Thinking about Tom Paris again. He’s just some guy. He’s the son of an admiral. He loves classic cars. He has medical training. He was dishonorably discharged. He killed some people in a pilot error. He lied about it then confessed. The thing he remembers most about being a teenager was crying. He’s got a new special interest every week. He’s an exceptional pilot. He loves the sea. He almost became an ecoterrorist. It got him demoted. He joined a resistance group for a few weeks. He’s been to jail. He loves 20s serial films. He’s Captain Proton. He’s got something homoerotic going on with his best friend. He has major daddy issues. He and his wife confessed to each while suffering from hypoxia. He designed a new shuttle. He’s the first guy to cross the warp threshold. He turned into a salamander and mated with his captain. He got Christine’d with his shuttle one time. He’s a girl dad. He’s Tom Paris
Gotta say, the doctor almost getting himself and Donna killed because he couldn’t handle his brain slowing down for two seconds is the single most in character thing that’s ever happened on this show
love this emotionally constipated guy forever, great rack. cw creampie, breeding mention, rough/tumble, exhibitionism on a technicality, explicit anal mention, tried to keep it as gn as possible. accidentally extra frisky down there MDNI as always
✎ ༘⋆alphabet masterlist
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Between the pair of you, and honestly out of any hashira you could have picked, sanemi needs aftercare the most. No matter how roughly you’ve treated each other, no matter how late it is, how early it is, how close to being caught in the pantry you’re getting– he wants to hold and be held. Sanemi’s favorite aftercare is listening to your heartbeat with his face pressed deep in the crook of your neck. Let him hold you, chat a little, spoon the man, he wants to come down nestled together even though he’s hard pressed to say the word cuddle.
B = Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
He’s a traditional guy and by traditional i mean heian bc he loves your neck. When your throat bobs with thought, or song, or drink, his mouth starts to water, a totally involuntary flood. When you put your hair up so casually and the back of your neck is bare he loves to come up behind you, cup your jaw in a palm and just bite. He’s anti scarf and totally ridiculous.
I think his scars have grown on him to the point where he would consider them to be one of his favorite features. Not a body part per se, but he worked hard using his body and blood to save lives, enough that he can be proud. It doesn’t hurt that you fuss over them, always massaging and moisturizing and trying to keep him out of the sun like he’s somehow something precious.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
His cum inside of you in any capacity turns his brain to tapioca bc he’s got a bit of that breeder in him (more on this soon), but it looks pretty enough painted across your face. When you ask for it oooughhhff he’s suddenly the most amicable hashira on earth. He’ll fuck the breath out of you sure, keep a firm grip on your throat and spit a little, but he’s only doing what you asked and he'll stop when you’re full.
D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Not really juicy but mr anti-vulnerable would rather be skewered on irons than admit he wants to be called your good boy. He is down. so. bad. If you ever got him fucked out enough not to fight you, one good boy and that’s game. ko, it’s over, he’d literally agree to anything in that moment, home repairs, irresponsible loans, dinner with family, like, good boy is your nuclear option and when he lets it slip that’s checkmate forever.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
I think sanemi does have experience. Whether or not it’s romantic or only sexual is up for debate, but he has fucked. I don’t think he was a particularly good lay before you though. Your love is a drug to him in the best and worst ways; he actually wants you to feel good, it feels good when you make your pretty sounds and lose control and he pays such careful attention to your reactions so he can do better, but he also keeps wanting to tell you about his days. He wants you to know about his missions, his brother, his family, he’s stopped himself more than once from rolling over in the morning to tell you all about a strange dream. Love + intimacy is a new combo that he doesn’t have much experience in at all.
