a Jedi and a clone, not to mention she’s also royalty. Add on the fact that she could be force-sensitive, and her value is higher than Coruscant’s tallest building.”
“Kark-how did this even get out?! We did so much to hide my pregnancy and-”
“Oh, it’s not out to the public, don’t worry about that,” he waves a hand dismissively, as if it made everything much better. “It’s just out to bounty hunters.”
“And that’s better?!” you nearly yell, catching yourself just as you remember Echoa is sleeping.
“I never said that. Look, I’m telling you this to warn you. Of all people, I’d hate to see you lose this most. You’ve lost enough, and the war isn’t over yet. You could very well end up losing more.”
“Thanks for the comforting words,” you reply sarcastically, rolling your eyes with a huff.
“Look, I holoed you to warn you. And I’m also going to promise you something.”
Your eyes narrow slightly when he says that. A promise from Bane could mean anything, and likely nothing good. “What could you possibly have to promise or offer me?”
“I’ll do all that I can to protect her,” he says, pulling the toothpick from his mouth and trailing his fingers along the brim of his hat.
“And what are you asking for in return?”
“Nothing. We’re mutually beneficial friends, and you’re one of few people I might care about. If I had that ability, of course. So I’ll do what I can, I promise you that, little lady.”
You stare at him for a few seconds, processing his words. You can barely believe what he was saying, it isn’t like the Bane that you’re used to. “How do I know you’re not going to kill her yourself?”
“Y/n, how many people have we killed together?”
You huff, folding your arms and rolling your eyes. “Too many for me to care to keep count.”
“Exactly. Like I said, we’re mutually beneficial friends. We help each other out and don’t ask questions,” he explains before his tone goes softer. “I’ll do what I can to ensure knowledge of her doesn’t get out into circulation.”
“Thank you, Bane,” you sigh, finding a little relief knowing that he’s on your side. For now, at least.
“No problem, little lady. Give your daughter a kiss for me, and tell her uncle Bane will protect her.” You smile softly as the transmission ends. Bane is one of the last people you could imagine wanting to keep her safe, especially when there’s a bounty on her head. But every word he spoke had sounded sincere and you can’t help but think that maybe he does care a little about you, even if he won’t admit it.
But despite Bane being out there promising to protect your daughter from the underworld, a new reality hit you. Your daughter will be living with a constant threat over her head. If any of the wrong people figure out about her, then the threat will be increased by tenfold or more.
She won’t be safe, not even as a baby. But she is force-sensitive, you can sense that. And one day, with enough training, she can become one of the best warriors you’ve ever seen. With the Dohbarian military training, and the Jedi training you can give her, she could become undefeatable.
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The sky is grey as you push yourself up with weak arms. Explosions land all around you, lighting the sky up with flashes of red, orange, yellow, and white. The ground shakes as the Separatists continue to lay into your battalion. The only hope you have left is Bomber Squadron.
You look up to the sky as they fly overhead. You’re vaguely aware of Hex and Steele to your left, and Sans to your right. Aid is there too, wrapping up Steele’s leg as Hex holds him still through the agonizing screams. Aid turns and stands, taking a few running steps away before vomiting up his rations. You both turn to the sky at the same time, and now everyone is watching Bomber squadron.
And then you watch it all happen, and when it’s over, Aid vomits again.
***
Three Months Ago
“Aleiah!” Fives says cheerfully as he walks into the shop. Tup shares a look with Dogma, who just shrugs his shoulders, following behind the ARC who had said they were going on a very important retrieval mission.
“Fives! What a lovely surprise! It’s been too long,” Aleiah says, walking over to wrap him in a tight hold. “How have you been, my dear?”
“Fantastic! Living the soldier's dream.”
“More like nightmare,” Tup whispers to Dogma, who nods in agreement.
“Now, that’s not what I mean, boy. How have you been? And what about y/n?” she asks softly while giving him a sympathetic look.
“We both really miss him,” he sighs, leaning against the wall. “We try to be there for each other as much as possible. It’s just hard, you know?”
Aleiah nods, gently placing a hand on his arm. “I know you didn’t come here to talk about him, so what can I do for you?” The bright smile returns almost instantly to Five’s lips at her question, reminding him of why he’d come. “And who are these two handsome men with you?”
“This is Tup,” Fives says, throwing his arm around the younger trooper’s shoulders, who smiles shyly, “and this is Dogma. These are my two little shinies that I get to babysit.”
“Babysit?” Dogma says, “we’re not babies-”
“Shh, what did I tell you about talking to your superiors?” Fives says, putting a hand on his hip.
“You said the only people who get proper respect were the nat-borns, Cody, Wolffe, and Fox,” Tup speaks up.
“I did say that, didn’t I?” Fives mumbles to himself. “Well, new rule: never disagree with Fives.”
“That’s a dumb rule,” Tup whispers to Dogma, who grimaces and nods again.
“Oh, be nice to them,” Aleiah says, walking over to shoo Fives away from Tup and Dogma, “Fives is a character, as I’m sure you’ve figured out already,” she says to them, “only listen to the serious stuff he says.”
“Hey, everything I say is serious!” he counters, frowning at her before she waves him off dismissively.
“So, may I ask again what brings you here?”
“Well, ARC-Trooper 5555-”
Dogma is cut off in the middle of speaking as Aleiah whacks him with a tape measure. “You should know by now to not use numbers, and say names instead.” She gives him a brief glare, and he swallows hard before nodding.
“Right, sorry, Mrs…”
“Orno. Aleiah Orno,” she says, giving him a kind smile now.
“Well, Mrs. Orno, ARC- er, Fives informed me and Tup that we were on an important retrieval mission.”
“Important retrieval?” she repeats, giving Fives a confused look. “I don’t have anything here. Unless someone broke in and hid something.”
“Oh, I was wrong,” Fives says, stepping forward, “I meant a special request mission.”
“Wait, are you saying that you drug us out here to ask for something?” Tup questions, and Fives gives him a wide grin.
“Precisely,” he confirms before turning back to Aleiah. “I need a custom baby onesie.”
“A baby onesie?”
“Yeah, it’s for y/n. She…she never got the chance to tell Echo.” Aleiah places a hand gently on Fives’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. He smiles at her softly before composing himself again. “I want her little girl to have a onesie from her best uncle.”
“So you want one that says Hex?” Aleiah teases, earning an amused snort from both Tup and Dogma.
“Haha,” Fives says while rolling his eyes, shooting the shinies a glare.
Aleiah moves away from him, walking over to her counter while mumbling to herself. “There it is! Now,” she says, holding a datapad in her hand, “go ahead and tell me the details.”
“Well, I want the front to say ‘ARC-5555’ across the top, with a giant ‘#1’ in the middle, and ‘UNCLE’, on the bottom. Then on the back, I want it to say ‘Fives’, across the top, with a giant ‘5z’ below it. Here,” he says, reaching into his pocket, “I have a picture I drew.” He hands her a very poor drawing of the shirt design he had imagined, and she holds back her own amused snort as she takes it.
“Well, we know Fives could never make it as an artist,” Dogma whispers to Tup.
“Alright,” Aleiah says, pinning the drawing to a board full of notes, “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you so much, Aleiah. You never fail to make the best clothes!” Fives says. “Oh, speaking of which, we need some 501st pj’s for these two as well.”
“Normal measurements?” she asks, and Fives nods. “Alright, I’ll get on those as soon as I can. Come back next zhellday, and everything should be ready.”
“Thanks again!” Fives says, shoving the shinies through the door, “you’re the best!” Aleiah chuckles to herself as she watches Fives run along with the shinies trailing behind, who are no doubt wondering what in the world is going on.
***
You’re frozen in place as you watch the smoke rise up. You can hear yelling all around you, and faintly feel a hand on your shoulder, trying to shake you back to reality. You turn to see Sans’s desperate eyes, and you finally snap yourself out of it and push yourself to run over. Smoke engulfs you as you run forward, and you shoot your arms out, carelessly using the force to throw rubble out of your way as you search.
***
Two Months Ago
Mai-Lee walks in to see you and Echoa laying on the floor, with you watching as she crawls around. She’s been learning and growing fast, much faster than normal babies. It’s almost as though she has accelerated growth. Doctors and scientists have run tests, and you’re currently waiting for results. Could Echo’s quickened aging have passed on to her? “You have a visitor,” Mai-Lee says, smiling as Echoa waves a tiny fist at her. She walks in and kneels down, taking Echoa into her arms and poking her nose. “They have a gift for you,” she says as Echoa giggles.
You smile and watch as Mai-Lee sets Echoa back down before standing. “Will you send them in?”
“He was right behind me,” she sighs, setting a hand on her hip. “That man, I swear.”
“Fives?” you guess, and she nods in confirmation. “Tell me about it. He never knocked, either. Not even when he knew me and Echo were busy.”
“I feel bad for Shaak Ti having to deal with him,” she giggles.
“At least he’s not as bad as Anakin,” you reply, “I don’t even want to imagine what Padmé puts up with.”
The sound of footsteps running down the hall catches everyone’s attention, and Echoa perks up when she hears Fives calling out. “I’m coming, Echoa!” He practically crashes into the room, catching himself against the doorframe at the last minute. “There’s my little princess!” he says, rushing over to pick her up and spin her around. Her giggles filled the room and a smile shines on Fives’s face before he holds her against his chest.
“What brings you to Dohbar?” you ask, and Fives shoots you a look.
“Echoa, obviously.”
“I can see that,” you reply, waving to Mai-Lee as she excuses herself. Fives sits down next to you, setting Echoa in his lap before taking the bag he has off his shoulder.
“I have a gift for you,” he says, and she patiently looks up at him before he takes out a little baby onesie. You read what it says and then let out a long sigh, shaking your head. “What, you don’t like it?”
“You’re borderline Anakin level ridiculous,” you reply. He just ignores your comment before flipping it around so you could see the back. “Are you really expecting me to put that on my daughter?”
“Yes,” he immediately replies, and you let out another sigh before snatching it from him and picking up Echoa, carrying her over to the table to change her outfit. Once she’s in it, you hold her out for Fives to take into his arms. He has the biggest smile on his face as he holds her, and you can feel the joy radiating, even without the help of the force. “It’s perfect!” he says, and you let a small smile come to your lips as you shake your head.
“You’re going to spoil her too much,” you comment, leaning back and using your arms to hold you up.
“Non-sense,” he counters, “it would be impossible to spoil her too much.”
***
This wasn’t a part of the plan. This should never have happened. That cannon had been destroyed, you had been sure of it. There’s no way it could have been operable, and even if it was, it could never have made that shot.
But it did.
***
One Month Ago
“So, the results of the tests came back,” you say as you hand Fives a drink you’d just poured. You clink your glasses together before both taking a sip. Shaak Ti isn’t drinking tonight, but she’d joined Fives on his trip to Dohbar to finally meet Echoa.
“And?” she asks, Fives nodding in agreement to her curiosity.
“She does in fact age faster,” you reply. “It seems as though she doesn’t age as fast as the clones, though. Instead of aging at a rate of two years for each year, she ages at a rate of 1.5 years for each year.”
“So, how old is she technically right now?” Fives questions, and you think for a moment.
“I guess she would be…three months? Since she’s technically only two months old.”
“She’s growing fast then,” Shaak says, “Are you sure you want to go back so soon? You might miss some important moments.”
“I don’t have any other choice,” you sigh before taking another drink. “The Council is already on me about it, and besides, I don’t want to wait much longer. I’m getting antsy.”
Shaak takes a sip of her non-alcoholic drink, and you can tell she’s holding a comment back. You know some Jedi don’t approve of your eagerness to fight, despite them knowing you came from a warrior-based planet.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get back out into the battles,” Fives starts, “but you have to keep your daughter in mind. You’re her only surviving parent, and I know Kwol and Ahni would take care of her for you if anything happened, but still.”
“You have to ask yourself what you care about more,” Shaak adds, “your life as a Jedi, or your life as a mother.”
You drink the last bit of your drink before setting your glass down on the table in front of you. “Echoa’s awake,” you say, standing and swiftly moving to the door, “I’ll be heading to bed after I check on her.” You don’t see their reactions, but Fives nods before finishing his own drink while Shaak lets out a sigh, her fingers tapping nervously on her glass. She didn’t mean to upset you, but she’d spoken honestly.
You usually fought with only a small care for yourself, mostly worried about your troopers, but now you had someone else to fight for, to survive for. And as you look down at her in your arms, lolling back to sleep, you know Shaak is right. But you can’t choose between the two lives, just like you couldn’t choose between being queen and a Jedi. It’s all or nothing with you, and you’re determined to make it work.
You set her back in her cradle, brushing the hair from her face,. She sleeps with her mouth slightly open, and you can’t help the absolute love you feel flow to her through the force. And when she subconsciously sends her own love back, your heart feels full to the bursting point.
***
The body is so mangled that you can barely even recognize him, and if not for the signature paint on his armor, or the way your eyes had been following him ever since you saw the cannon blast, you wouldn’t have been able to name him. His hair isn’t even recognizable as his own style. A sob leaves you again, and your knees shake as you fall to the ground at his side.
***
Two weeks ago
You wait in the hangar for your newest guest to arrive. You had thought he was joking when he said he would visit your daughter, but you should have known better. It is Cad Bane, after all.
Your hands rest on your hips as you impatiently stand there, and you can’t help but wonder if he is purposely late just to get on your nerves.
No, you think to yourself, he’s a professional. He’s not late unless there’s a good reason.
A gurble from the ground catches your attention, and you look down to see your daughter sitting up and waving her arms widely. You let a small amused smirk come to your lips before you turn fully to her. “What is it, Echoa?” you ask gently. She scrunches her face and lets out an annoyed sound, waving her arms more frantically. “Do you want me to pick you up?” She beams at that, and you let out a huff. “Two minutes ago you wanted to be sitting on the ground,” you mumble to yourself while bending to pick her up. Just as you turn back around to gaze out of the hangar, you see a ship flying in, one you don’t recognize, but can clearly tell it’s owned by Bane. “Time to meet your bounty hunter uncle,” you say in a tone that would suggest slight irritation as you walk towards the ship.
“Now, don’t be like that, little lady,” Bane says as he walks down the boarding ramp. He twirls his toothpick in his mouth before smirking and glancing down. “Oh, what a doll,” he says, reaching out towards Echoa. You hesitantly let him take her into his hold, and watch as she stares up at him while she’s in his arms.
“So, what brought you here?” you ask, motioning for him to follow you inside.
“I thought it was about time to meet her,” he replies, and you let out an amused snort. “Fine, I was on my way back from a bounty and thought I should stop by.”
“That’s more like it,” you mumble. “I’m afraid you can’t stay here for long. I’m heading back to Coruscant today.”
“Already?” he asks, pausing in his steps to look at you with a questioning look. You just shrug and nod, and he looks down at Echoa again. “I’ve heard things. People making up their own theories. I’ve done as best I can to keep her name and life out of the underworld, but it’s not exactly easy.”
“I appreciate all that you have and are able to do.”
He waves his hand dismissively, gently brushing a hand down Echoa’s cheek. “I can see for myself that some theories are true, or have some truth to them. She ages faster, doesn’t she?” he asks, and you swallow hard before nodding. “With her father being a clone trooper, it isn’t hard to guess,” he assures you. “There was no leaked information. I haven’t even heard her name uttered yet.”
“That’s good, I suppose,” you sigh, taking a seat on a couch. You motion for Bane to join you, and he sits across from you in a chair. “I can’t stay here forever though, and I’ve already explained it so many times.”
“I know, little lady,” he says, “I know you well. But I also know you’ve heard this many times from many others, but I’ll be the next to say it. You have to keep her in mind when you make decisions, especially ones that endanger your life.” You bite your tongue to keep your snark from coming out, and just nod. He’s right, everyone else has said that, and it’s the truth. But it doesn’t make it any easier. “Would you want a body guard for her? Someone who can keep a constant eye out? I’d be happy to give you a discount for my services.”
This time, you let out an audible laugh at his words. “Bane, we both know I’d never say yes to that.”
“It was worth a try.”
“I appreciate the offer, but she’s plenty safe here. Besides, wouldn’t your presence here just bring more attention?”
“It might,” he admits, “but then again, I’d have your royal guard to keep me safe as well.”
“She’ll be fine without you,” you say, and your tone ends the topic. “I need to get ready,” you say while standing up. “You can stay with her for a little bit longer, or you can go ahead and fly out.”
“I suppose I should get going myself,” he says, standing up before handing Echoa back to you. He leans down and places a gentle kiss to her forehead, whispering, “take care, little doll.” He then straightens up and looks at you, an authentic smile gracing his lips. “We’ve known each other for a long time,” he starts, “and I know how much you’ve been through. I’m proud of you, y/n. More than you could ever know.”
“Thank you, Cad,” you reply, returning the smile, “I’m glad you’ve stuck with me this long, and through everything.”
