𝐿𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒾𝑒 ۶ৎ

18 Requests open moots needed

[buttlesangel]

Lizzies nav ۶ৎ

⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊ 𝜗ৎ | Elizabeth/Lizzie | she/her | 18 | gemini | australian | ukyt | dddne ʚɞ | bunny coded ݁ ˖Ი𐑼⋆| auburn hair + blue eyes | alfie buttle's girl 𝜗ৎ | proud pervert | baking | caramel macchiato's | winter | requests and inbox open ᥫ᭡ | june 1 | 𝜗ৎ ₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹

masterlist

rules & reqs ۶ৎ

lxzzxebunny© on all works, please do not steal or copy any content!

[honeytot]

Sorry about him him, he doesn’t get out much x

[abficlibrary]

Summary: alfie's mum is one of your favourite people to gossip with ab x reader word count 922

based on this request

ALFIE'S MUM WAS easy to get along with. Sometimes you wondered if you bonded better with her than you did with her son. You certainly looked forward to seeing her every time Alfie proposed going to her house. At this point you would consider her a friend, not just your boyfriend’s mum. And who better to gossip with than a friend like that. 

You abandoned your boyfriend more or less the second you entered his childhood home. 

The two of you holed up in the living room, glasses of wine in your hand far too early in the day. Alfie was left to sit in his room on his own, frantically texting Chip and asking what to do. He had a horrible feeling that he was the topic of your discussion, but he didn’t want to seem like a crazy boyfriend. Hence why he was asking for advice. Chip just found the whole thing hilarious and promised if he was there he would probably join in with them too. That did nothing to make him feel better. 

At one point he tried lingering outside the door to see if he could hear what you were talking about, but a treacherous creaky floorboard gave him away and he had to escape the scene before either of you caught him red handed. 

Eventually, he was too hungry to keep hiding away. He had to interrupt out of fear of starving to death if he didn’t. 

He knocked first, but he knew it wasn’t a good sign when your voices died down the moment he walked into the room. Either you were talking about him, or you were talking about something you didn’t want him to know about. If he was being totally honest with himself, he didn’t know which one was worse. All he did know was that he didn’t like being ganged up on like this. And he was going to spiral, hard. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing uncomfortably. 

His mum smiled. “Nothing. Just talking.”

Part of him was screaming at him to leave the room. The air was almost suffocating and he had a strong feeling that was due to him ruining the moment. 

“Shall I leave?” 

You shook your head, patting the space next to you on the sofa for him to join. The evil smile on your face didn’t do much to calm his nerves. You knew this was going to drive him crazy for as long as you refused to tell him what was happening. “We were pretty much done. Come join us. What’s up?”

“Uh, I was just getting hungry. Wondered what everyone wanted to do?” He shuffled over hesitantly, sitting down stiffly in the seat next to you. He nearly flinched every time a bit of you accidentally touched him. You shouldn’t have taken so much joy in that fact, but seeing him wound up like this was a little bit hilarious. 

Alfie didn’t bring it up again until you were laid next to each other in bed much, much later. You were scrolling through your phone aimlessly, and you’d thought he was doing the same. Really he’d just been staring blankly at his screen for a while as he worked up the courage to ask you. 

“So, what were you and mum talking about?”

You rolled your eyes, laughing quietly. You knew something was on his mind when he’d been quiet for too long, you just hadn’t expected him to be thinking about this hours later. “It was nothing. Why are you so worried about it?”

He shrugged, trying to act like he didn’t care. “I’m not.” It was slowly eating away at him every time he thought about it. He wanted to let it go, he really did, but there was a tiny voice in the back of his head saying he couldn’t. In an ideal world he would roll over, close his eyes and go straight to sleep to forget about it. But even when he turned his back to you, it was like he could still hear the way you and his mum were laughing without him. 

With a huff he turned to face you again, being met with the same amused grin you’d been wearing for most of the night. “Why won’t you just tell me?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Why are you assuming we were talking shit about you? We could have been on about anything.” 

“Because you always talk shit about me. I know you, and I know that look on your face. You’re guilty, but you won’t admit it.” He was getting pretty passionate about this. 

Any other day you might have teased him and kept this up for as long as possible, but all the wine you’d been drinking with his mum had made you tired. You just wanted to go to sleep, not reassure your big man baby that you still loved him and wouldn’t dream of slagging him off with his mum. 

