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did this as a quick scribble at like 1 AM last night and...immediately lost all motivation to ever clean it up. ( ᐛ ) but I had to draw my son being the fanciest little flower boy who ever threw petals down an aisle. oh my god.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #eternity float #eternity float of the coral sea #surprise! my art actually CAN look worse!#but i just love these fancy lads so much #like i was initially kinda 'CORAL S -- aw no merforms? :('#but i figure they're probably saving a proper underwater event for azul so whatever it's time for HYPE #especially because it looks like it might be WEDDING-THEMED(!!!)#and/or kiss the girl(!!!!!!!)#and honestly for both of those jade is actually the funniest possible ssr choice #sorry leona we found the one event that...no he would still be hilarious. dangit.#honestly though these are top-tier choices all around #if i was going to walk around a beach while jade talks endlessly at me about the legend of the mermaid princess with big sleeves #i could ask for nothing better than riddle malleus and rook to be standing there tossing flower petals at me the whole time #i know it's probably all ~algorithm-based~ or whatever they have that tells them what characters to use #but there is legit a little something i think in doing a kiss the girl theme with those three #the three guys who have some of the most trouble properly expressing themselves #and also jade who i assume just thinks they're all prime sources for hilarity #he will 100% be looking for opportunities to 'accidentally' push someone overboard #bonus points if there's a very fancy cake that they can fall into on the way down #i don't know anything about what the story will be yet but i know that much is true

Getting more comfortable sketching on the new tab!

#I actually did the 'put hands behind to avoid drawing them' technique lol #Didn't notice I flipped my canvas when I wrote text on this 😅.#Middle Steven there is a sketch redraw. Just to see if I can depict age better (or worse). At least sketch-wise. And yeah. I do think there #is an improvement. 😁 This is on Future timeline and he actually looks like a teenager instead of a child this time. Lol #And hopefully I'm not jinxing myself by being smug about it #xp-pen magic notepad exploration: pen/nib #xp-pen magic notepad exploration #The felt nib really does improve the drawing experience. With sketches at least and so far.#These are all on Sketchbook though. Hadn't tried it on Hipaint.#my shiz #connverse #Connie Maheswaran #Steven Quartz Universe #Steven Universe #SU #Steven Universe Future #SU fanart #mid commission doodle break #Midcommission doodle break Because hoooboiiiiii .......I was drawing fur for a commission. And. Like. I can't find a brush that makes #drawing fur faster. So I manually painted them. And like. I rendered them glazing style. I spent SO LONG on that fur render.......#Only realize that the shading was on a blatantly wrong angle. ⁠(⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠)⁠╯⁠︵⁠┻⁠┻#Of course I cried but you know what. My tears moisturized my dry screen-stressed eyes. So that's something at least.#Anyway. The premium is not actually that bad. 170 PhP one time purchase is doable.#They're not letting me buy though. I mean. I keep getting a prompt that their system is busy.#This could be a sign from the universe or something. 🤔 Maybe I'm not meant to buy the premium version. I got Hipaint for free afterall.#But the textured brushes are so good though. 😔 Tattoo inker and signature ink brushes my beloved. 🥺#And they got that tapered airbrush that I keep seeing around.#Why can't I buy it??? Take my money please. 😭

I keep thinking of more ways in which season two failed Samira and didn't treat her like a main character, and the one I'm stuck on now is...for both the med students, their stories (limited though Joy's was!) came specifically at her expense. Which is to say, Joy's backstory got revealed through Samira being unable to solve a problem. Ogilvie's whole deal was framed as a Samira mistake, and Samira didn't get to react to it in any real way. It's just terrible in every way, shape, and form.

#The Pitt #Samira Mohan #and I was initially a supporter of the 'Samira doesn't think of med-surg' point!#because it made sense with the established Samira who doesn't trust anyone #of course she wouldn't believe that they'd actually do something they're historically unwilling to do!#of course she'd be focused on the BEST care above everything else #and her apologizing to Joy for doubting her was a demonstration of how she is one of the best teachers there #but in the context of everything else? It sucks!#and the goddamned AAA thing #I could talk all day about all the failures in that plot #but even though I WANTED Samira to make a mistake #but this was an uncharacteristic mistake that didn't even make any sense #and blaming her for it was fucking stupid given the context of what other characters don't get blamed for #and even worse is it literally does not matter #it's all about Ogilvie #Samira doesn't get to react #so there is no purpose of her in that plot except humiliating her and beating her down #and the lack of follow through is appalling #because Robby told her last season that making mistakes where people might die is called being an EM doctor #so what the fuck kind of stupid plot is it where the ONE CHARACTER who can say they've done that #gets shoved off screen and treated like she doesn't belong?

