Love Me Tender
A/N: a little 3.5K with Billie x Audrey and R
It’s a comforting fic but slightly rushed because it was making me sad to write. Feeling vulnerable about this fic :’)
It is NOT my best but please don’t be mean there is a lot of me in this 3K xx
It was a rare Saturday that all three of you were home; Audrey was on a break between projects and Billie had a day off from filming the latest season of her TV show. It was a day you had all been looking forward to, a red circle in the calendar met with giddy smiles each time you passed it in the hallway, and now here you were.
You had woken up slowly, intertwined in each other’s arms with the warmth of the morning sun embracing your skin with a soft touch, raising goosebumps along your arm that lay over the top of the duvet. Billie’s breath tickled your neck, a soft whisper of affection that welcomed you into the day. Audrey lay on her side with her back to you, and you lent forward slightly to press a kiss to her bare shoulder.
Moments like these were the ones you treasured most. The breeze that relieved the tension of the stifling summer air; the rainfall that came after a dry season. Your life was measured by the time between these moments and your heart was full of them. Here, in the present, with your two lovers was where you were home.
“Mmm, hello darling,” Billie croaked behind you, voice thick with slumber as she was roused from her peaceful sleep. You smiled widely, turning slowly so as not to wake Audrey, and you settled facing her, “hello you,” you giggled, cupping her face in your cheeks and pressing a kiss to her nose. She smiled softly, long eyelashes fluttering closed as she reached behind your back and pulled you further into her space.
“Did you sleep well, baby?” She mumbled, sleepily and softly. You pressed a kiss just below her neck, “I did. Did you?” She nodded in response and you lapsed into silence, getting used to the morning light with the help of each other’s tender touch.
“I’m going to make us some coffee,” she declared, pressing a kiss to your hair, “stay here baby, keep Aud company.”
You watched her shuffle out of bed in her rosy nightgown and slip on her robe, combing through her tousled hair with her fingers. She flashed you a wink over her shoulder as she left the room and you beamed at her, nestling back down against the other blonde, allowing your heavy eyes to fall closed once again. The woman next to you lay still, snoring ever so lightly, though you would never tell her that; you were positive it would thoroughly upset her.
Billie returned promptly, two mugs in hand, and she placed them on the side table before sliding in next to you. She handed you your mug and you sat up against her, gathering the warmth from the cup to carry you through the rest of the day. She kissed your hair again, holding you close as she took a tip from her mug, cursing lightly at the burning on her tongue. She found it impossible to move through the day without her morning caffeine fix, but she had clearly been a little impatient this time.
Next to you, the smell of the coffee began to rouse Audrey and she groaned, stretching out like a cat as her eyes fluttered open and she whined at the sun that cracked through her porcelain skin and warmed her from the inside. “God, what time is it?” She grumbled, burying her face in your stomach to avoid the day around you.
“It’s 10, I think,” you replied, running a hand through her short hair, taking a sip from your drink as you waited for her to perk up. She sat up eventually, giving you the puppy dog eyes you had come to be very familiar with, and you caught on very quickly, “ugh, nooo, this is mine!” You whined, knowing exactly what she was getting at, but when she stuck out her bottom lip and pouted you couldn’t help but smile, handing her your mug to sip from while Billie chuckled behind you. “Aud, you are something else,” she mumbled in that thick rose velvet you so loved, causing you to nuzzle closer to her now that you had been relieved of holding that cup.
Nearly an hour later and you and Billie were emerging from the bathroom after a shower, wrapped in towels and your fingers interlocked. Audrey was still in bed, eyes closed and face pressed into the pillow, determined to get the sleep she had to catch up on since wrapping her latest movie. You giggled at the way her face was squashed against the bed and her hair was all messed up from running her hands through it in the brief gap between her sleep.
The two of you dressed and Audrey rose slowly and silently, rubbing her eyes as she sat up in the bed watching the two of you prepare yourselves for the day. She had decided not to shower yet; she would have a bath after breakfast - she wanted to eat with you both and she wanted to eat now.
