Pairings: Implied Romantic Intruality by the end, mentioned Logicality but it’s platonic.
Word Count: 932 words
Warnings: Adultery mentioned many times, Suggestive themes, mentions of therapy and Swearing.
Remus was going to lose his mind and that was not a usual occurrence.
But for some reason, it was beginning to happen more and more often.
You see it started out as a conversation between himself and Roman. They were discussing the other sides and Roman made a comment of Patton being the most innocent and Remus took that as a personal challenge to prove him wrong.
And then he found out about the adultery thing.
“You cannot be serious. Adultery- Is fucking nothing like the process of becoming an adult!” Exclaimed Remus. Logan poured his coffee as Patton tilted his head.
“But it’s in the word?” Said Patton. Remus groaned loudly. “Adultery is much sexier than just growing older.” Huffed Remus.
“I wouldn’t bother Remus. I’ve tried to teach Patton it’s the wrong word to use and he’s quite stubborn on using it incorrectly.” Said Logan before taking a sip of his coffee. “What is it then?” Asked Patton. Remus grinned widely and Logan coughed, almost choking on his coffee. “Wouldn’t you like to find out…” Purred Remus. Patton blushed, startled.
“Technically Remus, Patton would need to be married and he is not. So whatever plan you had wouldn’t work.” Said Logan. Remus stuck his tongue out at Logan causing the other to roll his eyes. “Aren’t you two basically married?” Deadpanned Remus. Patton laughed. “Logan and I just friends!” Giggled Patton.
Remus blinked in surprise and blushed at the sound of Patton laughing. “Ah, so friends with benefits.” Blurted Remus. “If you count hugs as a benefit then sure.” Snickered Patton. “Well since I’m demi-romantic and Patton is demi-sexual, I wouldn’t say that’s a correct term either. Just friends.” Said Logan, sipping his coffee again.
Remus nodded surprised, suddenly aware and fixated on the fact of how single Patton actually was. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to work before Thomas summons me for editing.” Said Logan as he sank out. Patton waved before turning to Remus. “I should too! Catch you later, alligator!” Said Patton before skipping off instead of sinking out.
Remus found himself staring at Patton’s butt as he left. “I need to get him to wear shorts or skirts.” Thought Remus.
~~~~~
“Why is learning how to cook so stressful…” Groaned Virgil as Patton finally calmed him down. “Takeout is easy and delicious.” Hummed Remus. “Well, learning is adultery. And Takeout all the time isn’t good for Thomas’ health. Virge, do you need some painkillers for the headache?” Said Patton calmly.
Remus spluttered and Virgil sighed. “ADULTERY IS FUCKING-” Screeched Remus before Virgil cut him off. “REMUS! Volume!” Hissed Virgil, wincing as his stress headache got worse. Patton cringed at the suddenness and summoned some painkillers for Virgil. “Thanks…” Mumbled Virgil as he took them. Patton gently threaded his fingers through Virgil’s hair and Remus went silent, staring at his hand.
Remus pouted and huffed. Patton looked over at him and blinked confused. Virgil sighed. “I’m going to nap.” Mumbled Virgil. Patton left his hair alone and rubbed his shoulder. “Alright. I’ll wake you for dinner. Sleep well.” Said Patton softly. “Have nightmares, Emo.” Said Remus. Virgil flipped the middle finger at him and Remus cackled while Virgil sank out.
“Speaking of dinner, I should get Logan so we can cook. Don’t make too much of a mess while I’m gone.” Chuckled Patton, ruffling Remus’ hair as he left. Remus tensed at the surprise touch. Patton left unaware at the gay panic he left Remus in.
“Pat’s hand was so gentle.” Thought Remus.
~~~~~
“You did so well kiddo!” Exclaimed Patton after Thomas finished a therapy session and got home. “Thanks Pat.” Said Thomas with a relieved smile, rubbing away the tear marks on his face. “You truly are doing so well with Adultery.” Said Patton.
Remus rose up and screamed, making Thomas fall off the couch. “What the-” Exclaimed Thomas, cutting himself off. “ADULTERY IS A MARRIED PERSON FUCKING SOMEONE WHO ISN’T MARRIED TO THEM!” Snapped Remus, red-faced.
Thomas stared at them and slowly got up, unable to understand what was going on. “I’m… going to shower.” He said, quickly getting out of the room. Patton blinked and the two sides stared each other.
“Shit. Have Patton’s eyes always been that pretty cocoa brown?” Thought Remus, getting distracted. It wasn’t until they heard the shower start when Patton grinned and giggled. Remus blinked in surprise as Patton walked over.
