She’s always distracted....
It took me a while for my parents to accept that I have ADHD. I didn’t even guess until I was in college when I finally did a search on ‘How to be less distracted?’ Even with all my research I kept seeing references to ADHD that I was in denial about. When you go your entire life blaming yourself its hard to open your mind. I even went so far as to research issues with distraction that were NOT ADHD. Part of me was convinced that my parents and teachers would have noticed. That ADHD was an issue more burdensome than me just not paying attention. Truthfully, I didn’t know what ADHD was, I was just dead set on the idea that the problem was me but my curiosity won out in the end and I finally looked it up. Within those few days of research I finally came to accept that I may have ADHD. It wasn’t just the distraction in my classroom, home and work, it was the forgetfulness, it was the hyperfocus, it was the intense emotions, the hyperactivity I had as a kid, it was present in my everyday life. The more I read, the more I saw myself. You see some people think Acceptance is the final stage but strangely for me after Acceptance came anger.
You see after understanding that these issues were not my fault especially since I lacked proper coping mechanisms I started to look back and I wonder how did my parents and teachers not realize!
At first I thought maybe my symptoms weren’t prevalent but scratch that my symptoms were repeated to me and my parents for almost my entire school career. ‘She’s always distracted’ ‘She make so many careless mistakes’ ‘She needs to settle down’ ‘She’s a smart kid but she’s not applying herself’ ‘She never seems to be here’ ‘She always daydreaming’ ‘She slow but she’s capable’. And this one always intrigued me the most I didn’t know this. I just happened to be stressing about a standardized test cause I knew the answers but because of the time limit I either couldn’t finish or made many mistakes and my mom suddenly pops out like “Yeah, your teacher would say ‘she knows how to do the work but it takes her a while to understand what the question is asking her to do’” and no lie a few months after I get diagnosed with a Specific Learning Disorder with impairment in Reading Comprehension. Like yeah, that would explain why I’m reading the same question ten times.
So it occurred to me that my teachers and parents did recognize some of the symptoms. In fact some saw issues that I didn’t notice myself. But why didn’t they pick up on my ADHD.
First thing is that I really think teachers aren’t educated to pick up on these kind of things. I had teachers that really went over and beyond for me to keep up in my school work. It’s kind of sad because sometimes teachers are in the best situation to notice these symptoms and discuss it with parents especially in primary school. Early diagnosis really goes a long way.
Second reason and I think this goes for my parents and less helpful teachers, they just can’t believe that it could be anything but me. Even diagnosed with ADHD I’m pretty sure they would just say I’m making excuses for myself. The saddest part is that their thoughts won out in the end. I did believe the problem was me so I never spoke up about my issues. I bottled them away. My anxiety grew out of control and I failed to develop proper coping mechanisms. My self-esteem to to a fatal shot. Most days I just don’t see myself as smart or as capable as my peers.
Nowadays I can see if people not close to me find it harder to pick up the symptoms. After years of being called out for it I tried my hardest to hide them. One of my good friends said that if someone is paying attention to me they will pick somethings up and I’ve found that to be the case with the ones closest to me.
Maybe I’m asking for too much of teachers but I really wished that there was someone who pointed this out early in my life. I don’t think it would be smooth-sailing but maybe it would have been more fun. At least I would have gotten that extra time, I rightfully deserved in those standardized tests.