“What do you feel like tonight?” Kara asked Alex as they stumbled into Kara’s apartment. It had been a long day, on top of an extremely long week, and all either of them wanted to do was sit down on the couch, order takeout, drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol and fall asleep after watching The Wizard of Oz for the millionth time.
“Umm,” Alex sighed as she shut the door. “How about pizza? Pizza and wine sounds good right about now.”
“I will call it in,” Kara smiled.
Alex moved expertly in her sister’s kitchen, pulling out two wine glasses and the bottle they kept stashed in the cupboard next to the fridge. She walked over to the living room and set everything down on the coffee table, getting blankets for her and Kara and setting up the space so by the time Kara was done ordering the pizza, blankets were laid out, glasses of wine were poured and The Wizard of Oz was ready to play.
After their food arrived, they both settled down on the couch and watched the movie. Kara could recite every line, and she did throughout the entire movie. Alex swore up and down that it drove her insane, but the way she laughed after certain lines or the way she said them a little quieter at some points, she had to admit, at least to herself, that it was kind of endearing.
Once the movie was over the two sisters rearranged themselves on the couch so they were now facing each other.
“So,” Alex said, taking a sip from her glass, “how are things with Lena?”
Kara smiled a little at the mention of her friend’s name. “Good… yeah, umm, you know, we’re still trying to get back to normal, back to how things were before she found out but I’d say we’re making progress.”
“You guys had lunch last week, right?” Alex asked, though of course she knew. It was all Kara could talk about for days.
Lena asked her to join her for lunch on Wednesday afternoon as a way to try and start making amends. Kara agreed and she’d spent the two days leading up to their meal ranting to Alex every chance she got. “What am I going to wear?” “What do I say?” “Alex, stop texting Kelly and help me!” It was only after their lunch that she was back to normal and not this nervous wreck that she had become.
“Yeah, oh my gosh, I never told you how it went.” Kara turned her body completely in the direction of her sister and sat up a little straighter. “It went so much better than I thought it would. I thought it was going to be awkward and quiet, that neither of us would know what to say but, it wasn’t like that at all. She asked me if I was working on any new stories and I told her about the new lead I got with the Alvarez case. We talked about what she was planning on working on at L-Corp now and about other stuff that wasn’t work related.” She took a moment to compose herself after a small fit of laughter. “And then she told me this joke. Oh my gosh, I can’t remember exactly how it went but it was hilarious, you should have heard it, she almost made orange juice come out of my nose.”
Alex smiled. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her sister this happy. She’d almost forgotten what she looked like when she didn’t have the weight of the world on her shoulders. Or the weight of a huge secret, for that matter.
“Sounds like you had a nice time,” Alex commented.
“Yeah, we did.”
“So none of that awkwardness that you were panicking about?”
Kara laughed and shook her head, pulling at a loose thread on the edge of the blanket resting on her lap. “No, no awkward silence or tension or anything. It was kind of like old times, except this time she knew the whole truth. And we talked about Supergirl, too. She apologized again for how she reacted before, which I really appreciated. She feels so bad about everything and I hate that there’s nothing I can do to make her feel better. She just has such a big heart and she’s so kind and compassionate…” Her sentence trailed off as she spaced out, still pulling at the thread but staring past Alex, past the wall behind her. “And pretty and smart… creative, thoughtful and just so --”
“Kara?” Alex said, waving her hand in front of her sister’s face.
Kara focused her attention back on the redhead. “Hmm?”
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “Kara, is there something you’d like to tell me?”
“What would I have to tell you?” Kara asked, tilting her head to the side, slightly. The genuine confusion on her face made Alex want to laugh and yell at her at the same time. How could she be so oblivious?
“Come on, you have to know,” Alex pushed, but her sister’s confused, blank stare stayed in place. “Oh my god, you really don’t know, do you?”
Kara threw her arms out in frustration. “Don’t know what, Alex? What are you talking about?”
Alex leaned a little closer and put her hand on Kara’s knee. Then, very slowly, she said, “You’re in love with Lena.”
It took a moment for her words to register in the blonde’s mind, but when they did, she scoffed and pushed Alex’s hand off.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not in love with Lena. I mean, do I think she’s pretty? Umm, yeah, I’m not blind. Have you seen her? The woman is drop dead gorgeous. But do I find her attractive in that way? Well… yeah, actually…”
Alex watched Kara carefully, keeping quiet and letting her sort through all of this by herself. She was curious as to where this was going.
“And, alright, maybe I find her super interesting and cool, creative, intelligent on like a genius level and I think she’s thoughtful and she has a really big heart and I find myself fantasizing about our future together and maybe I think about what our kids’ names would be, but I wouldn’t say I’m in -- oh my god I’m in love with Lena.”