“Is there something we should have been talking about?”

He shook his head. “No! Obviously not, I just–” he groaned into his hands. He hated how much you were getting under his skin. You were probably doing this on purpose. “Can you just tell me if you were talking about me?” 

You rolled over, bringing the covers up to your chin and letting your eyes finally close. If he wanted to keep spiralling, he could do it quietly while you slept. “Nope. Goodnight, Alf.”

taglist @buttlesangel @loveheart-123 @moonstruckstarkey @graciesstarrr @letterboxd-lovr @livvytv @lilyyxoii @golden-hoax @miya-111 @amrx1 @brizzybliss @tinysweetsmoon @ijustwannaread03 @theoreticallythe @princessxcutie @larryleeroy-lobsterbob @dopeysunflowers @jellliefish @rrysbunnyyy @tenaciousgypsytemplar @siriuslyjailed @cinemafics @smileylando @lovingaphroditesworld @rubyrubyrubyrubyahhhhhh @lovelookspretty @liz140569 @xoxoishu @bunbunbl0gs @xoa1 @hoeforshaw @arthursartour @partyouttgedoor @sadieinbloom

[buttlesbunnie]

ALFIE BUTTLE APOCALYPSE AU ! ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

strangers to lovers , misuse oh — ethel cain

( content warnings : 18+ mdni , sexual content , swearing , literary gore , injury description , death , grief , angst (w/ comfort) , religion & religious trauma/ imagery/ guilt , abandonment issues , ptsd , sexual violence & assault , probable medical inaccuracies , cannibalism , pets in an apocalypse , selective mutism )

( minnie speaks : hi everyone! i’m just dropping all my apocalypse masterlists tonight because i started writing my alfie series on a whim, so im just posting them in preparation of anything being finished, which is still unlikely lol. a lot of content warnings within this one so please proceed with caution! xx )

( taglist (ask to join!) : @sweetlikedeer @georgesclarkey @lostdeerinthemist @l3nney @gerardswhore @h5nn5ah @arthursartour @abficlibrary @finchytv @saskiaskeetz )

chapters ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

chapter one ( coming soon ! )

[buttlesangel]

IM SO HYPE

[buttlesbunnie]

arabella can’t handle it when alfie’s away for too long

content: established relationship , dad!ab , crying

the sight of arabella standing right beside your bed shocked you to your core. seriously, your heart rate spiked dangerously at just her silhouette being on show.

“mummy?” she croaked.

“jesus christ, bella!” you hissed, sitting up and reaching over to flick your lamp on.

it illuminated the room in a sudden flash, making you both wince.

arabella had tears down her face and she was clutching her little cow pillow pet.

“what’s wrong, chick?” you frowned.

“i miss daddy.” she cried, face screwing up with a fresh wave of tears.

you sighed and hooked your hands under her armpits, lifting her into bed with you and cuddling her on your lap.

“i miss daddy too.” you hummed, flattening your palm over her hair. “but he already said goodnight to you.”

another round of hiccuping cries came from her as her fist clenching around your shirt.

“okay, baby. it’s okay.” you whispered, rocking her gently. “there we go, shhh.”

“call daddy.” she sniffled wetly.

“okay, let’s try call daddy.” you reached over to your bedside table, retrieving your phone and opening it.

arabella stared at the screen, watching your every move as you opened your contacts and pressed facetime on ‘alfie❤️’.

it rang a few times before the call connected and your boyfriends face took over the screen.

“alright, girl? why you up?” he asked with the sound of loud chatter and cutlery clattering in the background.

“someone missed you.” you sighed, panning the camera to arabella.

“alright, AB? why you waking your mummy up?”

“miss you daddy.” arabella pouted, reaching for the phone like it meant she would’ve been able to grab at him.

“oh, i miss you too, darlin’. two more days, yeah? can you be brave like that for me? and for mummy?”

her pout deepened and she rubbed at her eyes, blatantly overtired.

“come now.”

alfie laughed, throwing his head back, “i can’t come back now baby, i’m having my dinner.”

“please.” she whimpered.

“two days, okay? i promise.”

“two.”

“yeah. one, two. good?”

“okay.”

“good girl, bells. i’ll see you soon okay? love you lots and sleep well. behave for mummy, yeah?”

