#abuse consequences

[furiousgoldfish]

me as a child: I am the strongest person on this planet. I can endure anything, I can take insults and be humiliated and I'm going to be okay. Even if things are super hard right now and my parents don't find me good enough to care about, I will work hard and do anything to prove that I'm worthy, I'm going to give it my all. Even if things are painful, I'm tough and I can take it. Even if someone hurts me, I can decide not to feel the pain. I can do anything, I have a strong body and enough energy to work and find joy. I'm going to live this life as intensely as possible and become as strong as possible.

me now: if I need to as much as get out of the bed today I will die a miserable death.

[meeresbande]

the thing that helps me most when i feel undeserving of help is trying to step back and look at my situation from an outsider's perspective. if i were to relay my story to someone else, would they laugh at me? would they think i am selfish or trying to take too much? 100% of the time the answer is no, and it doesn't help completely but it's knowledge to keep close. as an outsider to your personal situation, i can tell you that i absolutely believe you deserve all the help anyone can give you.

thank you anon!

and sorry we let this message rot in the inbox for 5 months :( it was just really hard to even think about “do we deserve help”

we wouldn’t think anyone else in our situation would be undeserving of help, but that doesn’t mean no one would think WE are asking too much! sadly some people are ableist. even though we are lucky enough to not have any overt ableists near us, but we’re always very scared people will resent us when we ask one thing too many. also people aren’t always able to help, and we don’t want to be a burden. and we don’t want to make them angry by asking for things they can’t give, or that are unusal to give (our roommates shouldn’t have to be our carers for example)

yeah our “mother” really gave us some issues with her relentless abuse and blaming it on our selfishness, greed, neediness etc. :/

sorry

[meeresbande]

we feel pretty overwhelmed and shaky rn, the time after coming home from vacation/travels/etc is always so difficult and maybe this time more so or in different ways, probably because we’re more open to it? like it’s probably a good sign, because we’re trying to actually deal with old things, triggers, memories, scared system mates etc, but it’s too hard actually. i mean on the one hand we can deal with more of this because we’re at a better place than we’ve ever been so far, on the other hand that means that our psyche/system is like “yo lets dump as much as possible on you!” and that feels like just a liiittle too much.

on the third hand it’s good that we actually deal with as much of this as we can. have already reassured 2 system mates that they’re not going to get punished anymore and things have changed so much for the better since we were little.

(yeah apparently our parents used to punish us after we had good times and especially vacations, and they also abused us extra more to “catch up” whenever we had a time without them like school trips)

[samratkelblog-blog]

I am not too busy, I am prioritising me

I am not too busy, I am prioritising me

Sorry, I’m Busy

Tell us about a time when you should have helped someone… but didn’t.

This is an interesting prompt but not one I am that familiar with.  My problem has been that I always try to help, even when I shouldn’t.  For instance, when I was first trying to recover from the rape and torture, to distract myself I would help others.  I love helping other people but the motivation at this…

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