Bet-terrrrr
A roleplayer: Thought I should send you a message when I had the baby, so here it is. Your name's been kept completely out of it, as promised. I don't expect a reply, but I hope you're well. - SH (Set pre-TLG during their hiding years. Happy to play Ilya instead. Looking for Shane/Ilya to be hesitant/pretending not to care/scared, etc.ABO or mpreg. OShane/Ilya if you have no preference.)
Roleplayer: Are you okay? -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for asking.-SH
Roleplayer: And the baby? -IR
A roleplayer: Bit small, believe it or not, but healthy. Perfect.-SH
Roleplayer: Good. Glad there were not issues. -IR
A roleplayer: Nothing life threatening. Pretty typical overall.-SH
A roleplayer: I just wanted you to hear it from me and not the media.-IR
A roleplayer: *SH
Roleplayer: I guess media will dig for it until they find something no matter if you try to keep it quiet or not -IR
A roleplayer: Not much they have to dig for. It wasn't a secret I was pregnant.-SH
Roleplayer: No, it was not after a while. -IR
A roleplayer: Bit difficult to hide when you look like a beach ball.-SH
Roleplayer: Beach ball is mean. -IR
A roleplayer: There are much worse terms.-SH
A roleplayer: Either way, I'll be able to go back to my routine in a few months. Looking forward to that.-SH
Roleplayer: There will be a nanny or something? -IR
A roleplayer: Not until I go back to work, no.-SH
Roleplayer: You have no help? -IR
A roleplayer: I'm still in the hospital for the next two days, so I have some help. When I get home, I'm going to take some time alone before my parents come to stay. Had to limit mom to two weeks because she wanted to move into the cottage.-SH
Roleplayer: Yes. She seems intense like that. -IR
A roleplayer: It's annoying on a good day.-SH
Roleplayer: Why do you have to stay in hospital? -IR
A roleplayer: I need to be monitored.-SH
Roleplayer: I thought you said no issues? -IR
Roleplayer: You were okay, you said -IR
A roleplayer: I said I was okay and that there wasn't anything life-threatening.- SH
A roleplayer: I said I was okay and that there wasn't anything life-threatening.- SH
Roleplayer: What happened? IR
A roleplayer: Just some bleeding, elevated blood pressure, rejection sickness. Nothing crazy.-SH
Roleplayer: Rejection sickness. This is bad. -IR
A roleplayer: It's fine.-SH
A roleplayer: Really. Overall we're both healthy and doing well.-SH
Roleplayer: What is the baby like? IR
A roleplayer: What do you mean?-SH
Roleplayer: You said small. What else? IR
A roleplayer: You don't have to ask any questions, you know?-SH
Roleplayer: Okay. Sorry. -IR
A roleplayer: You don't have to apologize, Rozanov. If you want to know I don't mind telling you, but you don't have to feel obligated or anything.-SH I didn't reach out to hound you. Just wanted you to know.-SH
Roleplayer: Yeah, okay. Thank you for update. -IR
A roleplayer: Sure thing. Have a great rest of your summer and good luck next season.-SH
Roleplayer: Will you be back next season? -IR
A roleplayer: Not for the first half.-SH
Roleplayer: Second, though? -IR
Roleplayer: It is boring, playing without you. No competition. -iR
A roleplayer: Better chance for you to win a cup.-SH
A roleplayer: Yeah, the plan is to try and be back in January.-SH
Roleplayer: I can win a cup whether you play or not >:( -IR
A roleplayer: Looking forward to seeing it this coming season.-SH
Roleplayer: Looking forward to January. -IR
A roleplayer: Same. It'll be good to be back on the ice.-SH
Roleplayer: Your team is not being stupid about all of this? -IR
A roleplayer: They are 'taking my time off to process and come up with a plan'.-SH
Roleplayer: Sounds like management bullshit. -IR
A roleplayer: All PR and optics.-SH
Roleplayer: So, bullshit. -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, mostly. They'd have to buy me out of my contract if they want me off the team, though. So, they've got some tough decisions to make while I'm out.-SH
Roleplayer: Would be stupidest thing they ever did -IR
A roleplayer: Such a compliment. Thank you.-SH
Roleplayer: I mean it .-IR
A roleplayer: I don't disagree with you.-SH