“I wouldn’t dream of letting you fall,” he says before moving closer and planting a kiss on your forehead. “Goodbye, little lady. Take care, for all of us.” You nod and watch him leave, heading back towards the hangar. No one would ever quite understand your bond, but he was the one who first discovered how poorly your adoptive parents had treated you. How you’d been kidnapped and a ransom was set, and the former king and queen just told the bounty hunter to keep you, do what he wanted with you. That you were a burden to them anyway, and they’d be better off without you. He’d also been the one to hand you back to Codo, and make sure he understood that you were to be taken care of, and if anything else serious happened to you, Bane would find Codo and punish him.
Just before he reaches the hangar door, you notice Mai-Lee almost run into him. He catches her as she tries to stop herself, clearly in a rush. You snort in amusement as you watch Mai-Lee’s cheeks warm as she profusely apologizes, and then watch her almost crumble when Bane lifts her hand up to his lips to place a gentle kiss before letting her hand go and giving her a tip of his hat as he pushes open the doors to the hangar.
***
Wake up, you tell yourself. Wake up, it’s just a dream. It’s all in your head, it’s not real.
You sit up and let out a yelp, chest rising and falling as you pant and try to catch your breath. Sweat drips off of your body, and you distantly feel your limbs trembling. You let out a sigh, briefly reveling in the fact that it was just a dream.
But then again,
Jedi don’t ‘just dream’.
The hum of the Venator lights in your bunk area are like sirens in your ears. Pushing yourself up off of the bunk, you feel layers of sweat rolling down your body as you stand. It isn’t hot in here, in fact it’s kind of chilly, but the dream you’d just had set your body temperature soaring. Fear and anxiety shake your legs as you stumble towards the refresher.
Quickly slipping your clothes off, you jump in the shower, spraying cold water and then hot water onto yourself. You want to wash the sweat off, and burn out the images in your mind. It couldn’t have been a vision, it’s not possible. You’ve never had one before, why would you start having them now? And if it was a vision, then why did it have to be him?
You pull yourself from the safety of the refresher and redress in clean clothes before heading up to the bridge. As you walk past troopers, they nod and greet you, many of them having not seen you in quite a while. You smile back to them, exchanging pleasantries before continuing on.
“There she is,” Steele says as you finally join him, Hex, Sans, and Aid on the bridge. “We were about to send Sans to go get you.”
“Sorry,” you reply, “I feel asleep, and then I had a quick rinse off.”
“Well, you’re just in time,” Hex says, “we’re about to leave hyperspace, and then make our way down to the surface.”
“Shall we run through the plans one last time?” Sans asks, and everyone agrees. While you stand there listening, you can’t fight it when your mind wanders to that dream. Certain parts of the plan might go wrong and provide the chance for it to come true, and that’s what makes it hard to focus.
A gentle hand on your shoulder brings you back to the holotable in front of you. You blink a few times before looking up to see concern in everyone’s eyes. “Are you okay, y/n?” Aid asks you, and you turn to see his hand still on your shoulder.
“Yeah,” you swallow, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You’re breathing heavily and you look pale.”
“I just…” you start, shaking your head before finishing. “Bad dream, that’s all.”
“Dream?” Steele questions, exchanging a look with his twin, “Jedi don’t dream. They have visions, right?”
You shake your head, fists clenching at your sides briefly. “No. For the sake of my sanity, and anxieties, I need to believe it was just a dream.”
Steele and Hex exchange another look, and Sans takes a step closer to you. “Do you want to tell us about it?”
“No,” you instantly respond, eyes going wide before leaving him and finding that one trooper you’d dreamt of. When your eyes rest on him, your mouth goes dry, and you barely whisper out, “I can’t.”
The members of Jawa Squad, save for Tie who isn’t with the group, all look towards where your eyes went, and you feel them freeze in place. Steele reaches out to squeeze Hex’s wrist for stability, and Hex just keeps a stoic expression. Aid swallows hard, and you can tell he’s fighting back a wave of nausea.
“We won’t let it happen,” Sans says, his tone uncharacteristically stern and serious, almost as though he’s commanding it to the galaxy. “We can’t.”
As the Venator comes out of hyperspace, you watch as the trooper stands up. When he notices everyone looking at him, he gives his signature smile and waves before shooting finger guns as he begins to walk closer. Steele releases Hex’s wrist with a sigh, and Hex glances at his twin from the corner of his eye, giving a brief nod of assurance.
“So, are we all ready to go?” you hear Tie, who is now with you and the rest Jawa squad, ask, and you turn slightly to give him a nod. “Great! I’ll go get the transport pilots ready,” he says before heading off, speaking into his comms to tell everyone to get to the hangar.
“It’ll all be okay,” Aid says to you, and you can tell he’s also trying to convince himself. You give him a smile, nodding again. It seems like you can’t speak, the fear of what may happen is silencing you, and you don’t know what you could possibly say if you do end up finding that mangled clone body.
You lead the rest of the troopers on the bridge down to the hangar, and wait until everyone is on board their transports before you hop into your starfighter. Maybe if you did things a little differently than normal, then he might survive. Or maybe going away from the normal is what killed him in the dream. You lean forward and rest your head in your hands, the stress over this getting to you. Taking deep breaths, you try to calm your nerves before you sit up and look out the view port.
“Are we ready to take off?” you ask over the comms, and Tie replies with an all-set. You lead the way out, flying over to where the main camp will be. When Jawa Squad lands, you hop out and join up with them. You exchange brief nods before Hex and Steele take their part of the battalion, while you and Sans take your part. Tie lingers in the camp with Aid, and you watch them closely, memorizing them as they are now.
“It’ll be okay,” Sans says, gaining your attention by resting a hand on your shoulder. You just give him a weak smile, nodding silently before stepping forward to begin to lead the troopers. Each step you take sends a wave of guilt through you, and you have to fight your urge to stop and go find that one trooper and tell him to just go back to the Venator and wait in safety until the battle is over. But that wouldn’t work, either. He’s not the type to sit back and watch his brothers die while he’s in safety. Especially not those in his squad.
“We can do this,” you say suddenly, setting your mind.
Sans turns to you and you can feel the smile from under his helmet. He nods and raises his blaster, turning back to the enemy. “After you, General Jinn.”
You let out a snort at the title and give him a playful nudge before igniting your lightsaber and running out of the cover you had been marching in, exposing yourself to the enemy.
It seems like all in the same second, the sound of battle explodes from everywhere. Troopers charge behind you as you begin deflecting enemy shots. It doesn’t take long for the Separatists to start using their cannons, and Tie isn’t yet back with the other pilots to drop your own explosives on them. They had been ready for you and you’ll end up paying the price.
“We need to prioritize taking out those cannons,” you yell into the comms.
“Two groups of five take each cannon,” Sans shouts into his, “one group focus on taking out the cannon, and the other group focus on providing support and cover fire.”
“On it!” a few troopers respond, and you watch as they grab others close by before heading off. You watch as Uma, Skipper, Bullseye, Ripple, and Lightweight decide to head off, and you can’t help but feel a rush of fear run through you. You take a step towards them, but Sans’s hand on your shoulder stops you. He shakes his head slowly, and you give him a pleading and fearful look, but he just tightens his grip.
“They’ll be okay,” he replies, before the sound of shrieks rips through the air. You instantly turn and run towards them, towards the sound, out of Sans’s grip, and you see them on the ground with smoke coming from nearby. You can only beg the Maker to have let them get out of the way in time. As soon as you reach them, though, the cannon fires again.
The ringing in your ears is the first thing that you notice. Next is the pain in your body, mainly in your head. Then you the smell of burnt plastoid comes from all around you, and your heart lurches into your throat. You swallow hard, trying to keep yourself from being sick. When you finally open your eyes, you’re met with Lightweight lying motionless beside you. You try and choke out words, but all that comes is a cough.
The sky is grey above you, and you feel yourself absentmindedly pushing yourself up with weak arms. It feels as though you’ve done this before, and you don’t feel in control of your actions. It’s almost like you’re just watching yourself go through the movements, unable to stop them.
Explosions land all around you, and the sky lights up with flashes of red, orange, yellow, and white. It would make a beautiful painting if all those colors were swirled and mixed together. But this isn’t art, this is war.
The ground shakes and you nearly lose your balance as the Separatists continue to lay down the fire on you and your battalion. Thankfully, it seems that their numbers have dwindled down greatly, and the only real threat is the cannons.
You feel the bile rise in your throat as you realize that there aren’t enough troopers to be able to fight the droids and take down the cannons. That leaves only one option, and you nearly sob at the thought of it. Your only hope left is Bomber Squadron.
Almost as though you hear it from a distance, your comm screams with the words of Sans commanding Tie to take out the remaining cannons. You hear Tie respond, but his words don’t register to you. Just the sound of his voice, the hope, the pride. The bravery.
A groan of pain catches your attention, and just a couple meters away, you see Hex and Steele on the ground. You hadn’t realized earlier that you were so close, but it doesn’t matter now. Not with what you see. Steele’s right leg is missing from the knee down, and Hex is shouting at others to get help, to get Aid. You swallow hard again before finally looking back at Lightsweight’s squad. You can’t feel any of their force signatures, and your heart breaks as you realize you lost them all. Uma, Skipper, Bullseye, Ripple, and Lightweight are dead, all because you hadn’t been there in time to save them.
The sound of gunships catches your attention, and your heart stops beating, your lungs stop breathing, as you look up to the sky. Bomber squadron flies overhead, and you feel the blood drain from your face. Your hands shake at your sides, but all you can do is stand and watch.
You’re only vaguely aware of Hex and Steele to your left, but Aid is there now as well. He’s wrapping up Steele’s leg while Hex holds him still through all the agonizing screams. You’ve never heard such noises from Steele, and you never want to again.
Once he’s done with Steele’s leg, Aid stands and turns to walk away, before taking a few running steps. You watch as he vomits up his rations, and anything else that might be in his stomach. You can feel the fear coming from him, even though you’re not close by. It’s strong, and you feel more hurt pile onto you. Sans runs over to Aid, holding him gently as he trembles on his knees.
You and Aid make eye contact once he regains his composure, and you hold it for a few seconds before the sound of gunships catches your attention again. You both turn to look at the sky as Bomber squadron flies over, and everyone else around you watches as well. Your heart seems to both race and not beat at all, and your lungs don’t feel like they’re working. Even your vision threatens to give out, but you will your body to keep working.
There’s nothing you can do but watch as it happens. The blast from the cannon fires in slow motion, and every second drags out as it flies towards the squadron. Of course, it had been aimed at the ship in front, and leaders are always in the front of the squadron. Tie is always in the front of the squadron.
In what feels like hours, but is only a matter of seconds, the blast hits Tie’s fighter, and you let out a scream as you shoot your arm out, trying to use the force to somehow make him dodge it, or fling the blast away from him. But it’s no use, and his ship is already plummeting to the ground.
The sound of it crashing onto the ground is one that will haunt you forever. The metal crumbling and fracturing cuts through the battlefield like a knife. Somehow, your knees are still holding you, and from your side, you hear Aid vomit again. Steele is screaming out in grief now, with Hex holding onto him for dear life as he too trembles where he kneels. Their eyes are locked on the ship, just like yours. All the comes from Sans is silence.
You’re frozen in that spot as you watch the smoke rise up from the wreckage. You can’t will yourself to move, to go check to make sure he didn’t somehow survive. Maybe you’re hoping that if you don’t go over, you’ll see Tie fly above you, saying something snarky over the comms about needing to get home to his boyfriend. But the yelling that’s all around you proves that you’re hopes are wrong.
You faintly feel a hand rest on your shoulder, trying to gently shake you back to reality. You don’t notice until then that tears are streaming down your face, and you’re screaming where you stand. The feeling of your throat going raw gets you to stop, and you turn to see Sans’s desperate eyes. It’s then that you’re finally able to pull yourself back together and run over to where Tie’s ship crashed.
Smoke engulfs you as you run forward, and your heart pounds in your chest with each step you take. You don’t know how you’re even running, as your legs feel like lead. When you reach the wreckage, you throw your arms out, carelessly using the force to try and throw rubble out of the way as you search for him.
This hadn’t been a part of the plan. It should never have happened. The cannon that hit his ship shoulder have been destroyed, it was destroyed. You saw it yourself. There’s no way it could have been able to shoot him down, even if it had somehow been operable. But it wasn’t destroyed, and it was operable, and it had shot him down.
When you finally find him, Tie’s body is so mangled that you can barely even recognize him. If not for the signature paint on his armor, you might have been able to convince yourself it was someone else. But your eyes had been following him ever since you saw the cannon blast, and you knew it had to be him. If you didn’t have these clues, you never would have been able to name the trooper as Tie.
When you pull off his helmet to take his pulse, his hair isn’t even recognizable as his own style. It’s matted with blood, and you look away from it before you see too much. There’s no mistaking the way his eyes are closed, or the way you don’t feel a pulse or breathing. Your knees shake and you fall forward on your hands. You’re sobbing at his side, unable to do anything else but beg the Maker that this isn’t real.
Wake up. Wake up, it’s just a dream. It’s all in your head, it’s not real. Wake up. Please.
When you open your eyes again, it’s the same as when you closed them. You let out a wail of agony as you punch the nearest piece of metal. You don’t notice how your hand starts to bleed, or how the skin on your knuckles is ripped away. All you can see is Tie laying lifelessly in front of you.
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There’s no words to describe Jawa Squad when you reach the Venator. Even though he’d been barely recognizable, you’d brought Tie back. Quin deserves to know what happened, and even though he might not want to see his love this way, he deserves the option. And Tie’s brothers deserve to say their proper goodbyes.
Aid hasn’t left the medical ward since getting back on the Venator, and you know he’s busying his mind with taking care of everyone who’s injured. He’d even snapped at Hex when he tried to go see Steele, something that never happens with Aid. He’s the calm one, if not the hesitant and wary one. He never raises his voice, and yet he’d screamed and pulled his blaster on Hex before aiming it at his own head. Luckily, Sans had been around to stop it all, with Aid going right back to work afterward.
Sans and Hex are now keeping themselves busy with the able-bodied troopers, making sure reports are done properly and thoroughly. They’ve even found a new lead pilot, for the time being. All to keep themselves from facing the reality of losing another squad mate.
So you’re the one left to try and take care of Tie’s body.
It’s hard to see what you’re doing through the tears that blur your vision. Shaking hands are not ideal for dipping a rag into water. A sob-wracked body makes most attempts at careful handling futile. After a while, you give up, resigning and dropping the rag to bring your hands up to cover your face as you cry.
You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there, but after a while, the feeling of a hand on your shoulder startles you. You look up to see Codo standing at your side, and you realize you must’ve made it back to Coruscant. “Oh, my child,” he says as sympathy fills his eyes. He reaches over to grab the rag, still damp from earlier, and brings it up to wipe your face clean.
“No!” you scream, snatching the rag before it meets your skin, “t-that’s for Tie! Tie needs it! He’s-he’s so…there’s blood and dirt…I have to-to clean his face!” You sob the words out, but you don’t even know if they’re comprehensible or not. “H-he’s gonna wake up and…and he’s gonna-he needs his face cleaned! He won’t be able to open his eyes!”
“My child,” Codo says gently, resting his hand on your shoulder again and trying to get you to meet his eye, “you know that he’s not going to wake up.”
“Yes he will!” you scream, shoving him away with the force. “He has to! H-he has a husband! And their daughter! How could you say that he won’t wake up when Trix still needs him?! She can’t lose any more! I can’t lose any more!”
Codo sighs, shaking his head sadly and just sitting on the floor across from you. He watches as you reach up and start to wipe at Tie’s face, tears streaming constantly as you do. You don’t rub hard, as you don’t want to do any more damage to his already disfigured body. “You can’t put yourself through this kind of stress,” Codo says after a while, “you need to let yourself mourn. There are other people that will take care of him-”
“The damned Republic will just throw out his body as if he meant nothing at all,” you snap back, “It’s my duty as his general, and his friend, to take care of him and ensure that his brothers get to give him the goodbye he deserves. Trix and Quin deserve their closure as well.”
Codo remains quiet but nods, standing then and pulling his robe around his body. “Don’t push yourself too far, y/n,” he says, “you need to take time to rest and grieve.”
“I’ll rest when the war is over,” you reply, “and I’ll grieve when it’s time.”
It’s not till much later that night when you finally give yourself a break. His upper half is mostly cleaned, but it also highlights just how many cuts, scratches, and broken bones he has. You had barely been able to pull out all the scraps of clothing stuck in his wounds, and don’t exactly know what to do after that. There’s no point in bandaging them up, but you don’t want them to be exposed and rot.
When you leave the venator, you see Quin’s ship sitting in the hangar. You immediately feel your chest tighten as your eyes find the Chiss man and the young Mirilan girl beside him. Steele is leaning against the side of the ship with a crutch, and the lower half of his left leg is missing. His face is paler than normal, and you can tell it’s taking all his strength just to hold himself up. Hex isn’t far from his side, but he’s speaking to Quin, along with Sans.
