thanks for the prompt anon! I hope you don't mind, I added a heaping portion of angst to go with this!
fandom: star wars rebels
relationship: kanan jarrus/hera syndulla
word count: 1.2k
rating: t
~
“No.” Kanan said, folding his arms over his chest, his chin jutting out defiantly. Hera felt her chest tighten with irritation but bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from responding with something she might regret. She didn’t have to be a Jedi to know how angry Kanan was, she could practically feel it roll off of him in hot, sticky waves that make her skin itch and the tips of her lekku curl inwards.
The rest of her crew scattered around the lounge seemed unaware of his building fury so she used their blissful ignorance to center herself. There was no need for her to throw her own emotions into the mix when Kanan was like this. Hera breathed deeply through her nose and set her shoulders.
Kanan may have made up his mind but Hera wasn’t the type to give up so easily.
She could be stubborn too.
“Kanan,” she said in a calm, even tone, hoping that her gentle approach would soften the ice that had settled in his gaze. “He has to sleep somewhere.”
“Not here.”
“It’s not like you even use your cabin anyways.” Sabine pipped up unhelpfully from the acceleration couch. “We all know you sleep with Hera.”
Hera winced internally. Maybe having this discussion out in the open wasn’t the best idea she had.
“Or,” Ezra interjected. “I could take your cabin and he could bunk with Zeb.”
“If anybody is getting Kanan’s cabin, it’s gonna be me.” Zeb growled.
“No one is getting my cabin.” Kanan snapped. “That’s the point.”
“Kanan, please.” Hera sighed, some of her frustrations slipping out. “Be reasonable.”
“This is me being reasonable.” he hissed.
The atmosphere in the lounge shifted in an instant, reacting to the venom in Kanan’s voice. Wide eyes were locked on this towering form, the chilling air of confusion and disbelief filling the sudden silence. Hera stood, stunned by the harshness in his words before she snapped back to herself, anger heating her blood.
She latched onto his arm and pulled him from the room, dragging him down the short hallway to her cabin. She wasted no time pushing him inside when the doors began to part, following him in and slapping the locking mechanism, sealing them in. Kanan’s brows pulled together in a scowl, his jaw muscles working furiously as he stared her down.
“Unlock the door,” he said.
“No.” Hera responded, planting her hands on her hips. “Not until you stop acting like a kriffing asshole.”
“Hera, unlock the door.” Kanan repeated, his voice low and threatening. Hera’s lekku tightened at the warning but she pressed on. This had gone on long enough. She could understand that Kanan was upset but she needed him to see how ridiculous he was being. He was letting himself get all worked up over nothing and he needed to let it go.
“It’s just for a few nights until Ahsoka gets back.” she replied, digging her heels in.
“Then he can stay on the Liberator.”
“You know we can’t dock with the Liberator while it’s in orbit.”
“Then Sato can send a shuttle to pick him up.” Kanan snapped. “Or he can rent out a room in the spaceport, I don’t kriffing care but he’s not staying here. That’s final.”
“That’s final?” she arched a brow. “Last time I checked, this was my ship. I’m the one who gets to make the call on who stays and who goes. I don’t see the issue in letting him spend a few nights here.”
“Of course you don’t.” Kanan huffed. He turned on his heel and began pulling clothes out from the storage compartment, tossing them onto the bed with force.
“What is that supposed to mean? What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving.” Kanan replied flatly. The words hit Hera like a wall of ice, old fears racing to the surface of her mind, her heart racing in her chest.
“You’re what?” she whispered.
“If he’s staying here then I’m leaving. I’ll find somewhere else to bunk down until Ahsoka gets back. I’m not staying here.” he said, shoving clothes into a bag.
“You can’t be serious!” she cried. “Kanan, it’s just for a few nights! What is the big deal?”
“He’s a clone!” Kanan yelled, spinning around to face her with a wild look in his eyes. “That’s what the big deal is!”
Hera blinked. “But everything on Seelos, I thought…”
“What? You thought I’d suddenly be okay with clones just because they helped us out in a pinch?”