Roleplayer: I hope they take their heads out of their asses and do the smart thing and keep you -IR
A roleplayer: I appreciate that. Thank you.-SH
A roleplayer: [delayed] Am I allowed to ask you how you're doing before I stop bothering you?-SH
Roleplayer: I'm okay. -IR
Roleplayer: Leaving in 2 days for Russia. -IR
A roleplayer: Excited to be home for a bit?-SH
Roleplayer: No. IR
A roleplayer: Is something wrong? Is it your family?-SH
Roleplayer: My family is not good. But it's family, so. -IR
A roleplayer: Oh. I'm sorry. I hope things get better.-SH
Roleplayer: Maybe another year longer and then I will not have to go back. -IR
A roleplayer: That'll be better?-SH
Roleplayer: I think so, yes. -IR
Roleplayer: My father is sick. I go back mostly for this reason. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm sorry. That's got to be tough.-SH
A roleplayer: Is he not going to get better?-SH
Roleplayer: No.-IR
A roleplayer: [long delay] I know things haven't been great with us, but if you ever need to talk about anything you can reach out.-SH
Roleplayer: I left you to have a baby alone. I think this is enough problems to make for you. -IR
A roleplayer: You didn't leave me. We talked about it, you were honest about not wanting it, I made a choice.-SH
A roleplayer: It isn't a problem. No one knows the baby is yours so it's fine.-SH
Roleplayer: I know it's mine. -IR
Roleplayer: I know it's mine and I'm not there and I hate myself for it. -IR
A roleplayer: Please don't hate yourself for that. You don't owe us anything.-SH
Roleplayer: When my father is gone it will be different. -IR
A roleplayer: Because you won't have to go home again?-SH
Roleplayer: Because he is a powerful person with many connections even now. -IR
A roleplayer: Wait...are you in trouble?-SH
Roleplayer: No. -IR
Roleplayer: But if he or my idiot brother find out anything about me now, it would be bad. -IR
Roleplayer: When he is gone, it will be better -IR
Roleplayer: Russia will not be better, but there will not be anyone there anymore who wants to make problems for me. -IR
Roleplayer: And can actually make those problems happen. -IR
Roleplayer: I am not making excuses for myself. -IR
A roleplayer: Oh. I put you at a huge risk then.-SH
Roleplayer: That is not why I'm saying any of this. -IR
A roleplayer: I don't look at it as an excuse.-SH
Roleplayer: There are no excuses for leaving you alone. -IR
A roleplayer: It's fine, really.-SH
A roleplayer: I knew I'd be raising the baby alone after our conversation. If I didn't want to do that I wouldn't have had her.-SH
Roleplayer: A girl, then. -IR
A roleplayer: Oh, yeah. A little girl.-SH
Roleplayer: What is her name? -IR
A roleplayer: Don't laugh, but I haven't settled on a name for her. I was waiting to meet her first.-SH
Roleplayer: Makes sense to me. -IR
Roleplayer: I would like to know, once you decide. If you will tell me. -IR
A roleplayer: I'll tell you anything you want to know.-SH
A roleplayer: [delayed] Do you want to help name her?-SH
Roleplayer: You don't have to do that -IR
A roleplayer: I know.-SH
Roleplayer: If you have choices, maybe I can help pick from those. -IR
A roleplayer: Some of them are terrible.-SH
Roleplayer: Boring, probably. Not terrible. -IR
A roleplayer: Very boring, yes.-SH
Roleplayer: So, what are they? -IR
A roleplayer: I thought about Lily. Eleanor- Ellie for short, Amelia, Claire, Eloisa. All pretty basic.-SH Thought about naming her after your someone in your family, but I never got the chance to ask if you had any favorites.-SH
A roleplayer: There's a few more on the list, but that's about it.-SH
Roleplayer: Lily is for me still >:{ -IR
A roleplayer: I told you they were terrible.-SH
Roleplayer: Ellie is very sweet. Amelia too. -IR
A roleplayer: I do like those.-SH
Roleplayer: Does she look more like an Ellie or an Amelia? -IR
A roleplayer: I think more like an Ellie.-SH
Roleplayer: Ellie Hollander. -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, I think I'll go with Ellie Grace. What do you think?-SH
Roleplayer: Beautiful. -IR
A roleplayer: Thank you for helping.-SH