Aid is speaking softly to Trix as she tries to understand the weight of what happened, and you can see her tears from where you stand. You don’t even know if you want to head over, not after the time you’d just spent tending to the one they’re missing. But it’s not your choice to make, as Quin meets your eyes, and you feel the pull of them.
“Y/n,” he says, nodding to you. You nod back. You’ve never been the closest of friends, but in times of grief, people come together.
“I’m sorry,” you manage, looking between him and Trix. “I…” you let your words trail off, not sure what exactly to say. What could you say? That you’re sorry for letting this happen? That at least he helped save everyone else? That in the end, his death won’t go unappreciated?
“You made him feel like more than just a weapon, that his life meant somethin’. You taught him how to love and have fun. I’m grateful he had you for a leader, and for a friend,” Quin replies, and you look up as he lets his tears fall freely.
“You were the one who stole his heart away,” you laugh, though it’s only brief as you remember their meeting. “You and Trix changed him in ways that I could never have imagined or tried. I’m grateful he found both of you.”
He nods before reaching out for Trix, pulling her into his side. “When, uh,” he starts before clearing his throat, “when can we see him?”
“He’s not quite…cleaned up yet,” you say slowly, “I don’t want Trix seeing him the way he is now.”
“I understand,” Quin replies. “We’ll be here, on our ship. We need to…take some time.”
“Take all the time you need,” you reply, “and don’t get into too much alcohol. Your daughter still needs you, even if it hurts.” Quin just nods, and gently rests his hand on Trix’s back to guide her back onto the ship. Aid watches stoically as she cries louder. He’s always been her favorite uncle, and seeing her like this hurts him even more.
And as you watch Quin leading he and Tie’s daughter aboard their ship, your own reality hits you. Echoa will never go through the same loss that Trix is. She’ll never have known her father, but she’ll always know he’s missing. She won’t get to make memories like Trix once had, and they both will have to go on without their fathers there for them.
Echoa will have it easier in a way, because she had never gotten the chance to meet her father, and won’t know the person she’s missing. She’ll hear about him from stories, of course, but she’ll never have had a personal connection that is now severed. Trix, however, will have to live with the memory of her father for longer than she’d known him. She’ll never hear his words again, only having his past wisdom to push her forward.
Echoa will also have two uncles who are not going to be a part of her life now. Bomber she had never known, but you wonder if she’ll grow up and remember Tie’s boisterous laugh, his unique way of speaking, and his carefree attitude.
“You should eat something,” Sans says, breaking you from your thoughts. “You haven’t had anything all day.”
“I don’t really have an appetite at the moment,” you reply, turning to face the others. Hex is now holding Steele’s weight as the other man leans on him. Aid is looking absentmindedly at Quin’s ship, and you can’t tell if his mind is swirling with thoughts, or if it’s remaining silent.
“You need to eat,” Aid says suddenly, his voice unusually bland and cold. “You’re going to only worsen your own physical and mental condition if you don’t eat. Hex,” he says, turning to his brother, “take Steele to the medical ward. I’ll bring some soup for him to eat as well as hook up some IVs and get some other fluids in him.”
“Yes, sir,” Hex replies with a sour tone, and you can see the tension immediately build between the two of them. Aid walks away then, leaving you with Sans as Hex and Steele hobble back to the medical ward.
“What are we going to do?” you ask, not bothering to turn and face him yet. You don’t want to see his reaction, but you need his answer.
“What we always do. Move forward, make sure that Tie’s death isn’t in vain.”
You sigh, looking down at the ground before closing your eyes. “This war…do you still believe in it?”
A moment of silence hangs between you and Sans, and you hear him moving around. When you look back up, he’s standing in front of you, standing proud and tall. “I still believe in this war, because if I don’t, then all my suffering, all the suffering of my brothers, will have been pointless. We exist for a reason, and that reason is this war. Without it, we have no purpose. So, yes. I still believe in this war, with my entire being.”
“And the Republic?” you ask, keeping your eyes locked on his.
“The Republic gave me my purpose. It gave me my life. I will believe in it until the day I die.”
“Despite all the wrongs it’s given you?”
“Despite all the wrongs, pain, suffering, and death.” You nod, feeling something changing inside of you. Slowly, you reach out and take his hand, and then a small step forward. His eyes flicker with something before his other hand comes up to gently hold your cheek. “As much as I would do anything to kiss you,” he mumbles, stopping you in your tracks, “now isn’t the time. Not when you’re grieving. I wouldn’t want you to regret it, or feel as though you used me.” After that, he leans forward and places a kiss on your forehead before stepping back and dropping your hand.
You watch as Sans turns to leave and head to the mess hall, leaving you to your thoughts. The Republic has slowly been losing your support, and soon you might have to make a decision of staying or becoming neutral. Of course, you won’t leave the war, but Dohbar might have to declare itself no longer a part of the larger democratic system. It’s a move you don’t want to make, but you can’t keep supporting a government that doesn’t care about or listen to its citizens.
The next morning, you find yourself lying in your bed, staring up at your ceiling as the sounds of Coruscant outside your window reach your ears. You feel like the weight of your body is being held to your bed, and you don’t even get up to answer the door when someone knocks. The person eventually lets themself in, and you sigh as you push yourself out of your bed and walk to your bedroom door, slipping your jedi robe on as you move.
When you open it to look at who is inside, you’re greeted by the sight of Fives preparing to cook something. “I had a feeling you weren’t doing well,” he says as you quietly move closer, “I figured I should try and get you to eat something.”
“I’m not hungry,” you reply blandly, slipping into a seat at the table.
Fives glances over his shoulder at you, holding eye contact for a second before refocusing on cooking. “You’ll become weak if you don’t keep eating. At least try something small.”
“I have things to do,” you reply, though it isn’t exactly true. You know there’s probably someone else tending to Tie’s body now, but you feel as though it’s still your responsibility.
Fives sighs, setting the spatula down before turning to you and folding his arms. “You’re only getting worse since Echo passed,” he starts, “there’s a darkness about you that keeps growing. I don’t like seeing you this way.”
“If I had the choice, I wouldn’t be like this.”
“Grief takes an unrelenting hold onto anyone it can. You have to have the strength to battle it and break free. It’ll always be there, but it won’t keep you in its grasp, you’ll keep it in your grasp. Eat,” he finishes, setting a plate down in front of you. “If not for me, then for Echo. For Echoa. For Tayah. For Tie.”
You shake your head, but pick up the fork and take a bite. He’s lost so many brothers, how does he do it? How can he stay so positive and keep his head up? How does he not let the grief overwhelm him? “Sometimes I wonder if I’m suited for this,” you say after a while. “The first deaths I faced were those of King and Queen Monako. People I had no care for. They raised me with only the care to ensure that I became the perfect person to inherit the throne. My interests didn’t matter. All that mattered was the future of Dohbar. The planet that prides itself on its military and ability to stay out of war for hundreds of years. I’m a warrior at heart, not a peace keeper. I can face the death of those who I did not care for with nothing but a spare glance, but those that I love…dealing with that kind of grief was never taught. Watching the life fade from someone’s eyes as you hold them close was never taught. Only receiving the news of death, and not being able to say a proper goodbye, was never taught. All that was taught was defend your planet, defend your fellow warriors, defend your honor. Never let your guard down, mourn the lost when the final battle is won. Take no prisoners. Accept no defeat. Accept no surrender. Remember that the only thing guaranteed is the moment you are living in. The future is a prize to be won, and the past is a curse that haunts you.” You pause to take a sip of your water, letting it chill your body as you set the glass down. “I was raised to believe that those closest to me would never be killed in battle simply because we thought we were the best. And perhaps we are, but the GAR is not the Dohbarian military. You don’t have the training that we do. You don’t have the same skills as us. You don’t have the same mindset. And that’s my downfall, I cannot be the best general for my battalion when my troops were not trained as I was.”
“What are you saying?” Fives asks slowly, “you can’t just leave the 17th. The Jedi won’t allow it, and no one could ever take your place.”
“I never said I was going to leave,” you reply, “I merely stated that I don’t belong where I am. I never once have felt like I belong.” You turn to look at him then, and you can see the conflict in his eyes. “Don’t say anything, Fives. There’s nothing to be said. You can have your denials and counterpoints, but keep them to yourself. No one knows me better than I do.”
Fives just nods, looking down before standing up. “Aid is tending to Tie, last that I knew. Sans was with him. Hex is with Steele as he’s getting his cybernetic put on.”
You remain silent as he walks to the door, but before he leaves, you stop him. “Fives,” you say, and he pauses, looking over his shoulder at you. You lean your head back and close your eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m just…”
“I understand,” he says, and he offers a small smile when you look at him, “believe me, when I lost Echo…It wasn’t pretty.”
You let out an amused snort, a smirk appearing on your lips. “You’re never pretty,” you joke.
He opens his mouth in mock offense, clapping his hand to his chest. “How rude,” he replies, “I am the most gorgeous clone there is.”
“Try telling that to Sans or Howzer,” you laugh, and he joins in with you. “Thank you for the breakfast, and for getting me out of bed. I don’t think I would have done either if you hadn’t forced me.”
“I didn’t force you,” he chuckles, “you came out on your own when you heard me. And begrudgingly ate the food I set in front of you.”
“You know what I mean,” you reply, waving him off, “now come here and give me a hug.” You stand from your seat as he walks back over, taking you gently but securely into his arms. As you stand there, you reach out into the force and latch onto the calm and loving feelings coming from Fives, pulling them to surround you. Right now, you need everything you can get in order to keep your head up. Even with the war supposedly coming to an end soon, there’s still time left for more tragedy to strike.
The funeral is beautiful, taking place on the small planet where Quin and Tie first fell in love. The waterfall where Quin proposed gives off a breathtaking view. It’s a beautiful but solemn day, and even watching the sunset can’t get you to smile or stop the tears that flow.
Trix is by Aid’s side, holding onto his hand as she trembles with grief. Aid remains stoic, but you see how the tears fall every few minutes. Sans has been wandering around with Quin, talking to different members of the 17th as they give him their condolences. Of course, they’d all known Tie longer than Quin had, but they can’t imagine what losing the love of your life might feel like.
Hex helps Steele maneuver his way around, reminiscing on stories of past times with Tie. Tie’s squadron, Bomber squadron, has already broken out the drinks to joke about their leader’s crazy flying. You stand alone, watching the sunset by the waterfall, wondering just where you went wrong with the plan. Why had it gone the way it did? Why hadn’t that cannon been destroyed?
The sudden beeping of your comm link pulls you back to reality, and you stare at it for a moment before answering. “General Jinn,” you reply monotonously, eyes watching a singular cloud float across the sky.
“Y/n, it’s Anakin,” the voice on the other end starts, “I really hate to do this, but we need a Jedi like you on a special mission.”
You pause, taking in his words. A Jedi like you. “Do you mean just me, or the whole 17th?”
“Just you, if that’s alright.”
“I don’t think the men are going to be ready to get back out in battle just yet,” you say while turning and looking at the soldiers. “I’ll head back to Coruscant, I’m not too far.”
“Alright, I’ll meet you in the hangar.”
When the comm ends, you sigh and begin to walk over, heading for Aid and Trix first. “Unfortunately, I have to head out early,” you say, motioning to your wrist comm, “but I hope you know that I’ll always be here for you,” you speak to Trix. She nods and wipes her tears, grip tightening on Aid’s hand. You look at him then, and his stoic expression seems to falter just slightly. “I’m sorry, Aid. Truly.”
“There’s nothing you or I could have done,” he replies, and you nod your head. You step forward slightly and pull him into a hug. At first, he doesn’t reciprocate, but after a few moments, his arms slowly wrap around you. His hold on you is almost crushing, but you don’t mind. As far as you know, he hasn’t let himself mourn yet, and this could be the dam beginning to break.
When you pull away, a single tear rolls down his cheek, and you gently reach up and swipe it away with your thumb as your palm holds his cheek. The two of you share a knowing look before you step away and head towards Sans and Quin.
“Do you need me to come along with you?” Sans asks when you tell him that you’re heading out.
“No, Anakin said he just needed a Jedi like me, whatever that means.”
“Okay, well, be safe,” Sans says, pulling you into a hug. You melt into his hold, knowing that even if you don’t love him the way he loves you, he’ll always do his best to protect you. When you pull away, he places a small kiss on your forehead, and you smirk while rolling your eyes.
“Just because Echo isn’t here, that doesn’t mean you get to be my boyfriend now,” you tease.
“Ah, well, I’ll never give up,” he laughs back, and Quin has a sympathetic look on his face as you turn to him.
“I guess we both know how it feels to lose our loves,” Quin says softly, and you nod, reaching out to hug him.
“It’s not a good thing,” you reply, “and I wish you didn’t have to go through it.”
“It’s alright,” he says, “I knew the risks of him bein’ a clone trooper. I still chose to love him, as you did with Echo. Our kids will grow up, and we’ll make sure they know how amazin’ their fathers were.”
“Yes, we will,” you agree, pulling back and sharing a small smile with him.
When you find Hex and Steele, the two are next to the small river that runs to the waterfall. Hex is standing and talking to some other members of the 17th while Steele rests on the ground, his hand letting the water run through his fingers. “It’s beautiful here,” Steele says as you stand next to him. “I wonder what it would be like to stay here forever.”
“Maybe this is where you can go when the war is over,” you suggest, but he just shakes his head.
“I’m a soldier, through and through,” he replies, “I think once this war is over, I’ll find some other soldierly job to do. So will Hex. As long as we’re together, we can get through anything. Especially grief.” You stay silent, not knowing exactly how to respond to that. You watch as he takes a rock and skips it across the flowing water. It goes nine times before sinking under the surface. “New record,” he chuckles softly, and you smile while running a hand through his hair. He looks up at you then, and you can’t help but notice how his long scar, running from the bottom of his left ear to the front of his neck, glows in the fading light. You think of the crazy story of how he got it as a cadet and let out a small giggle. He looks at you curiously, and you just shake your head. “I wish I could have seen that,” you say as you point to his scar.
He lets out his own laugh, now remembering the incident as well. “You would have been on your ass in hysterics,” he chuckles, and you revel in seeing him smile again. He adjusts slightly, and the fading sun reflects off of his cybernetic leg.
“Is it getting easier?”
“A little, but Aid says not to push myself too much. He actually yelled at me about it,” Steele replies, scratching the back of his neck. “I might have fallen in front of him.”
“Fallen is an understatement,” Hex chimes in, having ended his conversation with the other troopers. “He full on tripped and went flailing to the ground.”
“It wasn’t that dramatic,” Steele counters, to which Hex lets out an unamused snort.
“Everything is overly dramatic with you,” Hex snarks before looking at you. “You’re heading out?”
“Yeah. Duty calls. Well, more like Anakin.”
“Be safe,” Hex replies before looking down at his twin. “Ready to move?”
“If I must,” Steele says before holding his arms out like a toddler for Hex to help him. You giggle as the two struggle, watching the scene before turning and walking away when it starts to get aggressive. As you do, you hear the unmistakable sound of bodies falling into water, followed only a few seconds later by Hex’s voice cursing Steele to the seven hells.
Once back on your starfighter, you sit for a moment and watch the 17th in front of you. It’s a shame that you really only all get together at times like this. You don’t have any time for movie nights anymore, or big trips to Dohbar to relax. The war won’t let up, and neither will they. You just hope that one day, they’ll all be able to put their blasters down one last time, and walk away from the fighting and into a new, better life.
“Y/n, I’m glad you made it,” Anakin says as you walk towards him.
You nod, folding your arms across your chest when you reach him. “So, what’s this mission we’re going on? And where’s Ahsoka?” You notice Anakin visibly flinch when you ask about his padawan, and immediately know something is wrong.
“Listen,” he says, “you’ve missed some things…I’m trying not to think about it too much…” You reach out and softly squeeze his shoulder, giving him a small bit of comfort, silently telling him that it’s okay. “She…she left the Order…her trial was too much and-and she couldn’t stay somewhere that would never fully trust her…”
“I know exactly how she feels,” you reply, “and I’m sorry that she left. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose a padawan.”
“I-I feel like I failed her,” he chokes out, and you step forward to take his face in your hands. It isn’t an intimate gesture, it’s one of pure sympathy for him.
“You didn’t fail her, Anakin,” you say softly, “you trained her to become strong enough to be confident on her own. She chose her own path, and she knew she could because of your teachings. She’ll survive the outside world because of you, and you’ll meet her again.”
He nods and wipes his tears away, clearing his throat as he composes himself. “Thank you, y/n,” he says before gesturing for you to follow him to a fancy looking ship.
“Besides,” you say quietly, more to yourself than him, “if anything, I failed Tayah…”
Anakin turns his head slightly to glance at you from over his shoulder. He notices as you close your eyes and clench your fists, burying the grief you feel over losing her to the Sith. “About Tayah,” he says as you climb on board, “this mission involves her.”
