I'm Not A Little!
Summary: Logan refuses to admit that he's a Little. He keeps bottling it up, but the bottle's bound to pop at some point.
Warnings: A pretty graphic panic attack/meltdown scene, slight off-hand mentions of an accident + nakedness, one (1) swearword (the f-word), let me know if there's anything else I should add
A/N: First time posting a fic here! Hopefully people like it! Feel free to send me any Asks/suggestions if you want to, but don't feel obligated to if you don't want to! I'll write pretty much anything, the guys can be Big or Little. I won't write N/S/F/W, r3mr0m or unsympathetic anyone though. You can also ask stuff from the guys themselves if you'd like! Just keep everything PG and we should be jolly good! Anyway, now I'm rambling, so off to the fic you go!
Logan was not a Little. Even if all the other Sides were, Logan was not. Maybe he sometimes wished he could join Little Roman and Little Remus when they played pretend. Maybe he sometimes wished Janus would bounce him like he bounced Little Patton. Maybe he sometimes wished Patton would lovingly feed him a bottle and sing lullabies to him like he did with Little Virgil. But Logan wasn't a Little. He couldn't be. Thomas needed him to be the responsible one. Logan couldn't be responsible if he was a child. He wouldn't be taken seriously. So he wasn't a Little.
Logan collapsed on his bed, beyond exhausted. It had been a long day of helping Thomas, and his unicorn onesie was calling his name from the closet. However, dinner was yet to be served, and Patton, who usually had the cooking duty, was currently three years old. Logan was the one who usually cooked whenever Patton was unavailable. So, internally groaning, Logan got up, readjusted his glasses and tie, and sunk down.
In the living room, Janus and Roman were looking after Patton, Remus and Virgil. The kids were all colouring, Aladdin quietly playing in the background.
"Greetings," Logan said, trying his best to hide how exhausted he truly was. Patton looked up from his colouring, his eyes immediately lighting up.
"Lo-Lo!" he exclaimed behind his pacifier, scrambling to his feet and bolting to hug Logan.
"Hey there, Patton," Logan said, ruffling the little boy's hair. "Are you hungry?" he continued. Patton nodded eagerly.
"Jan said hafta wait fow ou befowe tan haf dindins," the curly haired boy explained.
"How about I make the dinner tonight?" Janus approached Logan, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"No, it's...it's quite alright, Janus. I can handle it," Logan smiled, hoping his tiredness wouldn't shine through in his voice.
"Are you sure? You totally don't seem like you were hit by a truck," the scaley Side said, picking Patton up and plopping him on his hip.
"Absolutely certain, no need to worry. I'm just a little tired is all," Logan said, already halfway in the kitchen. Janus wasn't convinced, he could taste the lie, but he didn't want to push it, so for now, he let Logan go. The snake-like Side had his suspicion on what might've been going on with the logical Side, but he had yet to recieve any solid proof. He made a mental note to keep an eye on Logan before bringing his focus back on the kids.
Logan took a deep breath. He felt a lump grow in his throat, and rapidly blinked his eyes. Why on Earth was he on the verge of tears? Janus hadn't said anything bad or mean. There was no logical reason to be upset. Logan wasn't supposed to feel. He wasn't supposed to be about emotion. He was Logic after all. He clenched his fists and vigorously shook his head before taking another deep breath. Make dinner, eat dinner, you're done. Then you can rest. Should be easy enough, right? Wrong.
Dinner was a catastrophy, Remus downright refusing to eat the pasta Logan had cooked.
"Remus, you have to eat!" Roman groaned at his brother, who just responded by blowing raspberries.
"Remus, listen to your brother," Janus reprimanded before turning his attention back to feeding Virgil his apple sauce.
"Nuh-uh! Vee not eatin pasta eithew!" Remus argued, somehow managing to turn himself upside down in his chair.
"You know Virgil is too little to eat solids. And please sit up, you're a big boy, you know the table manners," Janus explained to the ever-so-huffy boy.
"Remus, just eat your fucking food!" Logan blew up, startling Virgil to tears. He slammed his hand over his mouth, instantly filled with regret, as everyone turned to look at the logical Side in shock.
"I..." Logan felt his cheeks flush red, as he looked around at everyone.
"I'm sorry, I...don't know what that was," he apologised after a moment of awkward silence.
"Logan..." Roman opened his mouth, trying to wrap his head around the situation.