F = Favorite Position (this goes without saying)
He likes to be above you, he likes you on your knees between his legs, pretty nose tickling his pubes from how deep you take him. He likes you caged underneath him– on your stomach, on your back– fit perfectly into the curve of his hips and the space between his shoulders. He can see everything he needs to like this and he likes to feel bigger than you.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
I don’t think he means to be but im positive this guy has said some ridiculously goofy shit, especially in the beginning. He knows the basics, good spot, bad spot, ask first, but like,, foreplay is a foreign concept. So you’re kissing, right okay he’s a little nervous but he’d never say anything, and you’re making good noises grinding in his lap but then you start kissing his neck. He’s hard, he’s excited, he’s not about to cum in his pants all good things, and then your suckling drifts lower, you rub your pretty hands down his chest and your tongue ghosts his nipple and he just kinda vibrates for a second in bliss and then startles like “wha happened??” well…you tell me cowboy! He defo loosens up as time goes on and he gets more comfortable, but before he fully understands either of your bodies he often acts silly. don’t tell him.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
I do not see this guy with a regular grooming routine, w the whole ‘recently jumped out the window’ look. His pubs are mostly white, a sprinkle of salt n pepper here and there especially under his arms, but his dick (god that beautiful thing, see X) is nestled in a thick patch of soft hair. The hair stretches across the inside of his thighs but not much farther than that (no chest hair sorry nems) and he has almost no hair on his arms/legs because of his scars. I hc sanemi’s head hair is soft but uncooperative and the volume used to irritate him before he became a hashira. He also cuts his own bangs.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
take my hand and walk slow with me, limp if you will. Sanemi is most romantic in everyday life, not really in the bedroom. He’s worried about overkill. Oversharing, overly sappy, making love to you is intimate enough, I don’t think he’s formed a habit of looking into your eyes and professing his devotion while horizontal. But he will in the gardens. At the market. He will before a mission and when he comes home. Sanemi will watch you in the kitchen doing stupid quick math and sweating over a big pot and just,, come up from behind to hold you. He’ll stop fighting with a veggie vendor because you’re smelling flowers across the market and he has to tell you that you’re beautiful and buy a few bouquets. It’s like something possesses him and the truth just comes out. He always has to get real close first too. When you’re totally filthy in the garden, exhausted, sweaty, manured, and you smile when he calls your name even though you’re getting heat stroke he just has to come outside and bend low to kiss you.
These moments of intimacy can lead to sex so,, it’s not that he’s necessarily horny all the time– he’s not not– he just loves you and he can’t keep it in. He’s in no way above telling you he loves you while fucking, I think it’s just more intimate outside the bedroom where anyone would expect him to be his normal gruff self and he just can’t keep it up all the time. totally flattering
J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)
Yeah this guy is a professional bean flicker, he jerks off a few times a week even when you guys have all the time in the world to enjoy each other. He likes to have alone time, and what a fun alone time activity. Plus when he fantasizes about you between strokes he gets such good ideas for later
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Blue ribbon BREEEEEDER, sanemi dreams about getting you pregnant leagues before he ever thinks about kids. There are so many places inside of you that hold his cum so warm and tight, milk it from him so nicely, beg him so well he just wants to fuck you into a shape for him and fill you up to spilling. it’s chronic, he’ll cum back to back to back to back because the idea of fucking his spend deeper and thicker with every thrust takes over his body instead of his brain. if you get pregnant it’s on sight, because suddenly you’re a walking reminder of what happens when he gets to pump your soft cunt creamy– you’re full of him, you made something together– if not, all the better to fantasize about! he’s a total mess 75% of the time, try not to spill
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
nems is not picky about location, and truth be told, likes the idea of listening ears. he’s a little too tightly strung to invite someone to join, but he doesn’t hate seeing seeing shadows under the door while you take him so nice down your throat or rustling outside while you both try to swallow moans with tongues and kisses. The bedroom of his mansion is great or an inn out of town, a shed will do, the pantry is fine, a clean bathroom, the wall of the house, a tree in a pinch– as long as you’re physically comfortable he doesn’t really care.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Sanemi is not a big bad lifestyle dom daddy, but he does feel most comfortable when he’s in control (hc, he’d be way more subby if he wasn’t wound up so tight!) Any ooc whiff of submission from you in everyday life starts his wheels grinding. Hum when he kisses you a little too deeply at the front door, help him undress after missions, fight back a bit of shyness when he’s affectionate in public, he’s a simple guy. He likes knowing you’re safe and well-fed and craving him specifically. In the bedroom he gets more versatile~ work him up well enough and there’s suddenly fewer and fewer reasons he needs to be so in control, if any.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