Roleplayer: Thank you for letting me. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] Do you want to see her?-SH
Roleplayer: So much. -IR
A roleplayer: [Various images attached: Ellie in her cot beside Shane, her being fed by Yuna, her laying on Shane's chest, her screaming in her cot while being dressed, her swaddled into a tiny bundle.] She's got your hair and your smile. I have a feeling her eyes will lighten too as she gets older.-SH
Roleplayer: Oh my god. -IR
Roleplayer: She's beautiful. -IR
Roleplayer: She's really, really beautiful. -IR
A roleplayer: She is, yeah.-SH
Roleplayer: She is so tiny -IR
A roleplayer: I mean, she's got gorgeous parents so it wasn't that much of a stretch.-SH
Roleplayer: I hope she gets your freckles. She has your eyes and nose. -IR
Roleplayer: I think eyes only get darker not lighter. My niece had bright blue eyes when she was a baby. They're kind of gold, or light brown, and green now. -IR
A roleplayer: Maybe. Genetics are funny things.-SH
A roleplayer: It'll be a few years before her freckles come in, if they come in at all.-SH
Roleplayer: She's the prettiest little baby I've ever seen in my whole life. Perfect. -IR
Roleplayer: Even with her face all squished up angry style -IR
A roleplayer: She definitely doesn't mind letting you know when she's unhappy. Otherwise she's been so quiet.-SH
Roleplayer: Good, she speaks up for herself! -IR
A roleplayer: Definitely gets that from you.-SH
Roleplayer: Oh yes, definitely. Shane Hollander has never had an opinion about anything ever. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm just not so loud about them.-HS
Roleplayer: Fair. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] It's been really nice to talk to you today. Thank you for being so....nice about everything.-SH
Roleplayer: Yes. It has been nice for me, too. -IR
Roleplayer: Thanks for not blocking my number and telling me to go to hell. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm not angry with you.-SH
Roleplayer: You are too kind sometimes. -IR
A roleplayer: You can blame it on the hormones if you want.-SH
Roleplayer: How have your parents been about everything? I know you said your mother is wanting to move in and is very intense. -IR
A roleplayer: They were shocked when I told them everything. Well, not everything. I haven't told them who her father is, and I'm not going to...especially with it putting you and your career at risk.-SH But they've been really great and supportive. -SH
Roleplayer: I'm glad that you have them -IR
Roleplayer: And that she has them too -IR
A roleplayer: I'm lucky. My parents are so in love with her. Pretty sure they love her more than me at this point.-SH
Roleplayer: I doubt that -IR
A roleplayer: Maybe not more, ha.-SH
A roleplayer: If you want more photos or anything in the future just let me know. -SH I'm not posting them anywhere. I want to keep her out of the press as much as I can.-SH
Roleplayer: I do, yes. Please. -IR
A roleplayer: Really?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes, really. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] You want to be involved, don't you?-SH
Roleplayer: I do. IR
A roleplayer: When are you coming back from Russia?-SH
Roleplayer: End of August. -IR
A roleplayer: Do you have time to come to the cottage before training starts?-SH
Roleplayer: Are you serious? -IR
A roleplayer: Yes?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes. IR
Roleplayer: If I miss some training I don't care. -IR
A roleplayer: No, don't miss training. It's important.-SH
Roleplayer: Not more important than this. -IR
A roleplayer: I get why you didn't want this at first, but you can have it, yes?-SH
Roleplayer: I don't want to be a father that is never around. -IR
Roleplayer: I don't want to be a father that is there and then gone -IR
A roleplayer: That's so sweet of you.-SH
Roleplayer: It's bare fucking minimum really. -IR
A roleplayer: Not given the circumstances.-SH
Roleplayer: And I do not want to be a father who pretends not to know his own child any time there are people around or cameras -IR
A roleplayer: She's gorgeous, you could claim to have fallen in love with her just from that.-SH