"I'll just go," Logan mumbled, getting up and hurriedly sinking down to his room. His head was spinning, and he felt his breathing getting faster. He closed his door, and with a swift hand motion, soundproofed his room before letting out a scream. He didn't know why he screamed. He knew there wasn't a logical reason to. Right now, however, he couldn't have cared less about being logical. Tears pooling in his eyes, he gripped his hair harshly. He screamed again, this time kicking his door with full force. His heart was beating fast, his throat felt tight, and he was sure he was dying. He felt like he was being strangled, and he instinctively began scratching at his neck. He fumbled his tie off, and threw it somewhere on the ground. He felt a sob shaking his body and tears and snot freely running on his face. Suddenly, he felt his body starting to shrink. A part of his brain argued, that he was not a Little, and this was not happening. He needed to be an adult, remember? But another, definitely younger, part of his brain argued, that he did not care. He wanted to be a Little. He wanted to be dependent. He wanted to be clingy. Screw everything! He was a Little. He tried to get to his bed, but his legs felt like steel. He managed to take one step before everything went black, and he collapsed.
That was where Roman found him a few hours later. He had gently knocked on Logan's door, but after not recieving an answer, he took it upon himself to open the door.
"Logan? It's Roman. Can I come in?" he gently called into the dark room. No answer. He could've sworn he heard sniffling though.
"I'll turn the light on, okay?" Roman spoke gently. Still no answer. The prince clicked on the lightswitch, and saw a very regressed, and very naked, Logan curled in front of his bed. There was a puddle underneath him, and his eyes were red and puffy.
"Hey buddy, it's okay," Roman gently approached the tiny child. The closer he got, the more intense Logan's crying got.
"Hey, shh, it's okay babystar, I'm not here to hurt you," Roman shushed gently. With a swift flick of his wrist, the puddle underneath Logan was no more. Next, he summoned a diaper and a space-themed footed sleeper. With a snap of Roman's fingers, Logan's groin was now clean and dry. He then conjured a changing mat, and laid the still crying Logan on top of it. Roman got the baby changed, and then picked him up and sat him down on his hip, gently rocking and shushing him.
He took the baby in the kitchen, figuring that some warm milk might help soothe him, and possibly help him fall asleep, the poor kid must've been exhausted. Roman conjured a dark blue soft-spouted sippy cup that had planets and stars all over it, hazarding a guess that Logan was around a year and a half old. With a snap of the prince's fingers, the sippy cup was filled with perfectly warmed milk. Roman took Logan and the sippy cup to the living room, and sat down on the couch. Logan was still crying, but not quite as violently anymore.
"Hey bud, maybe this'll help you feel better?" Roman offered Logan the cup. Logan hiccuped, and, through wet eyes, inspected the sippy before making grabby hands toward it. Roman happily handed the milk to Logan, who gladly latched on. He quickly emptied the cup, and yawned around the spout.
"Wo-Wo?" suddenly came in a sleepy tone from behind Roman. He turned around, surprised to see a rosy-cheeked, messy haired Patton rubbing his right eye, left hand clutching his blankie. The moment Logan noticed the other boy, he snuggled close to Roman to hide, and the tears made a reappearance.
"It's late, why aren't you asleep, honey?" Roman gently asked.
"Heawd cwyin. It Vee?" Patton explained, muffled by his glow-in-the-dark night pacifier.
"No, not this time, darling. It's Logan," Roman gently rocked the still sniffling baby.
"Lo-Lo?" Patton whispered, tilting his head in confusion.
"Yeah, but we can talk about it more later, okay? For now, you need sleep, little one," Roman said, carefully getting up with Logan still on his lap.
"Let's put you back to bed, okay?" he offered a hand to Patton, the other holding Logan on his hip. The little boy nodded, and took the offered hand. They all sunk down to Patton's room together.
In his room, Patton climbed in his bed and grabbed his frog plushie for cuddles. Roman tucked the sleepy boy in, and kissed his forehead.
"Sleep tight, honey," he whispered. Patton mumbled a barely audible answer, and quickly fell asleep. Roman sunk back to the living room with Logan, and sat down on the couch.
Logan was still sniffling, though at this point he was half asleep, having tuckered himself out. He was sucking on his thumb, and when Roman noticed this, he conjured a pacifier for the baby. It was blue, and had a glow-in-the-dark handle. The shield was covered in planets and stars, and it even had a smiling sun on it. Roman gently coaxed the thumb out of Logan's mouth, and replaced it with the pacifier. The baby latched on it gladly, and moved the now free hand to get a gentle grip on Roman's shirt. Logan felt safe, and finally allowed sleep to take over him. Roman gently rubbed Logan's back and let his thoughts wander before he, too, without even noticing it, entered the Dreamland.
Dni if: N/S/F/W, k!nk, ship r3mr0m, exclu, ableist, LGBTQ+ -phobic, racist, anti-pan, etc. Full DNI in desc.