he has a few hard nos: he’s a top and top only, he’s monogamous, and he doesn’t mix work with pleasure. you’re not coming on missions with him no way no how, and when you’re invited to stay at the Ubuyashiki mansion he has a no PDA rule. mix of trauma, professionalism, and regular personal preference
softer nos are double dates with obamitsu (he will cave) or quintuple dates with the uzuis (he will not cave). kink-wise he doesn’t like being tied up or restricted. makes him claustrophobic as hell, but he does love your weight on top of him. mind the queues.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
he wants his cum inside of you, he wants you bent and pressed on furniture, hes totally a receiver and hes so sensitive you don’t even have to work that hard to get him grunting and groaning and spilling all over. princess sanemi has bj fever, he would drop his hakama in the literal street if you crawled so pretty between his legs. just the LOOK of you down there, big eyes, tears in your lashes, cum and drool spilling from the corners of your lips– he’ll sometimes just lose complete track of the world and whimper, murmur, rut into your mouth without a care in the world. this is where he loosens up quickest in terms of relinquishing control, bc your throat is so soft and your fingers pulse just right and even though it’s a crazy vulnerable position to find himself in it feels so good and so safe and he can hardly form coherent enough thoughts to be tense about anything
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Nems fucks you like a monster when you let him. Gagging on his cock is one thing; he doesn’t want to hurt you and you can’t use your voice, so he’s slow pulling your hair up into a handle to hold and easing his spongy head over your tongue. when he gets to fuck you, all apprehension is out the window. Sanemi loves control and will put you in the roughest, sorest, poses and thrust so quickly the slap of his hips spanks like a palm. He can keep pace in any position, no matter what his hands are busy with– pulling your hair back in a tight fist to kiss you, fucking his thumb through the tight ring of your ass with spit and grin because he loves when you cry for him– like,, menace tendencies
he’s totally capable of fucking you slowly on request (think: deep rough slow pouding, breathless teasing, earthshattering orgasm) but that’s where you come in. when you take him slowly, in your mouth, your hands, your thighs, he gets worked up like no other. guide him warm to the edge of the bath and run a tongue up his chest to his throat, he will dissolve, i swear to you he will shudder under your fingers. giving you control is sometimes too much, but when you have him he’s hardly even putty, he’d bread dough, he’s a puddle. treat him gently and he’ll go just as feral
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
has no strong feelings about quickies bc he’s so sensitive it only takes him a few minutes to cum anyway! honestly you have to be careful 1) he’ll cum first without interference and then 2) he’ll just keep cumming until you’ve cum and at some point his dick’s gonna fall off
tldr: quickies are only ever truly quick for both of you if you get to cum first. let him lift you on the countertop and sink between your thighs, he’ll make quick enough work of you
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
sanemi’s too on-edge to take big risks like fucking clear in the public domain or anything involving taboo bodily fluids, but smaller risks are exciting! ones he knows he could handle the fallout from– again, he likes knowing people can hear you, he’ll pick a place just because there’s foot traffic outside. he’s always down for some light choking! he’s stiff at first but roleplay is extremely fun when the pair of you establish some frisky characters (bandit and princess HELLOOO, an officer and the maiko who wandered too far from her district CAN YOU HEAR ME)
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He has the moxie, he has the cardio, his whole job is stamina and Sanemi’s slightly deranged. He can fight through sensitivity to cum again, and again, to fuck that spot you fall apart on just little longer. Even when he needs to stop, he’s thirsty, his lips are chapped, crampppp– he just keeps going. adhd does a lot for him here, time blindness 🫱🏻🫲🏼 sex stamina
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Okay bear with me, sanemi has that toy complex guys get where a hitachi makes them feel inadequate, but changed his mind the instant you used a toy on him. Just a little vibration on the underside of his leaking tip and boom, suddenly he’s a wand guy. still struggles incorporating toys into the bedroom but when you play with yourself solo he really really likes to watch those toys in action.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
yellow card on the field, shinazugawa sanemi loves to make fun of how incoherent you get. he loves poking fun at your sensitivity “gonna cum? so quick for me, im flattered but show a little restraint next time, yeah?” uowwwghh “go on,” he really wont drop anything, “say it– I haven’t fucked you hard enough to act so stupid.” like.. penalty box. he’s not above belittling, he loves making demands, loves making you repeat after him and explain all the things you want in detail, even if it makes him blush a little through his grin. illusion of control and all