Roleplayer: Yes, that would make her feel so special and loved :( -IR
A roleplayer: She knows she's special and loved.-SH
A roleplayer: I planned to tell her all about you.-SH
Roleplayer: Even if I wasn't involved? -IR
Roleplayer: This would break her heart, Shane. -IR
A roleplayer: I wasn't going to tell her you didn't want her.-SH
Roleplayer: It was never that I did not want her. -IR
A roleplayer: I get that now.-SH
Roleplayer: I dont' want to hide. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm so sorry you have to hide.-SH
A roleplayer: I'm sorry I got us into this mess.-SH
Roleplayer: You didn't do anything wrong. -IR
Roleplayer: I just need to be done with my family. -IR
Roleplayer: And then done with Russia. -IR
Roleplayer: And finish permanent residency paperwork for US. -IR
A roleplayer: You started that?-SH
Roleplayer: A long time ago. Is not so simple. -IR
A roleplayer: Can't you seek asylum? Since it's dangerous for you to be in Russia?-SH
Roleplayer: My father was high-ranking police. My brother is police. Everything is corrupt. -IR
Roleplayer: I don't know how asylum works, but it must include investigationi, and they would know, and it would go badly. -IR
Roleplayer: He's very sick. He will die soon. It's simpler. -IR
A roleplayer: God, that's so fucked up.-SH
A roleplayer: I'm sorry.-SH
Roleplayer: Don't be. My problem, not yours. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] I don't want it to just be yours.-SH
Roleplayer: You don't understand. I don't want any of it to touch you. I especially don't want any of it to touch her. -IR
Roleplayer: I do not want my father even to know that she exists. -IR
A roleplayer: No one knows she's yours.-SH
Roleplayer: Maybe, though. Maybe that could change, later? -IR
A roleplayer: If you want it to, yeah.-SH
A roleplayer: [delayed] We could start with my parents. Let you see how you feel about it.-SH
Roleplayer: They will not be pleased. -IR
A roleplayer: I think they would get over the shock pretty quickly.-SH You're not a bad guy, Ilya.-SH
Roleplayer: I think maybe you're biased. Or hormonal. Or both. -IR
A roleplayer: Mm. Definitely biased.-SH
Roleplayer: If you would like to introduce us, then yes, of course I will meet them. -IR
Roleplayer: Maybe when I come to the cottage? -IR
A roleplayer: Only if you are ready.-SH
Roleplayer: I'll be ready. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm serious. If you get here and you change your mind, it's fine.-SH
Roleplayer: The worst that would happen is that they hate me. I can handle that. Creates no real danger for anyone. -IR
A roleplayer: I don't think they will once they see that your asshole personality is just a show.-SH
Roleplayer: Will you tell me about them? What are they like? -IR
A roleplayer: My parents? Yeah, they're both really kind people. Dad is way more chill than mom and I are.-SH
A roleplayer: Mom can be really intense, especially with hockey. Dad's a former player too.-SH
Roleplayer: Former player for what team? -IR
A roleplayer: McGill. He played in college.-SH
A roleplayer: Works for the government of Canada now.-SH
Roleplayer: Like police kind of government? -IR
A roleplayer: No, no. Treasury.-SH
Roleplayer: Ah. Okay. -IR
A roleplayer: They're essentially opposite of your family from what I gather.-SH
A roleplayer: That sounded way less rude in my head. I'm sorry.-SH
Roleplayer: It's not rude. My father and brother, they are terrible. -IR
A roleplayer: What about your mom?-SH
Roleplayer: She is gone. Dead. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm so sorry.-SH
Roleplayer: She wasn't terrible. -IR
A roleplayer: What was she like?-SH
Roleplayer: Smart. Funny. Gentle, very gentle. Beautiful. -IR
Roleplayer: And so sad. -IR
A roleplayer: Sad like depressed?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes. -IR
Roleplayer: She would have loved to have a little granddaughter. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] I'm sorry she's not here to meet Ellie.-SH
Roleplayer: Me too. IR
Roleplayer: That is enough of sad things, though. -IR
A roleplayer: Sorry, yeah. I can't wait to see you.-SH