The Medarda arc of s2 struggled to be good, because the plot viciously smothered it. You can argue that Arcane was never about politics but you cannot say the Medardas were never explicitly a family defined by politics. So when the show shifted it's priorities from a drama steeped in political conflict where even though the setting was fantastical the stakes were grounded to a shift where magic is the end all be all threat to humanity, the Medardas are rendered largely irrelevant.

In s2 Mel's agency over her own story is both largely stripped from her and poorly communicated. Arcane has Mel abducted from the plot to be the Black Rose's captive. Even when Mel manages to free herself it's not through the traits the audience understands are her strengths, her cunning and social intelligence, it's through an innate instinct that natural to her and indecipherable to the audience.

Ambessa as a character is more or less a villain of convenience, which would be fine if she wasn't immediately following Silco's act. Once Mel is removed from the story Ambessa is largely disconnected from any emotional tension fuels conflict between the characters and previously drove the plot in s1. She's there to play the worse bad guy for Caitlyn and then give Viktor the man power for the Glorious Evolution.

It's frustrating to see the Medardas used the way they are in s2 because when they're together I can see how it could be good. When they're together Mel forces emotion out of Ambessa. In Act 1, Ambessa proved she could do circles around Piltover's court, which could actually put Mel in a tight spot.

Their final scene on paper sounds like a good idea where the true resolution to Mel and Ambessa's story was that Ambessa saw Mel's own ruthless behavior as she not only betrayed Ambessa to the Black Rose, but used her as BAIT to double cross LeBlanc. Ambessa died proud that her daughter killed her the way she did, and that's so cool and tragic, but the execution was a flop.

One, their final fight is completely unimportant to the actual Glorious Evolution, Mel's grief can't even be a highlight because it's interrupted by Viktor's mind trap. Two, their fight didn't rely on any of Mel's actual strengths, just magic and the poorly explained MacGuffin LeBlanc gave her. How did Mel even know it would do that?

It's like the writers had the bones for a great story for the Medardas, but then they're like the world's worst archeologists and fit those bones together in the worst way possible because they were convinced the bones made a stegasaurus instead of a T-rex or something.

#the black rose also doesn't really do anything except kidnap Mel #they know there's an end of the world level problem but they just sit on it for no real reason #arcane critical #mel medarda #ambessa medarda #s2's priorities are mostly incompatible with the kind of characters the medardas were set up as in s1 #and frankly didn't want to engage with what made them special #personally i think it's connected to how the showrunners were suprised at Silco's popularity bcuz the stuff that makes silco interesting #is the same stuff that makes mel and ambessa interesting #which is what makes it worse bcuz the blueprint was there for the medardas to shine in s2 #but the plot literally ran away from them so they're both largely devices in other people's stories mel less so #you could edit mel out of the last episode and nothing would change in the end #that's how irrelevant she was to the story #actually you could do that to ambessa too they're just there to pad out the numbers to include noxian soldiers #why did mel need to be stuck in the occulorum for the black rose arc to function #they could have easily had more agents in piltover like they did with amara #and they try to ingratiate themselves with her as ambessa further alienates her o #position of power in piltover and mel doesn’t know who to trust except herself and accepts that her methods were always #as ruthless as her mother's wothout any direct bloodshed #or something like that I'm just spitballing #did anyone else notice mel and ambessa didn’t get a songle song durong the show #no blood sweat and tears doesn’t count bcuz it wasn't in the actual show #compare Ambessa's death to Silco's or even Cassandra's who had more weight and time given to it?#it's just above Heimerdinger's own “death”#that's how relevant the Medardas are to this story they're heimerdinger level

That causes Dande’s resolve to soften somewhat...

#dnd art #dnd character #comic #sketch #dnd #very rough but i needed it out of my system #dandelion treehollow #jalester silvermane #lionmane #dande was trying to get jalester to agree not to go to the feywild #where the party needs to go to fix dande's mistake/betrayal #but dande doesn't want them to go because he thinks they're gonna die. or something worse.#he's still freaked out from his few minutes back Home (with his hag mom)#anyway he was trying to have a serious conversation but his resolve was melted away by jalester saying a few quite nice things #dande is so easily emotionally distracted lol #“I feel like we don't wanna have the same conversation.”#links in the text are just to other drawings i did while ruminating on this scene #ugh this is so rough but i have actual work i need to do BOOOOO

Hey Merchant, I hope you're doing okay after that! Just remember we're all human, don't beat yourself up for it! It's amazing that you actually clicked and had the time to apologize and write a whole paragraph about it, tho tbh to me specifically I didn't think you need to do it? But reading it made me click too!