You helped her out of bed, holding her hands for her to pull herself up, and the three of you walked downstairs, the bottom of her robe billowing behind her. “What should we have my darlings?” Billie asked, browsing the fridge for what she might make.
“Waffles!” Audrey beamed, excited to use the waffle maker you had purchased last week after a spontaneous trip to Costco. You smiled in response and nodded at Billie who laughed lightly, gathering the ingredients while you planted yourself in Audrey’s lap, running your hand through her hair while she lay her head against your chest, still sleepy this morning and appreciating having you in her arms.
The table was quickly filled, a plate of waffles and fruit you had helped chop from Audrey’s lap. There were chocolate chips, Billie’s secret favourite, and syrup for you all. Breakfast was had in a peaceful silence; you were just grateful to be in each other’s presence, there was no need to fill it with dialogue when you had the whole day for that. You enjoyed listening to their breathing, the way Billie’s slippered feet shuffled against the floor and Audrey hummed ever so slightly in delight with each bite of her meal. You could listen to those noises forever, the song of your life, and you found it all the better without lyrics.
When the meal was finished the three of you cleaned the kitchen before returning to the bedroom. You lay back on the bed, buried in the unmade duvet, while Billie and Audrey chatted in the bathroom. Billie was running her bath and she was sat on the edge watching her hand swirl through the water.
They lingered in the bathroom long after you had heard the swelling of the water as Audrey stepped in, and you wondered if perhaps Billie had joined her. Your eyes fell closed in the nest of your duvet, comforted by the quiet hum of their soft voices in conversation, mulling over the past few days of your lives. It was this domesticity you had yearned for forever, and you couldn’t help but smile at your present reality, rising from the bed to tiptoe into the bathroom.
Billie was perched at the edge of the bath, running her nails over the back of Audrey’s neck as she moaned lightly in relief, eyes closed and knees brought up to her chest. The medium winked at you as you entered the room, watching you wander over to them and sit at the other end of the bath. You shared a playful look before reaching down into the water and whipping it up, splashing Audrey and, in the process, Billie too.
Audrey shrieked, her eyes flying open and mouth gaping as if she couldn’t believe what you had just done, and you laughed cheekily, stepping away from the bath should she seek revenge. Billie swiped at her blouse in an effort to dry the water you had stained her with, though she too was laughing, “oh love, you are so for it when Audrey gets her hands on you.”
The actress grunted, laying her head on Billie’s lap in feigned anger, pouting at you until you sweetly apologised, bending down to kiss her head before you left the room again, wandering downstairs to brew another coffee and perhaps read some of your book while they were occupied.
The cracks of morning sun hadn’t quite been strong enough to break through the thick layer of cloud that sunk down over the house, and the misty white had darkened to grey, bringing with it cool air that smelt like rain as you gazed out of the window, taking a sip of the drink you had brewed in Billie’s mug.
You were angry; everything about today had been perfect, but there was still that undeniable shadow the minute you were alone. It was hard to put into words, a sensation you had almost grown used to by now, but recently it was nagging you more and more, dragging you down with the weight of the world and twisting your mind like a spinning top. Anxiety had long been your companion, but there was something darker that held its hand as it walked in your shadow, a new weight on your chest that you had been trying so desperately to shake.
Back upstairs, Billie was helping a distracted Audrey step out of the bath and into her clothes. She held out a towel for the actress, who was rambling on about you as she moved, “I’m telling you Billie Dean, she’s not herself.” She asserted, fixing her girlfriend with a stern stare.
Billie sighed, keen to get Audrey out of the bath and back into clothes so the three of you could continue with the day, “I know, Aud, she’s tired,” she responded, having observed your more frequent naps in the past few days. She really did suppose you had jus been a little overworked, not quite understanding the real concern that hid in Audrey’s chest.
A soft scratching on your head caused the light to seep into your vision as your eyelids fluttered open, taking in your surroundings. You were laid on the chair, Billie standing over you with a small smile as she ran her hand through your hair, “hello sleepyhead,” she murmured, kissing your forehead. You whined, stretching out slightly and sitting up so you could loop your arms around her neck. She was bent down, rubbing circles on your back, “hi baby,” she cooed.
