#ace quote

[captainwaffles]

I am a slut for warm buttered bread

-Me, an Ace

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: A quote image with purple-hued wet paint-like background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex."

The quote reads: “Ace men tell me that people of all genders assume that they are secret incels who hide behind a made-up identity. Such is the trap: Even when a man doesn’t want sex, he can be lumped in with the men who will kill in their desire to have it. Men cannot be simply uninterested; there must always be something else at work.”

End Image Description ]

This is not positivity in the strictest sense, but it's really important to identify and name the societal expectations around men and sex, especially when there can be a disproportionate emphasis on women and sex.

So to add some overt positivity: It's okay to be an ace man. You don't have to have any reasons for not wanting sex other than simply not wanting it. There doesn't have to be anything else at work.

[secrets-ill-take-to-my-grave]

Asexuality

The only case when you have to use words other than "love" to come out.

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both have the same purple-hued clouds in the sky background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex."

The first quote reads: “Liberated sexuality—that is, sexuality free from social shaming—can look like promiscuity or it can look like celibacy.”

The second quote reads: “Touch doesn’t have to be a hierarchy, and sex doesn’t have to be the only, or even the best, way of achieving intimacy.”

End Image Description ]

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both images have the same purple-hued marbled background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex." The first quote reads: “Normal is often treated as a moral judgment, when it is often simply a statistical matter. The question of what everyone else is doing is less important than the question of what works for the . . . people in the actual relationship. It matters that everyone’s needs are carefully considered and respected, not that everyone is doing the same thing.” (The last sentence is bolded.) The second quote reads: “Difference can be a gift. Being ace can mean less interpersonal drama and more freedom from social norms around relationships. It is an opportunity to focus more on other passions, to be less distracted by sexuality, to break the scripts, to choose your own adventure and your own values.” End Image Description ]

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: A quote image with a purple-hued silky fabric background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex." The quote reads: “Consent matters after ten years just as much as after ten days, but it rarely looks the same after a decade as it did on the third date. Checks and balances that are crucial earlier on become unnecessary for both people now that they know each other better and can read each other’s cues. The forms consent takes will change, but the right to say no always must remain. If someone never wants to have sex, that is okay forever. For people who do decide to have sex, it is a choice each time, not a set of ossified obligations that are impossible to challenge or change.” End Image Description ]

[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both have the same purple-hued silky fabric background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex."

The first quote reads: “Within relationships, the desire to have sex and the desire not to have sex are so often treated unequally because of the common belief that entering a relationship requires giving up a measure of consent.”

The second quote reads: “Harmful, consensual sex happens and people should be allowed to speak freely using those terms. Those who have been harmed by sex deserve support regardless of whether they consented. Everyone should acknowledge the other side too, that we can hurt someone even if we did not mean to and even if we checked in and tried to do due diligence.”

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[queerplatonicpositivity]

[ Image Description: A quote image with a background of purple tufted flowers. At the bottom is a dark purple color band with the quote attribution: Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. The quote is in lavender typed font and reads: “Instead of letting labels like romantic and platonic (or friend versus partner) guide actions and expectations, it is possible for the desires themselves to guide actions and expectations. More effective than relying on labels to provide instruction is skipping directly to asking for what we want—around time, touch, commitment, and so on as David Jay wrote—regardless of whether those desires confuse hardline ideas of what these two categories are supposed to look like. When the desires don’t fit the labels, it is often the labels that should be adjusted or discarded, not the desires. If everyone is behaving ethically, it doesn’t matter if a relationship doesn’t fit into a preconceived social role, if it feels neither platonic nor romantic or if it feels like both at the same time.” End Image Description ]