You freeze right before you’re about to sit down, breath hitching as you process his words. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well…Count Dooku has offered us a…trade off. He’s offered to give Tayah back to the Order if we give up something in return.”
“What are we giving up?” you ask while finally taking your seat.
Anakin looks away, busying himself with the flight controls. “I’m not quite sure, they said he’d make an offer to us once we begin our talk.”
“That doesn’t sound promising,” you say, doing a classic Obi Wan thinking pose. “What could he possibly want that he can’t tell us beforehand?”
Anakin remains silent, and you try to read his expression. You get a bad feeling but push it aside. You need to be focused, this is a matter of saving Tayah. It can’t go wrong, otherwise you’ll have failed her twice, and you might not get another chance to save her.
The flight over to Serenno is full of anticipation and silence. Whatever is bothering Anakin is more than just Ahsoka’s departure. He hadn’t been acting like this until he brought up the mission and the ‘trade off’. Is there a prisoner you don’t know about on board? You try to sense more than just Anakin’s life form, but nothing is there. That only makes you worry more, because he knows something you don’t, and he’s not wanting to share.
***
Castle Serenno is as grand as you imagined it would be, but you don’t let its impressive appearance distract you from why you’re here. Your mind stays focused on the idea of rescuing Tayah, and figuring out what Anakin is up to.
“Greetings, Jedi,” Dooku says as you approach the doors that he stands in front of, “I’m delighted to see that you are taking me up on my offer.”
“Not quite yet,” you say, holding up a hand, “you still have to inform us of what we are to be trading.”
“Ahh,” Dooku says, stroking his beard before meeting Anakin’s eyes, “I see you did not tell her.”
“Didn’t tell me what?” you ask, eyes darting to glare at Anakin dangerously.
He scratches the back of his neck, not meeting your gaze. “Let’s talk about it inside,” Anakin says, trying to get out of the uncomfortable situation.
“Yes, let’s,” Dooku agrees. As you walk in, you get a chill, and feel the absolute darkness inside. “It’s quite fitting for you to be here, y/n,” Dooku says as you walk, “for this is where you should have grown up.”
“And what could you possibly mean by that?” you ask, causing him to glance over his shoulder at you.
“You didn’t know about your mother?”
Your blood freezes as he speaks, and your mind instantly starts searching your memory for what he could possibly mean. All you really know about your mother is that she died after she gave birth to you. You never learned anything else. “What about my mother?”
He stops in front of a portrait, showcasing who you assume is his family. In it, there are two servants, a man and a woman who appear to be twins. Your body tenses as you recognize their eyes as your own. “This is my family,” Dooku confirms, “and two of our most humble servants. Estiv and Estia Num. Both of them died within minutes of each other.” Your mouth goes dry, fists clenching as your heart shatters. So, you had an uncle, but even he is dead. “Estia escaped one night with Estiv’s help, and she gave birth to a little girl in the woods near the cliff. Estiv returned back to the castle shortly after she died. His punishment for aiding in Estia’s escape was his own death.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“It was a shame, Estiv and Estia were among my father’s favorite servants,” Dooku continues, “having lost his most humble ones, he went a little mad. Other servants were killed as a result of his anger.”
“Get to the point already,” you say, fists starting to tremble.
Dooku turns to you then, a look of shame in his eyes that catches you off guard. “Your mother’s death, as well as her brother’s and all the other servants, are a result of my own personal mistake. I was the one who brought Qui-Gon here. If I hadn’t, he would have never met your mother, and she’d still be alive, along with her brother. But, you wouldn’t be here,” he adds, “both miracles and tragedies can come from one small action.”
“I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this,” you say while shaking your head.
“It is to tell you of your life before you were even here. Your family’s fates. I know it is not what you want to hear, but you deserve to know. Estia was a kind, strong woman. I see much of her in you. Estiv was the same, he loved his sister fiercely and would have done anything to protect her. And he hated Qui-Gon with a fiery passion. I can sense your strong feelings, your hate. You must learn to control them, otherwise you will fall,” Dooku says before opening a door. Your body freezes as you look inside. Everything seems to shatter all around you, but it’s only your imagination, and your heart. “You will fall,” Dooku says again as tears build in your eyes, “like she did.”
Tayah turns then, and you see her sickly yellow eyes lock onto your own. You can sense every small bit of change that she has gone through. She stares at you with hatred and fury, and your knees go weak. “T-Tayah,” you choke out, but it’s only a weak whisper.
“My offer,” Dooku says, “is to free Tayah of the Sith’s curse, in exchange for the return of Estia Num’s daughter, y/n Num.”
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“They’re literally the exact same as the ones on our Venator.”
“No, they’re different! They don’t hold the memories that ours do.”
“Well then make new ones,” you say, rolling your eyes.
“But that takes so much effort,” Sans whines, Steele nodding beside him.
You pinch the bridge of your nose and let out a long breath, calming yourself before you speak to your men. “Look, I know you think this is helping me prepare for motherhood, but it’s not,” you say while glaring at them.
“Just because her father was Mr. I-Follow-Every-Rule-In-Every-Reg-Manual-Ever, that doesn’t mean she won’t complain like her father’s twin does,” Steele says.
“Or my twin, for that matter,” Hex mumbles, and Steele gives him a rude finger in response.
“You do know that I did live in the palace with Ahni when she had the twins, right?”
“Well, yeah, but you ain’t their mother,” Tie argues.
“And I’m not your mother, either,” you say. “Look, I don’t have the energy for this right now. Just make sure to be on the bridge at 1130 as Rex said.”
“Alright, see you then, y/n,” Aid says, and the others nod before you walk away.
It’s been a long time since you’ve worked with Anakin on a mission, and you don’t like that you can’t even lead your own men in battle. Sure, Codo is here as well, and all three of you are Jedi generals, plus Ahsoka is a commander, but you still didn’t like letting your men go into a battle without you there with them.
As you make your way to the bunk area you’re sharing with Codo, you catch your reflection in the mirror. Your body has changed a lot, and you quickly look away, not knowing how to feel about how you look. Sure, your body is beautiful and amazing and you’ve carried your little Echoa for this long, and yet there’s that stupid beauty standard that floats around the galaxy. Those pin-ups of ‘perfect’ girls never show diverse body types, and it’s more than a shame. Everyone is beautiful, no matter what kind of body or looks they might have. Even on your own planet representation is limited, and you wish there was a way to force it to be better.
“Uh, is everything alright, General Jinn?” You look up and meet Hardcase’s eyes, and he’s looking at you cautiously.
“Yeah, why?” you ask, giving him a confused expression.
“You were just stomping down the hall,” he says, before a look of shock and embarrassment flashes onto his face. “I-I mean you weren’t…it’s not because of…kriff, what I meant is…”
“Go on, spit it out,” Jesse says, Kix snickering behind him as they both stand in a nearby doorway, watching their brother fumble for the correct words.
“What I meant is, you were walking as though something had angered you,” he ramblessXA, letting out a breath of relief afterwards.
“I was?” you say, “huh, I guess I didn’t notice. I mean I was having some pretty angry thoughts but I didn’t realize I was stomping.”
“Maybe it’s the, well the uh…” he says before motioning at your stomach and then your head.
“My what?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at him. His own eyes go wide again, another wave of embarrassment heating his cheeks.
“Oh, I uh…I mean…nothing, nothing at all, General Jinn,” he says, and you glare at him for a few seconds before breaking into laughter. His expression only turns to confusion before he looks behind him at his brothers, who were also laughing at him.
“Oh, Hardcase,” you say, resting a hand on his shoulder, “I think the phrase you were looking for is ‘pregnancy brain,’ which very well likely could be why I didn’t notice. Either way, it was nice to have a laugh.”
“Um…glad to uh, help?” he says, and you just giggle again before continuing on. When you finally reach your room, you immediately sit down and take your shoes off, sighing in relief before you lay down on the painfully solid bunk.
“You know, we could have made that more comfortable for you,” Codo says, looking over to smile at you.
“I’m fine,” you say, waving a dismissive hand.”
“You might be fine, but is it good for the baby and being so late term?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never been pregnant before,” you say sarcastically. “I just want to rest. I’m tired and my feet are sore.”
“I can draw you up a warm bath to rest in and relieve the stress if you’d like,” he offers, but you shake your head no.
“I don’t feel like moving again until I have to.”
“Fair enough,” he chuckles. “I am going to head up to the bridge and start some plans with Skywalker. You’ll be there at 1130 to go over everything with us?”
“Mhmm,” you say, your eyes closed as you try to get comfortable.
“Alright, rest well, my child,” Codo says before leaving you alone.
After Codo leaves, you spend another few minutes shifting around and trying to get comfortable, but eventually sigh and sit up when you hear a chuckle coming from the doorway.
“And you’re laughing at a struggling pregnant woman for what reason?” you ask, quirking a brow at the trooper who just laughs some more.
“I have no idea what you mean,” Fives says between chuckles, “I would never laugh at you unable to get comfortable.”
“Uh huh,” you say before you pat the spot beside you. Fives grins and walks over, leaning against the side of the bunk and plopping his legs in your lap.
“Ahh, so comfortable,” he says, and you shove his legs off of you and give him a look. He just gives you an innocent grin and sits up next to you. “Can we do it?”
“Do what?”
“The thing.”
“What thing?”
Fives scoffs, rolling his eyes before speaking again. “The baby thing.”
“A little more specific…”
“Where you let me into your mind so I can sense her!”
“Ohhhh that thing,” you say, flashing a cheeky grin before taking his hands. You place them gently on your bump and then put your own fingers against his temple. You focus on the feeling of Echoa’s life force, and watch as a grin slowly spreads as Fives senses her. His eyes are squinted closed, and it makes you want to laugh, but you don’t want to accidentally break the connection by pulling away his focus. A pang of hurt hits you as you watch his joy. If only things had gone better at the Citadel, if only you would have told him when you had the chance, then maybe Echo would be here as well, waiting for his turn to say hello to his little ad’ika.
“Y/n?” Fives says after a while, and you turn to face him again.
“Sorry, were you pulled from the connection?” you ask, and he nods but then shakes his head.
“Yes, but it’s alright. Are you okay?” His expression shows that he’s worried, and you go to question him before you feel a tear roll down your cheek.
“Oh,” you say, not having realized you were crying, “I was just…thinking about him again.”
“Ah, I see,” Fives says, a sad but knowing smile coming to his lips, “I think about him a lot as well. Especially when I’m in the connection thing. I think about my favorite memories with him and hope that Echoa can somehow see them in her mind. It’s the best I can think to do to help her at least know who her father was to those closest to him.”
“That’s a wonderful idea to do,” you say, “I’m glad you’re trying. I hope she’ll at least grow up and know how much he would have loved her.”
“She’ll always have plenty of uncles to love her as well, and remind her how much Echo really was a stickler for the rules.” You both laugh at that, each of you recalling your own memories of him rambling off some chapter or section of those stupid manuals.
“You think she’s gonna be like him?” Fives asks, and you think for a second before smiling.
“I think she’s going to be perfect.”
“Ah, y/n, Fives, you guys made it just in time,” Anakin says as the two of you make your way onto the bridge. “We think this plan is good, maybe even perfect.”
“It is one of the more…reasonable ones I’ve seen you put forward,” Codo agrees.
“He’s worse than Kenobi, am I right?” Anakin whispers to you, and you snort at his comment.
“He’s just a bit more…practical,” you counter, earning a huff from Anakin.
“You mean boring?”
“Watch it,” you warn, “remember who trained me, and who basically raised me.”
“I meant his plans. There’s no danger, no room for improv.”
“Because he accounts for things and plans the best route and course of action,” you defend before nudging him in the side. Everyone is watching the two of you whispering to each other, and Rex and Hex are sharing a look, one that Steele is giving Rex eye daggers for. You always love how jealous Steele gets when his twin is with Rex. He always rants to you about it after, only for you to just end up bursting with the laughter you try to hold in and him scowling at you for it.
~~~
“Just because they’re both captains, and their names have a one letter difference, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically best friends,” he always says. “Besides, I’m Hex’s twin! I’m already his best friend, and everyone knows you can only have one best friend!”
“Maybe you’re actually just his annoying twin,” you sometimes reply, and it always earns you an offended look followed by even more ranting on how he was in fact not Hex’s annoying twin.
~~~
As you listen to the plan, you can’t help but feel left out. Of course, you aren’t in any condition to fight, but having to be sidelined while your troopers go out with Codo makes you feel like you’re missing out on fun. You never get to go on missions with Codo since he prefers to be on Coruscant and handle issues and planning there. And you hate not being able to protect your own troopers, always worrying about their safety and what might happen when you’re not on the battlefield with them. They’re barely even including you in the planning, having basically already decided on a plan before you showed up.
“Y/n?” Anakin asks, and you come out of your thoughts, “what’s your opinion?”
You think for a moment before shrugging. “I wasn’t really listening,” you admit. “I’m not really doing anything other than waiting for you all to come back, so I don’t really have anything to say.”
“But these are your men.”
“Under Codo’s command.”
“You should at least be helpful with the plans,” he responds, “they shouldn’t do it without you.”
“They are perfectly capable of coming up with a well thought out plan without my assistance,” you counter. “Besides, I have other things on my mind.” Your hand subconsciously rests on your stomach, and everyone’s eyes dart down to glance at it briefly before looking at something or someone else.
Anakin gives you a look before turning slightly, putting you out of his view. You feel like this was your cue to leave, as everyone else had turned their attention to him. Everyone except Codo, Sans, and Fives. The look on Codo’s face is one of parental concern, wanting to know what’s wrong with their child and how to help them. Sans looks at you as if to assure you that you are wanted and needed here, that your input is valued and they won’t brush your ideas aside. Fives looks at you apologetically, as if he’s sorry for how his general had treated you. You give them a soft smile, shaking your head and mouthing ‘it’s alright’ to them before turning and quietly leaving the bridge.
Fives glances at Codo and then Sans, sharing a concerned look with them. They both offer him a reassuring nod, silently letting him know that you just need space and time. He looks away from them, watching as the turbolift doors close and take you down to a lower level of the venator.
He turns back to pay attention, catching Rex’s eye for a second before he looks down. He should have stood up for you, Echo would have done that. And Echo would have entrusted Fives to make sure you were okay if he weren’t able to himself. Echo had trusted him with a lot of things, and he’d failed on most. Sticking with him wherever they went, protecting him, making sure they both got back safely. The memory of Echo’s death played in his mind over and over every night. The sound of his own voice yelling out for his brother. The glow of the explosion that nearly blinded him, yet he couldn’t look away.
A hand rests gently on his shoulder, and he shakes his head briefly before looking up at his Captain. “You okay? Noticed you zoned out during the briefing.”
“Yeah,” he responds, plastering an unconvincing smile on his face, “I’m alright.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” Rex chuckles sadly, “but I understand if you don’t want to talk. I am always here, though. We head out in 15 minutes.” He smiles one last time before turning, pausing to add one last thing. “I miss him too. Every day.”
Fives stands there and nods briefly, his fists clenching at his sides. It seems like everyone around him misses Echo, and yet none of them can change his fate. No matter how hard he wills himself to change places with him, it doesn’t work. He feels nothing at night when he tries to reach out into the force, feeling for Echo’s life force somewhere out there, but never finding it. He doesn’t feel like Echo’s always by his side. He feels like he’s standing alone.
“Excuse me, sir.” Fives turns to look at one of the bridge workers beside him. “Just wanted to remind you that you are set to leave in five minutes,” he says with a small nod.
“Kriff,” Fives mutters, “it’s been that long already?”
“Time does seem to go by too quickly when we’re stuck in our minds,” the other man chuckles before nodding to the side, “better be on your way.”
“Right, thank you,” Fives says before jogging to the turbolift, knowing he’s going to have to move a lot quicker to grab his gear and make it to the hangar on time.
Sans, Hex, Steele, Aid, and Tie are all standing outside their ship, talking to Rex and Ahsoka. Fives quickly catches up, slipping his helmet on.
“Ah, you made it,” Rex says with a grin, “wasn’t sure if we were going to have to leave you behind.”
“‘Course no,” he replies, “I won’t miss a fight for anything.”
“Not even Shaak Ti?” Tie says, snickering while elbowing Aid who just flinches away and glares at him briefly.
“Well, that’s a different story,” he chuckles before turning back to Rex. “What ship are Jesse, Hardcase, and Kix on?”
“That one just over there,” he says, pointing at the complete other end of the hangar. “You also have the shinies, Tup and Dogma, with you. Better hurry before they leave,” he says. Fives groans before beginning to jog over, turning to a sprint as he sees the ship preparing to take off. He can already hear them laughing at him, and he curses to himself before just barely jumping on as they take off.
“Glad to see you decided to join us,” Jesse laughs.
“We had our bets over whether or not you’d end up with another squad,” Hardcase adds.
