wanted to write about this for a few nights, things are calmer but not settled and we've been doing some of the work we promised on safe spaces, but
I think the one I want to write about the most right now is less fiction and more actually what happens when we go to sleep. because that's always been one of my favourite things about my day and maybe that sounds like a joke but it really isn't.
back home, going to sleep used to mean that the day ended and in a lot of ways we could stop being afraid then, because usually night time was restful. our father kept to a strict regimen so he would only rarely be around after his bedtime, and wouldn't really bother us after ours either. so when we were sent to bed, we usually did what was asked. not that we slept, mind you, but it meant nobody would call us up for anything again. it meant safety.
later, at least for a few years I don't remember clearly anymore, I would mostly use that opportunity to sneak out to the city. sometimes I stayed until dawn and only got a nap's worth of sleep in the "night", and that wasn't restful or nice and it definitely didn't feel safe because I was always looking out for a beating for it and usually got one too, and when father caught onto what I was doing it started a sort of a night time hunt for me and I got Geta hurt a lot over those years just by not being there, but - I'm not here to recite trauma
I'm here to talk about the nice bits.
so for most of our lives, we've gone to sleep together. whether we had separated bedchambers or not hasn't really made a difference. we were separate at 13 when we became youths, but it was only really pushed on us for maybe a week or two? and after that nobody gave much of a fuck if we snuck into each other's rooms. it was mostly for show and as twins often rules that applied to others didn't apply to us because we were "mystical" in a sense to people, they thought our bond was different to others and there was something supernatural about it. which I guess I'd agree? but we got away with a lot that others maybe wouldn't because of it. before then, in our childhood, we always did sleep in the same bed and that was just how it was, but I don't know if that's very untypical for children anyway, particular same sex twins, and our era considered it probably was what anybody else was doing also.
so let's just say our whole lives, because that's really what it was, aside from some special circumstances. bedtime meant going to sleep in the same bed. I don't recall a lot about our childhood per this because I didn't think about going to bed much, I think we did mostly what children usually do which is throw a fit and get wrestled into bed and then maybe sleep after thirty attempts or so. I think we did that. but I do remember how sleeping with Geta was like, because we did that a lot and it's kind of all a one blob of a sensory memory. I'd get scared sometimes because it was dark and too quiet but as long as he was there I didn't get too frightened. we used to sleep holding hands, and if one of us had his back to the other we'd hold some other part of each other, like stick our hand under the other's body or latch onto a tunic if he was wearing one, or just curl up close like backpacks. if we were both back to back, then we usually crossed our feet to "hold". it was a whole thing and it carried on until adulthood but we'll not talk about that. we'd also hang our arms around each other sometimes, particularly if backpacking, which later turned into just spooning when we got bigger and fit into that position better. (I feel like there was a point when it started working but before then we were just kind of always knees up and didn't. I don't know. I might also be wrong and maybe I just don't remember.)
as older kids, and then teens and adults, we started using bedtime more as a break from everything else and to talk to each other and be close without people seeing or judging. it's much easier to be yourself when you're tired and it's late and nobody's there. we've always wanted to be alone when we sleep (I think we've just never felt safe and really been able to relax unless the room was completely empty), so it was really just an audience of none for us as I don't think we have ever counted as an audience really to each other. it's more like yourself seeing yourself being with him than anything. we never really thought twice about doing the kinds of things with the other in the room that someone else would do alone, like changing clothes, using washcloths, or taking a piss. but I think other people also experience the weird intimacy that happens after nightfall when it's just easier to confide in someone about the things you normally don't talk about, or do things that you normally wouldn't?
so often we'd just talk late into the night, because we had the chance to do it, and do the kind of touching we didn't have an opportunity for during daytime, like brushing each other's hair or holding hands or just resting up close to each other, and doing things that I don't really have good shorthands for, like whatever Geta likes doing where he presses his nose to my hairline and has his lips to my forehead and just... talks there? onto my skin? usually while petting my hair from the back at the same time. or we'd be sprawled all over the bed and gazing at the ceiling or the canopy like they had stars on them.