he also cannottttt take what he dishes. he’s so sensitive, if you tease him even a little he’s doubling down. you might coo a “already close nemi?” from your spot suckling dark marks down his chest, cock in the crook of your hip just grinding. he’s leaking and biting back every sound under the sun but one cocky peep outta you and he’s lifting you fully up and over onto the mattress and kissing you quiet. physical teasing is his nightmare. he’s sensitive from the getgo, edge him too long and he’ll actually get angry
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
chatty cathy, might as well be recording an audiobook. Sanemi isn’t talkative 100% of the time but when he is– the scenes he paints for you– it’s smut I couldn’t dream up with gun to my head. “you keep shaking your head baby but your pussy’s crying f’me, creaming so good around my fingers– tell me to stop if you’re too sensitive, use your words” GIRL. he teases, he praises, he “there, fuck, right there”s, especially when you let him cum down your throat oh he is hymnalling at worship, “god fucking–y/n, swallow swallow, so good, so fucking warm, s’good around–me– tight– [gunshots]
As for sounds, when Sanemi’s in control he doesn’t let much out past his heavy breath and some groans, but when you’re in control, his hands tangled through your hair and blissed beyond imagining, he whimpers something serious. so pornographic the devil would blush. husky inhales break in high peaks, a sprinkling of begging “just– slow please I’ll– can’t– y/n, can’t cum yet” insane, he’s insane i’m insane, you wish it wasn’t so hard to get him so fucked out but when you put in the work, god, what a reward
W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)
Sanemi had an EARTHshatteringly big crush on you for YEARS, years I tell you he kept it to himself and yearned like nothing a fruits baskets alumni has ever seen--lust only seen in the bible. He would lose time watching your perfect profile, still does, smile work train fold laundry, he could watch anything you do--every quirk on your face transfixes him.
You had him taking notes on obanai: bringing back gifts✅ inappropriately aggressive and overprotective✅ watch them eat✅ He was making ohagi from scratch and pretending a vendor sold him too many so he “just had to bring the extras back” like, he is a loser for you. He listened to Tengen talk about his girls like a seminar, he watched giyuu mend his clothes so he could learn to sew his haori back up to presentability. This guys is whipped, you’ve got that dog in you and he’s got the ass-end of a horse costume. all the while, you didn’t know a thing, he was just as grumpy as usual just somehow increasingly present? Like, almost underfoot?? Obvious enough for everyone but the object of his affection <3
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
This man is so fucking fine, he attended the kanroji mitsuri school of cleavage he’s built like an incubus. sanemi is trim, all muscle to the point it’s almost uncomfortable to cuddle unless he’s totally relaxed and let me tell you, the only place his body stores chub is in his grabbable hips bc his ass is so fat.
This cock, hear me now, is beautiful. he doesn’t even realize it until you goon over him bc it’s a modest 4.5/5”ish and soooo thick: 5.5” circum. get your measuring tape out and drool a little please because the stretch is so perfect and tight every time it’s almost impossible to think when he fills you up so good. in a tuft of snowdown hair the pale shaft melts into such a lovely coquette pink at the tip he’s like a grecian painting
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
out of the lot of them, he’s pretty horny. he’s solidly on the tengen end of the scale. even before meeting you, he’d fuck on missions and around town. anyone with eyes would consider propositioning him on a drunken night, easy, especially after he swooped in to save them from demons?? catch.
Sanemi just, really likes you. And he’s horny. And he yearned with the best of them for years, you are his fantasy. He used to fuck others and fight to keep your name off his tongue, like, he will have you almost any time you’ll let him. It doesn’t take much to work him up and without a few fucks a week he does get pent up and grumpy so by all means put your mitts all over him.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
In general sex doesn’t knock sanemi out, he thinks about way too much for that, but he does almost always get sleepy when you lay down and hold him. He ofc needs that physical touch after fucking, be it praise and hugs in the pantry you keep getting caught in, or holding him tight from behind while he ties his pants and haori all closed back up and presentable. His favorite is just when you can lay down together, in bed, on the porch, under the stars, on the sofa, and while you’re humming or clucking about all those sweet things you think his brain will shut off switch by switch under the weight of you until he inevitably falls fast asleep.
Robert Vaughn was weird. I mean, dude was ethically sleeping his way through all of America*, playing the kind of guy who wears silk bathrobes and snazzy suits in a parade of low-budget popular TV shows, being deeply nerdily obsessively invested in liberal politics, and doing all three of these things at the same time while earning higher degrees. Bob, who the heck WERE you?
*Almost said “all of American womanhood,” but let’s be real. He HAD to be bi. That is a hill I will die on.