“Good to know you all have confidence in me,” he mutters, his helmet hiding his grin.
“Now, let’s introduce you to the shinies,” Kix says, walking them over with a hand on each of their shoulders. “This here is Dogma, and this here is Tup.”
“Hello, boys,” he says, walking up to them. “You think you’re cut out to be soldiers of the Grand Army of the Republic?”
“Yes, sir!” they reply in unison. He glances at Kix, still holding their shoulders.
“Hmm. You think you’re cut out for the 501st?”
“Yes, sir!” they reply again. Hardcase lets out a snort from behind Fives, and Jesse shakes with a chuckle.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Fives says before nodding for them to look out of the gunship. The doors had opened as they neared the surface. “See that? That’s where your fate is decided. Where you either live to see another day, or die without even seeing your enemy. You sure you’re ready?”
“Yes, sir!” they repeat for the last time, more confidently now. Fives turns his head to nod at his brothers, and right before their ship lands, he shoves both of the shinies out, causing them to fall face first into mud. Everyone laughs for a second before they help them up.
“Rule number one,” Fives says, “learn to have fun.”
“Get down!” he yells, grabbing onto the shiny and yanking him behind the rock right as the shell exploded where he’d just been standing. “Rule number thirty two, don’t stand in front of a cannon!”
Dogma nods, shaking slightly as another shell hits the ground in front of them.
“When I say go, you run as fast as you can to those troopers over there, got it?” Fives yells, and Dogma jerks his head in a nod. Fives closes his eyes, steadying his breathing as he times the cannon blasts, making sure he knows when to go.
It’s almost peaceful, the way he feels. The danger and death around him, yet he’s sitting here, quietly breathing, almost as if he’s connecting to the planet. To the force. The explosions around him don’t even register in his mind, and he slips away, back into his memories. The memories of life surviving on Kamino, surviving the out post, surviving the attack on Kamino…
“ARC-5555?” Dogma’s voice finds Fives’ ears, and he snaps out of it.
He pulls Dogma close to his face before harshly telling him “Rule number thirty three, don’t call anyone by their numbers.” He shoves him away again afterwards, yelling at him to run for it. He jumps up as well, running as fast as possible. He sees Dogma slip, and he quickly grabs him and pulls him back up to his feet. “Rule number thirty four!” he yells, “keep running!”
They both run for their lives, the ground shaking as shells land all around them. Fives makes sure that Dogma doesn’t fall again, and practically drags him to the other group of clones. He throws him forward, practically tossing him into Hardcase’s arms. “Keep him out of trouble,” he says before running back into the fire.
They’re practically surrounded, and he only catches glimpses of Anakin’s saber every dozen minutes. Ahsoka had been stationed here, but even then, Fives barely saw her from across the battlefield. Smoke was everywhere, but thankfully, very few dead clones lay around.
“Tie! Watch your flank!” he yells as he begins running towards him. His blasters are raised and he’s firing without really aiming, the cluster of droids being thick enough to not need to aim. As he makes his way through, he catches a glimpse of Aid running as well. He can hear him shouting something, but can’t make out the words through the sounds of blaster fire. When he finally makes his way through the droids, he stops to see Tie on the ground with a blaster shot in the shoulder and in the stomach.
“I’ve got him,” Aid yells, “it would be great if you could clear a path for me as I carry him back to the gunship!” Fives nods, holding his blasters up and turning to run towards the gunship that’s closest.
Another shell rains down and it hits just feet away from Aid, who is flung to the side while clutching Tie close. But Fives doesn’t see the scene in front of his eye. He sees that place again, that citadel, that ship, that explosion. He sees Echo with his shield, trying to help out. He sees him die in front of his eyes again.
He couldn’t have been out for more than a minute, because when he opens his eyes, almost nothing has changed. He can hear the sound of shells exploding on either side of the battlefield, troopers yelling commands at each other, and a new but familiar sound.
“Come on, Fives! We need you to get up!” Ahsoka’s voice is strong, commanding, and yet worried. “We’ve almost got’em! Just push through a bit longer!”
He groans, rolling to the side and searching for the green armor. “A-Aid…” he rasps out. “W-where’s Aid and Tie?”
Ahsoka takes a moment to glance down at him. “They’re over there,” she says with a slight side nod. “They’re okay, I checked on them.” It’s a lie, but Fives wouldn’t know. She’s a good liar. “Are you able to get up and help?”
Fives swallows hard, steadying his breath before pushing himself up. “I…got a bit more fight in me, Commander,” he says, though he feels as if someone’s trying to weigh him down. As he stumbles back into the fight, he catches a glimpse of Jesse, Hardcase, and the shinies holding off against a big wave of droids. He stumbles over, catching himself briefly against a ruined Separatist tank, before joining up with the squad.
“Good to see you again,” Jesse says, “you’re missing a boot, though.” Fives looks down, only now realizing that he is in fact missing a boot.
“Huh, must’ve blown off when the explosion knocked me down.”
“Did you check in with Kix before joining us?” Hardcase asks, slamming his shoulder into Fives so that he moves and dodges a blaster shot he hadn’t noticed.
“Uh, no,” he admits, grinning shyly under his helmet.
Jesse and Hardcase both chuckle over the comms. “He’s gonna be peeved with you,” Hardcase replies.
“He’s always peeved at me for some reason or another,” Fives sighs before tossing a grenade to Tup. “Throw this directly at that tank!” The shiny does as Fives commanded, and after that, it only takes a minute or so to clear out the rest of the droids around them.
“We need more reinforcements over here!” Sans suddenly yells over the comms. “We are pinned down!” Fives, Hardcase, and Jesse exchange a very quick glance before running off to where the 17th is fighting, shouting at the shinies to follow as well. When they break through the trees that had been separating the two battalions, Fives nearly stumbles at the scene.
Clones are dead all around, so many of your troops are lying motionless in front of him. He swallows hard, keeping focused on running to help the survivors.
Codo is standing in front, using the force and his saber to deflect as many blaster shots as possible. Sans is behind him, kneeling - no, resting his leg that has a prominent blaster shot in it - shooting and making sure the no droids can get close enough to his men, or the Jedi. Hex and Steele are further off, helping the wounded crawl away from the fighting and to some relative cover.
“We’re here!” Rex says as he joins Fives and the others. Ahsoka is there as well, and in the distance, Fives can see Anakin and more 501st troopers coming from the other side. Within minutes of their arrival, it seems as though the enemy just falls away. The troopers’ numbers are too large for the droid army to even try to fight, and before long, they begin to turn and run. Gunships fly above the retreating army and drop bomb after bomb, destroying the enemy, and the planet.
“What about the civilians who live here?” Jesse shouts, and Fives sees Dogma lower his head, as if in defeat.
“We had to ensure this was a Republic win,” Rex says, taking his helmet off. His eyes are full of confliction, and he lets out a sigh. “No matter the cost,” he adds, looking around at all of the men from the 17th that are dead. “This might take a toll on y/n.”
“Then we can’t tell her,” Fives says, taking his helmet off and stepping forward. “We can’t let any harm come to the baby.”
“These are y/n’s men, we cannot lie or hide this from her,” Rex says, placing a gentle hand on Fives’s shoulder. “I know you care, we all care as well. But she is a General, and these men died without her leading them. She needs to know, she will know. It won’t harm the baby.”
Fives opens his mouth to argue, but Rex gives him a look before placing his helmet back on. Jesse and Hardcase walk up, each resting a hand on one of Fives’s shoulders.
“It’ll be okay,” Jesse assures him, “perhaps you can be the one to tell her. She’ll take it better from you.”
“This shouldn’t have happened,” he mumbles, looking around, “she’s lost enough…”
“I’m afraid that in this war, there’s probably a lot more still for her to lose,” Hardcase says.
Fives whips his head around to stare at him, his face full of shock. “Is that supposed to comfort me?”
“No,” he says, raising his hands in defense, “I just was saying. It’s terrible, but there’s no point in keeping it from her, because it’s bound to happen again.”
“Yeah, well, it shouldn’t,” he replies before putting his helmet back on and walking away, deciding to go check for Aid and Tie.
Walking back through the trees, he’s careful not to make too much noise. There might still be enemies nearby that were missed earlier, and he isn’t in the mood for getting shot. Some of the trees are still burning, very slowly, but with the right conditions, it might turn into a raging fire, and he doesn’t want to be caught in the middle. As soon as he makes it through, he tries to look for them where he’d last seen them, but the sight in front of him is overwhelming.
There are barely any casualties on this side of the trees, and the ones that are injured are also very few. He feels a wave of anger, and he clenches his fists tightly. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Both battalions should have been fine. Their plan ensured it. If anything, the 501st should have had more casualties, so why did so many of the 17th die?
When he reaches the spot he last saw Aid and Tie, he sees a few footsteps with blood trailing along. Then he sees what looks like a spot where Aid fell, dropping Tie and sprawling out. More footsteps surround the spot, hinting at Aid being helped up and led back to the ship.
Fives looks up and his eyes meet Aid’s from behind his helmet. He takes it off and Aid looks away, focusing on the injured troopers around him. Fives walks over to the ship, glancing around before stepping up. “Is he-”
“Tie is alive,” he replies, cutting him off, “but I can’t talk, I have so many to treat.” He shuddered. “I just hope my panic attack can wait.”
Fives nods, looking around at all of them. “I can help if you want.”
“I’d prefer a medic.”
“Right. Well, I can fly the ship-”
“I don’t want to risk anything happening during flight, especially with someone who isn’t a trained pilot.” Aid sighs. “This…should never have happened.”
“I know,” Fives says, resting a hand on his shoulder briefly. “I’ll comm for a pilot, and I’ll make sure the medical wing is ready on the Venator.” He begins to leave, but after he steps off the ship, he pauses. “As one of her troopers…what do you think we should tell y/n? About all the casualties?”
Aid freezes for a second, and Fives sees his eyes roam over the battlefield. “I didn’t see much of it myself,” he admits, “that’s a question for the others.”
Fives nods, not exactly satisfied with the answer, but a comm from Rex lets him know that it’s time to leave. “Good luck,” he says, and Aid goes back to work, hands shaking slightly as he prepares a needle.
It’s quiet back on the ship, and you can feel your heart racing. You know something went wrong, you can tell by the way the troops on the bridge are acting. “What is going on?” you ask again, and finally someone gives you an answer, just not a clear one.
“They’re heading back up to the Venator, Sir,” he replies, and you bite back a grumble.
“What happened?”
“It’s likely that they will have a mission debrief, and if they allow you to be there, you will know,” he responds before giving her an apologetic look. “Orders,” he explains, and you nod. He isn’t one of your troopers, and so he can’t share classified information with you unless he’s given permission. It’s annoying, but it’s protocol.
You head down to the hangar, wanting to interrogate Sans and Codo as soon as they land. If you could get someone to talk, it was them. Naturally, Anakin, Rex, and Ahsoka are on the first gunship and exit first. Behind them is Fives, Hardcase, Jesse, and the two shinies. You guess that Kix is probably on another ship, helping with the injured. A few more ships of just troopers land before finally Sans, Hex, and Steele exit one of them. You notice immediately that Tie isn’t their pilot, and that he hadn’t walked out of the ship. Codo hadn’t either.
“Where are they?!” you ask, panic immediately taking over. Fives rushes over with Sans, both of them gently taking hold of you to keep you calm.
“Aid is helping Tie and others that are injured on another gunship,” Fives explains.
“Aid said he would be alright, but…mesh’la, I’m sorry.”
You feel as though your heart is about to shatter. Codo can’t be dead…he had to have survived. You don’t feel him in the force, and you know you would have felt him die. Your bond was too close. But he isn’t here, and there’s no other reason for Sans to be apologizing like that. “What happened?” you manage to ask, trying your best to hold back tears.
“There was…some misinformation, apparently,” Sans sighs. “Codo and I, and Hex and Steele, took each of our groups to our designated spots. The plan would have been flawless…but it turned out that we were either tricked, lied to, or didn’t have enough information. We lost so many troopers…the 501st was hardly touched. But the 17th…” he looks away, and you see the pain in his eyes.
“Sans,” you say, gently reaching up to him. His tears begin to fall and he just shakes his head.
“We tried to help,” Fives continues, gaining your attention, “but it was too late. They had all…so many of them…” He takes a moment to clear his words, not wanting to just ramble. “Codo tried his hardest, he did all that he could. He stood in the front and defended your troopers as best he could. But the result…it was inevitable. I’m sorry you have lost so much in this war. I hope you don’t continue to.”
“I won’t stop losing people until it’s over, and even after, I fear that I will continue to lose those I love,” you reply. “But…Codo…I…” you bite your lip, tears streaming down your face again. “I just can’t…it’s my fault…”
“What?” Fives says, exchanging a glance with Sans who is also confused. “What’s your fault?”
“Him dying,” you reply, “if I would have just gone myself, he never would have been in the battle and never would have been killed. He’d still be back at the Temple and in safety…it’s all my fault.”
The troopers exchange another glance before Sans gently rests a hand on your shoulder. “Y/n,” he says, “Codo isn’t…he’s fine,” he says, “although he does feel a bit guilty about everything,” he admits. “He feels responsible for the lives of your men under his command.”
“What? Then where is he?” you ask, looking around for him.
“I think I saw him head to the turbo lift already,” Fives says. “He seemed…in a rush.”
It hits you that he’s probably avoiding you out of guilt, but that would be hard to do with the two of you sharing a room on the Venator. “When is your debrief?”
“Not for a while,” Sans replies, “we’re going to focus on the injured first, and then when we are settled we’re going to meet on the bridge.”
“Okay,” you nod, “I’m going to go find him and talk to him.” The two troopers nod and watch you walk off. As you do, something inside you changes. You feel your anguish dissipating, and something else replacing it. It’s not quite a feeling yet, more like something brewing inside and getting ready to become a real emotion.
You walk through the halls and try to keep your mind calm. You need to see Codo and talk to him for yourself and make sure that he’s alright. You don’t want him to blame himself for this, it isn’t his fault…is it?
You take a deep breath as you linger outside the door. It’s closed, something very unusual for Codo, especially when the two of you are sharing a room. Even when he’s upset, he keeps it open in an offering for you to come talk, but this is almost as if he doesn’t want to face you. You type in the code and watch the door open, and Codo’s back is towards you as he stands looking out the viewport. You hesitate, not wanting to disturb him, but not wanting to leave him alone to wallow in guilt.
You feel yourself walking over to stand beside him, but there’s some distance that isn’t normally there. In the past, you’d walk up to him and brush shoulders, or perhaps hold his hand, assuring him that everything was okay. But now, you can’t bring yourself to close the distance between the two of you.
Codo doesn’t turn to you to speak, he keeps his face forward and the distance noticeable. “I know you trusted me to lead your troops into battle and out the other side. You trusted me to keep unnecessary deaths to a minimum. And I know that I have failed you, greatly.”
You don’t respond, not sure what to say. He’s right, you had trusted him, and you lost so many of them. But would it have been any different if you had been the one leading them? Or another general who is more experienced than Codo? Perhaps someone who is able to put their feelings about the war aside and fight for the Republic and protect the troops under their command.
“I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for all of the loss today, and I wish I could have done more, done better.” Silence lingers between you, and you want to say something, but your emotions seem to have you paralyzed. You look down at your bump, as it’s blocking the view of your feet, and rest a hand on it. “I understand if you’re upset with me-”
“Not upset,” you say, cutting him off. You let silence hang for a few seconds while you figure out the right words. “Not upset but…disappointed. In myself and those who gave us our information. In the plan that was supposed to be flawless. And admittedly in you, because I had trusted you with their lives. But also in myself for believing that it would be a good idea to let you take my men into battle. I feel as though you are not anywhere close to being experienced enough. And I’ve always admired your ability to avoid going into battle, but…it comes with a cost. A cost that my men had to pay. I don’t think that…I’ll allow you to lead them alone again. I trust you with them, but only to an extent,” you finish. You don’t wait for his response, deciding to leave and go check on Tie before the debriefing begins.
The medical level is busy, and as you peek into rooms, you see that most of the soldiers are yours. You feel awful, knowing that they had put their trust in you to find someone to lead them safely into battle, and this was what they got in return. You catch a glimpse of Kix tending to Fives, and catch a few of the angry words he’s throwing at him. From the sounds of it, he’s very angry and ranting to him once again on how to properly assess if he should go back into battle or go to the nearest medic. Fives shoots you a desperate grin, begging you to save him, but you just smile and shake your head, continuing on to find Tie.
When you reach his room, you immediately are met with quite a few things hooked up to him. A breathing mask, a heart monitor, and an IV with a clear liquid are all connected, and there are multiple bandages wrapped around him.
“He’s stable, but might take a few days to recover. I plan on sticking him in a bacta tank when we get back to Coruscant,” Aid says as he walks in behind you.
“How did this happen?”
