thanks for the prompt anon! I hope you don't mind, I added a heaping portion of angst to go with this!
fandom: star wars rebels
relationship: kanan jarrus/hera syndulla
word count: 1.2k
rating: t
~
“No.” Kanan said, folding his arms over his chest, his chin jutting out defiantly. Hera felt her chest tighten with irritation but bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from responding with something she might regret. She didn’t have to be a Jedi to know how angry Kanan was, she could practically feel it roll off of him in hot, sticky waves that make her skin itch and the tips of her lekku curl inwards.
The rest of her crew scattered around the lounge seemed unaware of his building fury so she used their blissful ignorance to center herself. There was no need for her to throw her own emotions into the mix when Kanan was like this. Hera breathed deeply through her nose and set her shoulders.
Kanan may have made up his mind but Hera wasn’t the type to give up so easily.
She could be stubborn too.
“Kanan,” she said in a calm, even tone, hoping that her gentle approach would soften the ice that had settled in his gaze. “He has to sleep somewhere.”
“Not here.”
“It’s not like you even use your cabin anyways.” Sabine pipped up unhelpfully from the acceleration couch. “We all know you sleep with Hera.”
Hera winced internally. Maybe having this discussion out in the open wasn’t the best idea she had.
“Or,” Ezra interjected. “I could take your cabin and he could bunk with Zeb.”
“If anybody is getting Kanan’s cabin, it’s gonna be me.” Zeb growled.
“No one is getting my cabin.” Kanan snapped. “That’s the point.”
“Kanan, please.” Hera sighed, some of her frustrations slipping out. “Be reasonable.”
“This is me being reasonable.” he hissed.
The atmosphere in the lounge shifted in an instant, reacting to the venom in Kanan’s voice. Wide eyes were locked on this towering form, the chilling air of confusion and disbelief filling the sudden silence. Hera stood, stunned by the harshness in his words before she snapped back to herself, anger heating her blood.
She latched onto his arm and pulled him from the room, dragging him down the short hallway to her cabin. She wasted no time pushing him inside when the doors began to part, following him in and slapping the locking mechanism, sealing them in. Kanan’s brows pulled together in a scowl, his jaw muscles working furiously as he stared her down.
“Unlock the door,” he said.
“No.” Hera responded, planting her hands on her hips. “Not until you stop acting like a kriffing asshole.”
“Hera, unlock the door.” Kanan repeated, his voice low and threatening. Hera’s lekku tightened at the warning but she pressed on. This had gone on long enough. She could understand that Kanan was upset but she needed him to see how ridiculous he was being. He was letting himself get all worked up over nothing and he needed to let it go.
“It’s just for a few nights until Ahsoka gets back.” she replied, digging her heels in.
“Then he can stay on the Liberator.”
“You know we can’t dock with the Liberator while it’s in orbit.”
“Then Sato can send a shuttle to pick him up.” Kanan snapped. “Or he can rent out a room in the spaceport, I don’t kriffing care but he’s not staying here. That’s final.”
“That’s final?” she arched a brow. “Last time I checked, this was my ship. I’m the one who gets to make the call on who stays and who goes. I don’t see the issue in letting him spend a few nights here.”
“Of course you don’t.” Kanan huffed. He turned on his heel and began pulling clothes out from the storage compartment, tossing them onto the bed with force.
“What is that supposed to mean? What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving.” Kanan replied flatly. The words hit Hera like a wall of ice, old fears racing to the surface of her mind, her heart racing in her chest.
“You’re what?” she whispered.
“If he’s staying here then I’m leaving. I’ll find somewhere else to bunk down until Ahsoka gets back. I’m not staying here.” he said, shoving clothes into a bag.
“You can’t be serious!” she cried. “Kanan, it’s just for a few nights! What is the big deal?”
“He’s a clone!” Kanan yelled, spinning around to face her with a wild look in his eyes. “That’s what the big deal is!”
Hera blinked. “But everything on Seelos, I thought…”
“What? You thought I’d suddenly be okay with clones just because they helped us out in a pinch?”