“I know.” Whispered Patton. Remus felt like he got struck by lightning while soaked. “The fuck?” Blurted Remus, unable to process. Patton leaned closer and Remus sucked in a sharp breath. Had Patton always smelt so sugary good?
“I know what Adultery means. I like to pretend I’m innocently dumb around the others.” Murmured Patton, grinning. Remus’ eyes widened and Patton’s grin widened. “After all, how would Thomas know what’s scandalous and what’s innocent?” Teased Patton. Remus felt his jaw drop open. Patton gently pushed his jaw close with the tips of his fingers. “Now there Remus. Wouldn’t want to catch flies now.” Teased Patton, tapping Remus’ lips.
“Holy fuck. Kiss me.” Gasped Remus. Patton blushed bright red and smiled shyly. Remus barely could react when he felt the lightest touch of Patton’s lips against his cheek.
“You’re adorable when you’re surprised.” Giggled Patton with a wink before sinking out. Remus was left in shock until about ten minutes later when he screamed while sinking out.
No one could understand why Remus chased after a laughing Patton. At least they didn’t see the messy makeout session Remus initiated once he caught Patton which was eagerly reciprocated.
Funny Valentine is so gross but he’s also so hot;; im just thinking abt going to some kind of high-profile event maybe bc im friends with someone in Val’s social circle or something,, being introduced to him a bit formally bc, well, he’s the president; him being captivated by me n young, girlish charm,, and it leading to him taking me somewhere private while the party’s still going to talk alone n then fuck me hard;; maybe theres an affair (or rumors of one),, jfk/marilyn monroe style hsjsjsjsjj
spicy, anon!! i’m sure it could be arranged... he is the president, after all? surely no one would pay much attention to silly ‘rumors’ ♡ (⇀ 3 ↼)
I was having an affair with an ex-teacher of mine who lived near my house. One time he invited me to this party and basically all I did was wait around the pool with a soda in my hand because he was with his wife the whole day. I don’t know even know why I went because the only time he spent with me was during twilight when we all started passing around booze. That’s when he brought me to this sort of secluded area and put his arm around my shoulder. I was really happy, but also kind of uncomfortable because I was eating a sandwich and sort of staring at the pool. We stayed like that for a while before I started thinking to myself how crappy the situation was. I knew that this wouldn’t last long, yet I still wanted to be with him. Eventually I made him let go of me before I walked into this very shapely hedge, which then absorbed me.
"I let my selfishness get ta me. I loved havin' that special kind o' attention, pretend I mattered ta someone, an' went 'gainst my morals. I slept wit' him, he was already engaged. "
She pressed her face against her hands. "That woman never knew, I never told her."
So yeah! My ex wife is a cheater! They cheated on their ex and used me as the other person. I didn't find this out until after our divorce. I also found out that while we were together, they cheated on me with people they told me were "just friends"
How do you cheat in a polyamorous arrangement you ask? Just like in a monogamous one: you lie. Like my wife introduced me to someone who I was told was just a friend. They were sleeping together. Which is fine I mean fwb is cool with me. But the arrangement was that you do not make me ask because if I have to ask, you have not been forthcoming
My husband and I complied with this arrangement completely. I was honest about who I was dating and sleeping with. We volunteered that information as was the agreement. My ex? Nope. Straight up lied to me. Someone we shared a living space with told me about walking in on all kinds of stuff. Ex and previously mentioned friend talking about the sex they had planned/completed with each other, guys in boxers who jumped ship when homie came back from work, and so on
Our marriage wasn't a don't ask, don't tell thing nor was it anybody can sleep with/date anybody indiscriminately. You don't say after the fact either. You communicate BEFORE like "hey x strikes my fancy and imma date/have sex with them" so we could be like "hey cool" or "you don't pay attention to the rest of us so how can you take on an additional partner right now" and that never happened
And the man they married hits them. He once told my ex that if he found xxx stains on his bed one more time, they were going to have to sleep on the couch or in a separate room for the rest of their marriage. So he knows about the cheating too. It's kind of an open secret at this point. And homie confirmed that the hitting we've been hearing is their husband so like
Glad I escaped that absolute clusterfuck even if I still have to hear about it because they're next door
Sooo your haunted basement really freaked me out. Are you doing okay now?
Yeah it's fine we have a witch in the house and I know several witches who have given me advice. Said witch has a companion that likes to eat whatever decides to infest our basement so we're fine. It finished eating the most recent thing so things should be quiet for like a week? At least a week
I know that sounds insane but that's my life now. We're doing our best to relocate before the baby comes. We don't need demons messing with a newborn you know. Bills and groceries also take up damn near 100% of our income. On top of which our landlord is a slumlord and we live right next door to my ex wife so y'know. Not a fan of hearing their active cheating or their husband hitting them