“Enemy cannon. The blast landed right next to him and threw him to the ground. Another one made me slip and drop him. Thankfully most of what you see in bandages is surface wounds, small scratches and such, but one is a broken bone, and the way he fell caused his rib to break and puncture his lungs.” He shudders for a moment, and you place a gentle hand on his arm.
“It’s okay,” you tell him, “he’ll be alright, thanks to you.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, “but this should never have happened.” You glance down at his words, knowing you share the same feelings. “The debriefing is in a few minutes,” he says, snapping you from your mind, “I’d recommend you go, there’s a lot you’ll want to hear about.” You nod and glance back at Tie one last time before leaving the room. You hope that Aid doesn’t push himself, his panic attacks have only gotten worse the further into the war he gets. Your fear is that one of these days, he’ll end up driving himself mad.
You walk onto the bridge, and everyone’s eyes seem to focus on you. Codo looks down, and Anakin nods to you before turning to address everyone. You vaguely listen, only noting when the discussion is focused on your men, or when one of them is talking. You also listen to Codo, trying to understand where his leadership went wrong.
“...attacked from our left flank…” “...cannons surrounded us…” “...comms went in and out…” “...not enough support…” “...a whole squad blown up…” “...blinded…” “...bad conditions…” “...separated…” “...panicked…” “...at least one and a half companies died…” “...more than two hundred injured…” “...barely any made it out without injury or death…”
The words hit you like daggers to the heart. You feel yourself fall forward, barely catching yourself on the holo table. Hex and Steele are immediately at your sides, but you shake your head slowly. “I need to stay…” you say quietly, “I need to hear everything.”
You stand and watch as the survivors of your battalion march off the Venator, and then watch as the injured are taken to the medical facility. You watch before following, knowing you need to face them yourself. But when you reach their barracks, your mouth goes dry and your throat squeezes shut. You can’t form words, only tears that fall from your face. All you can do is shake your head, clench your fists, and wait for them to say something. But they didn’t say anything.
The men of the 17th all took turns hugging you, their silent way of assuring you it’s alright, that it’s not your fault, that they aren’t upset with you. As they do, you feel something strange happening. Stress has been consuming you since a few days ago when you first learned about the mission plans, and it hasn’t given you any rest.
Your vision starts to blur, and your palms start to sweat. A trooper notices, and you can only assume he yelled for others, because your hearing is muffled as you feel your eyes slowly flutter shut. The last thing you see is the shiny hovering over you, mouthing something, or maybe yelling. You can’t read his lips though, your brain already shutting down.
~~~
Medical equipment is attached all over you, and when Fives walks in to visit, there’s just a little bit more color in your face than before. You no longer look like a corpse, and it gives him a sense of relief. You and the baby are still fine, but clearly weak. He just hopes that the air of Dohbar blowing in through the windows will help you come back and be refreshed
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i dont know if tumblr is still messed up so letter spam time
The sounds of medical equipment are faint, but are slowly becoming louder. The stiff feeling of a medical bed underneath you slowly makes itself present. Medical equipment attached and inserted into your skin sends weird sensations through you as fluids are pumped into your system. It all comes to you slowly, but then it hits.
You sit up straight in your bed, heart rate immediately spiking. Your eyes are wide as you look around, and you panic for a second, not knowing where you are or what had happened. As you begin to throw the covers off of yourself and slide off the bed, Aid runs in and immediately yells at you.
“Sit your karking ass back down on that medical bed or so help me Maker,” he says, his tone serious and threatening. You freeze, shocked by his tone before slowly crawling back on as he told you to. “Why do you try this every time you wake up on a medical bed?” he mutters to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. More footsteps flood in, and you see Sans, Hex, Steele, and Tie all rush in to stand at your side.
“Maker, it’s a miracle you’re able to even stand up,” Sans says, his face full of relief. “I was so worried that…never mind, that doesn’t matter.”
“What matters is that you’re alive and awake,” Hex says, and he smiles down at you, but you’re still utterly confused.
“What happened?” you ask, “and where’s Bomber?” A sense of shock fills the room, and you watch as everyone exchanges confused and worried glances. “Guys, where is Bomber?”
“Y/n,” Steele begins, talking to you slowly, “what is the last thing you do remember?”
“I-” you begin, but your mind is fuzzy. Brief flashes of different battles and different troopers come to your mind, but nothing solid enough for you to make sense of it. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, we’ll start with the easy stuff,” Aid says, before adding, “well, the supposed to be easy stuff. What year is it?”
“Uh…7955?”
“Kriff,” Tie says, “what happened to her memory?”
“I don’t know, but I did say it was a possibility with how hard her head was hit.”
“Wait, so you don’t remember any of that last two years?” Sans asks, and you look back at him with wide eyes.
“Two years? I’ve forgotten two years?!”
“Calm down, y/n, this isn’t good for you or for your-” Aid stops mid sentence, his face paling as he comes to a realization. “She doesn’t know…”
“Oh my gods,” Hex says, staring at you in shock.
“How the hells do we even explain this?” Steele asks, throwing his hands up to his head.
“Calm down, everyone! I can only treat one person at a time,” Aid says, and everyone snaps their gaze to him. “Everyone, out. I will do what I can to…gently inform her of her…condition…”
“Alright, but we’ll be waiting outside,” Sans says, and Aid nods. “We won’t be gone for long, y/n. Just shout if you need us.”
“Can someone just please tell me where the hells Bomber is?” you say, and Aid lets out a sigh, waving the others to keep leaving.
“First, the year is 7957-”
“Yeah, I got that. I forgot the past two years,” you snark back, and Aid gives you a brief look before sitting in a chair next to your bed. A conflicted expression covers his features, and he looks like he’s trying hard to figure out how to tell you everything.
“Bomber died in 7955. We were in a battle with General Skywalker’s battalion, the 501st. I…I couldn’t save him, I didn’t even get a chance to try.”
“Wait, explain the mission more,” you say, squinting your eyes in concentration.
“Well, you went off with two of Skywalker’s men-”
“Fives and Echo. I remember them. Fives is…with Shaak Ti?”
“Yes.”
“And Echo…he was flirting with me…”
“Yes, he was. You and him…well, you struck up a relationship, eventually.”
“We did?” you say, and a sudden flash of memory of him taking you to an arcade floods your mind. You immediately look to your side, grabbing the stuffed porg, Marvin, that you guys had won. “We did.”
“Yes. And…well, I guess there’s no gentle or easy way to say this but…”
“I’m karking pregnant?!” you shout, the boys hearing your words from outside the room.
“Well, I guess that went…well?” Steele says, and Hex just sighs, not knowing what to think of the situation.
“Yes, now, for your sake and your baby’s, you need to stay calm.”
“How the karking hells am I supposed to stay calm when I’m pregnant, I don’t remember the last two years, and-”
“Y/n,” Aid says again, sternness coming back to his tone. “If you don’t calm down, I will put you back asleep.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” you say, narrowing your eyes at him. “Wait, where’s Echo? Did you tell him I’m awake?”
“Echo’s dead.” The words come from someone else, and you snap your head to look at Fives standing in the doorway. Aid looks at him, making a frustrated strangling motion with his hands. “No point in skipping over it. Y/n, a lot has happened-”
“Yeah, I’m figuring that out,” you say, another brief flash of memory coming to you. “I keep getting more and more flashes of memories, and their beginning to be more discernible.”
“Good, we’ll give you a couple weeks, and then we’ll see how you are, and if you’re able to go back into battle,” Aid says.
“How long was I out for?”
“Only a week, but your head trauma was bad. We had you in a bactatank for a couple days, but everything improved quickly, so we took you out and brought you here.” You let your head fall back against your pillow. A sense of loss fills you, not just after re-learning about Echo and Bomber’s deaths, but after losing the past two years of your life. You just hope it will all come back, and that you’ll be able to pick right back up where you left off.
“I want you to go to Dohbar, and to rest there. Hopefully the palace will help return your memories more comfortably.”
“Okay,” you say, and he finally begins working on removing the medical equipment from you. Fives just sits silently by your side, and a sense of sadness covers his features. “Is everything alright, Fives?”
“Yeah,” he says, plastering a smile on his face before it fades. “I just…I was really worried about you and the baby. You’re all I have left of Echo and…I just couldn’t bear the idea of losing you both.”
“It’s okay, Fives, because we survived.”
“Do you remember her name?” he asks, and you shake your head. “Echoa. After her father.”
“It’s beautiful,” you say, smiling softly while resting your hand on your bump. “I can’t wait to get to know her again.” He just nods, a small hint of relief in his eyes.
“Alright, you’re all good to get up. Tie will take you to Dohbar, and then palace doctors can take care of you.”
“Okay,” you reply, and you walk out to the rest of Jawa Squad. They look at you expectantly, and you just give them a small smile. “I’m heading to Dohbar to rest for a couple of weeks. I’ll be back soon, though.”
“I expect I’m the chauffeur?” Tie asks, and you nod. “Right this way then, m’lady,” he says, giving you an exaggerated bow and grin before offering you his arm.
“Are you boys coming too?” you ask the others, but they shake their heads no.
“We don’t want to do or say anything that might make your condition worse,” Hex explains. “Besides, we are scheduled to head out soon. After Tie drops you off, he’ll come right back here so we can be deployed tomorrow.”
“Oh,” you say, a bit of sadness washing over you. “Well, be safe out there.”
“We will, y/n,” Sans says, giving you a smile, “we’ll make you proud.”
“You always do,” you say before turning and continuing on with Tie to head to Dohbar.
~~~
“-and banthas are flying in the skies, with rainbows coming from their asses…”
“Tauntauns are dancing in the streets…”
Kwol and Ahni exchange another look with each other before they both sigh and look back to you.
“Y/n,” Kwol says again, and you finally acknowledge him. “What was the last thing we said that you listened to?”
“I…sorry,” you say, resting your head in your hand, “it’s just been…a lot lately.”
“Well, do you think you could spare us just a few minutes to listen to what’s been going on here? I mean, you need to understand situations to be able to be a good queen.”
“Right, sorry, I’ll pay attention this time,” you reply, finally meeting their gazes. Ahni’s expression relaxes and she gently places her hand on Kwol’s arm before she speaks.
“Why don’t we worry about this later?” she says.
“But she’s already been here for four standard weeks-”
“Kwol, she is expecting a child while also serving as not only a leading general in a galactic war, but also a queen. Not to mention her memory has only just been fully restored. She has a lot on her plate-”
“Dohbar has a lot of things that need to be addressed,” he counters, turning to look at you. “Look, I’m sorry that you have so much going on, but your people need you to be present, even if you can’t always physically be here. They need you to keep up with their world so that you can make the best decisions to keep them safe and thriving. You need to be thinking about them more.”
“Kwol-”
“He’s right, Ahni,” you say, straightening up. “I appreciate your concern for me, but Kwol’s point stands. I need to know what my people are going through so that I can best help them. I need to put other things aside and be a queen here and now.” Ahni gives you a sympathetic look before nodding, clasping her hands in front of her.
“As I was trying to tell you before, Dohbar’s supply of-” Kwol is interrupted by the sound of your holo transceiver going off, and you meet his annoyed expression with your own apologetic one.
“Masters,” you say, answering the holo to see three Council members.
“Master Jinn,” Obi Wan says, “we hope we are not interrupting anything.”
“Uh, well…” you say, glancing at Kwol’s even more irritated expression, “you are, but I know you wouldn’t be contacting me unless it was important.”
“You’re right. We are having some…issues with your battalion,” Plo says. You sigh while rolling your eyes, your own expression going to one of unamusement.
“What is it now?”
“They are refusing to do as we have tried to tell them to,” Mace explains. “They are very adamant about not following orders.”
“Did they give you a reason why?”
“No. In fact, they refused to talk at all. Only answering ‘no’ when we ask them something,” Obi Wan says.
“Alright, I’ll talk to them after this meeting,” you say.
“Actually, we were hoping you would be able to come back from your leave early. As long as the doctors there say you’re alright, we would like you to return and help on the battlefield again,” Mace says.
“Is that really a good idea? I mean for me to be on the battlefield?” you say, a hand subconsciously going down to your stomach. “I’m getting pretty close to term.”
“We understand your condition, and if you do not personally feel fit enough to be on the battlefield, we will respect your decision to stay back. But, your help can still be used on Coruscant,” Plo explains.
“Alright, I’ll make arrangements to come home tomorrow-”
“Tomorrow?” Kwol says, anger taking over him. “You can’t leave tomorrow! There’s many things that need to be addressed and done here, and we can’t possibly cover it all today!”
“Kwol, I’m sorry, but-”
“But nothing! You are abandoning your people for the war. A war that shouldn’t even concern you! I thought your people always came first. I thought your duty as Queen came before your duty as a Jedi. Apparently, you lied.” He gets up then, storming out of the room, Ahni quickly following after him. You sigh, resting your face in your hands.
“Master Jinn, we understand if you’re not able to come right away-”
“No, I’ll be there tonight. I have to get off this Maker-forsaken planet.” Your words and tone are final, and the Masters nod before ending the holo. You head to your room and pack up everything you need before heading to the hangar. You decide to just fly yourself back, needing the peace of being alone in space.
“What the hells has my life become?” you mutter to yourself, the stars flying by in hyperspace. “Choosing between my people and the war…my duty as a queen and my duty as a Jedi. It’s not fair…” You wipe the tears that slowly run down your cheeks and stand up, leaving the ship on autopilot and heading to the quarters. As you pass by the door, a flash of a memory comes to your mind, and you stand there as you relive Tayah’s capture.
Tayah. You wonder if she’s okay. It’s been two standard months since she was kidnapped, two standard months and no effort to locate her has taken place. You feel awful, sick to think about it. Despite all that you yourself have gone through, you still feel as though you have some sort of responsibility to find her, but you know that there are more pressing issues.
You settle down in the peace of your quarters, clearing your mind as you prepare to meditate. It’s been harder for you recently, after your accident. Sometimes you get flashes of memories, sometimes you relive the incident. Rarely do you get to actually meditate. This time, you’re unlucky enough to get the incident again.
~~~
“We’re going down!” you yell into the comms, “everyone, get to an escape pod or ship, just get out of here in one piece!” You’re in the middle of a doomed space engagement with Grievous, and your Venator has been struck beyond repair. It’s not even functioning enough to be guided down and land on the planet you’re currently hovering in the atmosphere of. You see everyone scrambling around to get to some sort of transport off the Venator, and Sans runs up to your side.
“Come on, y/n, Tie is waiting for us with a ship just over there,” he says, pointing in the direction he wants you to go.
“No, you go, Sans. I’m staying back to make sure everyone gets off safely.”
“What? No! You need to leave!”
“I’m not going to argue about this, Sans,” you say, turning to run off to where others need help.
“Kriffing hells, you’re pregnant!” Sans shouts after you, but you just keep running, needing to make sure as many men survive as possible.
“Sans, let’s go!” Hex shouts into the comms.
“Y/n ran off!”
“Just get your ass onto the ship and we’ll try to get her later,” Steele says.
“I’m not leaving her behind!”
“Sans, either you get on this ship right now, or you go down and die with the Venator’s impact. Make up your mind,” Hex says firmly. Sans clenches his jaw, torn between making sure you end up safe, and ensuring his own safety. He’s always chosen you, always made sure you were okay, but now, something convinces him not to. Something tells him to turn and run to the gunship and let Tie take him to safety.
“Alright, I’m coming,” Sans says before turning and sprinting towards the ship. He jumps on and Tie immediately begins to fly off. Sans rights himself before looking out, trying to find you in the hangar, but you’re not there. “Karking hells,” he mutters, a sense of regret washing over him.
“She’ll be fine,” Aid says, resting a hand on Sans’s shoulder. “She knows what she’s doing.”
“She karking pregnant. She should be here, flying away-”
“Don’t worry about her,” Hex says, looking out as the gunship flies away from the crashing Venator. “Everything will be-” His sentence is cut off by an explosion and desperate yells from the men around him. His own knees feel weak as he watches flames engulf the Venator, still crashing to the ground.
“Hex…”
“Shut up, Steele,” Hex says, not able to take his eyes from the flames. “Just…shut up…”
“Tie-”
“Don’t even ask, it’s too dangerous to get close,” Tie responds. “I’m heading to the ground. Once it crashes, we can tell the rest of the battalion to regroup and head to the wreckage.”
“Sans?” Steele asks, but Sans is motionless, tears streaming down his face.
“Karking damnit, Steele! How many kriffing times do I need to tell you to shut up?!”
“Hex, you better watch it,” Aid says, suddenly getting stern and grabbing his brother’s arm. Hex turns and glares at him, getting up in his face.
“Let go of me.”
“Leave Steele alone.”
“He won’t listen-”
“Men!” Sans suddenly snaps, turning to look at the others. “What the kark is wrong with you Hex? I thought you left your bad attitude back on Kamino when we were deployed.”
“Don’t you talk to me like that,” Hex says, pulling his arm from Aid’s grasp as he faces off with Sans.
