[Stelle] "with friends like these, how can things POSSIBLY go WRO-
(5 minutes later)
[Stelle] "I wanna go home... I- ... I'm tired... and sad... I miss Tingyun..."
[Stelle, after trying to escape the Fyxtrol Garden Maze] "oh sweet March I'm coming for you- I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN!?"
[Guinaifen] "I hate Ghosts."
[Hanya] "these are called Heliobi."
[Guinaifen] "that's what I said."
[Scott after getting his ass beat 3 seperate times] "It seems I have no other choice... I challenge you to a debate."
[Stelle] "ew what the fuck no"
[Scott] (Dies of cringe)
[Sushang] "it's no use! the door is LOCKED! Xianshou technology is far too complicated to-"
[Dan Heng] (spins the hexagon) "door's open."
[Sushang] "how did you-"
[Blade] "I wanna die."
[Dan Heng] "hello."
[Blade] "I want HIM to die."
[Jing Yuan] "I trust that Yanqing knows what he's doing."
[Yanqing, fighting Hoolay] "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!!!"
[Guinaifen] "and here we have the Trailblazer! the one responsible for single-handedly restoring the entire of Arum Alley with her pristine management! Miss Stelleron, can you please tell us how you did it?"
[Stelle] "I stacked boxes and drew pretty lines."
[Guinaifen] "...okay."
[Stelle] "I am a financial genius."
(Somewhere on Belobog, a Receptionist Sneezes)
[March] "you know I'm bored I'm gonna write 5 completely different comics that represent my experiences in learning swordsmanship!"
(5 hours later)
[March] "and now to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with ANY of these!"
[Quinque] "the trick to living a comfortable life is to scam the government."
[Stelle] "noted-"
[March] "oh no you don't!"
[Dan Shu] "as a favor for helping me with my work, I have decided to spike your drink!"
[Stelle, choking on Immortality] "CALL LADY BAILU PLEASE-"
In this installment, the Floaroma Contest continues! What will happen? Who will win? Who will lose? Will they live? Or will they die? Who knows? I do! Want me to tell you? Well I won’t! Read my stuff!
Marian held the microphone up to her face and cleared her throat, adjusting the pink band through her puffy orange hair. To her side was a red duck-like Pokémon with a black stripe around its neck and a puffy red head. In front of her, the camera guy counted down with his fingers, gesturing towards her sharply as the camera started rolling. She pulled a smile, and began to talk, her voice broadcast across the Floaroma Contest Hall.
“Well, folks, that marks the end of the performance round! The judges have made their decision, and it’s time to announce who made their way to the next round, and who’s left squirming behind! But, before all that…” Marian gave a sly wink to camera. “A word from our sponsors for today!”
On the big screen overlooking the hall, the screen changed to show an old man in a business suit, smiling politely at the camera against a beige background. The words ‘Devon Corporation’ were displayed next to him.
“Don’t forget to give your Pokémart cashier a friendly tip!” He said kindly. “He’ll need it, because we finally cut the unions.”
“And that concludes the message from our sponsor!” Marian said as the camera switched back to her. “Now, for our continuing contestants! First, Jacinda… Hols-nesh. Hope I’m pronouncing that right.”
A picture of a girl with pale skin and blue pigtails appeared on screen, followed by the name ‘Jacinda Holzknecht’.
“Second, Nick Hooker, from Eterna City!” Marian continued, a picture and name following her announcement. “Third, Kenny Greenfield from Twinleaf Town!”
In the greenroom, Kenny made finger guns and said ‘ey’ in a way that was probably meant to sound ironic.
“Alea Sawyer, from Floaroma itself! Inez Mark, from Chocovine Town! Jesselina, last name not given, coming from… also not given.”
In the greenroom, Jesselina laughed in a short, deliberately annoying way.
“In seventh, we have Gae Aiken, also from Chocovine Town. And finally, our eighth coordinator going through…”
In the greenroom, Dawn hugged her chest nervously.
“The eighth coordinator who impressed our judges today…”
She clenched her fists, staring directly at the screen.
“…is…”
The hug became tighter, threatening to crush her ribs.
[background music] "if I could wish upon a staaarrr~"
[Stelle, falling from the sky] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" here's my day so far; went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. still: things could be a lot worse. (slams facefirst into penecony)
[Firefly] "hey person I definately don't know! how's the weather this fine evening! I'm not a fugitive at all! anyway want to take a tour of Penecony?"
[Stelle, Staring] "yeah... sure bud. sure."
[Firefly] "i'll buy you food-"
[Stelle, Suddenly a lot more clingy] "HEEEY BESTIIIEE~<3"
[Dan Heng on the Express:] "...Alone again... Naturally..."
[Pom-Pom] "you know I'm always here for you Dan Heng!"
[Dan Heng] "alooonee again.... naturalllyyyyyyy...."
Climbing these stairs for Hanu is like the toughest hike ever. better find another way around.