Roleplayer: Is there anything you need before I fly out? -IR
A roleplayer: No, we've got everything we need.-SH
A roleplayer: Be careful. Please?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes, I will be. Please text sometimes and tell me how you both are doing? -IR
A roleplayer: I will. So much.-SH
A roleplayer: Maybe we could video chat while you're at home. If it's safe. You could see Ellie.-SH
Roleplayer: I have my own place there, an apartment, so I will not always be with my father. Yes. I'd really like that. -IR
A roleplayer: Good. I'm glad you've got your own space.-SH
Roleplayer: This cottage is the one from your home tour on TV? -IR
Roleplayer: The one I will visit in August? -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah. You watched that doc?-SH
Roleplayer: Was better than taking pills for sleep. -IR
A roleplayer: Wow.-SH
A roleplayer: Asshole.-SH
Roleplayer: Very boring, yes? -IR
Roleplayer: Very quiet. -IR
Roleplayer: Very peaceful. -IR
A roleplayer: It is very peaceful and quiet.-SH
Roleplayer: Good place for before preseason -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, very relaxing.-SH
Roleplayer: I'm glad you will have time with Ellie there. -IR
A roleplayer: I'm glad it's private. It'll give us all a chance to figure this whole parenthood thing out.-SH
Roleplayer: I think you'll be wonderful with her. -IR
A roleplayer: So will you.-SH
Roleplayer: I will try -IR
A roleplayer: She's going to have you wrapped around her little finger. -SH
Roleplayer: Of course? LOOK at her. -IR
A roleplayer: I haven't been able to stop.-SH
Roleplayer: Why should you? You made her. -IR
Roleplayer: Can you even believe it? IR
A roleplayer: We made her and no.-SH
A roleplayer: It's so strange to have her in my arms.-SH
Roleplayer: I am very very certain she did not feel tiny coming out -IR
Roleplayer: But she is SO small -IR
A roleplayer: She is very tiny, yes. It was rough toward the end.-SH
A roleplayer: I'm not sure I want to have any more.-SH
Roleplayer: Rough how? -IR
A roleplayer: I'll spare you the details.-SH
Roleplayer: You don't have to spare me from anything but if you dont' want to say I understand. -IR
A roleplayer: My anxiety was really high and got worse the longer labor went on. My regular doctor couldn't make it so I had a different one.-SH Her shoulders got stuck which made me panic even more. Then I lost a bit too much blood after.-SH
Roleplayer: Very scary :( -IR
A roleplayer: It was, yeah.-SH
Roleplayer: I hope she will be as brave as you -IR
A roleplayer: I think she'll be brave like both of us.-SH
Roleplayer: One of us is there and one is not. IR
Roleplayer: So, brave like you. -IR
A roleplayer: You couldn't be here.-HS
A roleplayer: But you wanted to.-SH
Roleplayer: I am probably keeping you from resting. -IR
A roleplayer: I am tired but I've missed you.-SH
Roleplayer: I've missed you, too. -IR
A roleplayer: Really?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes, really. -IR
Roleplayer: Of course really. -IR
A roleplayer: [delayed] I thought you might hate me.-SH
Roleplayer: I gave you no reason not to think this. -iR
A roleplayer: We argued, I thought you didn't want Ellie or me, we haven't talked in so long.-SH
Roleplayer: I know. It was cruel .-IR
Roleplayer: Less cruel, I thought, than scraps. Maybe I was wrong. -IR
A roleplayer: Scrapes?-SH
A roleplayer: *scraps
Roleplayer: You were not playing, so we would see each other even less, and once news broke about the pregnancy, if I came anywhere near you, it would make questions -IR
Roleplayer: So we would have only this -IR
Roleplayer: Just texts. And for what? You were doing this huge life changing amazing thing and I was too fucking scared to do it with you. -IR
A roleplayer: It might not have made that many questions. A lot of people came to see me.-SH You were right to be scared.-HS
Roleplayer: Lots of visitors? Good, she already has fans ;) -IR
A roleplayer: No one has been by except my parents since she's been here.-SH
A roleplayer: But yeah, she's got a lot of people waiting to meet her.-SH