and then falling asleep either like that or in the poses we'd always taken for sleep, if it was warm then never too close to each other but still usually holding hands at least, but in the colder seasons usually huddled as close together as we fit. I don't ever remember having nightmares with Geta around even though I know I had them and he had them, but I know I was scared of sleeping alone because I had them much more or they just felt worse when he wasn't there, and that was a big reason why I never wanted to sleep alone. if I didn't come to Geta's room he almost always came to mine, even if we fought during the day. it was just kind of how we slept. and sometimes if we couldn't sleep we'd sit by the windows and talk some more or just be mostly quiet with the occasional thought but still watching the city that we weren't allowed to actually ever go to. later I told Geta stories about the things I did while I was out there and he just listened, I know he would have wanted to come too but he was scared. and I guess he had good reasons, because anything could have happened, it just didn't feel real. and then I got sick and I think the worst part about that was the beatings I got for that. I did stop going out after that. I think I started being afraid of it too. but I told him all the wild stories about things that happened to me out there which weren't wild even in the slightest on anybody else's standards but to me the were just about the most exciting things that ever happened to me. and then we crawled back to bed when we actually got tired.
it's still like that. and I love going to sleep most nights because it means we get to go through all of that. sometimes it lasts thirty seconds when we're falling asleep when we hit the hay but sometimes it's more like ten, fifteen minutes of just being together. talking about us or something that happened or our stories or imagining other places and lives before we're ready to drift off. I like that we have the option for using sleep sounds for it, because it helps us go elsewhere. it's nice that the bed is canopied too because it feels safe, we just need to actually fix the canopy sometime because it's gotten so torn up from everything catching onto it all of the time. but still. it feels safe. and we usually don't need to worry about interruptions and we usually aren't afraid of the coming morning anymore either. so it's just us and being close and real with each other and really present there, and I really, really like that. everything else aside that is my favourite safe place. none of the others would be worth anything if he wasn't there first.
anyway it's one am and i'm tearing up a bit. i think about the number of people online dedicated to telling one another, "go to bed, it's late."
it's such a small, simple thing, but i am going to cry over it. because it's one am and i'm thinking, "i should go to bed." it's beautiful. people care about each other, so much, to tell them to go to bed, get some rest, it's late, it'll be better in the morning. i want this for you.
Sleep optimisation : how to Optimize Your Sleep & Sleep-Wake Cycle
Getting a good night’s rest is crucial for your overall well-being. Many factors can interfere with your ability to sleep soundly, but by adopting healthy habits, you can significantly improve the quality of your rest.
According to the Mayo Clinic Staff, establishing a consistent sleep schedule and practicing good sleep hygiene can make a significant difference in how you feel and function during…
How many hours of sleep are enough for good health? | Doctor Nandhini
How many hours of sleep are enough for good health? | Doctor Nandhini
Age GroupAmount Of SleepNew Borns14 to 17 Hours12 Months12 to 14 Hours2 Years12 to 14 Hours3 to 5 Years10 to 13 Hours6 to 13 Years9 to 11 Hours14 to 17 Years8 to 10 HoursAdults7 to 9 Hours
So what is the minimum amount of sleep adults need to have a active lifestyle?
6 Hoursminimum sleep is required
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OVERNIGHT!
The Science Of Sleep, from the NPR Fresh Air Podcast
The Science Of Sleep, from the @nprfreshair #FreshAir30 #podcast #sleep #science #authorblog #SFF #writer #books #MondayBlog
I always knew Mother said to get enough sleep. But other than to avoid being cranky and drowsy like a zombie the next morning, I didn’t get what the big deal was. But the reason our bodies need sleep is more complicated than just a matter of having energy the next day. In fact, it’s a very fascinating and complex science.
Did you know that when you sleep, your brain picks and chooses which…
