#actually non-binary

[selves-acceptance]

you aren’t asking for too much for people to use your pronouns.

it is not an unreasonable expectation for people to respect your pronouns.

[queerplatonicpositivity]

It’s okay if your disability makes it difficult to have the gender presentation you want.  Your gender is still awesome and you are still awesome!  Disabled trans people (including non-binary people) are awesome!

[queerplatonicpositivity]

The conversation at my LGBTQIA+ support group actually started with a discussion of the term “passing privilege” (a term I hate).  I was talking about how I am getting read as queer for the first time in my life, due to my recent haircut.  I’m pretty sure people are reading me as a cis lesbian, but as someone who keeps getting mistaken for an ally, it feels kind of like an improvement?? I guess??

But I was trying to acknowledge that I have power in that I can choose if I want to be read as queer or as cis het, based on my haircut and the clothes I wear.  Not everyone has the power to choose if they want to be visibly queer.  And I feel like it’s important for me to recognize that I do have this choice, and that this choice impacts my safety.   I like being visibly queer right now, because I’m in a situation where it’s currently relatively safe for me to be read as queer.

However, it’s not the same thing as “passing” (another term I hate).  I will never be correctly read as non-binary.  It’s not a privilege to be wrongly identified.  I do have power to somewhat choose how I am wrongly identified, but it’s still wrong.  That choice can provide me some additional safety, but it’s still wrong.  I will never be able to “stealth” as non-binary.  The majority of people I encounter don’t even know what that word means.  And especially as someone who doesn’t aspire to androgyny, I can’t (and don’t want to) have people read me as some sort of middle ground between male and female.

[queerplatonicpositivity]

1, 2, 8, and 20?

Hi, Anon!

1. Which labels do you use?

I use genderqueer and non-binary.  I’ve thought a lot about genderfluid, but the hang-up I have with that is that my actual gender identity is not fluid, but my gender presentation is fluid in a lot of ways.  Are there words for that?

2. What are your pronouns?

I use zie/hir/hirs for my pronouns.  I still remember the first time someone brought up pronouns for me.  I was part of an LGBTQIA+ support group at my uni, and I had been researching non-binary identity.  I came to group and shared that I realized I was genderqueer.  After everyone told me how much they supported me, one of the people in the group (first person of a different assigned sex at birth that I cuddled with platonically) asked, “What pronouns should we use for you?” and I was like, “??? I get to pick pronouns?” and I was super delighted.  I decided on zie/hir/hirs because I’m not androgynous and I’m not trying to be androgynous (not that there’s anything wrong with that, because there’s not). I’m intentionally trying to subvert gender norms through playing with masculinity and femininity in my clothing, tone of voice, body language, etc.  So it just feels right to have pronouns that feel visually and verbally like a mash of binary gender pronouns.   Sometimes I feel really lonely in this, though.  The last couple years, I attended an annual conference for LGBTQIA+ students (I attended as a non-student who was the faculty/staff sponsor for the students), and in a room of, like, 18-20 non-binary people, I was the only one not using they/them/theirs.

8. Is there a gender-related pun you like?

Anytime anyone says “ladies and gentlemen,” I can’t resist saying (or whispering), “Guess I can tune out now!”  This hasn’t gotten me in trouble. Yet.

20. Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr?

I actually need more non-binary blogs to follow.  I think my fav is @genderqueerpositivity, both because it empowers me and because the person who runs that blog is someone I met on Tumblr years ago and became friends with, long before either of us create our respective positivity blogs.  Even though they’re really busy with IRL stuff now, their friendship is still really important to me, and I keep hoping one day life will chill a bit and we’ll be able to connect more.