Roleplayer: Well, you had a scary time and are hurting, still, probably. Good that you dont' get swarmed with visitors too soon. -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, I didn't want anyone but you.-SH
Roleplayer: That is what the sickness does, yes? -IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, but it usually doesn't last if the pair isn't bonded. It's just gotten worse.-SH
Roleplayer: It will only make everything harder if I come now and then leave in only a few hours, won't it? -IR
A roleplayer: What?-SH
A roleplayer: I thought you had to go home in like 2 days?-SH
Roleplayer: Yes. I do. -IR
A roleplayer: That's a lot to come up here and then to Russia. You don't have to do that.-SH
Roleplayer: Would it make things worse or better for you -IR
A roleplayer: Better.-SH
Roleplayer: Then I will see you in 5 hours. -IR
A roleplayer: Are you really coming to see us?-SH
Roleplayer: Unless you tell me you do not want me to. -IR
A roleplayer: No, no! I do! Please?-SH
Roleplayer: Getting in the car now. -IR
A roleplayer: Okay. Thank you, really. I can't wait to see you.-SH Be careful.-SH
Roleplayer: Anything at all you want me to bring? -IR
A roleplayer: Just yourself.-SH
Roleplayer: Nothing to leave behind? -IR
A roleplayer: If you leave anything behind it'll end up in my nest at the cottage.-SH
Roleplayer: Yes, I thought maybe this would be so. -IR
A roleplayer: Whatever you want to bring is fine. I'll wash it for your stay in August.-SH
Roleplayer: ((Paras for the hospital visit, or timeskip to after the visit?))
A roleplayer: ((Whatever is easier for you is good with me!)
Roleplayer: The drive is a blur broken up only by crossing the border, a thing Ilya has done on his own and with his team hundreds and hundreds of time by now without so much as blinking, but which damn near chokes him with pointless, misplaced nerves on this particular night. He spends the entire drive arguing with himself about smoking a cigarette, then caves and sucks one down in the back corner of the hospital parking garage before cussing himself out mentally and then heading inside. He's gone down every spiral of guilt and regret a hundred times in the past 9 months, but every single one swirls in front of him all over again as he signs in at the visitors' desk. With a duffel bag slung over one arm and the other hand clutching his phone, he waits for permission to head upstairs, rehearsing compulsively what he might say if he's recognized. He's here in his capacity as Raiders team captain, he was in town on personal business and swung by to congratulate a fellow player and rival captain because that's sportsmanship and good conduct and just plain manners, nothing more, no reason to raise eyebrows. Even so, he's practically vibrating with a mix of anticipation and dread and excitement and hope and exhaustion and, above all, plain old fear that somehow, he'll fuck it all up within the first five seconds of crossing the threshold and entering Shane's room. He's got no idea if Shane's parents are still present, or if any of the Metros might be on the premises, or if he might have to face Shane without any buffer at all. I'm at the hospital, he texts, then blows out a tense breath and adds, ok to come up now?
A roleplayer: When Ilya had asked about coming up to see them, Shane had started crying and hadn't stopped until Ellie began fussing. He'd been sicker than he'd told Ilya so knowing that the man was on his way set his already frayed nerves into overdrive. He'd missed Ilya so much even with their limited meetings throughout the years. Carrying his child had only heightened the ache in his chest. He managed to feed and change their daughter and then fall asleep before he was woken up by the dinging of his phone. He sent a quick reply with his room number. While he waited for Ilya to come up, Shane tried to fix his hair and clean his face off from where some tears had dried on his cheeks. He looked up when he heard the door open. Shane couldn't help the smile that spread across his face or the quiver in his voice as he spoke. "You made it....hi..." he held out his hand to Ilya. "Come here. Please?"