[Hanu (Stelle)] "hmph." (translation: this must be how Fu Xuan feels...)
[SAM] "I am going to kill you... and then kill you again."
[Raide- I mean, uhhh... Acheron] "you can't kill me. I'm already dead... INSIDE." (Draws Sword)
[Stelle] "forlorn hope and birsmirch my name, for I am the ember of your love, the byproduct of your life, one that shall hold you in blessed arms when you can no longer hold oneself."
[Firefly, trying to find where that is on the script] "uhh... cool?"
[Director] "I AM MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE!"
[Stelle, Sideye-ing Firefly] oh so SHE gets to fumble the lines but when I, The Protagonist-
[Firefly] "I'm sorry that I died..."
[Stelle] "WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING I'M JUST HAPPY YOU'RE HERE!"
[Firefly] "The Moon is Beautiful, Isn't it?"
[Stelle] "we should take a picture to remember it!"
[Firefly] "s-sure!"
...
[Stelle, post Penecony] "... wait a minute. was she-?! NOOOOOOOO!"
[Sampo?] "c'mon best friend! you can't seriously be that distrusting of Sampo!"
[Stelle, who knows this isn't Sampo because he hasn't tried to scam her yet] "not in the slightest."
[Sparkle] "I've planted thousands of bombs all over Penecony-"
[Stelle] "found them."
[Sparkle] "what?"
[Stelle] "it took like, 5 minutes."
[Misha] "my time has come... you must continue your journey, without me..." (hands compass to clockie)
[Clockie] "wait wha- what are you- WHA-?! MISHA! you can't leave me..."
[Misha] "you must believe."
[Black Swan] this lady is interesting. I wonder what she's thinking right now-
[Acheron] (no thoughts head empty)
[Black Swan, who is made of Memory (it nearly killed her)] "BY THE AEONS THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"
[Aventurine] "hey Mrs Trailblazer. tell me. do you believe in luck?"
[Stelle] oh it's an IPC prick. probably here to suck all the fun out of Penecony.
[Aventurine] "you see, I propose a little wager-"
[Stelle] "you son of a nice lady i'm in."
[Boothill, shooting several bullets inside the express] "I FOUND YOU, FAKER!"
[Acheron] "please stop." (Draws Sword and uses the slowed time to dodge)
[Boothill] "woah! this Lady is fast!"
[Sunday] "alright Mr Aventurine, I'll let you go. but... one last thing... is the Cornerstone we captured yours?"
[Aventurine] "well yes but actually no."
[Sunday] "I diagnose you with stage 4 Stelleron (cancer of all worlds)."
[Stelle] "This is too good to be true!"
[Black Swan] "it might seem crazy what I'm boutta say..."
...
[Stelle, 5 seconds later] "so you mean to tell me Sunday trapped everyone in a Dream within a dream? what kind of Inception is that?!"
[Sunday] "ONLY THE ORDER SHALL BRING US TRUE PEACE AND SECURITY!"
[Stelle] "Nice argument Sunday, why don't you back it up with a source?"
[Sunday, now a giant robot god thing] "MY SOURCE IS THAT I MADE IT THE FUCK UP!" (Cue: Platinum Games: Collective Consciousness)
We interrupt your regular broadcast for more shitty wish-fulfillment fanfiction written by Australian dipshit, SirSpud. Links to this atrocity are found below, and an excerpt of this nightmare is under the banner.
Floaroma Town was, by popular opinion, one of the most beautiful villages in Sinnoh. The place was home to a massive flower meadow that sent wonderful aromas through the town, making it a retiree’s dream and a pollen allergist’s nightmare. It was here that the Floaroma Spring Contest was starting to begin in earnest. Stalls were being set up, coordinators were practicing, and a small army of TV crews had invaded the normally quaint and quiet town, trampling the local scenery in the name of ‘cinematic shots’.
It was here that our heroes had just arrived, having made their way through the Ravaged Path and through the light forestry of Route 204 to arrive in this picturesque little village. Like any Pokémon trainer worth their salt, their first stop was to the Pokémon centre for some healing, cheap food, and a well-deserved break.
It was here that Ash and Dawn sat at a small table in the communal area. They were currently waiting on Brock to finish up with his business, whatever that was, and had each bought a rather bland pasta dish, covered with cheese and sporting a few vegetables that had been boiled to oblivion. Beside them, sitting on the ground, Pikachu and Piplup ate from their bowls of dry, tasteless kibble, trying to pretend that they were instead enjoying Brock’s cooking.
“So…” Ash started to say, trying to break the silence that had settled upon them like a blanket of awkwardness. “New contest, huh?”
“Yup.” Dawn nodded, scooping a spoonful of terrible pasta into her mouth. “Hopefully it’ll go better than last time.”
“It should do. You’ve been practicing every morning, right?”
“Urgh. I tried to.” Dawn groaned. “But I’ve been having really bad dreams lately, so I wake up and I’m not in the right headspace for it.”
