#abnormalocs

[psychoticallyabnormal]

Watched the TADC finale and I-

Spoilers under cut

It made me think, anyone else grow up on a weird little corner of the internet where there was just a handful of yall and you were like super close? Like collectively the biggest fantasy was being sucked into the digital space and living there together.

So anyways same and I had to make a TADC oc (ig? Kindve? But like, if that little space of the internet was TADC).

Like what if there was a version of us living in that space, what would they have done the past decade? Would they have discovered the same things, lived the same life lessons? Would things have played out differently, like with TADC Jax and irl Jax? What would they have thought of us if they looked us up now online? Would we be everything they expected and hoped for? (As someone who’s in their mid 20s going through a bit of an existential crisis cause everyone I grew up with is doing Big Life Things now that final scene hit extra hard lol)

Anyways prepare for a lot of related vent art to this new sona cause that last episode hit way too close to home for me to not use it to process alllll that trauma 💅✨

[psychoticallyabnormal]

Full body kindve ref for one of my fursonas that I made while I was hospitalized last week! Ze’s a little unhinged and an actual cult leader✨

Would you worship this false idol?

Appreciation moment for Annomaly, Ze’s probably been the oc I’ve had the longest and has grown up with me and helped me process a lot. Ze’s gone through a lot of changes through the years, most recent being a name change from Claaws to Annomaly. I chose to change zir name because I felt like Claaws represented someone I no longer am- low self esteem, self hatred, constant fight or flight, emotionally reactive. I’ve done a lot of healing and reflecting these past few months, and Annomaly represents that- self confidence, self love, breaking cycles, no longer being in constant crisis. I’m not leaving Claaws behind and who I once was, but rather using my past to become someone greater. With Annomaly, I embrace the chaos and what makes me unique.

Ze’ll always be my unhinged, morally grey traumatized scapegoat kid tho 🫶

Bonus with lighting and just black lineart!

[psychoticallyabnormal]

So I finally went through all my diagnoses and turns out I have like 75?? And like 8 are actively life threatening or terminal. No, I’m not sure how I’ve made it this far either 😅 I am coping by making unhinged sketches, apparently XD

[psychoticallyabnormal]

I keep getting worse and worse news from my doctors so I’m making it my ocs problem. Sorry Sparkfire, we had a good run 🫡

The calico is Raindusk. They didn’t end on good terms but I’d think he still mourns Sparkfire’s death and misses them. I’m gonna make more art about them cause I’ve been developing the plot line and there’s some fun scenes I wanna draw✨

[psychoticallyabnormal]

It’s you!

Despite everything, it’s still you.

Through the screen there once was a mystical kyndom, where anyone could be anything. Where everyone had a purpose. Born from chaos and pain, a small child found refuge in a shapeshifting powerful god. The god of death, the scapegoat, the one punished, scorned and banished for things outside of their control. For nothing they did could ever change them into who they would never be.

The one who just craved to be seen as good, despite always being labeled as everything but. Who’s anger and pain, guilt and shame for just existing transformed and morphed into a being all in its own. One meant to protect and comfort the god of darkness, but whose anger and shame formed sharpened claws and snapping jaws. Built of survival, over time this being morphed to hurt the one it was meant to protect by sinking its fangs into anyone who got too close.

Once shunned, eventually the power of the god of darkness gained attention from those around them. They lived on a pedestal, either worshipped or scorned, no longer invisible. They were important, loved or hated, seen by the world. But their shadow couldn’t stay hidden forever. Soon the creature of darkness turned all they loved against them. Hurting those they held dear, lashing out in the name of protection, until there was nothing left.

And the god fell.

Blamed for the darkness’ sharp teeth and bloody claws, their reputation preceded them. They turned on the darkness, and swore to destroy them for the pain they caused. But everything they did just made the darkness stronger. For how could you kill a part of yourself? And soon the blind rage caused the powerful god of destruction to fall into a deep slumber, paralyzed by their own shadow.

But the story didn’t end there. What didn’t find words, find paper, continued to write itself outside of the world in the screen.

With time, the god of darkness was able to face their shadow. It had grown so powerful, radiating with pure evil. Or, at least that’s what the god chose to see it as. But after being forced to sit alone with the darkness, they realized what they saw as corruption, mind control, and the pure goal of destruction was anything but. The more they faced the shadow, the more they realized the tendrils of evil were made of shame. Of deep rooted guilt, of anger towards all those who failed them, of those who left them to rot in the darkness when they needed them most. Of pain, of sadness, of deep rooted loneliness instilled in them by the creator god who never truly loved them.

They weren’t evil. The darkness was trying to protect them, to find connections in the only way they knew how to. They were never taught how to care for others in a way that didn’t leave deep claw marks. They didn’t know how to handle adoration without crumbling under the pressure. And maybe the world was never taught how to handle the darkness with care, maybe they were even taught to demonize it, to blame the god whenever their shadow shone, as gods are expected to be flawless. What does it mean for everyone else if the gods have such darkness within them? And maybe this shame made the darkness grow ever larger, so whenever it could no longer be contained it became so loud that there was nothing to counteract it, no one who wanted to touch it. But this darkness was only as evil as the small little dragon who was told they were inherently bad, who was isolated, abandoned, and made to feel as if their existence was a curse to everyone around them. Whose sense of self split because of profound pain, whose only comfort used to be the silence of the dark.

And maybe instead of trying so desperately to destroy it, all that needed to be done was to give the darkness a hug.