Roleplayer: Nothing would have prepared Ilya to see Shane like this. He's so obviously exhausted, and so pale, bruise-dark circles under his eyes, cheeks hollowed out in a way that makes Ilya feel like the whole space behind his sternum is being scraped out, raw and aching. But for all that he's been put through some kind of gauntlet Ilya has only just begun to grasp the severity of, he's still gorgeous, right down to those stupid fucking freckles that turn Ilya to mush every time. Only briefly does he let his gaze slip to the bassinet by the bed, catching sight of her tiny form swaddled and curled up sleeping. He can't look, not yet, not really, or he's going to fall apart right here inside the goddamn doorway. He forces himself to take a steadying breath, then strides fast and quiet through the room as soon as Shane beckons. He takes Shane's extended hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing his fingertips and the back of his palm before letting it drop again, though he keeps it clasped in his own. Bending, he presses an infinitely gentle kiss to the center of Shane's brow, free hand coming up to cup his face. His thumb strokes over those beloved freckles, and over the faint remains of what Ilya can only understand to be tears--faint, tacky, vaguely salt-gritty on his smooth, lovely skin. "Hi," he breathes belatedly. "I missed you."
A roleplayer: For a moment, Shane is afraid that Ilya will turn around and run right back out of the room. When the man instead comes to stand beside the bed pressing kisses to his forehead Shane let's out a breath. For the first time in months Shane feels himself begin to relax under Ilya's touch. Shane hums at the gentle comfort and Ilya's scent and his voice. "I missed you too." he whispered. "So much...Ilya..." Shane opened his eyes only to find his vision was blurry again from the tears. He couldn't believe he had anymore to shed after the day he'd had. "Thank you for coming to see us...." he reached his free hand up to Ilya's cheek and around to the back of the man's neck to thread his fingers into the curls at the base of Ilya's neck. "Feel better already...." he mused. "Do you want to lay down with me?" he asked. "I know you've got to be exhausted after that drive. Nurses won't bother us for a few hours and I've asked for no viistors. I wanted us to be alone for a while."
A roleplayer: (brb)
A roleplayer: (back)
Roleplayer: Even though Ilya is waiting, any moment, for something to shatter between them, for Shane to start yelling, cursing him for his absence and his cowardice, kicking him out of the room--it feels, still, in some ways, like no time has passed at all. Shane's hand fits perfectly to the back of his neck, snakes through the short curls at his nape exactly as Ilya remembers, and his voice is that same slightly raspy, low register that Ilya knows as an indicator that he's finally given Shane what he wants after teasing way, way too long. It hits different now, not so much a thrill as it is a punch to the fucking gut. He's left him all alone, for months and months, and every note of stress and pain and the lingering undercurrent of fear in his newly rich, complex scent makes Ilya's skin crawl, fills him with the urge to fix and soothe and protect. He strokes a hand through Shane's hair, realizing it's not nearly as clean as Shane would probably like, then over his shoulder to give a very gentle squeeze. He stills when Shane asks him, so readily, to lay down with him. A knot constricts itself at the back of Ilya's throat, and he has to swallow hard around it. "I don't want to hurt you," he admits, nuzzling at Shane's temple and pressing a kiss there before shifting lower, scenting at his neck without even thinking about how fucking presumptuous and rude and probably unwelcome it is. His gaze again slides to the bassinet; it's almost dizzying, knowing that he's looking at his baby, sleeping peacefully just a couple of feet away. He wants badly to ask to hold her, but he can't trust himself to do so without making a fucking scene, not yet--and it seems stupid and selfish to risk waking her up just so that he can have her in his arms. "Are you sure you want me to squish in next to you?"
A roleplayer: "There's room." Shane promised, sliding over with some effort. "Just don't get me pregnant again and I'll be fine." he teased. "It'll be easier for you to rub your scent all over me if you're laying down. And I need it....need you....been so sad...so sick...and I was afraid to call you..." Shane rambled. "Pull her bassinet closer so we don't have to get up when she starts to fuss..." he instructed as he let go of Ilya so the man could join him. "You can hold her too, if you want. She's already not a light sleeper. Had to wake her up earlier to feed her. I hope she keeps that up at home or you'll be on midnight feedings when you come and visit."