Audrey was sat on the sofa opposite, watching the exchange with a nervous smile. It was rare for you to sleep so much during the day, and she wondered just how much of this she had missed while she was busy working. Too busy to notice, perhaps.
“Come on, let’s start the movie!” She cheered, gaining both of your attention, and Billie stood up straight to go over to the sofa. “Are you coming, little one?” She asked, and you shook your head, explaining you were already comfy, so Billie went to curl up with Audrey, pecking her lips and fiddling with her fingers absentmindedly while you and the actress deliberated over a movie to watch.
“Mamma Mia.” Audrey stated, winking and biting her lip when Billie rolled her eyes.
“Noooo, I’ve seen that so many times, honey,” you complained, sinking further into the chair to get comfy.
“Moulin Rouge?” Billie questioned, turning her head to look between her two loves, rolling her eyes when you both shook your heads aggressively.
“Jesus Billie, your taste is horrifying,” Audrey exclaimed, huffing as she scrolled further on through netflix.
“I have an ideaaaa,” you drawled out, your tone immediately making them dubious, “can we watch Miss Congeniality?” You asked, popping out your bottom lip into a pout, knowing at least one of them was likely to cave and help you convince the other.
“Ugh, baby, will you ever get sick of that film? Audrey laughed, but she looked over at Billie nodding her head and immediately switched it on, just grateful to be through with the torture of having to choose a movie that all three of you would sit through.
“I’d better not hear a word of that crush of yours!” Billie glared at you pointedly, tapping her acrylic nail on the arm of the sofa, making you smile cheekily.
The three of you lapsed into silence as the movie began, taking a peaceful moment to unwind in each other’s presence. It was only around five minutes into the film when you decided to tease them; “Sandra Bullock is so pretty!” You exclaimed, feigning innocence.
“Baby!” Billie chided, throwing her head back defeatedly while Audrey rolled her eyes,
“If you’d rather a brunette I’m sure Billie could get hold of a cheap wig,” she joked, biting her tongue amusedly between her teeth.
You laughed out loud, a fleeting moment of utter joy, and you settled back down into the movie, drifting between the screen and the fog of your own mind.
The quietude of your day had given rise to the feelings you had buried, the uneasy fog that settled deep in your belly and the nerves that set thorns along your veins. You lacked the vocabulary to describe it, no other words for your inner emotions than something being wrong, and you hoped to god you would get your old self back soon enough.
The two of them were entangled on the sofa opposite you. Billie was scrolling on her phone while Audrey was watching the movie you had both chosen, rubbing her hand over Billie’s legs that lay on her lap. Their fingers were intertwined and you couldn’t help but find yourself watching them so easily in love; they fit together like they were crafted to be one.
It hurt you sometimes, to consider how well suited they were. You had never believed in fate until you watched them interact, and being their third felt inferior, but they reassured you that you were all equal parts of the relationship.
You were sat in the arm chair on the other side of the room, curled up in a blanket to protect yourself from the chill the rain had carried in with it, and you were quiet, focused on the movie as much as you could be, despite your eyes so frequently wandering back to them. You were withdrawn, softer, and Audrey watched you ever so carefully.
“You okay, baby?” She asked, calling over to you and causing Billie to look up from her phone and over her shoulder at you, both women concerned now. You nodded your head silently, not bothering to take your eyes from the screen, and Audrey raised an eyebrow, entirely unconvinced.
Billie stretched an arm out in your direction, “come here, pretty one,” and you shuffled over towards them, planting yourself in the middle with your back to her chest and your legs stretched out between hers, over Audrey’s lap. You leaned your head back against her shoulder and closed your eyes as she pressed her cheek to your head, sighing at your demeanour. Audrey shot you a tender smile, watching the two of you interact, and squeezed your ankle in a silent gesture of affection.
“What’s going on, hmm? Billie whispered to you, “talk to me baby.”
The gentle tone of her voice dragged tears from your eyes and you swallowed thickly as the image of Audrey in front of you blurred behind the onslaught of your tears. “Just tired,” you mumbled, shuffling to the side slightly, turning your face into her chest.