“love you too, daddy.”

you turned the phone away from her face and spoke to him a little longer before calling it a night once more.

arabella was now half asleep on the other side of your bed, her head pressed against her pillow pet.

you sighed, flicking your lamp off and leaving her there, deciding not to go through the hassle of getting her back into her own bed.

in the dark, she shuffled closer, sprawling herself out across you.

you huffed and rolled your eyes but let her anyway.

[buttlesangel]

i got drunk and sent alfie really chuddy snaps of me doing like our love calculator (full face btw) and i got left on opened

i forgot i did that and just saw he opened ALL of it.

the games not gone trust me

[buttlesangel]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY💕💕💕💕

ur so sweet thank u i love u 🥰

[buttlesbunnie]

that one friend who’s birthday is today @buttlesangel !!!

i love you so much lizzie you’re literally my number one girl. in the 6-7 (😆😆) months we’ve been friends, we’ve become so close and i am so grateful to have you by my side.

we’ve been through a lot together already, like car crashes and arguments with ignorant people (🌝🌝) but i’m just so glad i got to have you by my side throughout it all!

also i still can’t believe i stay up till early mornings so you can call me while you get ready , and even though our time zones make it tough, we work around it

cakes and candles chick, love you lots

p.s. my dad says happy birthday

[buttlesangel]

in all seriousness minnie is my best friend for ever genuinely i don’t think i would still be writing if it weren’t for her

i am gonna cry this is so cute even tho i lowkey highkey forced her to do this

[buttlesbunnie]

how i feel falling asleep on call with @buttlesangel while she does her shopping

[lenneyology]

i have an extremely love/hate relationship with this community.

i’ve been doing a lot of reflection over the past week during my hiatus, and even though i’m overwhelmed with how much everyone would like me to come back, i’ve fully decided it’s just not possible.

i think it’s probably best that i start with the positives. i feel like (personally) i have done a lot for this community on tumblr.

when i first joined, i felt incredibly isolated. it seemed everyone around me who was active at the time that i joined had their established friendship groups or that i just was doing things differently in a way that they didn’t like.

i felt constantly on edge, but i persevered with lenneyswhore and then i started to feel more welcome. over the nearly a year period that i’ve been in ukytblr i can see that my blog (whether that be lenneyswhore or lenneyology) people have been able to feel like they are seen — kinky, or not.

i’ve enjoyed every single moment with you all. whether you are a mutual, an anon, a casual reader or even new to my blog, i’ve really cherished being able to share a bond (even if that’s through being horny) with you in some way, even if it’s on the internet.

and i mean that greatly! i’ve really enjoyed being able to create relationships with you all, even if they are through tumblr. i really do feel like during my time here i have met my people, so thank you for that!

a couple of personal highlights of mine are seeing a community where au’s were typically a foreign concept (my first ever fanfic on lenneyswhore was literally an au), to now seeing multitudes of creators, old and new, now taking on alternate universes whether that be in the form of a series or drabbles or full fics is absolutely amazing to me.

as well as this, i can see a lot more creators have become explorative in their works. i’m seeing a lot more kinks and different fetishes that weren’t written about when i first started.

stuff like somnophilia, pet play, piss kink, to name a few are things that weren’t very common in the community say seven months ago (especially from what i saw when i joined), but have become more commonly practised and honestly i am filled with such love and happiness when i see creators being able to portray their favourite sexual acts through their fanfictions.

and to see anons and users also share that happiness too! that’s what really fuels us as writers, seeing you guys’ positive reactions to experimental fics and concepts — it really does motivate us to keep going!

but, in all honesty, this community is incredibly toxic in certain aspects. i saw it when i originally started. creators accusing the new creators of stealing fic titles, to creators initially seeming very welcoming to not being welcoming at all. but that happens in every online community, and i think that’s just what happens.

so, in the past couple of months, seeing allegations that this community is ‘cliquey’ being thrown around has really baffled me. typically these people are sending these accusations to people unprovoked, which there is no reason for whatsoever.

creators in ukytblr do not owe you interaction. if anything, if you want to integrate within the community surely you need to interact with the content? and i can assure you that all the creators in the community are wonderful and are willing to accept each and every one of you with opening arms.

but to also constantly report someone just because they ruffled your feathers a little by standing up to your hate? surely you could act a little older for your age, especially as most of ukytblr are over the age of 18.