Roleplayer: "Bozhe moi," Ilya mutters under his breath, pulling himself up short from scenting at Shane's throat, jesus, when Shane makes the awful joke about getting him pregnant. Or at least, Ilya takes it for a joke until Shane goes on, sounding like Ilya has only heard him sound before in very specific, very nonpublic, very non-hospital settings: like he's half drunk and a little out of his head with a mix of need and contentment. How fucked up is he on pain medication? On actual, lingering pain? On stress and sleeplessness and chronic rejection sickness? Ilya can't dwell on it without spiraling, so he shuts it down, shoves it aside into the black box at the back of his mind where all the ugly messy guilty shit goes, and tucks himself in on his side right next to Shane on the too-narrow bed with its too-thin mattress. He settles one leg over Shane's, knee crossed over knee, bodies aligned all the way to the shoulders, where Ilya tucks an arm under Shane to pull him in close and let his head settle against Ilya's chest. He kisses the crown of his head, keeps his lips pressed there as he leans across Shane to reach for the plastic edge of the bassinet so he can pull it close enough that it butts up against the metal bedframe. The baby doesn't stir, and the way she's curled up kidney-bean-tight on her side, facing away from them, means he can't get much of a look at her beyond the dark shock of impossibly curly hair peeking out from beneath her little pink cap. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come," Ilya murmurs, not knowing what to do with any of the rest of what Shane says; it's hard enough just to have him so close after all this time and keep composure enough to form words instead of just crying like a baby, himself, with relief. "But you've got me now, yes? I'll stay as long as I can, all night if you want, and all day tomorrow too." He's already thinking stupid things, thinking about changing his flight so that he can leave right from Montreal instead of Boston, thinking about delaying the departure date, thinking about not showing up in Moscow at all...
A roleplayer: Shane whined when he was pulled and tucked against Ilya. All he could feel and smell was Ilya. He'd been enveloped in the other's embrace and scent and it was heaven for Shane. "Shut up.." he muttered against Ilya's chest. "It was dangerous. You should have told me sooner....could have avoided all this mess..." Shane let one arm curl around Ilya, balling his fist up in the man's shirt as if to keep Ilya beside him. "The sofa opens up to a bed if you want to stay but I much prefer this..." She closed his eyes as he relaxed into Ilya. "Stay as long as you can...I know you have to go home but...I want you to stay as long as you can. You can hold Ellie and feed her and scent her. And I can take 100 photos of you two together. It'll be nice...perfect, yeah?"
Roleplayer: Shane's scent is settling faster than Ilya can really process, anxiousness and stress melting into warm, easy contentment he had always felt quite smug, proud even, to achieve in their past trysts, brief and rushed as they always were. There's not a shred of resistance anywhere in Shane's body that Ilya can detect; he's pliant, snuggling in close, happy, it seems--which is shocking, given everything--to tuck his face into Ilya's chest and just let Ilya hold him. Ilya strokes a hand in long, slow arcs over Shane's back, brushing soft little kisses along his hairline and his brow and the mess of his hair now and then. He should've told Shane more, sooner, maybe--but it wouldn't have changed a goddamn thing. And what's the point of adding his burdens to Shane's shoulders, except that now Shane will worry, too? "Hush," Ilya chastises, warm and affectionate, without any edge at all. "I will hold her--I want to, a lot, want to meet her and see her little face and tell her how pretty and perfect she is--but I am holding you first. You can take all your pictures later, but I want this, first. Are you hurting, still? Feeling sick?"
A roleplayer: Shane smiled and turned his face fully into Ilya's chest, almost embarrassed by how much he blushed at Ilya's words. Ilya wanted to hold him first. To check on him first. Shane had longed to hear that and to have Ilya squeezing him just tightly enough to set Shane's mind to a low, comfortable murmur. Shane nodded at the questions before he finally turned his face back so that he could talk to Ilya. "Still hurts. I'm very sore and stuff, but I feel tons better already," he promised. "I was in labor for twelve hours. Your child took her time to join us....it was just like me waiting on you every time we hook up..." he teased. "But we're okay...better now that you're here...." Shane pulled back slightly so that he could look up at Ilya's face. "Thank you, really, for coming all this way for us..." Shane stretched up and pressed a kiss to Ilya's lips before nuzzling back down into his chest.