Hope ur doing well now, here have an old BurningCheese doodle of them bickering hehe

Aww it's fine. Don't worry about me. I just woke up today suddenly feeling different about things and I felt like I had to say something about it. I've been quite rude in a couple of posts and replies the past couple of days and that was wrong of me. I owe everyone an apology for that, that's all there is to it. I appreciate your concern though, that means a lot to me

And thank you for the doodle ❤️ it's so Them, I love it. Tell him what's what, queen!!! Y'all will start making out soon anyway lolololololol

Your art style is really adorable and charming ❤️ idk how often you post your art but if it isn't common, then I encourage you to reconsider! And thank you again for reaching out, I'm touched you took the time to do so. Especially right now, because I don't really feel like I deserve it haha

#funny thing about this is #i paused while i was writing that apology post to do something else #and then when i came back i started peeking at other blogs for a minute just out of random curiosity #and an artist i really like/admire made a post about this whole thing and their feelings about it. and it made me feel 1000x worse haha #they were so upset and i honestly felt even guiltier than i already did. because I'm guilty of the behaviors they talked about #and what hit me hardest was when they said there are blogs they want to follow but don't because they're so annoying about shipping #blogs they otherwise like because the users have cool thoughts/ideas #it might be a little self-absorbed of me but i read that and thought “... is this me? are they referring to me?”#and the thought of someone whose work i really enjoy thinking that of me stung so bad that i actually felt my stomach drop haha #i actually wanted to cry reading through that post. i still kind of do several hours later haha. i feel like trash #I've been trash recently and i really do feel like i ought to apologize for it #none of this is worth getting so uppity about and i hate that i lost sight of that for a bit #i hope you can all forgive me for being such a petty jerk. i want to go back to Silly Merchant Hours #cookie run kingdom #burningcheese #goldenspice #merchant asks

as september does not really approach but does vaguely rise in front of me like a distant mountain ive been thinking how. like. i don't think i a particularly good student of writing or good at learning it. and not only because i hate cutting things out or making anything clear to a reader or refuse to structure things sensically or take up to much time talking in workshops or keep writing sentences that are over 60 words long. but well i think that maybe im just to selfish for it. not that i don't care about growing and improving bc i really really do, im just aware that for me it only goes so far i guess? i want to improve now and have wanted to improve over the years because i think it will help me achieve what i want my work to achieve, but thats really the only reason. im not looking to grow out of pure love for the craft (though again i do! love the craft!) or because i think the act of improving is worthwhile in itself to pursue, which are motivators i recognize both in others and in myself in other areas of my life. if there comes a point when getting better at writing makes it harder to (sigh) realize my artistic vision then i know in my heart of hearts that i will simply stop trying to get better. i don't know if/when that day will come because currently improving my skills is helping me drive towards what i want my work to be, and i don't really believe that i will stop becoming a better writer if i stop consciously trying to be one, but i can't help but feel that knowing this about myself makes me carry a kind of insolent smugness with me to class and critiques because i do on some level think that the advice being given is worth less than my personal sense of fulfillment as a creator. even though none of my interactions with peers or professors have demonstrated that this comes across at all. it makes me ask myself what am i even doing here? which is crazy because the answer to that question is "to hone my skills and become a better writer" which is i assume the case for practically every other person in that program. cant help the feeling that im doing it in a different and sinister way though. on account of my evil nature.