i suppose this also goes for sending hate to a creator for writing something you don’t particularly like. the saying ‘don’t like? don’t read’ or the content warnings on said posts are there for a reason.

we as creators don’t include them for a ‘laugh’ or as practically ‘word pollution’ they are there for your safety. for you to be able to filter out the content that you don’t like.

but some of you still go out of your way to consciously make the choice to send these lovely people hate. or get them flagged for mature content, just because for some reason you can.

now, i’m not saying that my blogs being flagged as mature is wrong, as i do agree that they do include mature content, but doing it out of the pure rage in your soul? it’s just a little bit childish, no?

from that aspect, i’m more upset and hurt by this community. hence the ‘love/hate’ relationship i hold.

my blog is supposed to be my safe space, my space to openly express my sexual fantasies and liberties, yet it seems that i cannot do that in this climate. and nor can other creators too.

as well as this, i’d like to think of my blogs as safe spaces for my followers too. i know a lot of people have discovered a lot of things about themselves through lenneyswhore and lenneyology, and to strip them of that because you want to bring me down is quite frankly extremely immature.

but from my own personal experiences with pissgate and being called a foid and all sorts of other horrible names, to being called a fatass because i retaliated (i do agree, in an extremely harmful way) to another hateful anon — can you not see that creators are tired?

creators in this community are constantly on edge because of this factor, and honestly, i don’t think they should be. like i mentioned earlier, we add our content warnings for your safety and the whole unspoken rule of ‘don’t like, don’t read’ applies so much in this situation, but some people don’t seem to understand that, i suppose.

i know many creators who are constantly having to delete or block anonymous asks because this community seems to be fuelled on hatred and malice at the moment, and it just needs to stop.

do some of you people forget that tumblr is the horny app? we’re not supposed to be at each other’s throats, we’re supposed to be united by freakiness and sexuality, not divided by hate.

what a creator doesn’t want to do is have to delete or block horrible asks. i don’t think anyone deserves someone to use the anonymous feature to send anonymous hate to their blog.

fanfic writers write for free. we provide a timely service to you for free, and you know damn well that we don’t have to.

we do it though because we want you to see our works, and to be able to engage with you all on a certain level.

as well as this, to be quite frank it’s just tiring. we don’t want to be in a constant battle with hate. one bad move and the smoke goes up in terrible flames. but that’s just how the internet works, and we can’t stop that.

i suppose what i’m trying to say is that after 3 appeal requests on lenneyswhore being unsuccessful and two on lenneyology as well, it’s time to hang up the digital keyboard and to place the digital pen down.

i’m just hoping maybe when i’ve gone ukytblr will be a better place, and that someone else can carry the kinky ukyt baton. hopefully this time with a lot less bad press as they do so.

[buttlesbunnie]

we all love ellie and will miss her greatly😢😢 she hit the nail on the head with every point made here 🫶🏼🫶🏼 xx

[buttlesangel]

soft launching — alfie buttle ‎ꫂ᭪݁

@y/nl/n

Liked by yasmineameelia, alfiebuttle and 21,047 others

@y/nl/n recents

@y/nfan23 Holy shit y/n soft launch was not on my bingo card what the fuuuuuucckkkkk

@y/nl/n what soft launch? i'm only seeing my fit self xx

@alfiebuttle 🔥

liked by @y/nl/n

@zerocontextab what the hell is happening here

@yourfriend2 fucken tart xx

@user2 holllllyyyyy soft launch im so hype

AB — AB compares his London Penthouse & Village Cottage!

8:47

"What else has been going on in my life?... Oh I went on a date the other day." Alfie exclaimed at the camera, sitting in the drivers seat with a fanged grin

"Oh AB how did that go?" He asked in a rhetorical question, "I'm fucken gassed you man!" Alfie bangs the seat and jumps up and down in excitement.

"I mean, I was scared to go on it anyway because i've got a cold and i've thought if shes funny i'm gonna start laughing and little snot bubbles will come out.. and there will be like one massive one that takes up the whole face. If i'm honest I came close, couldn't fumble this one, it would be a generational loss" He eggs on, using his hands to tell the story to his viewers.

"I mean I thought the game was gone when a little snot came out, but boys, I recovered, shes a little fucken rocke— fwaarrk" he giddily exclaims, rubbing his palms together.