“No! I just thought that maybe…”
“I’m not like you, Hera.” Kanan continued on, his chest heaving. “The clones didn’t swoop in and save my planet. They murdered my master in front of me. They tried to kill me. So forgive me if I’m not so trusting of our new guest.”
Hera’s eyes slipped closed. Of course. She restrained the urge to smack her forehead. She should have known it would take more than one mission to rebuild Kanan’s trust in the clones. She should have known this was the reason behind his attitude. Hera bit the inside of her cheek again and mentally kicked herself.
It was different for her. When looked at Rex’s face she saw Howzer. She saw countless soldiers that had risked their lives to free her planet from the separatists control. When Kanan looked at Rex, he was haunted by the memory of the Purge, his friends turned against him, his family slaughtered. Of course he wouldn’t be comfortable with a clone living on the ship. She could hardly blame him.
Still, she couldn’t push past her guilt.
She should have known.
When she opened her eyes she saw Kanan, really saw him. Under his dark expression she could see the shadows clinging to the corners of his eyes, the fragile state of his shoulders, tensed and ready for a fight, seconds away from shattering. He was barely holding himself together. And she had, once again, allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of growing the rebellion to notice. So blinded by her eagerness to fly that she didn’t account for the weather.
Hera’s hand dropped from her hips, falling limply by her sides. “I’m sorry, love.” she said, taking a slow step towards him. Kanan tensed but didn’t move away. She placed her hands on his shoulders, carefully working her fingers into the tense muscles before sliding one hand behind his neck. Gently she pulled him down, until his head was resting on her shoulder, his body trembling in her arms. “I’m sorry.”
Kanan shook, his breathing sharp and ragged as Hera swayed back and forth. She hummed a gentle lullaby while her fingers slowly undid the straps of his shoulder armor, letting the heavy material fall to the floor. When Kanan’s breathing slowed, Hera led them over to her bed, tossing his bag aside and laid down beside him.
“I just,” Kanan said in a broken whisper that made Hera’s heart ache. “I’m trying. I just need time.”
Hera kissed his forehead and pulled him in close as if she could protect him from the nightmares of the past. “I know love.” she told him. “I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I’ll have Zeb relay a message to Rex about finding a room at the spaceport.”
“‘M sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, love. It’s not your fault.” Hera squeezed her eyes close, fighting back a wave of tears. “You just need time.”
She felt Kanan shutter, his choked off whimper muffled by her chest.
This little piece of horror is the result of a fabulous prompt by @ailtara, queen of all things angst-and-tragic. (warnings for implied character death/nature-torture, ambiguous ending, but hey, there’s no sex!)
The venom, as it fills her veins, makes her warm and tastes sweet.
It is a thick blanket placed over her legs, a welcome contrast to the brisk, evening air.
Comforting.
It is a drop of honey on her tongue, replacing the bitter remnants of coffee.
Delicious.
She relishes in the increasing euphoria that accompanies every breath. Her lungs are filled with rich, natural oxygen, threatening to burst. Her head is light, thoughts and limbs, like clouds, drift above her and out into the night.
Night.
Starless night.
But there were stars.
There should be stars.
Adrenaline pounds at the wall that has been built around her bliss. With each hammer of her heart, her muscles fortify to lift heavy eyelids.
Stars. There they are.
She relaxes for a moment.
Just a moment.
Then panic sets in.
The blanket is heavy now, it’s lead fibers unraveled to tie her legs to the ground, chest and upper arms in the same battened state. But her fingers, they are moving; illuminated only by moonlight she can see them since she’s managed to loll her head to the side. Wetness spills from her numb lips in strings of saliva and slides down her neck.
Not far off she sees the flicker of firelight and figures.
She doesn’t notice the lack of sound until use of her ears is suddenly, shockingly returned. Her hyper-attuned sense is startling and if able she would have thrown her hands over them to block the cacophony.
Laughter, she realizes when the ringing dissipates.
They’re laughing and talking.
We had a cookout. A campout.
