#adoption thoughts

[red-envelopes]

isn't it so bizarre how most of adoption just falls on you, as the adoptee, to try and figure out what it has done to you, how to deal with it. neither adoptive nor birth families seem to really understand it and expect you, as the adoptee, to be the one to magically put things together like a jigsaw, it find all the pieces and force yourself into one space or the other and magically expect you to fit. and it's all entirely 100% up to you, like that family here won't help you and family there won't either. they won't understand it. it's all entirely up to yourself.

this thing has happened to you and it's your problem trying to fit it together, it's your job to make it make sense. it's your fault that this happened to you and you have to meld it in together. this happened to you and you have to live with it. what the hell lol

[oliveptee]

"But I'm adopted and I think the term found family is okay for adoptees and their families!!"

I'm not going to get into the fact of the definition and meaning of the trope doesn't involve any traditional family roles but

I think it's infinitly easier to NOT refer to all adoptees/adoption as "found family" as many outside of myself have expressed that is a dehumanizing, objectifying, romantizing of trauma term but it's objectivly better to NOT use the term unless you are adopted yourself and use it on your family instead of.. Ya know invalidating other adoptees and their families..

Idk man I think adoptees and their families are more than some romantized fictional trope that's primarily used for DND like characters!

using it on yourself and your family if your adopted is not the same as calling all adoption found family

[eleanorparkvestal]

Is It Wrong To Want To Know More About My Birth Parents?

Don't get me wrong - I love my forever family with my whole heart. My parents and my brother are and will be my family. But when it comes to knowing who I am and what I come from (biologically) does it make me a bad person to want to know that? I feel ashamed that I am letting my forever family down, but they know where and who they came from and I don't. I've wondered what Korea was like - because for the first five months of my life, I don't remember anything. I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to vent out something. Maybe it will all pass. Maybe.

[red-envelopes]

somebody did this to me. Somebody consciously chose this for me. Somebody arranged this. Somebody signed off on this. Somebody chose to do this to me. I didn't choose this. I was a baby. so why do I have to be the one to pick it all up and fix it myself. why did my baby self hang onto all of this until it formed part of her schema and then never ever ever let it go

[red-envelopes]

adoptees and foster youth aren't your plot devices for a feel good story.

[red-envelopes]

wishing to god someone cared about the condition of adoptees vs wanting people to know that existing like this isnt a death sentence and it should all be condemned vs wishing someone knew how much it feels vs not wanting anyone to know and wanting to keep it toyourself because there's too many files and too many boxes and too many papers associated with your own existence

[red-envelopes]

i miss my mother :/

[red-envelopes]

what I find most aggravating about being in adoption advocacy is that many people are truly just not in the know and they don't want to know. The only people who are in the know or even want to know in the first place are those who are involved within adoption in the first instance (social workers, adoptive families, guardians, adoptees, birth families etc).

It feels like adoptee issues are overlooked or ignored in favour of "things that are more important" but adoption encompasses so many of those important things too. It feels as if adoption issues can be put on a back burner or up on a shelf and if you step out of line or start exhibiting some of the issues that advocates are raising voices about then it all falls against your favour and once again you're left standing wondering what you did wrong.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a person yelling at the sidelines when there's other things to worry about even though I know this is just as important. The intersectionalities of adoption encompass so many major issues but it feels sometimes that this is not recognised.

At the same time, it is so much easier to be complacent but wow it is frustrating to be surrounded by those who just do not know a thing about adoption and then don't want to know.