hey guys, i'm solar. this can go to anybody who's comfortable answering. so, i'm kinda feeling a bit weird right now, with my gender and sexuality. i identify as nonbinary, but sometimes it gets to my head, ya know? like, sometimes won't feel right. like, i am, biologically, a girl. yet once i tried coming out to my closest friend, he laughed at me and rolled his eyes and said, “here we go with the gender thing.” and i just can't express myself the way that i want to. i want to do things (1)
like cut my hair to a shorter length and be happy. being closed off and not being able to dress how i want or look how i want is throwing me into this pit of anxiety and sadness because the version i see of myself in my head is such a happy, bright person. i've dealt with my dad looking at girls who have shorter hair and say things like, “well, is she a boy or a girl?” and it really hits home for me because i'm afraid he'd be upset if he knew what i identified as. i want to be able to wear one of those pins with the they/them/theirs pronouns on it and be proud of it, ya know?? i feel so closed in all the time and it makes me feel so helpless. hopefully this makes sense, i use they/them pronouns, but it's still pretty confusing to me and i still tend to mess up my pronouns myself. any kind of advice would be very much appreciated, thank you!
Hi Solar, you’ve reached Samandriel!
Okay, one, your friend was totally rude and it’s not right for him to treat you like that. Two, you have every right to dress and style your hair the way you want, but I completely understand not being comfortable enough around your family to do so. Have you tried talking to your father about his opinion on nonbinary or non-traditional genders? Maybe he just doesn’t realize that there are other options out there than what he was raised to know.
As for the pronouns, you can use whatever pronouns you want! I’ve heard of a lot of nonbinary people who are opening to using both they/them and their birth-assigned gender pronouns. Whatever makes you the most comfortable is what you should go with. And go ahead and buy one of those they/them/theirs pins. Try wearing it around for a bit, see how it makes you feel. Don’t try to examine the reactions of others when you do, just wear it and remember that you are wearing it because it is who you are.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. I know it’s hard because you’re not sure who will accept you for who you are, and who will not. But you always have a choice. If you think coming out about who you are will help you become that happy, bright person you know you can be, then maybe you should start trying to get there. You’ll need help, so look for friends who you know you can trust, who’ll be there for you even if everyone else leaves.
And I am always here to listen and to give advice if you need it, Solar, okay? So don’t hesitate to send a message when you do.
