#adhd spoonie

[perciespractice]

i dunno if this is how it feels for other adhd spoonies or if its just because i am SadBoi™️ but it feels like I get like approximately 7 spoons a week which, ya know, equates to 1 spoon a day. now with that one spoon I'll, say, walk the dog, n on that walk im probs gonna find another spoon or two; maybe I catch a negative thought train before it escalates or I get to see fucking sunshine or sommut?

boom, spoon!

and then when I get in, if I don’t take off me shoes, i can use that new spoon to I clean the kitchen. During that task I may find another spoon and the chance of me finding another spoon decreased with every task I do baso until if I fuck up and like sit down for a sec then imma not move for the rest of the day...

✨ 🌈 which is s obviously where our friend impulse comes in to ruin the rest of the party 🌈✨

but anyway, I'm trying to put into words that feeling where like ye just constantly playing catchup while not even having the energy to face the present moment, all with the looming existential fear of not being good enough. You know... that feeling?

sjust sommut that came to me and maybe it’ll sound like sense to somebody else, i dunnoooo

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, but not quite enough to call in sick.

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

That feel when...

you have ADHD and do group work and it’s loud, but you’re still the one who has to get the others to work because they can’t (or rather don’t want to) focus on the task at hand for more than two minutes. I feel like I’m in kindergarden. Seriously.

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

I'm having a lot of word finding trouble this week. I think if I got to really rest for a while it might get better, but I also feel like it might be a new symptom. But I really am exhausted, so I'll probably try to get back to my normal level of exhaustion and see if it gets better.

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

Get to work from home today, because my study partner called in sick. Which is great, I won't have to deal with all the distractions I'd have in school. But there are other distractions at home, so I'm not sure this will necessarilly make things easier.

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

While driving to school there was something I really wanted to do when I got here. I am now at school and don’t have the slightest idea what it was. I think it was important, though. Having ADHD is so much fun ... 

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

What I need to do today: Rest, get my brain to stop making me feel bad about all kinds of stuff at once, drink tea, eat dinner. What I’m supposed to do regardless of my mental/physical health state: Do work for my group project, prepare for exams, do extra work for different subjects. What my brain says to all this: “You are being lazy, fucking get out of bed and do some school work. Oh, you’re at your desk, trying to work? You know, you should take that sweat-shirt off, it’s way too warm. And you’re thirsty, go fill up yout waterbottle. And you haven’t cleaned that thing in a while, you have to do it now. Why aren’t you working? And you should really be more supportive of your sister, go check your facebook imidiatelly. You really should feel bad for her, by the way, she wants to be loved so badly, and you don’t find her a boyfriend. You’re a horrible person. Feel bad about yourself! And what about your mom, brother, dog? And why aren’t you working? Also, you’re hungry. And you have some swolen tonsils, so you’ll keep swallowing because that hurts. And …” So, yeah, I think I’ll have to let the stuff I’m supposed to do go, so I can stop my brain from bullying me, because this is extremely not fun.

[thereschocolateonmykeyboard]

I have to do some school stuff. But it's soooo hard to get myself motivated. I'm really not sure if I can do it. This is so anoying!