#akoineromantic

[pumpkinnamedjack]

Help I recently realized I’m somewhere on the aromatic spectrum but there’s so many I relate to and I don’t know which ones me

[centeris2]

Hey guys, I have a Redbubble Shop! It is predominantly LGBT+ gear, fandom stuff, and designs I think are funny. Why don’t you check it out?

[life-of-an-asexual]

Hi! Is there a word for desiring romantic/sexual relationships in hopes that the other person doesn't leave me/gives me more attention? Or am I just a manipulative shit?

If you check our glossary, lithromantic and lithrosexual (or akoi (ne) romantic and apromantic are other names) is when someone pursues a romantic or sexual relationship with no desire for reciprocation. This may be what you are looking for.

-mod Ash

[existential-ashes]

Am I lithoromantic or do I set my standards too high, the eternal question.

[asexualsanonymous]

I recommend to that last anon that they read about the lith/akoi/akoine prefix, the definition of which is very close to the situation they're describing. Of course, they may not feel it fits, but reading about it will probably help them gain some perspective on their situation, at least! :)

I thiiiiink this message was probably in reference to this ask? (Teach me to let a message sit until I can't remember what it was about any more...)

Thank you for that contribution, Anon, it doesn't always occur to me to suggest those labels since they're still new to me.

-Natalie

[qpadvice]

I have romantic feelings for people occasionally and I know it's not just a squish. I do like being close with a person and I like cuddling, but every time I think about dating or kissing or doing anything overly-romantic with that person, I get scared and repulsed and I don't know if it's a general nervousness about dating or if there's a name for something like that.

If you're looking for a label, what you've described is essentially akoineromanticism (aka lithromanticism). Akoineromantics can experience romantic love but are often repulsed by the idea of it being reciprocated, which seems to fit you.

Of course, only you can determine your labels -- and there's plenty out there, so there may be one that suits you better but isn't coming to mind at this moment. You might want to look up some more information about akoine/lithromanticism and see if it fits for you.

Hope that helps!

--Marilyn

[leavetodaybehindyou-blog]

okay but can we just talk about greyromance for a bit

specifically: akoineromance

because of all the aro spectrum identities there are, i feel like akois get the most crap for being who they are.

akoineromance, for those of you who don't know, is feeling romantic attraction to a lack of reciprocation, and/or feeling romantic attraction up until the point it is reciprocated (at which point it can either dissipate or become repulsion or what have you).

you know what that sounds like, to a narrow-minded, misogynistic viewpoint? yeah, that's right, that's slut material right there.

and no, not in the goes-around-and-flirts-and-or-sleeps-with-everyone definition. i'm talking about the deeper meaning of slut. the meaning that says you can't talk to people that you're romantically interested in if you can't maintain interest for the appropriate duration, or you're a flirt. you are not allowed to terminate relationships prior to that duration, or you were just leading that person on. you aren't allowed to move on to another relationship until a certain time period has passed, or you're insincere. you're not allowed to flit from relationship to relationship because you are trying to understand your romantic identity; no, that business is for sluts only and long-term monogamy is the only thing that is acceptable for girls of any persuasion. (god help you if you're a homoromantic akoi girl)

and i'm tired of that mentality. i'm tired of beating myself up for feeling attraction to people i will never be in relationships with. i'm tired of terminating friendships because i couldn't handle romantic attraction that i didn't want pointed at me. i'm tired of feeling like, calling myself, a slut for leading people on and coming off as an insincere flirt because my brain is wired in such a way that i can't maintain romantic attraction after a certain period of time. i'm tired of wishing myself either completely alloromantic or otherwise completely aromantic; i'm tired of hating myself for not fitting to the alloromantic mold; i'm tired of being akoiromantic.and you know what else? i'm tired of being tired of it all. this isn't fair. i didn't ask to be like this, and neither did any of the other hundreds of thousands of akois out there. we're not flirts and we're not insincere. we're just akoi. it's how we're wired, and i'm done with apologizing for who i am.

[qpadvice]

okay so is it selfish to be a romance-repulsed lithromantic? i always feel really bad that i like people until they like me back and i don't know if it's okay. sorry if this is a stupid question :/

Nope, nothing wrong with it or selfish about it. The basic definition of lith/akoineromantic is (from anagnori's glossary): A person who feels romantic attraction but does not need their feelings to be reciprocated, or who does not like receiving romantic gestures, so you're not being "selfish" as a lith/akoineromantic, you're just being you.

I can understand why you would feel selfish because you can feel like you're tricking them or something by having feelings and then retracting them, but you're not. The best thing to do, really, is to just thoroughly explain what being lith/akoineromantic means to the other person. Explain that you are romance-repulsed, and that you don't want/need romantic gestures. Good, open communication is the key to any relationship in your life.

Best of luck, let me know if I can help anymore.

--Marilyn