“No! I just thought that maybe…”
“I’m not like you, Hera.” Kanan continued on, his chest heaving. “The clones didn’t swoop in and save my planet. They murdered my master in front of me. They tried to kill me. So forgive me if I’m not so trusting of our new guest.”
Hera’s eyes slipped closed. Of course. She restrained the urge to smack her forehead. She should have known it would take more than one mission to rebuild Kanan’s trust in the clones. She should have known this was the reason behind his attitude. Hera bit the inside of her cheek again and mentally kicked herself.
It was different for her. When looked at Rex’s face she saw Howzer. She saw countless soldiers that had risked their lives to free her planet from the separatists control. When Kanan looked at Rex, he was haunted by the memory of the Purge, his friends turned against him, his family slaughtered. Of course he wouldn’t be comfortable with a clone living on the ship. She could hardly blame him.
Still, she couldn’t push past her guilt.
She should have known.
When she opened her eyes she saw Kanan, really saw him. Under his dark expression she could see the shadows clinging to the corners of his eyes, the fragile state of his shoulders, tensed and ready for a fight, seconds away from shattering. He was barely holding himself together. And she had, once again, allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of growing the rebellion to notice. So blinded by her eagerness to fly that she didn’t account for the weather.
Hera’s hand dropped from her hips, falling limply by her sides. “I’m sorry, love.” she said, taking a slow step towards him. Kanan tensed but didn’t move away. She placed her hands on his shoulders, carefully working her fingers into the tense muscles before sliding one hand behind his neck. Gently she pulled him down, until his head was resting on her shoulder, his body trembling in her arms. “I’m sorry.”
Kanan shook, his breathing sharp and ragged as Hera swayed back and forth. She hummed a gentle lullaby while her fingers slowly undid the straps of his shoulder armor, letting the heavy material fall to the floor. When Kanan’s breathing slowed, Hera led them over to her bed, tossing his bag aside and laid down beside him.
“I just,” Kanan said in a broken whisper that made Hera’s heart ache. “I’m trying. I just need time.”
Hera kissed his forehead and pulled him in close as if she could protect him from the nightmares of the past. “I know love.” she told him. “I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I’ll have Zeb relay a message to Rex about finding a room at the spaceport.”
“‘M sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, love. It’s not your fault.” Hera squeezed her eyes close, fighting back a wave of tears. “You just need time.”
She felt Kanan shutter, his choked off whimper muffled by her chest.
@anoray said: I love all these little comic gems from @ooops-i-arted :-)
Awww, thanks. I love seeing how people have enjoyed them over the years and it’s the reason I still do Rebels art now and then even though I don’t watch the show anymore.
anoray replied to your post “Tbh, it feels like the majority of the fandom has completely missed...”
I completely agree that Kanan chose and accepted how his life ended to save his family and complete the mission. I can't speak for anyone else, but that still doesn't lessen the pain of his loss for me. That will take some time. I do hope we get some sort of coda with Kanan beyond the Dume wolf.
To be fair, I never said it should lessen the pain. Because it sure didn’t for me, but it’s a fact that’s been looked over/hasn’t been mentioned in all of the analyzing of the last two episodes. And it’s something that plays a massive part of Jedi Night.
Hey, Pep, thanks for all the SWR postings! I'm a long time SW fan going back to the original in the theater in 1977. I binge watched TCW, then SWR. Love both shows (+Kanera 4ever) ;-) I'm on edge with you and the SWR posse about what will happen with my fave Kanan and the crew. Lots of theories out there about the Wolf--like Kanan may have been born on Lothal as we don't know his birth planet or parents. Any speculation on what might be revealed about Kanan's origins (beyond the comics)?
Personally, I think Kanan’s origin is irrelevant. He may or may not come from Lothal, it doesn’t really matter.
Rather, what really mattered is what the Force had in plan for him.
FPJr once hinted at Kanan’s “endgame”, so to speak. And it’s AWESOME.