Alex leaned back and soaked in her sister’s reaction. All those years leading up to this very moment were definitely worth it. The look of utter shock and surprise on Kara’s face, the slight disbelief in her eyes, it was priceless. It made Alex wish she had charged her phone this morning so she could take a picture, capture the moment digitally so she could show it at Kara and Lena’s wedding -- because there definitely would be one, she could guarantee it.
After Kara had had a minute or so to get over the initial shock, she turned back to Alex, anger written across her features. For a second Alex through Kara was going to melt her face off.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Kara yelled as she got up from the couch. She paced back and forth in the small living room, hands on her hips, occasionally running her fingers through her hair.
“I thought you knew!” Alex shouted back, a small smirk starting to form on the edge of her lips. She pressed her lips together to stop it from forming, but boy, did she want to laugh.
Kara stopped pacing and looked straight at her older sister, hands now crossed over her chest. “Who else knows?”
Alex took another sip of her wine, looking everywhere but her eyes.
“Does everybody know?!”
Alex pulled the glass away from her lips but kept it close, staring at the red liquid at the bottom as she spoke, rather quietly. “Kelly thought you guys were dating when she first met you and Nia and Brainy refer to you guys as The Old Married Couple…”
Kara grunted and covered her face with both of her hands. After letting out a frustrated sigh she looked back up at her sister and asked, “How am I the last to find out?”
Alex leaned over to the coffee table and poured herself another glass. “Well, no offense Kara, but you’ve always been a little slow when it comes to these things,” she shrugged.
When she sat back, as soon as her back hit the back of the couch, she felt a cushion hit her straight in the face, effectively making her spill wine all over the blanket that was draped over her lap and on her shirt.
“Offense taken,” Kara mumbled before she stomped into her room.
Alex followed her, laughing as she called out, “Oh, come on Kara, don’t be mad! It’s actually one of your more endearing qualities!”
Okay, before we start, lemme tell you that I am so, so sorry for this. It’s tragic. Someone dies. I am sorry! Furthermore, I highly recommend to listen to the lyrics of “It’s Quiet Uptown“ from Hamilton first to fully get it. (Again, @queercapwriting I’m tagging you. And again, I am so effing sorry!) I hope you like it anyways.
It’s Quiet Uptown
There was no rain falling on that day. No grey clouds making the world look like it was at the brink of the apocalypse. No heavy drops drumming on black umbrellas. No heaven-sent water staining the simple coffin.
No. There was no rain falling on that day. The heavens didn’t cry with the crowd gathered around the open wound in the cemetery’s ground. The heavens didn’t mourn for the small body embedded within the black wood construction.
The world kept spinning, even though it had stopped for some of the people standing there in the warm sun, hearing birds sing their songs of fresh starts and new life.
04/14/18
The tattoo on Alex’s wrist was already fading. She had had it since she was born. Eliza had waited long to explain the meaning of those numbers to Alex. Since her mother had told her that this tattoo was the day her soulmate would die Alex had dreaded the date.
Today was the 7th of April. The year was 2018.
Three days ago, she had known for certain that Maggie Sawyer had been her soulmate.
Three days ago, she had held her dying wife in her arms.
The tattoo on Alex’s wrist was already fading. But the memories? The memories were prominent and clear as if it had all just happened yesterday. As if they had only met yesterday, on that airfield fighting over jurisdiction.
As if it were only yesterday when they shared their first kiss, when they first held hands in public, when they first made love to each other, when they first said I love you, when they adopted their first dog, when they got engaged, when they married, when…
When they had all those firsts Maggie had wanted to have with her.
J’onn gave a beautiful eulogy. He talked about bravery and love and family and Alex knew that it should have been her talking.
No.
It should have been her in that goddamn coffin.
The tears were hot on her cheeks, her vision blurry when the Captain presented her with the neatly folded flag. Her hands were trembling, fingers clutching the soft fabric. The other attendants were leaving. Slowly. One after one. Until it was only Alex and the gravedigger standing at the sill open grave.
Wordlessly, Alex picked up the shovel. Dry dirt fell onto the polished exterior of the solid wood six feet below her. Blisters were growing on Alex’s hands as she filled the hole shovel by shovel until she broke.
Until she fell to her knees, wailing and screaming.
She cried until her body was exhausted and she lay down onto the dirty next to her wife’s grave. Next to her soulmate’s grave.
Alex closed her eyes and she saw it happening.
The gun. The pull of the trigger. The flashing lights. The smoke.
Alex closed her eyes and she heard it happening.
The click of the safety. The shot. The bullet hitting flesh.
Alex closed her eyes and she could feel it happening.
The weight of Maggie’s bleeding body in her arms.
The hot blood soaking through her pants.
The warm breath on her lips as she had kissed her wife for one last time.
If she could trade her life for Maggie’s, her wife would be standing here right now. That would be enough.
But she couldn’t.
Alex moved uptown.
It’s quiet uptown.
And if you see her in the street, walking by herself, talking to herself; have pity. She is going through the unimaginable.
She liked it uptown.
It’s quiet uptown.
She never liked the quiet before.