9:13

INSTAGRAM DM — alfiebuttle

@y/nl/n saw ur vlog, thanks for the feature x

@alfiebuttle oi chill out girl, need to let the world know i haven't fumbled the bag yet, its a big one for the degenerate viewers

@y/nl/n yeah speaking of, when tf do i get my voice message... every girl but me smh, just when u think ur special

@alfiebuttle if i sent you a voice message you would block me instantly and ur a fucken tart, can't let that happen can i? x

@y/nl/n tart??? and they say chivalry is dead

@alfiebuttle i liked my feature on your post

@y/nl/n the only reason ur in it is bc i took aesthetic photos u happened to be in 😒

@alfiebuttle a win is a win

@alfiebuttle

Liked by y/nl/n and 138k others

Just tryna get the good ending 🌅

@y/nl/n wow nice colour scheme, i wonder who helped with that x

@user39 okay not to sound crazy but y/n and ab, she is literally friends w yasmine... both recently went on dates, live in england, am i crazy

@user23 no but ur not cos look at her comment.

@zerocontextab +10 sanity from the grotto and the mrs

@alfiebuttle 🫡

liked by @y/nl/n

@user38 bro is lifemaxxing

@buttlesbunnie wtf thats my man, i am so sad rn

@user2 no way ab just so nonchalantly soft launched, just living every lads dream there fella

@user20 We SEE the tattoos bro ☠️🙏

@user47 who is the girl??

@user95 her name is @y/nl/n she's rlly pretty

THE FELLAS PODCAST — AB’s Secret Mrs, Boy’s Portugal Trip & Snapchat Beef… EP. 283

"Right, so," Cal started, leaning forward with that look he gets when he's about to stir up some shit. "Before we get into whatever we've planned today, we need to have a little chat, don't we, AB?"

Alfie shifted, his curly brown hair bouncing slightly. "What you on about? I'm here to talk about y'know boys trip n that." He gestured vaguely at stan.

Chip snorted from across the table. "He's talking about you getting a bird, AB. Don't play dumb."

Alfie's face went a bit red, and he immediately tried to cover it by scratching his beard. "Nah, nah, nah. What bird? I ain't got a girlfriend."

Cal pulled out his phone, his grin widening. "Is that right? So this photo you posted yesterday… of your shadow and some other shadow… that was just you and a random tree, was it?"

"It was a nature walk!" Alfie protested, his voice going a bit high. "I like nature, alright? Can't a man appreciate a bit of greenery without it being a whole thing?"

"A whole thing?" Chip laughed, leaning so far back you thought his chair might tip over. "Mate, the comments section is going mental. 'Who's the girl?' And you said your date went all well on vlog, bare cute y'know.'"

Alfie's green eyes widened in panic. "Don't read that shit out! That's private!"

"Private?" Cal howled, showing his phone to the camera. "You posted it for your 819 thousand followers! How is that private?"

You watched as Alfie's confident exterior completely crumbled. He went from this confident youtuber to a blushing mess in about five seconds flat.

"Alright, fine," he finally admitted, holding up his hands in defeat. "There might be someone. But we're not calling it anything, alright? We're just… oh nah don't make me... fuuuuckkkk."

The studio erupted in cheers and whistles, with Cal and Chip banging on the table like they'd just won the lottery.

"Don't make you what?" Cal repeated. "Oh, AB, lets fucking go lad!."

"Shut up," Alfie mumbled, but he was smiling now, a proper goofy grin that made him look about ten years younger. "She's just… sound, you know? Proper little rocket, this one."

Chip smiled with laughter. "Bro she's the one for you."

"She's just… i dunno, energetic," Alfie tried to explain, his hands flying everywhere as he spoke. "Always buzzing about, doing her own thing. Makes these proper cute posts n shit, she's got a following and everything."

"A YouTuber?" Cal raised his eyebrows.

"Nah, nah, not like that," Alfie shook his head, "Instagram."

"So how'd you two meet?" Chip asked, genuinely curious now.

Alfie's face softened as he thought about it. "Proper random, actually. Commented on one of her posts about some trail up north. She replied and we just… started talking."

You watched as he became more animated, his hands gesturing wildly as he spoke about you. The nervousness had been replaced with pure excitement.

"The nature walk photo," Cal prompted, "that was your soft launch?"