Shore leave. Overhaul.
Voyager.
She manages enough resolve to scrape her ear along the ground, cranes her neck, and behind her she can see the glow of lights filter through the windows of the ship.
It’s so close.
But the crew gathered around the fire are closer and without much effort she can make out every word.
“…and then, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the Turbolift took me back to Deck four!”
Laughter. More laughter. Tom is telling a story.
I have to get their attention.
Her fingers are still moving. If she concentrates very hard she can bend at the knuckles and slightly at the wrist. The signals to her muscles are delayed, motor-neurons failing with each passing second. But she has one advantage, one hand is on her stomach from when she had been sleeping. She can just make out the shadow of her fist over the top of her heaving chest.
Fingers pulling, dragging the appendage they are attached to. Upward over grey cloth. Upward, they creep toward her combadge.
She feels the cold metal under her fingertips at last. Using the gift of a twitch she taps it just hard enough.
The chirp reverberates through her ears.
Chakotay
But the name never makes it to her tongue.
Someone, anyone.
Help
The words die in her throat.
Left abandoned, the comlink closes.
The warmth of toxic liquor that was so comforting just moments ago begins to burn. A deep ache settles in her muscles, her feet sting and her toes are aflame. The sensation creeps up her ankle and into her calf, stabbing at every nerve along the way. Rising as a steady wave, the pain shoots into her kneecaps and it is at this point she would scream.
If only she could.
“…okay, okay. Your turn, Kes. Most embarrassing thing that’s happened since we’ve been on Voyager.”
Kes
Kes, she focuses. You can hear me, can’t you?
Concentrate, Kes.
Please?
Joy is carried on the night breeze. It is nothing less than cruel that the last sounds she will hear are those of her comrades laughing.
These stories will haunt them later.
After they’ve found her.
The burning hot flame has moved upwards to squeeze at her gut and now tightens around her chest. It is a vine, a rope, a corset, a load of bricks – she doesn’t know why she feels the need to define it – and it further constricts her rapid breath which now comes in soundless gasps.
The only relief is that she can no longer feel the bottom half of her body.
Lost to the darkness.
I’m being eaten alive.
The calm that she has been trying so hard to maintain breaks like glass and her thoughts become a torrent of anxiety unable to be physically expressed.
I’m dying.
And now all she can pray is that her life will end quickly.
Eyes peeled and unable to be closed, she focuses on the movements and voices of her friends.
“…you’re a spoilsport, Chakotay.”
B’Elanna
“I’ll take a raincheck, I’m tired. Keep it down over here, some of us still have duty in the morning.”
The syrup in her mouth has turned sickeningly saccharine and then, with a guttural cough she cannot suppress, it morphs into the flavor of metal.
Blood
The noose is now tied tighter upwards still, strong hands around her neck and she gasps, starving for air. She will blackout soon, she hopes, no longer afraid.
“Goodnight,” calls the chorus of voices.
Chakotay
He’s leaving.
And then she remembers something that does scare her. Terrifies her.
Her widened eyes, distorted in the shine of his boots, are the last image she sees.
Prompt was: Make the character’s death slow and painful, but make them unable to call out for help even though they can literally see the other characters nearby. Check.
ailtara replied to your post: Cheers for Chakotay/Samantha; I always thought they’d be such a down-to-earth couple and he’d be a great step-dad for Naomi.
Yes! They’re down-to-earth and surrounded by a bunch of people with their heads in the clouds. They’d be sort of adorably domestic I think, and just happy. Which is certainly what Naomi deserves.
Ds9 is just more... complicated. And life is complicated. I appreciate Ds9 showing the complexity of good and bad and oppression and war.
The show started with the Cardassians being the bad, the oppressive overlords, while we rooted for a terrorist (Kira). And ended with the Cardassians being the terrorists, the freedom fighters. It was a 7 year arc on the structure of power and how that isn’t constant or simple.
Kira went from hating collaborators in “The Collaborator” to realizing she was one in “Rocks and shoals”. That is some complex story telling right there.
