#alexanderkeen

[partyspielagenten]

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[kraakvars]

What people think, or shouldn’t

What people think, or shouldn't

Should I? Could I? What would people think?

That use to be my thought process. This constant in between feeling;

Is this the right choice? How are other people going to react to my decisions? And that inevitably drove me to be indecisive, which made things ten times worse than the situation actually was. If you don’t make a decision for long enough, that usually ends up as a decision all on its own. Recently, or not that recent I was faced with allot of decisions which I “postponed” and that completely blew up in my face. Sometimes you need to make rash decisions, and consider the most important thing, yourself… That might sound selfish, and it takes some getting used to, but you need to look after yourself in order to be the best possible person for the people around you.

If you make choice that ultimately makes you a better person, or enriches your life in some way, while at the same time you get support from the people that actually matter, you struck gold. Always keep those amazing people close, and make sure you never let them go. Once you find that awesome equilibrium, you naturally tend to treat those special people the way they ought to be treated.

For instance, I thought I was a happy person, until my mortality was questioned. That made me question every single aspect of my life and by doing that I felt incredibly alone. I realised I never did anything without expecting something in return. Before doing anything, I always use to ask myself the question: “What do I get out of this?”

By realising that I started resenting myself, because I thought that made me one of the most selfish people on the planet. I’ve now had enough time to work through a few major aspects of my life, morality, life, faith, and truly being happy. And here is a short list of things I realised thus far:

• True love is completely selfless, and if you can approach a relationship with a “I’m not getting anything in return” attitude, and you still get the same amount of effort from your partner/spouse, then that relationship is bound to be fruitful. • Faith is incredibly important, I’ve been to the darkest places personally to realise that. • Whatever you think other people might think of your decisions is irrelevant, ultimately you have to take a look in the mirror and you are a 100% responsible for your own happiness. • Sometimes you need to listen to the people closest to you; they might just see something you’re missing. • If you ever question why someone amazing is associating with you, think about it this way, how amazing must you be that they decide to surround themselves with you. • Never close down emotionally, keep on trying, no matter how dark everything seems to get.

[kraakvars]

Dinge

vreemde name klingel deur my ore gesigte gebou uit jou herinneringe klik-klak gaan ek van bladsy tot bladsy ek kan jou presies opsom sonder dat jy dit weet

ek wonder soms of ek ook belees en besteue word loer jy op my op elke nou en dan, of is ek die gemak zone ek verstaan dat ek ook skuldig is aan die onsin en gru gedragte wat ek selfsugtig neer gestort het

nou staan ek soms stil en luister net ongelukkig oplettend, en sensitief aksies skreeu harder as skuldige woorde woorde wat storm uit ‘n sin van ek uit gaan ek verskeur en in die stof gegooi word? of is die ‘n nodige fase van verandering

niemand weet nie, of doen hulle? en met hulle bedoel ek jy ou grote vreemdeling ‘n weese wat ek nog nooit verstaan het nie ‘n stem in ‘n lang verlate gang wat deur my kop weergalm

vinniger, beter, gefokus ek kan nog onthou hoe dit my laat lag het… nou is dit ‘n doel vasgeplant in steen met ‘n harde steel, bloed, trane, en wraak sal ek my woorde in bliksem

lekker-lekker, is ons mos nou nie almal nie? lekker-lekker tot daar nie meer uit tap nie lekker-lekker tot ek nie meer alles kan terug hou nie lekker-lekker tot ek verlore verklaar is

mens moet aanhou soek na iemand maar elke nou en dan wil ek ook gevind word verlore verklaar, maar die soektog het nog nooit afgeskop nie sal ek vas gehou word as alles so seer raak

wanneer die laaste lied gesing is wanneer die laaste stompie doodgedruk is wanneer almal huistoe keer na hulle ‘safe havens’ toe sal ek die oukie wees wat aanhou probeer

soms dink ek dis romanties pateties ek sê iets dan suiker dit af in die grond in as jy nie jou eie stem kan terug hoor nie maak dit seer as jy party woorde hoor, veral uit iemand so finominaal uit kan dit merke los wat gesond raak maar letsels los wat lelik lyk en gedagtes opwek

ek het myself belowe dat ek my gaan omsingel deur mense wat my nooit weer soos ‘n slaansak sal hanteer nie ek het myself belowe dat ek my gaan omsingel deur mense wat my vir ‘n verandering verdien ek het myself belowe dat ek my gaan omsingel deur mense wat my behandel soos ek ander hanteer ek het myself belowe dat ek my gaan omsingel deur mense wat trots is om lief vir my te wees

‘n vreeslike lang gedig wat ‘n bitter lang tyd saamkom ‘n vreeslike lang gesig wat homself perfek wegsteek het agter redes ‘n goeie mens wat ‘n verandering wil sien in die mislukking van ander ‘n seun wat trots sy pa se naam op sy bors dra ‘n kêrel wat net geluk wil uitgee en dieselfde terug verwag

dalk is ek net bietjie te veel te vinnig dalk is ek die dom donder in die lang lewens reis maar ek doen dinge my manier, en ek weet dis nie verkeerd nie ek doen dinge, want dinge moet gedoen word