Alfie nodded, his green eyes lighting up. "Yeah, but she soft launched it first. Posted one of my hands n shoes n shit. I had to retaliate."

"Retaliate?" Chip laughed. "Sounds like a romance mate, should we do a little two man step on the wedding?"

"Fuck off, mate," Alfie shot back, but there was no heat in it.

"Wow," Chip whistled, looking at the softlaunch on his page. "You two look good together. Even as shadows."

Alfie's blush returned full force. "Yeah, well, she's got good taste, what can I say?"

"So what's she like?" Cal pressed, putting his phone down.

You could see Alfie debating how much to share, his green eyes darting between his friends and the camera lens. "She's… funny and smart, like scary smart sometimes. And she's fit, like ridiculously fit."

"Ridiculously fit how?" Chip teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

Alfie laughed, his confidence returning. "Batty like the north star innit" Alfie then also does the action of eating tits.

The studio erupted in laughter and cheers as Alfie realized what he'd just admitted on camera.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, covering his face with his hands. "I can't believe I just said that."

"You absolutely did!" Cal laughed, "The people need to know, AB! The people need to know!"

"Delete this, delete this whole episode," Alfie pleaded, but he was laughing too.

taglist: @ghostwrittenbygrace @dilfslutsstuff @kislnd @lenneyswhore @lenneyology @cigarettesafterbooks @teleskinnd @obaltineobyss @luvbuttlestv @sdmnpact @lostdeerinthemist @ghostedindigo @luvdixonxx @headinthewalls @bladerunr

[buttlesangel]

i like to imagine alfies mrs sits with a vape in her bra at all times, like he asks where it is and shes like "here you go ☺️" as it was just sitting in her bra

and hes like "wtf why do you keep it there 😍🧐"

but theres just no pockets in her sundresses, easy access tho

[buttlesangel]

fanfic writers really work overtime for u readers, like im drowning in work and assignments and so are all my writer friends and they somehow still lock in and provide for u guys

could not be me

props to you guys

[buttlesangel]

i have one more exam in 2 weeks and then im free from the chains so u lot should be expecting a million things from me, send shit into my inbox xx

literally anything, otherwise i will lowkirkgenuinley lose motivation to write

[buttlesangel]

“footjobs or titjobs” thats a good one, wish he answered tho💔💔😭😭😭

he messaged me privately and asked me personally for a tit job, that’s no word of a lie

[buttlesangel]

AB made it to my laptop wallpaper, holy shit i’m in too deep

[buttlesbunnie]

PODCAST CLIPS ── a.buttle ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

summary: alfie’s protective of you, regardless of whether you’re together or not

content: baby daddy!ab , talks of sex , ‘locker room’ talk (i think)

notes: just throwing this out there as a trial thing, sorry it’s kinda short and ended abruptly, i just wanna see how it goes xx

wc: 1,164

ALFIE NEVER THOUGHT you would’ve been a topic of discussion on the podcast. You were a secret that he didn’t want to risk outing, so he made sure to skate around the conversations of partners and dates.

It wasn’t even like you were dating, but you were something. Whether that was because you were the mother of his child or for an entirely different reason was up to you and him to decide, but it wasn’t up for public scrutiny or debate.

You made your own content, majorly around being a young mum and the support that was around for you at the time, things you found that helped and anymore big sister advice that people requested on, so you having a child wasn’t the secret, it was more so the fact that he was a dad — more importantly, the dad.

Chip and Cal knew, of course, but that was still something he felt unsure of.

They didn’t find out voluntarily. They’d come over unannounced once and seen a couple baby toys strewn about his floor since he’d had the weekend with the little one.

He made them swear they wouldn’t tell anyone, not Stan, not any of the other YouTube lot. Not even their fiancées.

The secrecy of him being a father and you being the mother was for a reason. For your own safety. He didn’t want any of his fans harassing you or your kid just purely based on the fact you had some relations to him that didn’t suit their narrative.

So when Max Khadar began speaking about you, Alfie couldn’t help but get a little bit protective.

“Nah, that girl … What's her name … ohhh what is it.” Max muttered, “The one with the kid …”

“There’s a lot of girls that have kids.” Chip laughed.

“Reader! Reader!” Max exclaimed as your name finally came to him.

“Oh, her, right.” Cal nodded, giving Alfie a quick side glance to try and get the gist of how the younger man was feeling.