“Really?” Ash said sympathetically. “How come?”
Dawn looked up from her meal with pointed, deliberate slowness to give Ash an accusatory glare of disdain.
“Oh. Right.” Ash looked away for a moment. “…Sorry.”
“…It’s fine.” Dawn sighed. “The fact that Pachirisu still isn’t listening to me isn’t helping either.”
“Ah, that stuff just comes with time.” Ash said dismissively. “When I started out, Pikachu didn’t listen to anything I said. He got a bit better after we almost drowned and got attacked by a flock of Spearrow, but it still took a long time before we trusted each other.”
“…Sweet son of Arceus, dude.” Dawn looked up at her friend in concerned disbelief. “How many times have you almost died?”
“I prefer to think it in terms of how many times I haven’t died.”
“That means the same thing!”
The sliding doors from the atrium slid open, interrupting their conversation. Brock walked slowly over to their table, clutching his lower back in pain. Croagunk followed by his side, his ever-present creepy grin upon his face.
Ash looked at Brock as he came to the table. “…Nurse Joy?”
“…Maybe.” Brock replied reluctantly, sitting next to Ash and wincing as he did so. “I think he might’ve actually poisoned me this time.”
“So, was that why you wanted to do your stuff alone?” Dawn asked, unimpressed. “So you could harass the local single women unjudged?”
“Not originally, no.” Brock sighed. “I wanted to give both of your parents a call to let them know about the Hunter J situation, but the reception here is awful. Couldn’t even get a connection.”
“…Oh. Cool.” Dawn replied, trying to hide her alarm. “Uh, weird question, but… why would you do that?”
“Yeah, why?” Ash added quickly, almost panickily.
Brock raised an eyebrow. “…Because that’s the responsible thing to do?”
“Yeah, but, like, I can do that.” Dawn said hurriedly, chuckling nervously. “You don’t have to call her, I can call her on, like, my Pokétch!”
“Mm… hm.” Brock folded his arms at her. “So, why don’t you call her now?”
It was almost issued like a challenge. Dawn opened her mouth, closed it, then she spluttered, “Well, why doesn’t Ash call his parents on his PokéDex, huh?”
“Can’t. I don’t have an internet license.” Ash explained.
Dawn stared at him for a moment, trying to make sense of what he said. Quickly giving up, she said, “Okay, well… maybe I don’t have reception here either! Did you think about that?”
“The Pokétch uses a different network than the phones here, doesn’t it?” Brock asked neutrally.
“Different doesn’t mean better!” Dawn replied defensively, holding up the hand that held the watch and pointing at the device. She heard the atrium doors open again, but she ignored them. “This thing can barely reach people a hundred feet away! There’s no way it can hold a conversation all the way to Twinleaf Town! It also can’t send texts, or set alarms, or… tell me what date it is…”
Dawn lowered her hand and looked down at the device, hesitantly admitting, “…It actually kinda sucks.”
“I see you’re still the ideal model for financial independence.” A boyish voice said from the side.
“Shut up, Kenny.” Dawn replied automatically, turning around in annoyance. “If I wanted your sass, I-”
Dawn blinked in surprise as she registered who had just spoke to her. It was a young boy, around about the same age as her, sporting a green t-shirt with white stripes worn atop a long-sleeved undershirt that was also green, but a little darker. His hair was an unkempt dark auburn mess, his eyes a blackish-brown, and his face sported a mischievous grin.
“Kenny!” Dawn cried with delight, immediately leaping up to embrace him.
The boy spread out his arms welcomingly. “Dee-Dee!”
Dawn skidded to a stop, shutting her eyes tight in a grimace.
“I hate you so much.” Dawn growled exasperatedly as Kenny burst into laughter. “Why won’t you let me forget that?”
Kenny chuckled. “Hey, you stop reacting to it, I’ll stop teasing you.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s how it works!” Dawn snapped. “That’s like a mugger going, ‘Hey, I’ll stop robbing you if you stop defending yourself’!”
Kenny smirked at her, and though she tried, Dawn couldn’t keep up the irritation for long. She broke back into a smile and embraced him.
“I missed you, dude.” Dawn sighed.
“Me too.” Kenny said as the two friends let go of each other. “I thought you were going to tell me when you started your journey!”
“…Not gonna lie, I actually completely forgot about that.” Dawn said sheepishly. “First few days were… pretty intense.”
“Wow.” Kenny folded his arms, an expression of mock hurt on his face. “I can’t believe you’d just betray me like that.”
Dawn smirked, folding her arms right back. “You really wanna talk to me about betrayal? Who was it, again, who only remembered his best friend’s birthday at the last minute?”
“Erm…”
Dawn looked back at the others, who were kind of just staring awkwardly.
“I don’t wanna be rude, but… we don’t know who this is.” Ash said.
“Ah.” Dawn stepped to the side. “Ash, Brock, this is Kenny Greenfield – my best friend stroke tormentor.”
