#adminkrista

[discovering-demisexuality]

yo what do yall know about demisexual history?

https://discovering-demisexuality.tumblr.com/post/633619527378337792/asexualawarenessweek-the-history-of

Discovering Demisexuality

Someone (@flannelworm) sent us an ask for demisexuality history and I think this is a great resource.

[discovering-demisexuality]

Are demisexuals considered part of the lgbtq community? What if they’re straight (ish)? I think I identify as demisexual and I’m questioning my sexual orientation atm.

By definition of not being a heteroromantic heterosexual cisgender person, a demisexual is part of the LGBTQ+ community. There are demisexuals who do not wish to identify with the community. I personally feel part of the community, though. No matter what my romantic orientation is.

[discovering-demisexuality]

Life Update

So it’s pride. And the police are committing war crimes. There’s a global pandemic that everyone seems to be forgetting about. But it’s probably fine.

I figured I’d update anyone who cared on my life and progress.

I just finished my fourth year in college. One more left and then I’m done. I’m supposed to be working at my internship right now but my start date got pushed back, so now I’m working from home part-time. I fostered and adopted a dog. Her name is Lola and she’s my lifeline right now. It’s just me and her in a tiny house.

I’ve been trying to embrace my sexuality more. I came out to someone else this year who is an openly bisexual boy. Didn’t really plan on it but we had a long discussion on sexuality, romantic attraction, expectations in relationships, and just a lot of stuff I’d never talked about with another person. He’s been very supportive, sharing ace memes with me and including me in conversations about being queer. Hopefully, we’ll be going to a pride celebration or outfest once the pandemic ends.

I felt like coming out was more up to the people in my life to ask about my sexuality. Because why tell them if they didn’t want to know? But I think that might’ve just been me denying myself the right to express my feelings towards sex and relationships. I still feel demisexual and panromantic. But I’m doing myself a disservice by letting people believe I’m strictly heterosexual. Everyone tells me I’ll find a handsome boy to date and marry. And I honestly don’t know if I want that. I feel whole sharing an apartment with my best friend and my dog. Isn’t that enough? I’ve been wanting to come out to my friend and roommate for a while now. I know she won’t think differently of me but I don’t know how to bring it up.

I tried to give online dating another chance. I’m on OkCupid again after remaking my profile. There have been some people I’d love to get to know more but I’m just so bad at messaging and so anxious about it. I tried looking into therapy but online therapy was not helpful. Maybe I’ll give Bumble a shot again.

I guess that’s it. Not much else has changed besides my outlook on being openly queer. I hope I can make my presence more meaningful in the coming year while I get ready to take on the real world.

-Krista

[discovering-demisexuality]

Hey, I am writing a demi charecter who just fell in love with their friend and I want to know if this sentance is in any way rude or harmful to the community "He had been super accepting when she told him she was demi but she had tried so hard to reassure him that didn’t mean that she would fall for him, but now she had."

I think in this situation, the demi character (she) is trying to say that she wouldn’t automatically fall for her friend just because of her sexuality. It’s not explicitly wrong, but I’m wondering why she felt the need to reassure him in the first place if he was understanding? If he felt afraid of her having feelings for him, that’s a red flag in a partner. I also think a better way to phrase it may be attracted to him rather than fall for him. In my experience, attraction and romantic feelings have been separate, so I could theoretically fall for someone and not be attracted to them.

There’s also some context you didn’t mention, but if it’s in your story it may be harmful. So steer clear if your plot revolves around “fixing” this character with love, mentioning how she’s “normal” now that she’s felt attraction, or the friend being “the person who turned her straight”.

Hope that helps.

-Admin Krista

[discovering-demisexuality]

I’ve been thinking of something.

What if I made a demisexual/ace meet up near me? I live in Philadelphia for school and near the Jersey Shore for my internship. Are there people interested?

-Admin Krista

[discovering-demisexuality]

So I think one of my friends just came out as asexual? But I’m not sure? In a group chat, a group of like 3 people were discussing BDSM and kink quizzes (don’t judge). Then she just casually said “I think being single and also ace kinda screws with the results.” WHAT?! What am I supposed to do now? Just ignore that? Are we secretly a group of queers and we didn’t find out until halfway through college?!

[discovering-demisexuality]

Told 2 friends (separately) that I was trying online dating. Mostly because I matched with someone I know irl and I was freaking out. But now they’re both like “keep me updated! I love talking about boys.” And I’m here like “but also girls? But also I pretty much just want a date mate”

-Krista

[discovering-demisexuality]

Thoughts on Romantic Attraction

Admin Krista here!

As some of you may remember, I’ve never really been able to find a romantic orientation that I thought fit. Before you think this is going to be a big reveal, it’s not. I still have not frickin clue. However, something interesting happened recently and I’ve been watching a lot of science videos on YouTube, so here are my observations.

Last weekend, I was getting off an airplane when I saw a guy that I thought was cute. This was earth-shattering news. I never find strangers cute. I barely find actors and actresses cute, and that’s when they have fictional characters attached to them. While I was having this revelation, I noticed that it felt like my chest was constricting, like when you see a puppy that’s just too darn cute and you can’t pet it. My heart rate also sped up and I kept sneaking peeks at the airplane guy until I lost him somewhere in the terminal.

I wonder if this is how romantic attraction feels. Is it that strange chest constriction, along with a faster heartbeat and a weird mini-obsession? Is that how it works? I also felt the urge to touch him, not in a sexual way, but like, grab his hand. Run my fingers through his hair. Trace his face with my fingertips.

I know aesthetic attraction. That doesn’t really come with many symptoms other than admiring someone’s face. This was not the same.

This experience felt odd because usually my feelings are for people who I know, whether they be sexual attraction or crushes. This is the first time, in my memory, that I saw a stranger and felt this way.

It got me thinking: How is romantic attraction supposed to feel?

-Krista