#affirmed name

[sensible-tips]

Transition Tuesday 12/10/24

An awesome resource provided by Point of Pride. Read article here

I encourage all to complete this process prior to Jan 20, 2025!

[nonbinaryresource]

I'm way too dysphoric with my deadname and it really haunts me and unsettles me even when this name is for other people. Fictional characters/celebrities with the name already make me uneasy to talk about them by name that I'd choose to call them something else but actually meeting someone with the name and avoiding using it/the person, well it makes me look ridiculous especially in a group setting. How do I deal with this? Some know I'm trans some don't but no one know my deadname.

Is there a way to distance yourself from your deadname? Are you still dealing with being called your deadname? Or is it something that is from your past that continues to cause distress?

For the first couple of years, I would also have to stop myself from reflexively responding to my deadname. It takes time, lots of deep breaths, and more time. In group settings, do you have to call people by their names? For myself at least I tend to use friendly “hey you’s” or just initiate a conversation without names. If others are talking about a person, that’s when you can use pronouns rather than their name. For celebrities or fictional characters, can you use nicknames? I do it all the time (probably because I am bad at names) but people will be “Friendly Glasses” “That one character actor that has the eyebrows” “Likes anime a little too much” etc. If they’re funny or catchy enough, others might pick them up as well. One of my friends in high school was named Katie, but as it was a catholic school there were about 10 other Katies just in our grade. So, she became Cady (from Mean Girls). 

Are there ways to affirm your current name? Ways to surround yourself with it in positive ways so it can be more present in your everyday life than the stressor of the deadname? 

I’m not the best example of living in the moment and using meditation or other mindfulness techniques to seperate the emotional trauma response from kicking in, but if you have the time and/or resources, it might be a good idea to talk to someone about your continued dysphoria.  

Hope this helps,

-Mod Bion