The two women exchanged a look, having become fluent in the coded language of your utterances, and understanding that there was more to being tired than your lack of sleep.
The medium pressed continual kisses to your temple, rocking you ever so gently in her embrace as you allowed the tears to slip from your closed eyes, releasing the waves of torrent that had been brewing inside you.
Audrey shuffled on the sofa, moving your legs off her lap and laying in between them so she could rest her head on your chest, wrapping her arms tightly around your waist and sandwiching you between their hearts where yours met the rhythm of their beating.
There was little that could be said when you were feeling like this. They just held you, allowing you to ride the waves of your emotions and release the tears that had been brewing; it was cathartic, and you would feel better after, despite the sickening feeling of your pain rolling down your cheeks.
You were tired, they had both noticed that today, with your forgetful brain and your clumsy movements, so they were relieved when you fell asleep between them, soothed by Billie’s nails scratching gently at your scalp. Audrey rubbed circles into the back of your hand and lay still against you, not wanting to sit up and risk waking you.
When you did wake up, the brief peace of your mind before your thoughts clouded it lured you into a false sense of security, smiling up at Billie who still held you close. You looked around the room for Audrey, but she was elsewhere, and you huffed.
You laid back down against Billie who cooed at you, whispering sweet murmurs above your head to coax you into an awake state and momentarily put off the inevitable feelings you knew you were drowning in. She noticed it, the minute the foggy sleep cleared and your eyes focused, no longer glassy with fatigue. You took in a breath and she squeezed you tighter, knowing the exact moment it had struck. She so wished her touch alone would hold together the pieces of you that belonged together, would keep the cracks closed enough for them to seal forever, but even the medium herself wielded no such power.
They had been discussing you while you slept, trying their best to figure out how to help you. You were already on medication. You already saw a therapist. What could they offer you aside from their love?
One thing they weren’t aware of, though, was a recent development. You had been wanting to tell them about it, but it hurt to consider yourself a failure. Even now that you were receiving help, it still wasn’t enough. What would it take?
You were pensive for a moment, grateful for Billie allowing you to sit in silence, reflecting on the past few weeks, but when you watched Audrey re-enter the room and dump herself on the arm chair with a bright smile you couldn’t help but blurt it out: “they increased my medication.”
The hand that was carding through your hair stopped short and Audrey’s mouth fell open as she stuttered, trying to find a suitable response.
“I know I should have told you, I’m sorry. I just felt useless. But I think it’s why I feel bad. Remember last time?”
They did, in fact, remember.
It was ridiculous, really. You were put on medication to soothe your mental health and yet worse mental health was one of the side effects?! Utter bullshit, Audrey had called it. What was wrong with those bloody doctors? She had asked them that to their face, and you had cried for her to stop, to take you home. Billie had escorted you both out and given her a stern talking to.
It took weeks for you to even out again after that first prescription. You were worse than before, and all three of you were defeated. What was the point?
Audrey couldn’t help but feel similarly now.
“Darling, you only just got better again, why on earth would you want to get a new dosage?”
“It wasn’t working.”
Billie took a breath, kissing your head and shooting Audrey a pointed look, “okay baby, when did this come about?”
You explained it, how you had waited a while to see if it was just a fluke, but the shadow had grown across your face into a full eclipse and you were dark now. It wasn’t working. You phoned up, lost as to a solution, and they had offered an increase in dosage. Of course you took it.
It felt awful, to rely to heavy on these goddamn chemicals for your life, but what were you to do?
They helped, whether you wanted to admit it or not.
Audrey eventually shuffled across the room to plant herself on the floor in front of you, holding your hands and smiling at you sweetly as you laid out your inner dialogue for them to see. They read it word for word, allowing you to cry, to breathe, to whine and to be silent. They allowed it all and when you were done they kissed you, hugged you, loved you.
It broke their hearts, truly, to watch you in this endless cycle, but they would hold you forever and ever until you stopped spinning.
taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @lanawinters-ily @imstacysmomtm @goodegrrrl @twistedpoeticjustice @max-the-d0g @billiedeansbitch @lovelypeasantjellyfish @isle-of-earle @cordeliass
