Okay, first day on Vyvanse, that’s what my doc prescribed me for the ADD.
My brain feels quiet in a way, and less laggy? It’s like I had dozens of apps open eating up my brain’s RAM, and the med opened task manager and closed the ones I’m not using. No three million thoughts clogging up the cue, just the stuff I need in the moment.
Like, I can actually process what people are saying in real-time. No thirty second delay and “What?”. No asking for clarification and then processing what they said before I even finished the question. I’m following multiple conversations at once, I can focus on a conversation, I can actually make and maintain eye contact. I can do something while maintaining a conversation. I can listen.
I actually can get up and do things when I want to. I think “I should do this”, and instead of futilely begging myself for several minutes to just move, or immediately forgetting the thing, I just do it. I make multistep plans. And I complete them. I never did that before.
I feel like my vision’s clearer too, because instead of trying to take in everything and absorbing nothing, now I’m taking in a normal amount and I can focus on it? Like, I remember details now, not just fuzzy approximations.
I’m reading without skipping long paragraphs and having to backtrack. I don’t need to check directions on the gps 200 times, for a single step, just twice. I remembered the route to my local 99¢ store today. I’ve lived here my whole life, it’s barely four blocks away, I’ve never been able to remember the way.
I started a task, nearly finished it, thought of another thing to do, and finished the first task. And then I remembered to do the second task.
Today, I almost cried like 50 times. It’s been 5 1/2 hours since I took it, it started to kick in 15 mins later and reached the peak 2 hours after. For the first time in my life I know what “normal” feels like. I like it. I like being able to do things. I like being able to communicate properly without being rude. I like not being anxious because I can’t do things.
I’m going to keep a journal of this stuff so I have something to show my doctor (who amusingly has the same last name as me, no relation that we know of) at my follow up in a month.