He seemed to have zoned in on Max’s face, paying an intense amount of detail to every little expression the guest made.

“What about her?”

Max gaped as he looked at Cal, a smirk on his face, “Are you joking? Bro, she’s leng.”

The boys across from him began laughing hysterically at the tone in which Max had expressed his physical admiration for you. Alfie wasn’t as amused, but he gave a short chuckle to not look too out of place.

“You fancy her?” Cal pushed.

“Fancy? Bro, I wanna take her out. You know, nice dinner, then go back to hers— ahhh man, she’s so bad. So bad.”

“Why are you fantasising about her right now?” Chip guffawed, crossing one leg over the other.

“This is nothing.” Max waved his hands about dramatically, “Trust, I wanna give her another kid.”

“Alright, bro, chill.” Alfie laughed it off, trying to act like he was preventing his friend from getting into trouble rather than trying to shut him up before he said something that really made his blood boil.

“There’s nothing chill about her.” Max shook his head, “She is … ‘coz there’s levels to it. You’ve got fit,” He put his hand down before putting his other one way higher in the air, “And you’ve got leng. Reader is up here. Genuinely, I-I-I-“

Alfie began mimicking his stutter, slyly taking the piss out of him. Cal and Chip cackled.

“I would have bare kids with her. A whole football team. Trust, I’m on that.”

“You’re on that?” Cal challenged, “What, have you DM’d her?”

Max just shrugged.

“Have you actually?” Alfie asked, though his tone reeked of a serious energy.

So much for being low-key.

Alfie kind of hoped that you would’ve told him if someone from an adjacent circle had DM’d you in a romantic or sexual manner, but he could also recognise that just because you had a child together, didn’t mean that he had any claim over you.

Not unless he did something about that, of course.

“Why you pressed? Chill.” Max put a hand out in his direction, “Nah, I haven’t, but I will.”

“Swear she’s got a fella.” Alfie hummed, sitting back and playing with the wiring of his mic.

“Say wallahi.” His face fell dramatically.

“I dunno.” He shrugged, “I swore she made a video saying, like, ‘get ready with me for a date’.”

Yes, Alfie had most of your videos memorised, and yes that video was when you went around to his for dinner.

“Yeah … you’re on that.” Max gave him a knowing smile, “That was you, bro. She went on that date with you.”

“What?” Alfie laughed, pinching his nose bridge, “No she didn’t.”

“You’re the dad too, I know it.”

“Shut the fuck up, bro.”

Alfie was getting slightly annoyed.

It was one thing to assume you were dating, but to say he was the dad (joking, or not) was pushing it. He knew if one person theorised it, then another would, and another and another until it became a rumour that either of you would have to address.

When that episode dropped and all the clipping accounts got to work, it was a nightmare.

Having you send him one of the clips on Instagram and nothing else was enough to send his heart rate through the roof.

alfiebuttle: just ignore it x

yourusername: oh yeah i’ll just ignore people talking about wanting to shag me and talking about you being matilda’s dad

yourusername: thanks for standing up for me btw really liked that you let him say he wants to impregnate me

alfiebuttle: i didn’t know what to say without it being obvious x

alfiebuttle: are you actually mad? x

Alfie watched the text bubble appear, waver for a little while before disappearing completely. He sighed before typing another message.

alfiebuttle: i’m sorry x

yourusername: whatever, just do your damage control

He sent a quick red heart before going through the main clipping accounts and dropping a few nonchalant comments along the lines of ‘you guys are so dramatic😹’ or ‘chill i was just guessing’.

He didn't think it’d do much, but he felt that remaining completely silent was more guilty.

After he was done reposting and commenting, he dropped you another message

alfiebuttle: everything okay tonight? x

alfiebuttle: how is she x

yourusername: she’s ok, proper tired today x

When he received a picture of his two-year-old daughter sat on the floor, beaming up at the camera, his heart melted and a grin overtook his face without him being able to control it.

alfiebuttle: ❤️❤️❤️

alfiebuttle: did you take her out? x

yourusername: yeah, went park for a little bit ‘coz she kept fussing x

alfiebuttle: cute, lmk when u go next. i’ll come x

yourusername: what if someone sees x

alfiebuttle: shit yeah 🫤

yourusername: its alright u can come round for tea tomorrow, she’s been missing you x

alfiebuttle: sound x