this wedding is gonna be so rushed

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this wedding is gonna be so rushed
Tried to be productive and went to go make myself a cup of coffee and ended up accidentally smashing my mug. Think that sums up how my life is going at the moment
Laziness and social anxiety overwhelming my urge to change my name bc I genuinely cannot be bothered with all that it's so much effort to explain like "yeah I go by this but if you wanna use my old name that's fine too but I prefer this one but don't correct people if they use my old one and-"
“to be fair to me I didn’t see you were there or I wouldn’t have done it”
- my mum to the police officer that pulled her over for running a red light in front of him😭
we haven't won a match for an entire month yet liverpool. won. every. single. one of theirs
i just want to read fic and yet there’s so many fireworks going off that i can’t focus on the words
I betttttt any money if anything is brought up and if I mention that the convo yesterday about a TV SHOW turned into her talking about ending relationship and true love, childhood trauma not being an excuse for wanting your needs met? etc.. that she’ll say she was joking 🙄. Joking to turn around and say nothing and act weird today, i bet.
But that being said I feel so much better not rising to it. Just focusing on my feelings and re-energising myself. There was a time I probably would’ve been knocking doors, desperately trying to fix a situation I didn’t understand, to mend a distance I didn’t understand but my gosh the energy. You can cry, beg, shout, ask, speak calmly around and around, you can do everything to try and get someone to understand and acknowledge and it does shit all. You can’t change people, they are who they are. The power I have, is to focus on me, change me, make sure my needs are met and to make sure that I react well. I cannot do anything outside of that, and that in itself is so freeing. I hope the more I practice this, mediate when triggered, journal and just do me, that the feeling of panic in my chest lessens and lessens. Till I’m emotionally and mentally strong again.
remind me never to take time off work for my mental health because my rent is due tomorrow and i also get paid from me last job tomorrow but it’s about 300 quid short lmaooo should i throw me self into the mersey now orrrr? 🙃
cause the stress of this is only gonna make my mental health worse now fucks sake it’s such a vicious cycle 😣😔