“If you don’t straighten out your attitude, then I’m going to courtmart-”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Steele says, shoving Sans so that he’s facing him now. “You won’t do a fucking thing like that to Hex!”
“I’ll do whatever the hells I want, because I’m your Commander!”
“I’ll sedate you all if you don’t karking calm down!” Aid shouts, and the others turn to glare at him.
“What the hells is going on?” another clone says, and everyone turns to see Uma standing in the gunship. “Y/n is suddenly in a life or death situation and all you di’kuts can do is argue and threaten each other? Sans, you’re right, you’re our Commander, so why the hells are you acting like a child?”
“Uma you have no right-”
“Neither do you,” Uma cuts Sans off with the statement, a hard glare settling in both of their gazes. “We are clones, we don’t have rights, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about you and the rest of Jawa Squad, except for Tie since he’s flying this karking ship, acting like children fighting over which bunk they want on Kamino. We have a duty, and that is to protect and fight for the Republic. Now, our General is out there on a wrecked Venator, in who knows what kind of condition. So, I’m going to ask you something. Are you going to straighten out your acts, all of you, or are you going to keep acting like di’kuts and let her die?” The men of Jawa Squad all exchange harsh glances with each other, but let out a collective annoyed sigh.
“You’re right, Uma. I’m sorry for acting as I did,” Sans says.
“You don’t need to apologize to me, you need to apologize to them,” he responds, motioning to the others, “I expect you all to act like the men you are and exchange the appropriate apologies. The rest of us will be waiting outside the gunship.” The men of Jawa Squad watch as everyone else exits and gets situated outside, and then they’re alone. They each stand there silently, all looking around while occasionally glancing at the others. A couple of them fidget while the others just stand still.
“So, who would like to go first?” Steele says after a few minutes. Silence is all he gets in response. “Fine, I guess I will. Sans, I’m sorry for threatening you when you threatened Hex.”
“I’m sorry for threatening you, Hex,” Sans says.
“I’m sorry for getting in your face, Sans. And for getting in yours, Aid,” Hex replies.
“I’m sorry for grabbing you, Hex, and threatening you all with sedation,” Aid says.
“Steele, I’m sorry for telling you to shut up,” Hex adds.
“Hex, I’m sorry I wouldn’t shut up,” Steele responds. “Is that all? Are we good to go?”
“I think so,” Sans says, before a new sense of determination washes over him. “Alright, boys, let’s go get our general.”
“Y/n,” the trooper beside you says, “it’s no use. They’ll never be able to get to us-”
“Lightweight, I swear to the Maker, if you don’t stop being so negative, I will make you run twenty laps around the Jedi Temple when we get back to Coruscant.”
“I don’t think I can even walk,” he says, wincing as he tries to move his leg. You curse to yourself, wanting to use the force to heal him, but needing to focus on keeping pieces of metal from falling on the two of you. “No one else was on the ship, were they?”
“No, you were the only life form I felt,” you reply, and it’s the truth. Lightweight had been helping others, like you had, and had gotten stuck on the Venator with you as it crashed.
“How can you be so sure they’ll come for us?”
“Because, Sans would never leave without me, whether I’m alive or not. If I died, he’d make sure I make it back to be buried where I belong, and if I lived, he’d make sure I make it back to get the proper medical exams needed to ensure I survive.”
“He really loves you, doesn’t he?” The question makes you falter slightly, and a bit of debris falls down into the area you’re standing in.
“Yes, but unfortunately, this isn’t the right story for us to be in love. Perhaps in another he’s the one for me. But the man I love is dead, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on from Echo. I certainly know I’d never be able to love someone like I love him.”
Lightweight doesn’t respond, he just remains silent while looking up towards the small beams of light that filter in through tiny holes. He wonders how long it’ll take the others to get here, to save the two of you.
“Hurry up, Sans,” you mutter to yourself, your arms becoming tired. You try to ignore the feeling, but it’s taking a lot of energy to hold everything up. “You wanna spare me any energy?” you ask your bump, and in response, you get a wave of energy to wash over you. You smile, knowing that Echoa will grow up to be strong in the force. You can only hope that she gets to train, if she wishes, and become a talented Jedi.
“Y/n,” Lightweight says after a while, noticing your struggling, “just let it go. We’ll be alright.”
“No, I can’t. Both of us will be crushed, and they’ll never find us,” you counter, your legs and arms shaking from exhaustion.
“You’re going to collapse. Just set it down gently while you can.”
“I’ll be fine,” you say, and a sudden added weight sends you to your knees, and you fight with all your strength to keep it all from falling.
“Y/n! Set it down now!”
“I…I can keep it-” your sentence is cut off, and your arms fall to your sides. You barely brace yourself, and the last thing to remember is hearing Sans’s voice shouting, mixing with Lightweight’s as a piece of metal hits your head and you collapse.
~~~
“Well, that worked amazingly,” you mumble to yourself, frustrated as you come out of your meditation. “At least I’m able to remember everything.” You sigh as you stand, heading up to the cockpit where the signal is going off. You sit in the pilot’s seat and take control again, having come out of hyperspace and reaching Coruscant. You wait, though, taking the time to just spend a few more minutes of peace out here, and to be alone with Echoa.
Every day you wonder more and more what kind of life your daughter will grow up to have. Will the war be over soon so that you can raise her? Will she become a Jedi like you? Will you have to give her up to the order? Will she want to be a royal more than a Jedi?
The questions overwhelm you, and you sigh again at the lack of peace. You just give up, and guide the ship into Coruscant’s atmosphere, heading to the Temple. When you get there, you’re surprised to find a group of very annoyed 17th battalion clones who are grumpily cleaning up the hangar.
“So, you finally listened to something they told you to do?” you say while walking up to Jawa Squad.
“It was that or get court martialed,” Steele grumbles.
“Well, maybe you should start listening to them more, and this won’t have to happen,” you tease, earning glares from everyone.
“Ain’t you the one who always tells us to only listen to you?” Tie asks.
“No, I tell you to listen to me and other people if it’s logical and smart.”
“Specifics don’t matter, what matters is that you’re here and can free us from this punishment,” Sans says, but you just shake your head.
“Not until I speak with the Council first. So you might as well get back to cleaning, because it could take a while.”
“Ugh,” they all groan, grumbling as they get back to cleaning. You just giggle to yourself before heading to your quarters, dropping a few things off and grabbing your robe before heading to the Council chambers.
“Master Jinn,” Plo says as you enter the room, “thank you for coming back so soon.”
“It was no problem, Master Plo. If anything, it’s a relief to be off of Dohbar and away from Kwol.”
“Is everything alright there?” Obi Wan asks, “if you need to attend to your duties as queen, by all means, please do so. We don’t want to get in the way of your people’s needs.”
“I’m afraid that’s already happened, but don’t worry. I’ll talk to Kwol again when he’s calm and able to be cooperative. But I’m not here to discuss Dohbar.”
“Right, you’re here to discuss your troopers,” Mace says. “Now, we know that they are not the biggest fans of the idea of working under other generals, but we had offered them to be led by Master Daawa in a campaign, but they refused to even go out under his command.”
“Master Daawa ended up having to take Master Windu’s battalion, and the 17th was asked to help train some new troopers, but again they refused,” Plo explains. “They seemed to have a lot on their minds after they got home from their last mission.”
“Did it go alright?”
“Yes, but I think they were more worried about their recent tensions after your last mission,” Mace says. “You see, they were quite worried about you when you’d been unconscious, and another of your troopers, Uma, had revealed to us that Sans, Hex, Steele, and Aid had a rather harsh argument, with Sans even threatening to court martial Hex.”
“What?” you say, anger boiling inside of you. “I was not aware of this.”
“You were given quite the…information overload when you did wake up,” Obi Wan comments. “Especially regarding your child.”
“Yes, but I don’t think I could have gone long without figuring that out,” you reply. “Besides, I should know what’s going on with my men.”
“In the state you were in, all you needed to worry about was recovering,” Plo says. “But now that you are back and in better health, perhaps you can convince your battalion to go on some missions?”
“Yeah, I’ll do that,” you reply, “just after they finish their cleaning duty.”
“I think that’s a fine idea,” Obi Wan says, “that hangar is pretty dirty.”
“Yes, it does need a nice deep clean, but perhaps more than just her troopers should help. I think the 501st is currently free, might you have Anakin send his troopers to help? And have Commander Cody supervise as well, please.”
“Yes, Master,” Obi Wan says, nodding to you before walking to the elevators to go find Anakin.
“Do you by chance know where Codo is?” you ask, and Mace nods. “Could you tell me where?”
“He should be in the gardens meditating, as he often is,” Mace jokes, “I’ll walk with you, I am heading there myself.”
“Okay,” you say, smiling to Plo before following Mace to the elevator.
“How was your time on Dohbar? Were you able to recover your memory?”
“Yes, I was. I’m painfully aware that it’s fully back,” you say.
“Painfully aware? I’m assuming that’s referring to what happened with everyone you’ve lost?”
“Yes, it is. I also feel extremely guilty about not doing anything to find Tayah.”
“You did what you could to try and save her, and it’s not your fault that she was taken. I promise you, we will help you look for her when it is possible, but we must focus on the war right now.”
“Thank you, Mace,” you say, and he turns and hugs you, and you let his comfort surround you. “I just…I don’t know how well I’ll be able to focus on the war with, well, everything.”
“I understand. We can only ask you to do what you’re able. We will not push you more than you can handle.”
“Thank you,” you say again, and pull away from the hug to continue heading to the gardens. “I think that, since I’m so close to the end of my pregnancy, I’m going to try to convince the 17th to head out under Codo’s command, but also under my instruction. I will still be on the Venators and help plan missions and attacks, but I will have Codo fill the spot that I would hold.”
“I think that is a good plan, but keep in mind that you two are very different Jedi. Codo does not have your…passion, and he is more careful than you. He’s very slow and methodical, while you are better at improvisation. Your plans may work, but also let him add some input, as he will be the one fighting.”
“I will,” you reply, noting in your mind that Codo is also quite a bit older than you, and doesn’t move in the same ways that you do. He is also more defensive, and does not often rush into battle like you do. You wonder if pairing him and the 17th up will be a good idea, but before you can think too much, you’re walking out into the garden and finding him meditating.
You sit across from him and enter your own state of meditation, reaching out to him through the force. He happily lets you into his mind, and it’s here that you have a conversation.
My child, he says, I have missed you.
I’ve missed you too, Codo.
How are you? Are you better?
Yes, but it was a painful process.
I’d imagine so. I’m sorry that I could not be there to help you through it.
Your words and love were with me, so I knew you were always there if I truly needed.
My child, you mean the galaxy to me, I hope you know that.
I do, Codo. You’re my buir, and soon to be ba’buir of Echoa. You mean the galaxy and more to me.
I suppose you didn’t just come here to let me know you’re back?
Well…No. I wanted to know if you’d be willing to work with me and the 17th, and take my position on the battlefield with them.
If they cooperate this time, then yes, I’d be honored to lead your men in battle.
Thank you. You’re probably the only one they’d trust, even if they need a bit of encouragement to do so.
Their dedication and loyalty to you is admirable. I’m sure that once this war is over, plenty of them will remain by your side.
I will gladly let them if that is what they truly want. I just hope this war ends soon, I don’t want Echoa to have to grow up in it, and without me.
I’m sure it’ll end in the right time, Codo says.
But when is the right time?
I cannot answer that question, my child. But I agree with you in that I hope it is soon. Now, why don’t we go make some nice dinner? I miss cooking with you.
Yes! We can have ebruah and stemau!
Of course, your favorites. Perhaps we can add some Mon Calamari cuisine as well?
Uh…sure… you respond, making a face even in your meditation.
Oh, I won’t force you to eat it. You always did refuse to eat it as a child.
You just stick your tongue out at him before he comes out of meditation, and when he does, he escorts you back to your quarters. There, you prepare a big meal, and invite Jawa Squad over to eat with you when they’re done. Of course, soon enough after you comm them, much too soon to have actually finished, there’s a knock at your door, and five eager troopers are waiting outside to have some fresh food, much better than the mess hall slop.
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When you arrive back on Coruscant, you watch as trooper after trooper is taken to the med center. With every passing stretcher, a string in your heart tears. Your men lost so much, and so many weren’t able to come home. Inside, you feel like you’re falling apart. The Council had failed you all, and let you rush towards your deaths. A million emotions swirl inside you, battling for control. It’s all so overwhelming that you feel like you need to just scream, but before you can get the chance, you see the one stretcher you’d been both anxious and scared to see.
Tie.
You hadn’t gone to the medbay to check on him, you’d been too scared to see the extent of his injuries. But now, as Aid is rushing him by, you get a sense of just how bad it is. Instead of following Aid, the rest of Jawa Squad walks over to you. Hex and Steele look distressed, and Sans looks concerned.
“Y/n,” Sans says gently when he reaches you. Perhaps he can see some deeper emotion in your eyes that you aren’t able to register, because when your gazes meet, his expression changes to sympathy. In a second, his arms are around you and you’re crying in them. You distantly are aware of your nails trying to dig into his armor as your cries turn into sobs. If Sans hadn’t been holding you, you would have fallen to your knees. His hold on you tightens and you can hear him trying to quietly calm you, but it’s no use. You feel as though this is only the beginning of all the loss you will experience. First Echo, now half your men. What’s next? Codo? Jawa Squad? Kwol or Ahni? Your baby?
Those thoughts spurred another round of sobs, and you feel Hex and Steele join in on the hug. You’re grateful for their support, but it’s not enough now. Not when you’re the one who led their brother into the battle where he was nearly killed, and might have sustained fatal injuries.
After a while, the boys are able to lead you to your quarters, where Hex prepares a meal while Steele and Sans keep trying to comfort you. They stay with you all night, taking turns holding you as your body convulses with each sob. You can’t get the sight of the battlefield out of your mind, or the number of stretchers that were fully covered to hide the bodies of the troopers who died of injuries. And then the image of Echo’s helmet came to mind, and another feeling of grief washes over you. Your hand rests on your stomach, and you reach through your tears towards your growing baby. They’re the only one who can comfort you right now, but it’s enough to stop the tears. After a while, you finally fall asleep, but it’s a restless one. If Jedi could dream, you’re sure you would have dreamt of the battle, and the loss you experienced today.
~~~
“Y/n?” Codo’s voice floats to you from a distant realm, one outside of your meditation. At first, you want to ignore it, but he’s persistent in gaining your attention. “You know, this was the spot that your father’s former master would often meditate.”
“You can say Count Dooku, Codo,” you respond, opening your eyes to look at him. “We’ve had our meeting, though I can’t say it was pleasant.”
“He was a good man, before,” Codo sighs, sitting next to you. “And despite what he said to you during your encounter, he loved your father like a son. It was when Qui-Gon was slain that Dooku’s fate was secured. After his death, Master Dooku was gone, and he was replaced by the Sith that possesses him now.”
“I wish I could have known them both,” you say. “Qui-Gon and Dooku.”
“In a perfect and fair galaxy, you would have,” Codo says, “but not in this one.”
“Did you come here to tell me something?”
“The Council would like to meet with you to discuss some things.”
You let out a huff of annoyance. It’s been a few weeks since your devastating mission, and you still can’t shake the feelings of failure and betrayal. If the Council had done their duty correctly, then half of your battalion wouldn’t have been lost. And if you had been smarter, you would have realized the mission was suicide.
“I believe they are going to offer an apology.”
“Well they can shove their apology up the Maker’s asshole, because I’ll never accept it. The only way to mend things is to bring back the lives that were lost for nothing, and we all know that can’t be done.”
“Just hear them out, my child. If not to forgive them, then to just listen.”
“Alright,” you sigh, standing and stretching. “You owe me dinner for this.”
“I can pick up Dexter’s for dinner if you would like,” he offers, and a grin immediately covers your features.
“You know me, I’d never turn down Dexter’s,” you laugh. “Better start heading over now if you don’t want to make me wait too long, old man.”
Codo huffs, shaking his head before chuckling. “I am not old.”
“You’re older than me, and you’re also closer to Plo’s age than Kit’s age, so therefore, you are old,” you respond, giving him a sassy look before giggling and heading inside to meet with the Council.
When you arrive at the Council chambers, you meet Plo’s curious eyes, and you watch them flit down to your stomach. Instinctively, you pull your robes around you more, trying to hide the beginnings of your bump.
“Master Jinn,” Mace says, gaining your attention, “thank you for coming.”
“It wasn’t really a decision I made, more Codo pressured me into it,” you say, shrugging as you respond.
“Well, no matter, thank you for coming.”
“We want to offer an apology,” Obi Wan says, and you look at him with a blank expression. “We recognize that we are at fault for what happened on your last mission, and we are sincerely sorry.”
“Your men made a valiant sacrifice for our cause,” Saesee adds, and you clench your jaw at the comment.
“As of tomorrow, your battalion will be full once more. We have new troopers arriving today from Kamino, and the ones assigned to your battalion will be assimilated quickly.”
