You’re probably expecting me to rage at UglyDolls, to describe how it’s an abomination, a cinematic apocalypse. It isn’t. "Bland" is the word. No one’s going to remember it down the line, which might actually be worse. At least Norm of the North and The Emoji Movie left an impact.
After the assembly line, dolls are sent to a special place where they will find their rightful kid owner. Unless you come out misshapen or defective. Those dolls are sent to Uglyville, where optimistic Moxy (voiced by Kelly Clarkson) dreams despite all odds of finding an owner. When she and her friends Lucky Bat (Wang Leehom), Ugly Dog (Pitbull), Wage (Wanda Sykes), and Babo (Gabriel Iglesias) stumble upon Perfection - a training ground for dolls before they move up into the real world - the UglyDolls see their chance.
The plot isn’t ripping off anything I can discern but you’ve seen all this somewhere before. The message of not judging people by their appearances and of following your dreams is fine but nothing special. Once the UglyDolls meet the leader of Perfection, Lou (Nick Jonas), you know where the entire plot is going even before his over-exaggerated ballad about what it means to be ugly - that’s right, this is a musical animated film.
Something about this movie just isn’t right. When the characters talk, their lips move as though their faces aren't fully rendered. Not that the UglyDoll world is particularly majestic, but it’s serviceable… until you get to their expressions. Throughout, the various characters' body language doesn’t match the cadence or speech mannerisms. It’s subtler in the non-musical segments but you still notice it. This is likely due to the cast being composed of singers rather than proper voice actors. Only Pitbull and Wanda Sykes feel as though they were specifically sought out. Everyone else feels like they were picked based on availability and name-brand recognition.
As a musical, this fares poorly. You could put a gun to my head and I still wouldn't be able to recall even a single number - maybe the one advertisements drilled into our skulls through repetition. There’s no energy or discernible passion to be found. Why the film was made in the first place then? To capitalize on the popularity of UglyDolls? They were introduced in 2001 so I doubt it. You’d think 18 years would’ve given the writer... Wait, Robert Rodriguez concocted this story? Considering the man's got two modes: Sin City and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl, it makes sense.
Maybe low expectations going or the fact that I was all alone in the theater tempered my feelings towards UglyDolls but I didn't hate it. I can’t recommend the film because there’s just nothing about it that screams “you gotta see this” but it also isn’t awful. (Theatrical version on the big screen, May 7, 2019)