#it is just so deeply deeply indulgent for me and okay. im about to say something crazy that i know is crazy and probably very uniformed. but #i have to say it anyways. i think all creative writing is an indulgence i think that a fiction writer is an incredibly self interested thin #to be at its core. entirely morally neutral no judgement its just that to do it. to really truly do it. you have to believe that what you #have inside of you is worth the act of being read even if its just by yourself you have to turn your brain to the process of making #something that could remain completely enclosed within it reality for the purpose of Having It Exist on top of potentially others. and (to #me! to me!!!) it seems like a lot of education and advice around creative writing is centred on curbing and managing this omnipresent #feeling of excess that surrounds it all. not to say that nothing should be edited or that all rough drafts are Good Actually but you do #notice this tension all around peoples attitudes towards their own writing in spaces like a classroom where they are kind of trying to #distance themself from the fact that their work and the identity of writer if they are claiming it ultimately only exist because they #decided it should. people (and im not really excluding myself from this) will try to make it about literally anything other than that.#because its embracing on some level to admit. so much of culture around writing in joking and serious contexts seems centred on making up #Having Written at all. for having made the choice to even do that. the to make up for it to make up for the fact that its me of it all.#some people slide into mythologizing the persona and position of The Artist as a social presence and try to make it seem like creating has #made them somehow special and unlike anyone else. that their choice to write indicates something intrinsic to them. that they're an artist #by nature. some people turn incredibly critical and perfectionistic and constantly self-deprecating about their art and i think that both o #these serve to create that distance between them and the choice to do creative writing at all. if its something that has Lived Within You #All Along there is nothing remarkable in expressing your Poets Soul or whatever it becomes inevitable. if you hate everything you make and #don't relent in your endless dissection of it then no one can say that you've made a self-centred choice because you're so clearly #burdened by it. ohhh isn't it so sad to have made this thing that sucks and is awful guess i just have to make 50 more so i eventually get #it right. and im saying this all no judgement i think these things are entirely morally neutral as i think most things surrounding art are.#even if they are sometimes annoying. my cancelable take you can quote me on out of context: being a writer of original fiction makes you #annoying no matter what. making art is actually the most annoying thing you can do. we should all just sit in cool dark rooms and breathe &#until that happens we will continue to annoy each other forever. it is 2 in the morning.#all of this to say that i am the most annoying person of all because sometimes i will chose to write something i know is not good because i #think it makes things more impactful and interesting. i do in fact sometimes make it bad on purpose i wish i was joking. crazy girl voice #sometimes things that are good.. are worse. im truly very sorry but also if you ever read anything ive made and think wow that was bad know #that you are simply failing to understand my vision and it is actually meant to be that way and you should feel admiration for the piece no #matter WHAT! okay? okay. :)))))))

cracking open the [is the waving through a window book shelved with the score music on purpose?] plastering it closed

#Extremely Par For The Course Language / Concepts but doesn't mean it's Extremely Chill #Literally Normal™! doesn't mean anything about how it's Good & Chill. just Normal. which i would say is not good or chill #being A Victim (Of Anything; Implicitly) isn't about matter-of-fact contexts of events & power in systems #it's a demeaning status which individuals can Prove They Don't Deserve (the whole point is conceded unless already nobody deserves to be #treated by any standards not applied to any person existing) & when you think about it something's wrong w ppl who Let themselves be #victims of anything (i wouldn't! guess im different! Better. Stronger Smarter Sexier) &/or; same diff; being a victim of something corrupts #ppl & makes them Wronger / Worse than other people & less of a Person too. so yknow indeed Successfully Avoid being a victim of anything or #you deserved it. victim blaming Is Normal that is the Normal Stance as is that hierarchies are merited & go unquestioned / supported &#to respect & be concerned w accommodating anyone / boundaries & consent Is In Fact Weird™ & disruptive to the norm #just try being Strong & choosing not to be A Victim even if you're a victim of something. that was beneath you.#you can/should/must appeal to the normate & prove you Deserve to be seen as Legitimate; Unlike Other People #ppl doing elegies for like. ppl dedicating their lives to advocacy like They Refused To Be / Weren't JUST A Victim. oh whew.#god forbid. the nameless unelegied victims who Deserve The Obscurity i guess #which reminding me of like. another elegy for an individual indeed given some Obscure [various terms for Unknown Unassetted Grave] site #found like oh you think they're Just Another Dead [Dismissive Somewhat Derogatory Term] well they were impressive talented attractive #intelligent singular beloved actually so. like oh great but yknow again. the Appeal To The Oppressive System & Its Adherents.#which cedes the ground of principles like that Nobody Deserves Xyz Treatment. rip to other dead randos in basically unmarked graves who #Aren't being defended/argued as Deserving Better bc they were Exceptional. unlike the illegimate unexceptions.#anyway. not like you expect too much from a) anything Official / Promotional when you get to the stage of having a coffee table book even #though also it's official deh vids that actually e.g. point out info about jared's role for once in a lifetime water flowing underground or #semi official novelizations pretty much just doing whatever connor is a ghost now or b) i really don't assume this book has too much info #of interest though ig i'd read it. i was looking for the floyd collins score again. c) i also just don't think any of the ideas about The #Murphys incl zoe unforch is of interest to me. the parents would be helped by going on dates & Not getting divorced. connor getting all #this attention from his parents by killing himself god as usual!!!#zoe wishes they Were more like the brady bunch & her realest self is all about Pleasant Uneventfulness where it was Bad that she could get #upset abt her life & outwardly angry & same re: evan so once they Almost connect over dropping politeness & prickling at each other it's #Pleasant Uneventful Façade times forever which is real & meaningful. not letting ourselves be victims bc we're Resilient like that

#actually i think they're... doing something... worse...

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