So, they think that replacing the men I lost will make things better? They think this is an apology? you think to yourself, and more anger boils inside you.
“We were hoping that, since we allowed you a three week break, that you would be ready to go to battle again,” Obi Wan says, and that’s your breaking point.
“You allowed me a three week break?” you say incredulously, “I don’t know who told you that you allowed me to take this break, but they were lying to you. I didn’t ask for it, no one told me to take it, I just did out of my own free will. And replacing the men that I lost is not even close to an apology. So many of my battalion lost their lives for nothing, and others lost their brothers for nothing. Some were young, some had been with me from the beginning. I will not be returning to battle tomorrow, I will be heading to Dohbar with Jawa Squad. When we return to Coruscant, we will decide when and where to fight.”
“Disobeying the Council will have consequences, Master Jinn,” Ki Adi Mundi says, and you turn him to speak, but before you can, Mace speaks up.
“I believe we should let Master Jinn do as she wishes. We are, after all, fully to blame for what happened to her battalion on their last mission. We were foolish and acted irresponsibly. When the 17th battalion is ready to return to the war, they will return, and no sooner.”
“I agree with Master Windu,” Plo says, and you feel grateful for the both of them speaking on your behalf.
“Go to Dohbar, you may. Decide when to return, you will,” Yoda says, and you nod your thanks. You turn to leave then, and as you step into the elevator, Mace and Plo approach you.
“Thank you for sticking up for me,” you tell them, and they both nod to you.
“I would actually like to speak to you privately, Master Jinn,” Mace says, and you agree. He leads you to an empty meditation room, and motions for you to sit. “How are you doing?”
“Not well,” you admit, hand resting against your growing baby bump. “It’s hard going through this, especially with Echo being gone. Jawa squad, Codo, Kwol, and Ahni are helpful, but it’s not the same.”
“I understand, and I want you to know that I will provide any help that I can, and I feel confident to speak on Plo and Kit’s behalves as well.”
“Thank you, Mace,” you respond, smiling softly at him. He returns the look before letting out a sigh.
“Your father would have been so happy for you,” he says, a distant look coming to his eyes. “He always loved being around the younglings. I could always sense how much it hurt him to not be able to be the father he wanted to be to you. He would have done anything to be a wonderful grandfather to your child.”
“I don’t really know what to say to that. Of course, I believe you, but it’s just hard to know what to say when I only met him once.”
“Actually, he visited you quite often when you were a baby,” Mace says, and you look at him in confusion. “When you were first born, after your mother died in childbirth, he took responsibility of finding you your home. He entrusted the royals on Dohbar, partly because of the safety of the planet, and partly because he felt like with you there, he’d be able to see you grow. However, his plan didn’t work out in the end. The royals ended up banning him from the system, telling him that you were a royal, and not a Jedi. They never wanted you to know who you came from, because they didn’t want the taint on your image.”
You scoff in response, shaking your head. It didn’t surprise you that the royals did this, but it still hurt to know how much of your life you had hidden from you by them. “Every time someone tells me something about the former king and queen, I’m never surprised with how horrible they’re made out to be.”
“They were good at being royals, but they were not good people,” Mace agrees. “I’m glad you turned out more like your father, even if you do tend to have quite a bit of his wild and defiant nature.”
“I guess us Jinn’s are just made that way,” you joke, and he chuckles with you.
“I almost wonder what your little one will be like. With your defiant nature mixed with Echo’s by the books nature, they should be at least very interesting.”
“I’ll need all the help I can get with them,” you agree. “I just can’t wait to know if it’s a little girl or boy.” When you say this, curiosity flashes in Mace’s eyes before slight confusion takes over.
“Has no one offered to reach out for you and feel their life force?”
“No, I didn’t even know that was possible,” you reply.
“Ah, well, only those very strong in the force can do it, so you’d need to ask someone like Codo, Plo, or Yoda.”
“What about you?” you ask, and Mace looks at you in surprise.
“Me?”
“Why not? You’re one of the only ones who is being supportive of me and actually trying to help. And I know we haven’t always been the best of friends, but I know your intentions are always good and that you truly care and want the best for people.”
“I would be honored, y/n,” Mace says, a smile coming to his face. He moves to sit next to you, and holds his hand out to your bump. After about a minute of concentration, a smile slowly comes to his lips again. “Would you like me to tell you?”
“Yes,” you say without hesitation.
“You have a fiery little princess on the way,” he says, and a smile bursts onto your lips.
“Little Echoa,” you say, and Mace nods. “Echoa Jinn.”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl you will have.”
“Thank you, Mace,” you say. “Not just for this, but for everything today.”
“It is my honor to help you in any way possible, y/n Jinn.” You stand and hug him, something that catches him by surprise, but he quickly snaps out of it and returns the gesture. You feel a new connection with him, almost a familial one. Not quite like a father, but something similar. When you let go, he nods to you again and says his goodbye, leaving you in the room alone. You smile down at your stomach, feeling your little girl’s life force growing.
“Echoa,” you say, “my little Echoa.”
When you leave the meditation room, you head straight to Codo’s quarters. Your excitement at the news of your new discovery puts a skip into your step, and you feel like you’re glowing with joy. People watch you curiously as you walk by, but you pay them no attention. As you approach his door, you hear familiar bantering from inside, and smile as you roll your eyes. Opening the door, you see Sans, Hex, Steele, Aid, and Tie all sitting around Codo’s dinner table.
“Hey y/n!” they all say, turning to wave at you with mouths full of Dexter’s Kowakian crumb cake.
“Isn’t dessert supposed to be eaten after your meal?” you joke, and they all scoff at you.
“Any true fine diner knows that the dessert should be the appetizer, main course, and dessert item,” Steele says, waving his fork at you.
“So you’re saying that the only thing you should eat is the dessert?”
“Precisely.”
“Well, I guess that just means more Shawda sandwiches for me,” you say, grabbing one and taking a bite.
“How did the meeting with the Council go?” Codo asks, and you let out a sigh.
“Well, I argued with Obi Wan again.”
“Not surprising.”
“But Mace and Plo stood up for me. They said that I should be allowed to take as long of a break as needed, and go to Dohbar for as long as I want. With Jawa squad,” you add.
“Yes!” Sans says, crumbs falling from his mouth. “I can’t wait to go swimming again.”
“Who says you won’t be busy working?” you question, and he snorts in response.
“Please, I’m a soldier of the Republic, not Dohbar. Kwol can try to order me around as much as he likes, but I won’t lift a pinky unless I want to.”
“That’s for sure,” Hex says, earning a glare from Sans.
“No rough housing in my quarters, young men,” Codo says. “If you want to roll around the floor wrestling each other, go into the hall.”
“Yes, Codo,” they all respond, and you giggle to yourself when they do.
“Any other exciting news?” Aid asks, and you smile as you nod your head.
“Mace asked me if I’d found out the gender of my baby yet, and I told him I hadn’t. I asked him if he’d be willing to tell me, and he said yes.”
“Wait, does that mean we get to know if we’re gonna be aunts or uncles?” Steele asks, and Tie knocks him on the head.
“You di’kut, we all identify as men, so we’re gonna be uncles. It's the baby that will be our niece or nephew.”
“I knew that, di’kut. I was just making a joke.”
“Sure you were,” Aid says, and Steele stands up and leans over the table at him, but Codo clears his throat and gives him a warning look. Huffing, Steele sits back down and mouths something to Aid, most likely a threat, because he narrows his eyes and angrily mouths something back.
“Alright, calm down, everyone,” you say, waving a hand over them and spreading calm energy through the force. The tension leaves them all and they turn to you, now with excitement and curiosity in their eyes.
“So?” Tie says, “we gonna have a little girl or boy joinin’ the family?”
You smile wide, resting your hand on your growing bump, and say the name you’d chosen. “There will be a new little princess.”
“It’s a girl!” Sans cheers, “I won the bet!”
“You bet on my baby’s- you know what, I’m not even surprised,” you say, shaking your head.
“I’m very happy for you, y/n,” Codo says, resting a hand on your shoulder and smiling.
“You’re going to be an amazing grandfather, Codo,” you reply, and his smile widens.
“I will do my best to honor your father in this position.”
“I can take on your husbandly duties if you’d like,” Sans says, flashing you a smirk.
“I think I’ll pass on that offer,” you say, earning a sigh from the man.
“I guess I’ll have to try again later.”
“Or just give up,” Aid mumbles, earning a guffaw from Sans.
“Me? Give up on my Queen? Never.”
“I guess you’ll be waiting until your final breath, then,” you tease, and he shoots you a grin.
“So you’ll kiss me goodbye?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You said I’ll be waiting until my final breath.”
“Yes, but I didn’t say I would give into your request.”
“You wouldn’t let a dying man fulfill his final wish?” he questions, and you just shake your head before responding.
“Enough, Commander. Just keep eating your crumb cake.”
“Yes, General,” he mocks, earning a light smack to the top of his head from you.
“So, how long are we going to be on Dohbar for?” Hex questions, and you shrug your shoulders.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I only really said that because I want to get away from Coruscant and battling.”
“Well, take however long you need,” Codo says, “the 17th won’t be going anywhere without you, and as much as the Council may think they need you, your life and baby are more important.”
“I know,” you respond, putting your plate in the sink before heading to sit on the couch. The boys follow you, and squeeze onto the couch with you.
“So, are we watching a holovideo and playing some games tonight?” Steele asks, and the others start debating over what to do. You feel yourself getting tired as they talk, and eventually your eyes start to feel heavy. Aid, who is sitting on your right, shifts so that your body is now resting against him. You turn your head and look at him briefly, and you both smile at each other. He mouths, “get some rest, y/n. You’ve earned it.” You just nod and let your eyes close, sinking into him as you let sleep take over.
It’s the middle of the night when you wake up, and you’re not quite sure why it happened, but you sense some kind of disturbance in the force. You briefly take note of your situation. You’re resting against Aid, with Tie laying his head in your lap. Hex is sitting in a chair with his feet up, head back while he snores. Steele is squeezed in the chair with him, but his feet hang over one side as he lays across his brother. Sans is lying on the floor in front of the couch, curled up under a blanket that looks a little too small for the trooper.
As much as you want to stay and enjoy this moment and fall back asleep with Jawa squad, another feeling of disturbance hits you. Reluctantly, you slide out of your position and step over Sans, giving the warmth of Codo’s room one last gaze before heading out the door.
The cool air of the hall sends a chill through you, and you pull your Jedi robe tighter around you as you follow the feeling you’re sensing. It’s almost familiar to you, like someone you know is reaching out or in distress. It’s a young signature, and your mind jumps to the twins. Could one of them be in need? The thought makes you quicken your steps and worry floods through you.
Soon enough, you reach the door to where they sleep. The feeling in the force is strong, and you know you’d been right to check on them. When you step in, a bunch of tiny youngling’s heads turn to look at you in surprise. Candles are lit all around the room, and it seems that they were up to no good.
“What are you all doing?” you ask, and they all look away as their faces heat in embarrassment for getting caught.
“It was Tayah’s idea,” one of them says, and you look over and find Tayah with an angry face.
“Tayah, is that true?”
“No!” You look at the other youngling again, and his mouth is gaping in disbelief. You fold your arms and look at them all individually before sighing.
“Everyone, blow your candles out and get back into your beds.”
“But-”
“No,” you say, cutting off another youngling. “It is past time for you all to be asleep. And candles are not permitted in your dormitories. I will be telling Master Yoda about this.”
“No! Please no!” a bunch of them cry, and you hold up your hand for them to be quiet.
“You are Jedi younglings, correct?” After a second, they nod, and you continue. “Jedi do not lie, Jedi do not deceive, and Jedi do not break the rules. Jedi follow the Order and listen to what their Masters and Council have to say. Disobeying can lead to many punishments. You will all receive the fair punishments you have earned for your actions.” They all groan, and you look over to see Tayah wiping away tears. Your expression softens and you walk over to her, sitting on the edge of her bed when you reach her. She turns away from you, hiding her face. You smile softly and gently grab her hand.
“Tayah,” you say quietly, “would you like to stay in my quarters with me for the rest of the night?”
“I’m not in trouble?” she asks, and you purse your lips before responding.
“Well, yes, you are, but I have a feeling there’s a reason for you to be acting out. Come with me, okay? We can talk on the way to my room.”
“Okay,” she says, sliding off her bed and putting a pair of boots on. You wave goodnight to Ringo and take Tayah from the room. “How is your training going?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbles, frowning at the ground.
“Is it not good?”
“It’s so hard, and everyone is so mean to me!” she says, a bit too loudly for the quiet of the night. You look at her curiously before pausing in your steps to bend down and be at eye level with her. You gently turn her cheek to you and she has tears in her eyes again. You pull her into a hug and lift her up, setting her on your hip as you carry her down the hall.
“Are the others bullying you?”
“Yes!”
“Have you told any of the Masters?”
“I’ve tried, but they just tell me I need to ignore them and not let the emotions cloud my judgment,” she replies, waving her hands mockingly as she finishes.
“Well, they’re right, but they’re also wrong,” you say, looking down the hall. “You can’t react to your emotions or use them to react, you have to control them and let them pass. You have to be rational. If someone angers you, you cannot kick them. You have to understand where they may be coming from and help them change. If that doesn’t work, then ignoring them might.”
“Everyone just always says how I can’t do anything and I’ll never be a Jedi,” she says, burying her face into your neck. You rub a hand around her back, trying to comfort her the best you could.
“You can be anything you want, Tayah,” you say, “I believe in you, Codo believes in you, Ringo, your mom, and your dad believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself and prove everyone else wrong.”
“But it’s so hard.”
“I know, and unfortunately it doesn’t always get easier. But you just have to keep fighting.”
“I’m tired, though,” she mumbles.
“Then let’s make sure you get a good night’s rest tonight, okay?”
“Are you still going to tell Master Yoda?” You sigh, thinking it over in your mind. Sure, it was dangerous for them to have the candles in their dorm but they’re also just younglings. But then again, bad behavior shouldn’t be ignored.
“Yes, but I will make sure he isn’t mean with his punishment.”
“Okay…” she replies, and you turn your head to plant a kiss on her cheek. She smiles at that, and snuggles closer in your arms.
“I’m heading back home tomorrow,” you say as you enter your quarters. Tayah whips her head up, and wonder fills her eyes.
“Are you going to see my mom and dad?”
“Yes, and I’m going to try and bring you and Ringo back some gifts from them.”
“Yay!” Tayah cheers, and you set her down on the floor. She runs to your bedroom and jumps onto your bed, and you giggle to yourself as she does. “What’s this thing?” she asks, and you walk in to see her holding Marvin. A pang of hurt hits you, and tears start to well in your own eyes. You quickly compose yourself, though, and walk over to sit by her side.
“That’s Marvin. Me and Echo won him at an arcade on our first date.”
“Marvin? What kind of name is that?”
“I don’t know,” you laugh, remembering the naming process. “But it fits him.”
“I guess,” she replies, her voice sounding unconvinced. “When can we see Echo again?” Another pang of hurt shoots through you, and you look away to blink back your tears as you respond.
“Well, I’m not sure. Master Skywalker…he sent him on a very long mission…I don’t even know when he’ll be back.”
“Can we holocall him?”
You shake your head, swallowing and clearing your throat before speaking. “No, I’m afraid he’s not able to talk. He’s…he’s deep undercover. Not even An-I mean Master Skywalker can talk to him.”
“Oh,” she says sadly, and you look back at her. She’s cuddling Marvin as she lays on your bed, her eyes studying you. “Y/n?”
“Yes, Tayah?”
“Is he going to come back?” The words cut through you, and you’re unable to keep the tears from falling. You try to smile, but it quivers on your lips. You close your eyes and slowly shake your head, and after a moment you feel Tayah shift to hug you. “It’s okay, you still have a part of him with you.”
“What do you mean?” you ask, sniffing before looking at her curiously.
“Your daughter,” she says, resting a hand on your belly as she looks up at you. You feel your eyes widen slightly, and you try to move past your confusion.
“How do you know about her?”
“I can sense her,” she says, looking down at your belly. “She’s a lot like you, but she’s also a lot like Echo. She’s going to have your strong will, and his smarts.”
“Are you calling me dumb?” you ask jokingly, and she giggles while shaking her head. “Alright, Tayah. Now that we’ve both cried, I think it’s time for bed.”
“Okay,” she says, scooting back to her spot. You lay down next to her, and she snuggles closer to you. You hold her close, basking in the love you have for each other. She may not be your daughter, but she was the closest thing to a niece you have, and you’d do anything to protect her. Something felt off, though. Especially when she was talking about training. Despite being strong in the force, you wonder if she really is meant to be a Jedi or not. You push the thought away, instead thinking of your little girl. Less than half of your pregnancy is left, and internally you can’t wait for it to be over. You want to hold your little Echoa, and watch her grow into the daughter her father would have loved.
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