~

Wow so, this is it. The true end of a chapter. I can’t lie, I have mixed feelings about the chatterbox closing. On one hand, it was where I was able to escape to as a kid, how I was able to process everything happening to me, and probably the reason I was able to make it to adulthood. On the other hand, looking back through old threads, seeing old names, brought up a lot of memories and feelings I would rather forget and leave behind forever.

Maybe this is a good thing, and it has some profound meaning to the current path I walk. The door to my childhood is closing, the pain and suffering and bloody claws. The true start of a new era, where I’m no longer obsessed with proving that I’m good, that I can be a successful member and even a strong leader of a community without breaking. That my shadow can’t control me anymore, that no one will be able to see it again. But the truth is, healing isn’t linear, and the parts of me formed out of necessity won’t go away overnight, nor should they be hidden and something to be ashamed of. I developed long, sharp claws and crushing jaws to keep myself safe, and that’s ok. I no longer hate myself for it. There are people who understand that, understand me, and are willing to help me heal instead of shame me for it, or add to the trauma.

It’s kindve funny, and honestly tells a lot about my childhood and even the connections I had from the cb, that when they tried to revamp kyndom a few years ago they wanted to get rid of my storyline because it was ‘too dark’. The self-insert character and storyline I created to process what I went and was still going through as a child was too dark for the other kids. It never should’ve been our job to save each other. Kids saving kids, we didn’t know how to do it right, how to not hurt ourselves and each other in the process. Obviously it ended badly, it wasn’t our job to know better. How could we? The adults failed us, but now we’re the adults and I won’t let anyone suffer like I did. Like we did. It’s poetic, in a sense.

A true new beginning. A new life. A new purpose. A success story this time.

Anyways, I did use an old old trend with this one, had it in my back pocket and thought now was as good of a time as ever to use it, even if it was like 3 years late. My longest ever oc, the one who will probably carry the most significance of any character I’ll ever create. I’ve revamped their design and parts of their story for fun over the years, usually accompanied by life altering traumatic events to help me process. The most recent design I created for a class, months after my health crashed and I became disabled, while I was in and out of emergency hospitalizations. Their design is more rooted in different mythology and legends around the world, including Xolotl, an Aztec canine god of death, sickness and deformities. The new design of my god of death and destruction includes scars and a body that cannot stay together because of the hatred the creator god had when they were being formed. In human terms, they have a connective tissue disorder plus all the fun stuff that comes with it. They’re also immortal, so they are in constant debilitating pain because of a body that isn’t meant to sustain life but is forced to anyways- something I often feel like is happening to me. And because their mother was neglectful, their pain was never validated and they were never shown or given ways to make existing easier. Instead they were just expected to endure, like I was. This new design still has the core of the original one, but with the new knowledge and understanding of how my own past and lifelong chronic illness has shaped me.

It was too painful for me, for many many reasons, to post anything on the cb one last time, so maybe this is my closure, in a way. I don’t really expect anyone from the cb to actually read this, I’m not even sure if I actually want anyone to, this is more so for me and to process my own feelings around the cb officially ending and to face the painful memories, people and emotions I associate with it, to acknowledge how that shaped my present and probably my future. To be able to process it, and let the lessons from it shape who I wish to be. To help me along in my healing journey, to keep my new relationships healthy and strong. To hold it tightly for just a moment longer, then let it go free.

It’s time for me to stop running, and face the darkness.

A bonus, I saw a newer thread where people assigned my oc a theme song, and I would like to add that I have found the perfect one:

[psychoticallyabnormal]

I don’t actually know how to make an intro bare with me 🫶

Hey all! I go by many names but you can call me Annomaly! I use they/he/ze pronouns, I’m in my early-mid 20s and I may or may not be a tad bit unhinged✨

This is mostly an art page (old and new art), but I will probably post about my medical conditions here and there. Scroll down for my fandoms and series, as well as my tags!

If you like what you see please support me on my kofi! I have tons and tons of free emojis! Take them from me please, I don’t want them anymore XD (Examples of some of the emojis I have on my page below)

For the foreseeable future I probably won’t be opening my commissions back up again. I am very very sick, my medical issues are so unpredictable at this point that adding more to my plate probably isn’t a good idea.

More about my page~

I have a lot of complex trauma, something that I’m still learning not to be ashamed of. I’ve been called psychotic a lot from saneist people, and chose to reclaim that title and through it find my own power again (I do have several diagnosed ‘psychotic’ disorders). I’m not ashamed of the person life made me into, and I’m working hard on healing the sharp parts. I’ll probably talk about it sometimes under #psychoticannomaly

I am also chronically ill, disabled, and yeah- terminally ill. I’ll probably talk about that a lot under the tag #disabledannomaly. I am dying because of the malice of others and pissed off as all hell about it, I will make it everyone else’s problem.

I dabble in a few different fandoms, including but not limited to-

- she-ra and the princesses of power (#she ra)

-Nimona (#nimona)

-warriors cats (sue me) (#warrior cats or #Sparkfire for my warriors sona art and ✨plotline✨)

-wings of fire (#wof)

-hazbin/helluva (#hazbin hotel #helluva boss)

-how to train your dragon (#httyd)

I also have a few different series going on right now including #riot dog (moving these to my redbubble right now, they will be available as stickers and prints soon along with some of my other pieces)

I also make general protest art under #protest art

All my ocs will be under #abnormalocs

Everything to do with my sona’s species will be put under #innominatecreatures

My disability art will be under #disability art

All my lgbtqia art will be under #lgbtqia art

All my vent art will be under #crashout art

And all my art in general will be under #my art

I also post some random shit under #unhinged rambling if you crave to witness the depth of my weirdness

Anyways, that’s all for now!