My my a year since I've started this whole endeavor, and what a years it's been. There's been a fair share of up's and downs, but I can safely say the positive vastly outweigh the negative. Alaefwyn had a wonderful time on her birthday, and here's to many more. Of course Godric's will be coming up shortly, and we will be doing something for him in the wonderland too.
[Goodness me a year. I feel old already, of course, that's hardly anything but you know! If any of you would like to chat just keep reading on below :3 ]
I'm sure you've noticed that I have hardly been as active as I used to be on this blog, and so I think it would be a good time to put it on a permanent hiatus. I won't be deleting the blog since it'll be nice to keep the logs here. If you would like to stay in touch, you are more than welcome to shoot me an ask and I can give you my contact details for skype or something. I will keep tabs on this blog for a while to look out for any messages if any of you are interested.
If that's a little bit too personal for you then there is always my alternative blog that I use for everything else, siophis.tumblr.com
Given up counting how many days it is until we reach Alaefwyn's 1st full year. Until then, Alaefwyn slept on her own for the very first time a couple of days ago. Previously we've always gone to sleep at the same time, so this is a fairly big milestone in her own independence.
4 days ago Alaefwyn turned 8 months, 2/3 of the way to a full year, yay!
4 days ago I also acquired a new tulpa, Mikey, yay!
Details underneath
So Mikey is a young boy, aged around 8-10 years old in form. He is energetic, is pretty good at swimming and loves singing.
He is me. As a child.
Let me explain, now some of this is merely speculation and I can't say for certain if it's truth or not, so you'll have to bear with me. And I'll try to keep it shorter this time since it ties back to the previous post about mod problems.
If you read my previous post, you would know that I've been seeing a therapist and a recent session has sparked emotional breakdowns. The cause of this is from being bullied as a child, and locking up those emotions to not give a reaction to the bullying, so they'd leave me alone faster. The result of this has been over a decade of my brain training itself to beat down and lock away emotions even when I'm not being bullied.
Some of you MIGHT remember that very early in Alaefwyn's development, a mask took over her face. A horrible malicious thing that I couldn't get rid of for a day. Well, we had another instance of that coming back a few weeks later, when Alaefwyn got very emotional. This mask, was what is now Mikey. I think that ever since I started bottling up emotion, this "mask" was slowly building up, a store of all my emotions and in it's raw form was comprised of anger and hatred.
Ever since I've been having my breakdowns, my emotions have been leaking and it's been an outlet for the mask, and sometimes I've noticed some of the voices that throw insults at me felt different, not just a random voice conjured up by my head.
From the 16th to the 20th, I've been on a college trip to Belgium. I got diarrhoea, and now have a very nasty cold. When I got back, I had another breakdown about how I can't trust my body to do anything right. Instead of just wallowing in whatever feelings came to me, I sat and wrote down an informal letter that would be intended for my therapist to read. I was angry as I wrote it, and this was the final outlet the mask needed to fully express itself.
After I finished, and had calmed down, I had a new voice in my head, Mikey. I am confident that he is a younger me, it makes too much sense when you look back at everything leading up to his creation, as well as all of his little traits and mannerisms. On top of that, when deciding he wanted to try an instrument and went with piano, he conjured up the same piano that belonged to my old tutor from that age.
So although he is me, he won't actually grow up to be me, if that's even possible with tulpa as I can nurture him properly, safe from bullies among other things.
I am still very much dealing with sleep problems, which means I have not been able to do much with my tulpa.
On the bright side, we had a heavy flurry of snow for like 15 minutes, which coated the hills in a good a white as we've had all winter. On the way home Alaefwyn was very happy to see the place white.
So Nameless-traveler commissioned Wind-box on DA to do the lineart for this magnificent piece, and then coloured it herself! All as a Christmas present, I really can't thank you enough for this x.x
So yes! That is what Alaefwyn looks like guys! Now you know!
Still battling with insomnia. I had a bath today and shared a hot tub with Alaefwyn and Godric in the wonderland. It didn't last long, because my mind wanders too much, but it's the best I can do.
Not much to update, but I feel it's worth mentioning the steam autumn sale is happening. There goes all my money
[Well I have something to update! A couple days ago Alderion went really hyper for like 4-5 hours! It was really fun to watch him be all energetic and talk super fast! I nearly got a little dizzy, there were so many things coming and going out of his mind very quickly x.x ]
